Beautiful Music
by Katiebellacullen
Summary: Eddie Masen–lead singer for Masen Hale, the most popular band ever. Bella Swan– has her eyes solely on her education and is working with her best friend for the summer. Edward's opted for some R and R and is keeping a low profile. When they meet, Edward isn't forthcoming about his background–will partial truths and half lies keep them from making beautiful music together? AH Lemons
1. Chapter 1: The Band

**Eddie Masen – lead singer for Masen Hale, the most popular band ever according to the charts. Bella Swan – a wanna be veterinarian who has her eyes solely on her education. Bella is staying with her best friend, Jacob, until classes resume in the fall. Edward's opted for some R and R and is trying to keep a low profile. When they meet, Edward isn't forthcoming about his background – will partial truths and half lies keep them from making beautiful music together?**

 **OK. So Edward doesn't actually lie. But I did. I swore on a stack of Twilight novels when I signed into this site I'd never write a non-canon spin-off. Oops. I'm having a bit of fun with this one and thought I'd share. All human. Canon pairings – except one. That's the whole truth as I know it now (subject to change).**

 **I, unfortunately but truthfully, do not own any of the characters which all belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

The Band

 **EPOV**

"THANK-YOU, LOS ANGELES!" I shouted and ran off stage. The roar of the crowd was thunderous as I high-fived Jazz, Garrett and Em and changed my shirt for the fifth and final time tonight. Living on adrenaline is right – it is the perfect title for our album release tomorrow. But right now, fans await and I can hear the familiar chant for an encore. Then, after tonight, a four month hiatus – we've either been in the studio or on the road or both for the last four years. I haven't slept in the same bed for more than a week even though I do keep a loft in New York. Just to say I have a place to call home.

"Earth to Eddie!" Emmett ruffled my hair and I nearly growled at him. But he is right. We can't disappoint.

"OK guys!" I quickly got back in the groove. "We've rocked it tonight! Let's bring it home!"

The vote went as usual – Emmett wanted to stay all night for the encore, try out the new album. Fans, I know, like familiarity and the sing along.

"Just two, Em. We'll change it up on the fall tour – promise." I told him. He looked so dejected.

"Three then. We'll start with your favorite remix – I just don't like the looks."

"Twenty thousand ladies, Eddie, you've got your pick – and they're already imagining you …

"Naked…I know. Jazz named it that on purpose."

"On purpose, Edward? We were nobodies – that song made us number one… and you voted most eligible bachelor I might add – three years in a row." Jazz defended his song title.

"Let's do it!" Emmett had resorted to pulling me towards the stage. The fans hadn't quieted despite our backstage banter. And I love it but after four years I'm ready for a change of pace. At least for a little while. The boys were still hyped.

"Jazz…" I tried to caution our lead guitarist but he stopped me in my tracks.

"Got it Edward. G not G sharp on the last riff. That's three times you've told me. You're the only one in this whole building with perfect pitch. No one else would notice."

"And if I mess with your lyrics you will have my head."

"True. Let's call a truce...and get out there before there's a stampede of twenty thousand." Jazz nodded towards the stage. They had switched from shouting encore to the band name - Masen Hale. Only in succession it sounded more like hail Masen – the crowd was restless and relentless, just like Emmett.

"Eddie – the record release is in just over an hour…do you think the fans out there might want to get in line?" Garrett asked.

I started jumping – it helped to boost the energy for the final fifteen. I nodded to Emmett. He was running on stage before I could even turn. The incessant energy of the crowd escalated as the drum beat started and the rest of us followed behind at a run.

No one missed a note, the crowd hung on every word, the cat calls and flying underwear were relatively easy to ignore. Though I was so hyped by the last riff which Jazz nailed, I actually took off my shirt and flung it into the crowd. The reaction was deafening. Even before I was off the stage I could guess the video had already been uploaded to YouTube despite the clear banning of video or photography on the ticket stub. There's a first time for everything for the only bachelor of the band.

"Eddie, dear, Eddie…you, my dear brother, now have twenty thousand opportunities to get laid. Don't squander them. And you do know that has to be your signature move, now." Emmett pointed at the crowd behind the curtain and my now-bare chest. I shook my head. I was certainly going to hear about this in every interview from now until the dawn of time. My fault.

"Go for it Emmett. They're all yours." I told him.

"Not a chance. I've got mine. Rose is it. You still need to play the field. And what better place than LA?"

"I'm going incognito. Unwind. I'll write some music. I'll send anything I like to Jazz and see if he can use any of it."

"You're going to have a grand piano on a ranch?"

"I wish. No, I'm just taking a few keyboards. I'm going to buy a truck and hope beyond hope there's not a soul around who owns a radio or has access to the internet."

"Found it already Edward, 'the Masen Hale hottie just got hotter' – " Garrett played the YouTube video - recorded from about the forth row and I couldn't actually deny it. It's a good thing I go to the gym and get a work out every night we're on stage. I figured I'd been embarrassed enough for one night but not Garrett. When the video was done he not only decided to play it a second time – with pauses – he also had some inappropriate sound effects of his own to add. Yeah. I'm never going to live this one down.

"We are working this summer, Edward – radio only per your request. Alice has the schedule. Did you get one?" Jazz asked. I nodded. At least he knew I was done with the current topic of conversation. He'll get me – later. Somehow he'll work it into lyrics. I can read Jazz like a book. Alice had already plugged the dates and details of the interviews into my phone. Jazz was worried that cutting ourselves off for four whole months might be career suicide. We'd decided on the album release, a few summer radio interviews and a tour that was already sold out from September until just after Christmas. This seemed to appease him and his wife Alice, who happens to be PR personified. That, and they could all feel I was about to crack.

Emmett has Rose, Jasper has Alice and Garrett has Kate. Every one of them met their soul mates in high school or earlier and they've had as much fun with our rise to fame as we have. But for me it just gets harder. I meet a nice girl and she's either too intimidated to speak with me or it turns out she thinks telling everyone she's sleeping with Eddie Masen will get her on the next reality show when all we've really done is go for drinks. I'm a little jaded.

Rose had been home the last two months and Emmett was catching the next flight home. He was more than excited that he'd be a proud father in about six weeks and I could goad him for life about never having anyone but Rose and he wouldn't care. None of them would. Garrett and Kate were going to put some personal touches into their new getaway near her parents' place in Alaska. Kate is our lighting director with an electric personality, pun intended. Jazz would write and write. We'd have material for at least six albums by September, he doesn't stop. Rose had mentioned to Alice that it would be nice for them to have kids close to the same age – Alice I think, would be game. She just has to get Jazz out of his notebook.

We're always asked about how we got our start. The boys had had the band in high school but I'd been the periphery. I was always writing music on my piano. Or paper. Perfect pitch meant I didn't actually need an instrument – it was in my head. Jazz put lyrics to a few of my pieces and Em and Garrett added some personal touches of their own. Initially, I believed classical and rock don't mix. I got a scholarship to Julliard and the boys were playing hovels in New York but I frequently thought that playing to an empty room wasn't why I was going to school. I'd join them and soon they realized I could carry a tune vocally, keep them on tempo and write some kickass melodies. We developed a little following. I balanced the band and Julliard for two years. That was until Jazz wrote 'Naked' and I put it to music. Jazz has this connection with people and emotions and really it's a song about truth – the naked truth, bearing all to show your soul to your true love. The combination of the title, Jazz's engagement to Alice (the song was obviously him pouring his heart out) and our ever growing popularity put us in the next stratosphere of music's who's who almost overnight. We had a record deal in a week and the disc out in six and in between the chaos Jazz and Alice got married. Alice had been working for a PR firm and knew her way around a contract. We got the best deal in the music business and haven't looked back. We were on every talk show and sold out our first four month tour in record time. I bought a loft in New York outright six months later. Though, like I said, I've barely been back.

Kate was now directing the tear down. She never even flinched when asked by fans who were still hanging around about Garrett. A lot of them asked about me and offered up either a date or, and Kate didn't sugar-coat anything, a fuck. I was never interested. Kate was always polite, even signed autographs herself and never lied that we'd left the building. She occasionally gave Garrett a discrete call if there was a fan we should meet and sometimes even sought them out. She could have had her crew manage the floor but she liked to be in control and didn't want a precious lightbulb broken.

There were fewer fans than usual hanging around the stadium. It was already eleven-thirty and most of the music stores were staying open for the midnight release of 'Living on Adrenaline'. ITunes wasn't getting the album for a week, we liked the idea of an actual disc and so had our record company. Our promoters also pushed for the stores to be filled with other souvenir items for marketing, so we had shirts, mugs, keychains and the like – if you're not making money there are a thousand other bands waiting to take your place. But Alice had put her foot down on the idea of dolls; Jazz even blushed when she said she was the only one who would ever undress him. Emmett was already packed to go even though his flight was not until five am; he was so excited to see Rose. She'd toured with us since we started but she'd had to stay home in her last trimester and though Emmett lived for the stage I could see how much he missed Rose. But he had made us all agree to autograph a few of the new discs for the stragglers even before we'd started tonight. Kate had been counting and when the numbers became manageable started quietly giving out 20 passes and directed the lucky few backstage – by then I had found another new shirt. A free CD and photos, videos and autographs later the fans were ecstatic. With our security team playing the heavies it was a brief encounter - only half-an-hour – but the fans involved would be talking about it, hopefully all summer.

It was now past midnight and I knew I had to get on the road. Laurent, one of our security team, was going to walk me to my car. I took a chance and drove in early myself. The Ferrari was a little conspicuous but it was my dream car. And once I got to my destination this summer it would be locked away. I'll be able to sleep and write without deadlines looming. And relax – something I haven't done for a very long time. Four years of perfection was a lot of pressure – a toe out of line, a wardrobe malfunction or a scandal could have ruined us but we continued to have the full package and we weren't slowing. I expected a couple of fans to know my vehicle and I wasn't wrong. Laurent is paid well but I think I'll look at a bonus. He had a pen and six discs out of his bag even before I could count the crowd. I got a few requests to take my shirt off again and to their surprise I told them the link to the video, blaming Garrett. They asked about the baby, the Alaska house, the new album and any other new music. They knew more about my brother and band mates than I do. My summer plans were the only ones that were hush-hush and they were looking for details – I was vague but polite reminding them of the interviews we had planned for the summer. All the while Laurent had them taking turns with pictures while I signed CDs. With Laurent's help I got in the car and he had more surprises in his bag – signed T-shirts. I thanked them again with a wave as I could see Laurent making more of a process of it than necessary, just so none of them would have time to follow me on the highway out of town.

Free. At. Last.

 **Is Edward just a rock star or does he have more to offer?**

 **Bella's next. Oh, and we can't forget Jacob. He has his own problem.**

 **All feedback is appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2: Bella

Bella's Arrival

BPOV

I drove from Tampa to just outside of San Antonio over two long days, the temperature still ninety degrees when I passed the city limits. And it's only the end of April with the sun about to set. I was wondering again why I didn't opt to spend the summer in New York with my friend, Angela. Then a long list surfaced. She's attached for one thing. Ben is the love of her life and a computer geek who works for some top secret cyber security firm. Angela is the opposite of computer savvy. An artist – she could spend all day looking at one painting in a museum and, had in fact done exactly that when I 'd visited her at Christmas. So that or spending the summer locked in MOMA with charcoal pencils and a sketch pad were my choices and they were definitely Angela's thing, not mine. And though she tried to convince me I was welcome to crash in their tiny spare room-slash-office and could check out places to live next year if I got into Columbia, I wasn't certain Ben would be up for a visitor for the whole summer. And I'd learned at Christmas the walls in her apartment were a little too thin.

Instead, when Jacob had invited me to Texas to work on his cattle ranch I'd jumped at the chance. I hadn't seen Jake since I'd left for Florida over three years ago but hadn't gone a day without texting or calling him since I'd left and was planning to learn everything I could about his ranch. Three years of my science undergrad under my belt, I had applied to veterinary school last year and this year without success. I work at a vet clinic and volunteer at a shelter and the aquarium, each has their own unique challenges and solutions to animal care, especially with budget constraints. But my experience with farm animals other than horses is very limited and I know that's my only weakness in my applications to date. Jake knows the local vet and had already secured me an unpaid position as his assistant a couple of days a week. I could only hope Renee (my mother, though the word doesn't have the usual loving connotations) would remember to feed my small animal menagerie back at home: two hamsters, two chinchillas, two rabbits and two cats. I'd have to call her every couple days as a reminder. She isn't exactly the type to consider others' needs before her own and I pride myself on being her exact opposite. She had promised but if her promises fall short I do have a pet sitter I can call. I had brought Hope and Love, my two golden retrievers, with me and though we'd made many required stops along the way they hadn't had their daily runs.

They were barking up a storm when I finally pulled through the gate. It's like they knew we'd arrived.

"You'll get out soon, guys. Hang tight. Jake has lots of space for you to run." They sat and looked at me patiently. The best dogs in the world.

The minute I stepped out of the car I was nearly mauled.

"Jake! Cut it out. I even taught my dogs not to jump."

"Missed you, Bells! There are some good schools in Texas you know. You didn't need to move so far away."

"After Charlie, Jake, I thought I should move closer to Renee, try to work on things. And Florida's great but way too humid." My dad, Charlie, died just after I finished twelfth grade.

"You won't want to leave Texas again, Bells. The open spaces, the sunrises, and if you need water it's only a short drive to the gulf."

"Jake, I have plans. School. Let's talk inside. And I want to hear more about this mystery woman you keep telling me about." Jake was suddenly blushing.

"You'll meet her Bella, she'll love you. She moved here with her mom and brother about six months after you left– her uncle has that big dairy farm." He pointed east, I knew the place. "She's been helping with the house since Billy died. We didn't really plan things but all of a sudden…"

"…you fell in love, Jake. Awww. You're a suck, you know that. I'll have to make sure she knows your bark is worse than your bite."

"You can't scare her away Bells. I'm more interested in setting you up. She has a brother who I think you'll like. We could double."

"NOT GOING TO HAPPEN JAKE! I'm not looking for love. I'm here to learn everything I can from you then go back and finish my degree and apply to vet school again – third time's a charm. If I don't get in I'll consider going into medicine – but humans are boring. They can usually tell you what they want. You don't have to read their minds."

"Next time I get sick remind me to call the vet."

Jake could always make me laugh. All through high school, most people thought we were a couple. We were always together. But we just laughed about it. There's no way we'd ever think about each other like that. We'd always been best friends, like siblings only closer, and that would never change. He used to drive thirty miles out of his way just to pick me up so we could drive back together plus the extra twenty miles to school. It was good he could tinker with cars; he put a lot of extra miles on his truck.

Charlie left me the house and vineyard in his will and I haven't had the heart to sell it. There are two dependable guys who manage the vineyard and live in the cabin on the property. Sam and Paul worked for both my father and my grandfather and I think they'll continue to work there long after I leave this earth. It's not like I'll live forever. We have an arrangement, once the taxes are paid, they take eighty percent of the profit, I pocket twenty. And I do nothing. It really seemed unfair and when I actually found out how much the vineyard was taking in I tried to change the deal to ninety-ten but they wouldn't hear of it. I think they're hopeful I won't sell but I really don't know how I can make it work long-term. I'll need capital to set up a veterinary practice and though my profit share is substantial it won't go that far. Especially with paying for school; both degrees will not be cheap. Then there was the mater of the farm house, I asked Sam and Paul to move into but that was a no-go as well. Too big, they said. Someone needed to be there so, not only were they vintners, they were landlords. I set up a central agency for bookings, but they still cleaned and readied the place for the next tenant, did small repairs and wouldn't take anything extra for the effort. I preferred long-stay clients to save them the headache, the last couple had been in a year, but they hadn't wanted to stay in Texas for another hot summer. The agency had very few renters interested but I did get a bite from a single young man for a four month stay though my usual request was a minimum of six. When I was about to decline he signed a six month lease but said he'd need to leave by the end of August. Sam and Paul agreed to keep an eye out, a single guy in the middle of nowhere; it just seemed out of place.

 **It seems Bella has drive. And baggage. Will she ever be open to love?**

 **Let's catch up with Edward on the road.**


	3. Chapter 3: Heading Out

Heading Out

 _EPOV_

The sun was peaking over the arid terrain as I reached the outskirts of Phoenix five and a half hours later. I made a quick trip to the drugstore and then pulled into a non-descript motel. No valet for the Ferrari and no manager welcoming Eddie Masen to their fine establishment where, to play the part of Rock Star, only the penthouse would do. No. I'd really been running on adrenaline since I woke up for our last TV appearance at ten am yesterday morning and I was ready to crash – not sign autographs. Some would call it crazy but during my drive, when I first heard the single from our new album playing on the radio, I started to tear. I know, I suck. But we are all acutely aware that every new album can keep us on top or send us packing. The jury's still out on this one - but I have confidence. We're always told in interviews to say it's our best album yet. I hate comparing. And I don't like lying. It's where we are now. I love every song we've released – otherwise, they wouldn't be out there.

I grabbed my overnight bag and headed to the check in desk. Last time I'd been in Phoenix we'd stayed at the Westin paying god knows what and all we'd done is crash for six hours before we caught the next plane. I never have any time to see the cities we land in or even swim in the hotel pools – I'm lucky when I can hit the gym. When we first started out, before I knew any better, I'd taken a run around a neighborhood one morning before we left for the airport. I called Emmett barricading myself in a bathroom at Denny's where I was mobbed. He sent Rose, Alice and Kate to rescue me, knowing he, Jazz and Garrett would cause even more of a scene. The next day we hired James and Laurent as our wing men and they've kept us from more than one jam.

There were two desk clerks: a pretty young blond and a guy doing a crossword. Now most guys my age would not have headed for desk two. But the girl suddenly bounced off the chair and turned up the radio. It was our song again. She already knew the lyrics and I had to look away. After the song ended she was still bouncing – I know the technique well.

"That song is amazing! I can't believe they're not doing a summer tour. But I guess, the baby. Last summer I was at my aunt's in Scottsdale looking after her twins and couldn't go. This fall it's already sold out… my computer's too slow to compete anyway. I need to save for a new one and tuition this fall. I can't even get the album until payday! Peter – are you listening to anything I've said?"

"Customer. Just a second, Char" He said. He seemed focused but frustrated, it seemed the computer he was using also needed replacing. I didn't argue with my new friend Peter in the slightest when I had to pay for two days since it was only six am, at least I got no questions about the time of my arrival. I paid cash and had to find my driver's licence and not my passport.

"Cullen. OK. Mr. Cullen. Licence plate?" I took his pen and wrote it down. I wasn't taking chances; she might know it. She did have a name, I realized. Her name tag said Charlotte.

"You're in 8A. Around the corner to the right." He told me about the parking spot in front of the room. I thanked him but left my car in visitors and walked to the room; no bellhop in sight and I relished carrying my own bag. I dumped my phone, my wallet and knapsack on the second bed before I pulled the curtains closed, pulled down the covers and fell asleep fully dressed.

I woke and showered. I wanted to be at the rental by morning – which meant another all night drive. Working the hours we have it's not unusual to sleep all day and work all evening and night. Maybe I could actually get some sun once my internal clock does a little adjusting. Before I left the motel, I saw Charlotte was back on shift. I was trying to be incognito but what's one to do? I ran over to the electronics store. I ducked around the group of girls who were giggling about a YouTube video in front of a big display of yours truly and the band. I could guess the exact video. Or possibly by now there was some kind of slow motion version with a Naked overlay. Garrett will send me the link – or he will make the video. Someone had better rein me in if I ever try that again. I watched the girls out of the corner of my eye - if I have to call Emmett to get me out of another jam he'll be none too pleased. I made a beeline for the back of the store and asked for a laptop for college, and bought the nicest one they recommended. I also bought a backpack and a card. I had the CD in my car but didn't want to bother digging through my stuff so picked one out of the display along with a Masen Hale key ring, pen and coffee mug. I was right beside the girls who were now singing along to the single and they didn't even look up. I'm glad my display yesterday hadn't completely made people forget about the music. The cashier looked so bored, he didn't even glance at the credit card when putting the charges through– disaster averted. After checking our schedule I wrote a quick note on the card – _Charlotte, thanks for the serenade. Made my morning. I heard you needed a few things. Gift receipts enclosed. Come to the stage door for tickets on Oct 10 in Phoenix, you're in with a friend or those twins if they're old enough._ _Ask for Laurent. Sorry for eavesdropping._ I signed my name like in all the magazines. _P.S. I'm here for a little anonymity and might stop by for another visit if stays that way. Thanks again_. I didn't forbid her to post my whereabouts, just strongly suggested otherwise. I sent Alice and Laurent a quick text about the tickets in case it escaped me. Peter, was attentive when I stopped by to check out. He even remembered to call me Mr. Cullen.

"Charlotte?" I interrupted her just after her customer had left. There was no one in the lobby to create a scene.

"Eddie Masen." She looked at me like I had two heads. And then "Shirt." I blushed and so did she. I thought my response might involve taking the 'r' out of her word. That wouldn't be Alice-approved. Instead I just said "Yeah. I found a new one." I handed her the card and backpack and with a wave and a thank-you I left, hopeful Peter would catch her if she fell. They would actually make a cute couple. I jumped into the Ferrari and headed for the freeway. On the road again.

 **Should Edward eavesdrop? Or help out fair maidens?**

 **We meet Jake's girl next. And find out his problem. Can Bella help?**


	4. Chapter 4: Settling In

Settling In

 _BPOV_

I finally extricated myself from Jake again after he spun me in circles more than once and helped unload the dogs and my bags. When Jake started heading to the cabin, I stopped.

"Where are Quil and Embry?" The cabin has been theirs since the brothers moved in as runaways at ages fourteen and fifteen – Jake and I had been awed that boys, one our age and one a year older than we were at the time, were out on their own. Jake and Billy had taught them everything about the ranch and they've become invaluable as both friends and ranch hands. There's apparently a story why Billy let them stay. He took it to his grave and Quil and Embry won't talk about anything before the day they arrived on the ranch.

"They've moved in with me. You get the cabin."

"Jake, you didn't have to kick them out. I'm fine wherever." The rooms in the cabin were three times bigger than the ones in the main house plus, it has a big screen TV, Jake's is minuscule.

"Nonsense, Bells. You need space. You'll be up all hours with the doc, babies are born in the middle of the night and we're still calving. And they're fine, I didn't kick them out – they volunteered. We'll have late nights, you know. Never any rest on a ranch, Bells. And you can't leave the dogs out. Coyotes."

I knew from experience there's no arguing with Jake when he makes his mind up so I finally accepted with a thank-you. Jake put on his 'I knew you'd see it my way' grin. I'll have to let the boys know they can come always over to watch baseball.

"Wake me Jake. I want to be out there, at any hour."

"You might regret it, Bells."

Hope and Love were running circles around me, excited to be up and about and out of the confines of the station wagon. They, unlike Jake, settled down with just a stare.

"Can I help with dinner, Jake?"

"We thought we'd do steak. Easy. Right off the ranch."

"Sounds great. Do you have sides?"

"Garden is already producing, warm spring. We've got asparagus and pea shoots. I'm pretty sure we've got potatoes and carrots in the cellar. And wine, Bells. Coming out every pore. Sam and Paul make sure we're well supplied."

"I wouldn't expect anything less. I'll visit them in a few days. I see you've taken a step up in the world. A real new truck Jake. I thought you'd drive The Thing forever."

"Oh, I'm not selling it Bells, don't get any ideas. I'll take it for a spin every now and then. Remember the good ol' days."

"Jacob Black! What's wrong with the new days?" I heard this snappy retort from the other side of the driveway.

"Leah!" Jake was so thrilled he ran and planted a kiss on her lips that was completely inappropriate for company but completely Jake. Leah blushed and I probably should have too but Jake and I go back a long way.

I walked over a little more subdued and held out a hand. "Bella." Leah wasn't the type. She grabbed me like Jake had and I thought there was a real possibility of being squeezed to death. Just before I lost consciousness, however, she let me go.

"Jake has told me so much about you, Bells. We are going to need to go to the city, do some shopping. There are no girls for twenty miles in any direction except for us, and my mom, of course. We can take in the Alamo, there's music festivals and a water park and theme park. But you're here to learn stuff right? You can do that too. There's always time to have fun. Don't be a workaholic. That sounds a lot like Billy and Charlie and my dad and it drove them all to an early grave." She was right, of course, but not something I usually hear from someone I met three minutes ago.

"I'll relax as soon as I get into vet school. I just can't focus on anything else."

"We're still going shopping. And dancing." That was the first twinkle I'd ever seen in Leah's eye but it wouldn't be the last. No dancing. I have the grace of a herd of elephants. But it seems Leah and Jake have a lot in common so I didn't say no outright.

"Shopping sounds OK. I'm sure I didn't bring the right clothes anyway. A girl's day might be nice." Volunteering two evenings a week and the full day on Sunday, working on Saturday morning, school and assignments didn't leave me any free time for shopping. I'm pretty sure what I'd brought I'd actually owned before I left.

Leah then took over, dragging me to the cabin with some of my stuff. We unloaded and talked about the ranch and Jake. She was as easy to talk with as Angela and I'd known Angela since the day we were born. I gave her the dish on Jake, though it turns out he hadn't really held back. Jake is a take-me-as-I-am kind of guy whether you like it or not. All his cards are on the table. Except one.

"Tell me about Jessica, Bells." Oops. The girl was the bane of my existence through high school. Though for some strange reason we'd friended each other on Facebook. I don't use it much, I lurk. Jake posts even less than I do. Though I do know Jessica's settled down in LA, actually listened to heart rather than her teenage hormones and married Mike Newton after all. He's now a music teacher who plays with a little band.

Jake had brought up the last of my suitcases and was standing in the doorway. "Tell her, Bells. I can't. Not my proudest moment." He left.

"She was his first, right?" Leah asked.

"Only." I corrected. "Until you came along, Leah. You make him happy."

She looked down. "We haven't…uh…"

WTF. I was just about to stomp over to the house and ask Jake just that. Leah had been coming over for any kind of carpentry project as well as helping Quil and Embry in the pastures when she'd first moved down. But It had been at least a year that Jake had been smitten and he'd been gushing about Leah whenever we talked. I really assumed that was something that had evolved, Jake hadn't told me one way or the other and I hadn't even thought to ask. Leah's blush and embarrassment indicated to me this lack of a physical relationship with Jake was entirely Jake's doing. But she broke up my train of thought.

"Jessica?" She prodded.

"She was a jealous, vindictive teenage girl, Leah. But Jake still thinks he was an ass. He's right, of course. Jess's boyfriend, Mike, had suggested they 'take a break' and she was heartbroken, hurt, embarrassed or some combination thereof. You never knew with Jess. Then Mike asked me to some stupid dance – I don't dance by the way." I thought I'd throw that in there for future reference, not that that the part of the story she'd be paying attention to in the least.

"That's when Jessica lost it and went after who she thought was my boyfriend - Jake. The same day Jess asked Jake out she managed to seduce him and cast him aside in the space of four hours. I think she called me to gloat even before she had her pants back on. It was pure revenge on Jessica's part but Jake wasn't totally innocent – it's not like she drugged him. It's no excuse but Jake was stressed, his dad was sick and he was managing the ranch and classes – the only reason he was finishing the year was to drive me to school."

"That's not how it's supposed to be, Bells. I love him, I want…him." Leah blushed.

"And it's more than three years later, Leah. I can't believe….this calls for an intervention."

At one party shortly after the Jessica incident, Jake and had I both been sloshed. One could think friends might experiment…no harm done. Right? No. NO! Not a chance. Rather we made a pact. Jake and I decided we'd have to approve the other's partner. Was this Jake sticking to our stupid pact? Come to think of it, however stupid it was, it had prevented me from doing a couple stupid things the last three years myself. One of them named Eric; the other, Tyler.

Back to the present. It was true; Leah didn't focus on the word dancing but another word. "Boyfriend. About you and Jake…"

"NEVER! Leah. We're best friends. There's not a chance even if we were the last two people on earth. He had to have told you. Please tell me." I begged. I didn't know exactly how to explain our relationship but THAT was never a factor. It was a good thing Leah laughed just then because I didn't know what else to say.

"OK, Bells. I get it. Jake basically had the same look of horror on his face. He said it would be like incest or something. But he still won't…with me." The blank hung in the air.

"Good analogy. Do you mind if I borrow him for a heart-to-heart tomorrow?"

"It has to be tomorrow?" She sounded like getting in Jake's pants right away would be her goal. I'd get him there but we'd need a little more time.

"Jake's stubborn. This has to be his idea. I have eighteen years on you about how his mind works. You won't regret it, Leah. Jake's had weeks where he's been up working all night and at school all day – he's got stamina." I winked. Really, thinking about Jake like that was weird, but Leah needed some encouragement.

She nodded slowly and blushed even more fiercely than before. Leah and I were instant friends.

We talked about other things the rest of the afternoon as I unpacked. I pulled out my phone and plugged in my portable speakers. Leah told me about moving down with her mom and brother when her dad died of a heart attack. Same as Charlie and they died only a couple months apart. Both young. It was eerie. No insurance – Charlie had been smarter than that, at least – so they had to move in with her mom's brother. Leah figured Seth was going to take over the farm one day, he loved everything about it. Leah preferred building and designing to animal husbandry and had even drawn plans for a new barn that her uncle was really considering having her build. I told her about my life in Tampa and even talking about it I was excited about the animal care and rescues. The most thrilling were the re-release of a few manatees, sea turtles and dolphins after treatment and rehabilitation; usually after being hit by a boat not abiding by speed restrictions in sensitive habitats. I told her about my mom, who abandoned me as a baby, leaving Charlie and I alone. I learned to make wine when I was seven and was really good at distinguishing varietals by the time I was nine. Other than that one incident of drunkenness my experience with alcohol at such a young age had almost made me immune to benders. With my phone playing all my favorites I was surprised when Leah shrieked and ran to turn it up. She started to sing and I joined in. Neither of us can carry a tune, but it's still a great song.

"Did you see what he did at that concert Friday?" Leah asked, her eyes wide.

"Who?" I was clueless - I listen to music and know what I like. But I doubt I could name three bands even with a gun to my head.

"The lead singer of Masen Hale! Eddie!" More shrieking ensued. "He's the only bachelor and a complete prude. Big time. But he ripped off his shirt at the last concert and it's gone viral." She played with my phone. I'd turned the data off so I wouldn't be charged and Leah said Jake's Wi-Fi password is still a mishmash of letters and numbers even though she told him to reset it a hundred times. She knows what I mean when I say Jake's stubborn then. So we were SOL in googling the shirtless celeb.

No harm. Quil, Embry and Jake all knocked on the door a few minutes later -shirtless - and we couldn't contain our giggles. Jake looked happy we were getting along.

When we'd settled from our fit of laughter Leah gave Jake a quick kiss and a whisper. And she started back to the house. I gave Quil and Embry hugs, told them to take over the TV which got big smiles and then not-so-subtlety shooed them back to the main house so I could talk with Jake.

"We're going for a run tomorrow Jake. Expect to talk. Unless there's some kind of cow emergency." I put my foot down. I was going to get to the bottom why Jake figured abstinence was the best solution.

"Bull." Jake does this.

"Or bull emergency. But it's not shit, Jake. This is more than important. She knows about Jessica and she's fine. Think of Leah tonight and expect a grilling tomorrow. That's all for now. Let's get dinner." I guided him out of the cabin. It's important to warn Jake, and then pounce. He doesn't do well with immediate confrontation.

I took the dogs on a run while the boys did all the cooking. Dinner was fab; Leah and I managed dishes afterward and we were never at a loss for a topic of conversation while the boys all went to check the cattle. I was getting the full tour tomorrow. I told Leah about Tampa and university and getting back in touch with my mom – at least I can say I'm trying. My expectations were non-existent so the fact that she hasn't left again is a plus, but I can't say we're Sunday dinner people, either. At least now she doesn't have to take care of me, I can do that on my own. No doubt I'm a little jaded. Leah looked at me like I was the one in need of an intervention but decided to focus elsewhere for now. She caught me up on the latest TV shows and movies and even said Masen Hale had a new album out but she hasn't heard it yet, only the new single. She turned on the radio and sure enough it was on rotation and came on ten minutes later. I'd check ITunes when I got logged into Wi-Fi; it has an amazing melody. Leah was singing along using a wooden spoon as a microphone and already knew most of the lyrics. Maybe Leah's spunk will rub off on me this summer. I was starting to feel a bit more optimistic by the last chorus of the song.

After a long drive I was ready for an early night. I confirmed with Leah that Jake and I would have a big discussion tomorrow but I'd leave it to him to follow-up. Leah gave me another bear hug and I walked over to the cabin, put my head on the pillow and was out like a light still humming that song.

 **I wonder who's moving in to Bella's farm house…**


	5. Chapter 5: The Vineyard

**Formatting fixed.**

The Vineyard

EPOV

I pulled into the drive in front of the ranch house, noticing the outbuilding a little ways to right only by the light of the headlights – this was mandatory for my car in the Texas heat. And so people didn't ask how I could afford a Ferrari. I found the key exactly where the agency had told me it would be – under the welcome mat - and wondered why the place hadn't been broken into. I found out in sixty seconds, when two giant men descended on the porch. They didn't say anything – they were too busy ogling my car.

"Paul, is that a Ferrari?" the biggest one asked.

"Not just a Ferrari, Sam. It's LaFerrari – 0-80 in 2.4 seconds. Wow." The second man said as he was drawn towards the car. That's exactly how I felt about it when I first saw it. And still do. How do I rationalize a Ferrari? I don't want to lie. And damn this guy knows his cars. I had hoped I'd get the car put away before it was even seen.

"My dad's a doctor in New York." Well, it was the truth even though it had nothing to do with the car. Both my parents didn't approve – a car that can travel over 350 miles per hour shouldn't be allowed on the road, they said. To say nothing of the million dollar price tag. I've been smart. House, investments, savings. The first million was not spent on the car. I'm nothing if not practical. The guy called Paul was now hovering over the tailfin. I touched it giving him the ok and you'd think he died and went to heaven. I made a mental note to give him a ride before I left for the summer.

"I'm Edward. Edward Cullen." I held out a hand and figured I should introduce myself. I hadn't been lying to Peter or Charlotte either for that matter. I really am Eddie Masen too. It was my name at birth anyway. Emmett was two years older when we came to live with the Cullens– at ten, he missed our parents terribly and he's always been stubborn. Two years later, the Cullens adopted us but Emmett wasn't going by the name Cullen. I was ok with it but I couldn't get Emmett to change his mind. So we were in school with different last names. My driver's licence says Cullen. But my application to Julliard – it couldn't be processed since the name change had never officially gone through the courts (my guess was that Carlisle and Esme were still holding out for Em). I got in, no doubt Carlisle pulled some strings, but I had to apply as Masen. But really it works out, especially this summer. And even though every music magazine knows everything from my favorite color (Ferrari red, of course) to my propensity to swear when it rains they'd never ever covered the adoption. I don't know if we'd specifically set out not to talk about it, but it's for the best. This way, Carlisle's not accosted at Columbia wanting our autographs from eager med students. Esme does interior design and now usually gets referrals from us. She's discrete – unless you're family - and has ample experience in dealing with celebrity. Other musicians, actors and artists have loved her work but she often cautions us about superiority complexes and constant whining – we learned very early neither is acceptable in any circumstance.

The stable love lives of most of the band are no longer considered news but this year, Rose's pregnancy made all the headlines. My non-existent relationship status is also intriguing; making things up is prime for the tabloids. I get linked to everyone: other musicians, fashion models and actresses usually, most of whom (if I do meet them) think it would be a boost to their careers to run with it. I redirect my energy to the music – always. As for Rose and Emmett; they started dating at fourteen. Rose was the first person he met when we transferred to the new school in the city and he's never even looked at another girl. Emmett finally proposed two years ago, on tour in Paris. Not on the Eiffel Tower like far too many couples but right on stage. I thought he was crazy. Rose was completely surprised or else she faked it well. She made us stand there for nearly a full minute in complete silence at Bercy in front of 25 000 people before she said yes. Then the whole crowd broke into the lyrics for Always Never, though likely at least eighty percent of the audience didn't speak any more than conversational English. It just goes to show the language of music is universal. It took Rose nearly a year and a half to repay Emmett. It was in Montreal, Canada right after the main set, before the encore again. Rose walked onto the stage which confused the crowd a bit and us even more. She had a project and a sign – a large letter B – and asked the audience for help. "Can you tell me what letter this is?" Most of the audience shouted "A Bee!" Obviously the answer she was going for. "Ay kes keh say ahn frahn-say?" Rose's French was much worse than mine and I don't know why she didn't at least let me in on whatever it was she was doing, languages and perfect pitch kind of go hand-in-hand. She was trying to ask what the letter is called in French, didn't really succeed, but the crowd got it anyway. "Uhn Bay!" the crowd shouted. She got a lot of shouts of 'Merci' for trying, though. And despite the fact that our concerts are open to minors Rose finally yelled "Get your ass out here Emmett Masen!" At least she didn't try to translate that for the benefit of the audience.

So Emmett appeared and Rose continued with the audience "Ahn frahn-say ehn-core. And then in English. Cat fwah. Four times". This was better, and the crowd was able to follow along naming the letter B in French and English sequentially. So the chant went "Bay" " Bee" twice, then they got it. "Ba –by, BA-BY, BABY, BABY! BABY!". They didn't stop at four - it took Emmett longer than the crowd at the Bell Center. I was looking at Jazz and Garrett like we should go tell him. But then, he had this look of elation. At that moment I wish I'd had a camera and was happy our fans didn't follow policy – there were some great shots – I even bought a few tabloids. They hadn't yet gotten around to getting married. We'd been touring nonstop since their engagement, even recording and writing on the road – for the life of me I couldn't figure out where Emmett had found the time for Rose but the results spoke volumes. There were some articles written that, to put it mildly, didn't look kindly on their 'example' of having a child out of wedlock. More than one fan had the gall to respond to that with stronger words than Alice allowed of us. I love those fans. Our public statement had something to do with how happy we were for our band mate and my brother and wished Rose a healthy pregnancy. They still haven't decided when they'll tie the knot. Emmett's just more than happy Rose will give the baby his last name.

I had been so lost in thought that the two men could have knocked me out and stolen my car. Alice knew where I was but no one else was privy to the exact location. I still had my phone though; it's not like I'd fallen off the face of the earth. If I really felt the need to Tweet, Facebook, Instagram or the like it was going through the Alice filter like always. But somehow it seemed highly unlikely.

Instead of leaving me for dead, the guys had unloaded my car for me and Paul placed the keys back into my hand like they were the essence of life. They also gave me a bottle of wine.

"Just don't drink and drive" They both looked at the car like that would be the main tragedy if I chose to do so. But I knew the real horrific consequences of that scenario all too well.

"Never have, never will. Thank-you." I left the car where it was. The men, who introduced themselves as Sam and Paul, showed me around the house. They had stocked basic groceries, gave me the WiFi password and told me there's a lot more wine in the cellar at cost. I was definitely going to like it here. They told me to come find them if I need anything and I also had their cell numbers in case of an emergency.

The sun had risen before I hit the bed. Again, I slept like the dead not even bothering with a meal. Breakfast? Dinner? My circadian rhythm was so out of whack.

When I finally woke I put in the hair dye I'd purchased at the drug store and then took the longest shower of my life. There was no phone ringing – Alice making sure we didn't miss an event, that we had the right shoes to wear and, primarily, that our egos stayed in check. Today, I just wanted my natural hair color back – it wouldn't be exact, but it would be close. I'd dyed it black and cut it short for Julliard and black it had stayed, Jazz and Garrett – the Hales: Emmett and I – the Masens. Alice had told us in no uncertain terms our band name and identities were one and we couldn't alter our own image. But now I was free. When I was done it was more of a dark dirty blond than a bronze but hopefully it would grow out quickly with some healthy habits like home cooking and fresh air.

There were only a few hours of daylight left but I decided to go for a run. Outside. Not on a treadmill. Not with my whole posse and a throng of fans. Alone. The freedom was extraordinary. I didn't want to run the risk of being run over or getting lost so stayed to the side of the road and ran what I figured was to the property boundary. I had gone too far so wound up running back, well, walking back in near pitch black. Sam and Paul were saviours once again and found me stumbling around the vineyard and guided me home with a flashlight and headlamp reminding me not to go out without both items on my next foray. They knew I was 'a Yankee' and told me twilight was shorter in 'these parts' – my first bit of Texan slang since I'd arrived. I hadn't eaten for two days, so eggs and bacon for dinner with a bottle of wine was heavenly. And I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the wine. I'd buy a few cases on my way home and share it with the band. I even got to bed at midnight, sleeping through the night, a novel activity for me.


	6. Chapter 6: The Talk

The Talk

BPOV

Jake woke me at five am and brought the ATV. We were due at a little birthday party he told me. Only Jake can make the birth of a calf sound so blasé. I dressed as fast as I could and we hurried down to meet Quil in the pen.

"Where's Embry?"

"Asleep. It's routine Bells, I just knew you'd want to see. Usually it's simple. We'll call the doc if anything goes awry."

The cow definitely looked pregnant but I couldn't figure out how they knew it would be today.

"So Jake, are you psychic? How do you know she'll deliver?"

"Easy Bells. Look at her tail, under her tail, it's red, swollen she's ready and her udder is about ready to explode. It'll only be a few hours. And look how she's walking, she's in pain, poor girl. She'll kick too and lay down, I hope. The babies are pliable but I hate it when they drop." So we watched and talked about pregnancy and birthing. Goes to show I can talk with Jake about anything. Let's hope that's the case later today. I might need some of the words that were just flowing off his tongue – vulva, vagina. An hour later we were still standing around; Quil had brought us coffee but the cow had lain down and there was a little sac.

"That it Jake?"

"That's the water sac. We'll know in a bit if we need the chains and gear." Fuck. Chains? I'd say this experience would be good for anyone wanting to know why birth control is a good idea.

"CHAINS, Jake?"

"If the baby's in the wrong position we need to help out a bit. Baby's usually fine, Bells. Hang on. This is routine around here. But always a celebration."

"Bells look!" I saw a wet foot, then two.

"Awesome! Good job girl." He gave the mom a rub down "So Bells, the feet are down, meaning no complications yet as long as the nose is next, it should be easy." And so, a few minutes later the little nose peaked through, mom was visibly uncomfortable and each contraction had the baby move a few more inches. Sooner than I would have thought the whole back half of the baby washed out and my shoes and jeans got a dousing of amniotic fluid. But I was so excited.

"OH MY GOD JAKE!"

"You want to make the announcement, Bells?" Jake asked, smiling. Announcement. Birth. Oh. I stopped bouncing.

"It's a…" I had to look closely – I'd get a ribbing if I messed this up. "…girl!" I said. Jake smiled knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"Right in one, Bells. Now just make sure she can breathe. Tickle her nose, ears. Straw works." He was talking quickly. He'd take over if I messed up. I picked up some straw, tickled her nose, ears, put the straw in her nose and she shook her head." I finally saw the rise and fall of her chest.

"Good. Our job is done. Let's leave her to mom. Want breakfast?" Jake asked.

"Can I watch Jake?"

"Sure, just stay out of the pen for now. The calf should get washed up by mom, stand and start to suckle. Let me know if that doesn't happen. There's a little more afterbirth too, don't worry." So it happened just like Jake said. No surprises, but the calf wobbling on its spindly legs was so cute. Though after about an hour she had more balance than I do.

An hour later, baby was nursing again and I walked up to the house.

"Jake. They're doing fine. I'm going to change. I'll be right back." I called through the screen door.

"Gotcha Bells, breakfast is coming up."

I ran to the cabin and had the fastest shower on the planet. I dressed and found my second pair of runners. I guess the other ones were now relegated to farm work. When I got back to the house I had hashbrowns, sausages, eggs, toast and pancakes on a huge platter.

"Jake. I'm not you. I eat all this I'll explode."

"I'll help." Jake had obviously eaten exactly this only two hours ago and was hungry again. Good thing he works from before dawn until after dusk.

"OK, Jake. Any more babies today?" he shook his head.

"Only about twenty left, couple days to a couple weeks I think." He said, talking with his mouth full. He swallowed. "Doc says you can meet tomorrow. Regular calls, maybe they'll be some excitement. You never know on a farm."

"Today was good. I'm not sure about chains." We sat in a comfortable silence and shared the massive platter. I thought about Leah, at least I could add shoe shopping to my list of activities for a girl's day.

"Can we go riding, Jake?" I asked suddenly.

"Is this the segway to talking about Leah?" He knows me too well. I just nodded.

"Sure, we've got a few hours. I need to help Quil with the fence in the back forty and then work on the books. Add the new calf. Then go for groceries."

"Give me a list Jake, I'll get groceries. It's the least I can do. I'll go check out some of our old haunts in town."

"You want Leah to go with you?" He asked. Such an idiot. Hopefully after our talk, I will take off, Embry will help Quil and Jake will do the books tomorrow and he'll start thinking about a nice romantic dinner for two.

"No. I just want to browse." So we saddled up the horses and headed to 'the oasis' a wide and deep area of the river perfect for swimming that Jake and I had named when we were ten and were finally allowed to go riding on our own. We'd gone skinny dipping here all through our teens and thought nothing of it until the Jessica incident. Ever since, Jake had refused to take his clothes off in front of me. And apparently in front of anyone. I spread out a blanket and Jake hadn't neglected snacks. I was still full from breakfast.

"So Jake. Leah." I started. I knew he didn't like where I was going with this.

"She told you."

"We're best friends."

"You just met."

"You've told me about her for over two years Jake. And she said the same thing about me. Girls have to stick together. And she has a problem you could solve. She wants you. I shouldn't have to spell it out. You've been dating for over a year Jake – she hasn't spent the night. Why?"

"You know why."

"You're still on about fucking Jessica. She's married to the same guy she was dating before she screwed you. And screwed you over. So get over it. Now. Because Leah has desires. And strangely enough they involve you. Have you asked Leah about any past partners?" He shook his head.

"Might be a start, Jake. It's not something she and I talked about yesterday." He nodded.

"Have you been tested?" He shook his head. By now I just wanted to shake HIM. This one sided conversation was getting frustrating.

"That might be a good idea too. Knowing what I know Jake, Jess, was a flirt, nothing more, until you. Mike was it. And Mike never slept around. So I think you're good. But just be on the safe side, OK? And then…it's time you learn sex can be about more than what Jess made you think it is."

"You know this …from experience?" Jake finally opened his mouth. It wasn't the question I'd really been wanting to answer but it was out there. I shook my head – like Jake I can cop out. But that's probably not going to help his situation.

"Not yet, Jake. There hasn't been anyone I'd want you to meet. Remember our pact. Leah...I approve." He actually smiled and blushed. Maybe I had given him something to think about. We didn't have to say anything else. It's like that with Jake and me. Jake opened some salsa and chips along with a bottle of cab-sauv. I had a few bites and half the bottle. Jake finished the chips and the other half.

He got up. "I should go." I figured he'd mention Quil or the books again but he didn't. "I'll call Leah."

"Good move, Jake. And Jake…I know we share everything but I don't need to know what happens in your bedroom from you. Leah and I are friends, OK?"

"You'll tell me if …when we …" Jake stuttered "if she's …" Jake started but I cut him off.

"No Jake. That's not how a couple works. She will tell you. I'm assuming you were going to say satisfied. I really, really hope you won't have to ask me. I'll head back soon Jake. I'm going swimming." So he left, and I did swim naked, thinking of that song again. It's really catchy. I dried out on the blanket sunning many areas that hadn't seen sun since before Jake's foray with Jessica. Jake had left an apple for Lucky and she was happy to have a treat. I dressed and packed up and took her on a canter; I wasn't feeling completely at home in the saddle yet and even though Lucky and I are old friends, sometimes it takes time to reconnect. With Jake it certainly hadn't.

I spent quite some time brushing Lucky after I put away her saddle. Trust with horses is super important and I figured I'd be riding her a lot this summer.

 **Is Bella's job done? Or just beginning?**

 **So are you asking if they're ever going to meet?**

 **I like guesses – When? Where? How? No, it won't change the story. Please review but just know I'm a bona fide city girl!**


	7. Chapter 7: Just an Ordinary Day

**Just an Ordinary Extraordinary Day**

 **EPOV**

When I woke it was still dark, and it frightened me at first, thinking I'd slept the whole day. But that doesn't happen – Alice pounds on the hotel door with the force of a bull, or else Emmett just lets himself in and drags me out of bed into the shower, fully dressed. If you're late to a TV appearance, autograph session or meeting with producers you're called disrespectful. If you're late to a radio interview, airplay takes a major hit. Thanks to Alice none of that has ever happened. Once I recovered from my shock, I milled about the house, made coffee, found a book on the shelf, and sat down to read. I'm amazed I remember how. I was just about to open the cover but caught the sunrise out of the east facing window. The sunrise was magnificent, pinks and purples reflecting off the trees and grapevines. I had my phone and took a few shots, but, of course, the photos never do it justice. Rather than sitting inside, I sat on the porch with my book and coffee already feeling at home. Over two hours later I felt I had to pull myself away from the who-dun-it but I knew I could return at any time. Freedom. I went for another run in the opposite direction this time. It looked like the property had horses. I wonder if either Sam or Paul could teach me to ride. I grew up in Ithaca, and then came the crash and our parents' death. We were lucky to find Esme and Carlisle and stayed in the same school for three more years. Carlisle had been teaching at Cornell but then got an offer he couldn't refuse at Columbia. I'm not sure he doesn't regret the move sometimes - he certainly didn't sign up for our career path and I know Esme misses having us close to home. With my roots firmly entrenched in city culture I've never actually been on a horse. I think there was an idea of a photoshoot once but we all looked too petrified for the plan to pan out. Besides, a country band we are not.

Looking up, I'd been running for a couple hours, but wasn't smart enough to bring water and it was past eleven. Running back in the heat of the day was a challenge and pretty stupid. I drank about eight glasses of water and took a cold shower on my return. I figured I should head to the store for groceries but realized I still didn't have a suitable vehicle. I wondered if Paul or Sam had a truck I could borrow.

I wandered the vineyards looking at the varietals and wondered how there was enough rain in this part of Texas for grapes. Judging by the two bottles I'd had in the last two days they were doing something right. I found Sam and asked about a truck. He got on his cell phone right away.

"Hey Jake. It's Sam. The tenant here is looking to rent a ride. That old truck still available? He's here until August."

"How much?" He cupped the phone and turned to me. "Jake has a 1950s monster. Not light on gas. You can just borrow it. If you want."

I nodded. "Sounds like a devil. I like it."

"OK. I'll drive over within the hour with Edward." Sam hung up and looked at me with an odd expression. "You will be driving that Ferrari by tomorrow. This thing is OLD. And the opposite of fast."

"Thanks Sam. Do you need any help?"

"Know how to tie vines?"

"No. But I'm a quick study." He showed me and we worked and talked for half an hour. He and Paul ran the whole business but emphasized they didn't own the land. I didn't pry. He taught me about wine making and wine tasting. Not the stupid 'hint of chocolate with a raspberry undertone' I get when I'm looking for something to drink. Especially when I'm looking and recognized – they head to the reserve section for two hundred dollar plus bottles and are pissed when I find something I like for less than twenty bucks. I might want to head back to that store again and teach them something about wine after this. But Alice wouldn't approve.

Sam did get around to asking me about New York as we walked to his truck and headed out.

"Great city. There's the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Ground Zero, the Empire State Building and Yankee Stadium." I realized I sounded like I was regurgitating The Lonely Planet guide. I haven't been to most of them in years. I sang the National Anthem at the World Series a couple years ago, that was surreal. Sure, I had experience with crowds and fans but it's always with the band in a darkened stadium. But on the field by myself I can say I was more than a little nervous and, of course, Emmett was no help, turn the tables on them, Eddie, he said, just picture the crowd naked. Great. But it went off without a hitch and the Yankees won, it really couldn't have been better. And, just last year, the band had been invited to Ground Zero for something – Alice declined for us which I was ever thankful. It would have been in bad taste and it's not somewhere I want to go being followed by cameras. Even thinking about that day causes me to shake and I have absolutely no direct connection to the event. One day I'll go, just me.

"Have you ever walked the Brooklyn Bridge?" He asked. I had to clear my head.

"Once. Just to say I did. But I was a kid. We're too busy now." That memory is bittersweet; it was one of the last outings with my parents, a trip to the city, the bridge and pizza.

"Yeah. That's the city for you. Why we're out here. Set your own schedule. Be your own boss. I wouldn't change it for the world."

"It's peaceful. I read half a book today; I haven't had time like this for years. It's great to unwind. Do something new. Knock on the door if you want a hand with anything, Sam. I like to be busy."

"Will do. You might regret that offer, Edward. Feel free to rescind."

"Not a chance. You've been a big help getting me settled. And getting me a truck." We finally pulled into what Sam called Jake's Place. It looked like a cattle ranch.

Who I could only assume was Jake ran out, handed me keys and shook my hand.

"Happy to meet you, Edward. Glad to help. You need a no-limit credit card to keep her in fuel but otherwise she's sound. I did a quick tune up and oil change when Sam called."

"Thanks so much, Jake. I hope it's wasn't an inconvenience. You're sure I can't pay you anything?"

"The truck's not worth anything. But she's family. Just take care of her. Though I think it would take a freight train to cause any damage." He pointed at a faded red – certainly not Ferrari red – truck at the end the yard. My car would outstrip this thing six times over in race but in a head on crash the only survivor would be the truck.

"Will do." I said my goodbyes and asked Sam if he needed anything in town. His only request was bacon. That I could do. The contrast to New York suddenly jumped out at me – free wine, free food, free truck, all for a little chat, a little help and a promise of bacon. I have a few friends I've kept in touch with from Julliard but a night out is always on Eddie Masen – it's a given. Not that I can't afford it, but an invitation to watch the game in a cramped apartment drinking beer and eating popcorn might be nice. Normal. But really, does it matter when I'm only home six or seven days a year?

Town consists of two schools, a grocery/pharmacy, a gas station, a hardware store, a bank, a vet clinic, a clothing/toy store, a bar and a few dozen houses. Small town America. But the store was well stocked; I bought chicken and steak, some orange juice and some beer. I remembered the bacon and then decided some fruit and veggies would probably balance out my diet. There was only one cashier and a pretty brunette was in front of me. I was really trying to decide if I should somehow talk with her when she reached on the shelf and picked up not one but two copies of the new album. Even at a grocery store in the middle of nowhere I can't get away from myself.

And then the cashier knew this girl and they were chatting "So, you're just back for the summer? I'm sure you're still missing Charlie. But Jake tells me you're in Florida?"

In a place this small there can only be one Jake. This must be his girl.

"Yeah. I'm finishing my undergrad. It's my final year, and then maybe I'll head to New York. Angela's up there."

"My grand-daughter is thinking of Julliard, she's good, but I don't know it's so far away. She also listens to these darn bands." She said, pointing at our CD like it was the work of the devil. "The lyrics make me cringe. And she said the singer was naked on the stage or something. Things people will do for fame." I had to channel Alice. Calm down Edward. Just get groceries. Don't make a scene.

"That's not how I heard it. It was just his shirt. And it's the song that's called 'Naked'. That's not a bad word. It's a love song and you have to listen to the melody. It's amazing."

I was mesmerized by this girl. And I didn't even know her name. But she's taken. It's the story of my life. It's a good thing I don't write our lyrics. She paid and left. My eyes followed her out. She turned right. My truck was in the opposite direction.

I put the groceries in the truck then walked down the street and browsed the hardware store. I think the gang would be expecting some trinkets from my travels but I didn't think I'd find anything here. There were instructions on building a garage, deck and dog house. No crib. I would have sent it to Emmett. I picked up the one for the doghouse – Rose would get a kick out of it anyway. Paint. The house I was staying at was in need of a new coat. Or at least the porch. Maybe I'd ask Sam. That would be relaxing. I was reminded of the Karate Kid. The clothing store had jeans, cowboy boots, t-shirts and lots of plaid. And cowboy hats. I needed an outfit. It worked. I even took a picture and sent it to Alice. She'd forward it to the boys and they'd have a good laugh. No doubt Jazz would send me lyrics for a country song. Maybe I could beat him to it, it could start something like 'he gave me his truck but wouldn't give me his girl' I just need to add something about a horse, a campfire and my heartbreak and it's a wrap. I headed to the kids' section next. Rose hadn't wanted to find out the gender of the baby so buying something was challenging. I looked at toys and books and little onesies but nothing caught my eye.

I got a whistle from the cashier and tipped my new hat. She smiled. But she wasn't that girl. Grocery- store girl. I paid cash again. I was going to need a bank. I couldn't fill the truck using my credit cards. They all said Masen. So a stop at the bank and gas station later I was about to head back. I must have played and sung Naked about two thousand times in the last four years but I found myself searching for it on my phone and listening intently. Wondering what exactly intrigued _her_ about it.

Damn. It started to rain. I found the wipers and lights. Shit. I'm not used to it being so dark. Why aren't there fucking street lights? I made it back, pulled in and took a deep breath. I don't drive in the rain. I put away the groceries and headed down to the cabin to give Sam his bacon.

I was invited in for dinner. Fettucine Alfredo with grilled chicken, a light red wine pairing and a vanilla mousse for dessert. Better than the finest restaurant in Paris. It turns out Paul is quite the chef and vintner as well as car racing enthusiast. I should tell him Andretti gave me driving lessons, maybe they could talk wine. Sam works the fields and does some repairs but he doesn't claim to be a handyman. Brothers and confirmed bachelors, they say, and since they're pushing fifty they might be right. Even at twenty-four that phrase has been thrown around on my behalf, my family half-jokingly, but they worried.

The tabloids hadn't yet started to print anything about my sexuality but even Alice had warned me it was only a matter of time. One day, our discussion last year got quite heated and I told her I wasn't just going to fuck just any damn whore when my mother walked in. I got grounded. For language and disrespectfulness. By anyone's standards but my mother's I could do no wrong. The only two days I had off for four months were spent with mom, decorating my loft. Most people wouldn't consider this being grounded but I had to spend the whole two days telling my mother what type of woman I was actually looking for. That was embarrassing. And we had to shop, in design stores, where it seems fans congregate so there were autographs. Maybe mom thought I might find my match. And the sentence I was supposed to use 'that I'm waiting until I meet a special woman' was rephrased at least a dozen ways with the same overarching morality, just an improved vocabulary. I had to stop mom in her tracks halfway through this exercise when she hesitantly said that she just wants me to be happy as long as I met a 'special someone' telling her, in no uncertain terms, that I'm not gay. She managed to prove her point and Alice's in my one sentence – that's why she's my mother. Alice, as well as Kate and Rose, had all tried to set me up with a few of their friends over the years and though some were friendly and others were star-struck there was no spark. Not like today. Jake's girl. I might have to give him back the truck.

I thanked Paul for the fabulous dinner and found out he had never had real training as a chef or baker but loved to experiment. I didn't ask but really hoped I'd be invited to dinner again over the course of the summer. I was in bed again at ten and I'd had such a normal day I started getting a melody in my head. I drifted off to sleep, at peace, thinking of her.

 **He's got it bad, thinks she's taken and doesn't even know her name. Poor Edward.**

 **Jake doesn't need a nudge – he needs a shove. Is Bella up for the job?**


	8. Chapter 8: Opportunities for Education

Opportunities for Education

BPOV

I woke early, ran with the dogs in the dark and met the doc at the clinic in town at six am. I was nervous about the impression I'd make but hopeful to learn everything I could over the course of the summer. Instant coffee and cereal worked for a quick breakfast and I was hyped by the time I pulled into the parking lot. Dr. Snow was more than middle-aged but had only started working in the county a year ago when the previous vet left to set up a practice in Dallas. He was kind and mild-mannered and reminded me a little bit of an older Clark Kent. We made rounds, he showed me how to give injections and he talked and taught all morning. There wasn't time for lunch with an urgent call for a breach calf and I learned what Jake meant by chains and a shoulder length glove; the calf and mom were fine and doc was really a super man. More rounds, eye infections, wound lancing, and some cortisone injections for a horse. Dr. Snow was anticipating the horse wouldn't recover and I knew from the aquarium for every successful rescue there were many more stories of death. That's life. He was very compassionate but realistic in talking with the owner of the horse and I knew I would need to develop that expertize and it certainly wouldn't happen overnight. I thanked Dr. Snow immensely after our day and we planned to meet again the day after tomorrow.

When I pulled up to the cabin the old truck was missing. Maybe Jake did take it for a spin. I hoped he didn't go meet Leah with The Thing, our nickname for it. So not a romantic gesture.

"Hi Bells!" He really was at the kitchen table doing the books. He looked up at me and then quickly down again. "Went to the clinic." He mumbled.

"Good. And…Leah?"

"Yeah." That told me nothing. Better to change the subject. He'll tell me when he's ready.

"Where's The Thing Jake?" It was the right question.

"Sam borrowed it. Or rather, it was your tenant, Edward Cullen. He's very nice. He even helped Sam in the vineyard today. I guess he's bored already. Sam said he was from New York. He's not going to last the summer. Too clean cut and citified, and he looks like he's never been out in the sun. At least he recognized the need for a truck. He probably has a Smart Car or something equally impractical for these roads."

"Poor guy, Jake. Did you invite him over? It might get lonely for him with just Sam and Paul for company - and they're working all summer."

"Sorry, Bells. I didn't think of it. You'll head over to seen the guys though, right? See if Edward would be up for dinner or a tour of the ranch."

"Will do."

"Just glad I could lend him some wheels. Though he likely won't be driving to the city too often for fun and excitement; he knows it's a bear on gas."

"At least he's got wheels. Great memories, Jake and I still owe you for four years of gas. But I expect you to make some great new memories soon – with Leah. Though, after all the babies I saw born today make sure you're covered, Jake. Unless you're ready for…" I didn't get the chance to finish. Jake flushed.

"We went to the same school, Bells. I learned everything you did about safe sex. And Billy, he was quite thorough. You probably missed out on some education though, Bells, Charlie wasn't the type."

"I'm good too, Jake. But I also don't need a refresher right now. I'm not …" I searched my memory bank "…embarking on a journey of love and commitment." He laughed. That was the phrase from our tenth grade health nurse before the banana demonstration.

"You haven't met Seth." He winked. I rolled my eyes.

We talked about my day and his just to catch up. And then Jake showed me all his books and we were in the middle of trying to balance a column of figures when he blurted out "She's not a virgin, Bells."

"That's good to know." I said, but he didn't continue. "And how do you feel about that?" Feelings. Boys. It was taking a crowbar.

"Fine. Relief maybe. I don't know. But now I don't know…"

"How you'll 'measure up'?" Oh, I love to goad this boy. "You're fine Jake. Really. I wasn't actually looking at the time, but it was hard not to see."

"You don't know."

"Not really, I have nothing to compare it to but I wouldn't worry Jake. It's a bit of a delicate thing to change."

"OK. And next you'll tell me worrying will make it a bigger problem."

"No Jake. Worrying will make your problem very, very small. Not what you'd be going for, I imagine." I ducked but wasn't fast enough. I knew I deserved it.

"She loves you Jake. Be yourself. Do what feels right and forget about everything – and everyone – except her."

"Good advice, Bells. Thanks. Sorry." He gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head where he'd whacked it.

"All on me. I should know better. 'Night Jake. Sweet dreams." I walked back to the cabin deep in thought. I hadn't actually been worried about my lack of experience in the bedroom until my talk with Jake. Do guys really worry about stupid things like that? Obviously, I said to myself as I got ready for bed and turned out the light. That night I had the strangest dream about Jake, Quil and Embry comparing length and girth and was pleased when I woke up that it did absolutely nothing for me. But even before I got out of bed I started to wonder who might just measure up.

 **Jake and Bella banter – not exactly what siblings might discuss. Is anyone ready for Bella to finally, finally, finally meet Edward? I can be bribed for an earlier posting of the next chapter with reviews…just saying;)**


	9. Chapter 9: Edward Enraptured

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and requests. I like warm fuzzies but am open to critiques too. Thanks for sticking with this story!**

 **Edward Enraptured**

EPOV

I woke and immediately went to my keyboards. I'd set them up and played some favorite pieces, but nothing original since I arrived. Today I set up the computer to record immediately. The song flowed flawlessly from my fingertips. Take one and done. Never happens. I sent it to Jazz. Then I sat on the porch again and finished reading my book. The beginning of another great day.

I played the song twice more, and then I wrote out the music. I wouldn't need it but Em, Jazz and Garrett would. They all got e-mails with the attachment. I asked about Rose, Alice and Kate. It was still early but I called Esme – it is an hour later in New York.

"Edward! I only heard from Alice late yesterday that you got in safely. I worry, sweetie, that car. At least call. Please."

"Mom," I had said that word by accident when I was twelve. Emmett had run out of the house. Esme had tears. Carlisle told me it was ok, and then went to find Emmett. Esme just held me like she'd never let me go. I still remembered my mom, of course, but it really was ok.

"Sorry, mom. I've just been getting to know a few people here. It's so… normal." I told her about the bacon. The significance wasn't lost on her, either. "I sent Jazz a new song already. Here…tell me what you think." I forwarded it to her right away. We caught up for half an hour, mom making me feel a little guilty but apologizing when she said we hadn't really talked since Christmas.

"Every rock star has a mom, Eddie." she chastised me, mostly in gest.

"Edward, mom. Really. Call me later about the song, please? I'm going to go tie some vines." I had to explain, telling her even more about Sam, the vineyard and the sunrise. Esme let me go commenting that I sounded better. I wondered what I'd sounded like before.

I grabbed a quick bite and then helped Sam out while talking with him about painting the porch. He mentioned it might need more than paint but that he knows a good carpenter. Of course he does. A truck. A flashlight. A carpenter. Sam has everything except a girl. We have that in common.

We worked all morning and then opting for lunch we started back towards the house. I nearly tripped and then walked into a tree. Like a mirage, she was standing in the drive. Grocery store girl. With a picnic basket.

"Bella!" Sam ran to her and gave her a hug. It would be weird if I tried that. "How are you? Jake's sure happy you're back. You brought lunch? That's wonderful, we were just heading in. Oh, sorry, Bella. This is Edward."

"Cullen, right?" she asked, I nodded. "Jake said you have The Thing. Good luck."

"You mean the truck? Yeah. It's great. It got me to town yesterday." If I said I saw her at the store she'd be totally creeped out. And now she has a name. Bella. Beautiful.

"Are you hungry, Edward?" She asked. I nodded again, like an idiot. For some reason, she smiled.

"I brought a picnic. There's more than enough. Where's Paul?" She asked Sam, but just then he reappeared from the second outbuilding or winery as they called it. I learned that's where they store the wine barrels and bottling supplies and do all the bottling. I might need to try that too. Paul was also completely thrilled to see Bella and he gave her second a hug. I could relate, but couldn't follow suit.

"I figured bringing wine was overkill." Bella confessed.

"I know my way around in the cellar already. What would you like?" I jumped up. Far too eager to please. And she was going to think I was some kind of wino.

"I've got cheese and crackers, steak sandwiches, grapes, deviled eggs, potato salad and it's not Texas without chip and salsa." I never thought food could sound so good. Then I remembered the wine.

"Merlot?" Everyone was game. I grabbed two bottles, though figured I'd save one for tonight. Bella was driving – or maybe I could drive her back if I was little liberal with my pour. Down Edward. She's taken. They were unpacking at the picnic table under the massive oak. Bella was catching up with Sam and Paul. I was eavesdropping yet again and I heard about her work with the local vet, a horseback ride and a new friend, Leah, who loves the CD she just bought her. Ego boost.

I put the wine on the table and didn't even forget the corkscrew. I poured and everyone said cheers. Lunch was delicious. Bella must have been cooking all morning.

I brought up the painting idea again.

"Seems like a lot of work, Edward. Aren't you here for some R & R?" Sam asked.

"Sure. But sometimes it helps to learn new skills. I'd cover the supplies, Sam. Don't worry."

"That's not fair." Bella answered.

"I agree. Leave the bills. We'll work something out. We can always pay you in wine." Sam seconded. This sounded like a very good trade.

"Thanks, Sam. I'll start tomorrow. I would also like to see about getting on a horse. Do you have any advice for someone who's never ridden?"

"Never?" Bella seemed shocked.

"City boy," I admitted.

"You want to learn to ride? I can teach you but not tomorrow. Dr. Snow's taking me out. What about Thursday? Jake has gentle horses; the ones here are a little skittish. Still missing Charlie, I think." Bella offered. I nearly fell off the bench, but recovered. A girl had never put me this off balance.

"Would that be ok with Jake?" His truck, his horse, his girl. What the hell am I thinking? The country song was basically writing itself. All I need is a banjo.

"Sure. I'll need to take the dogs for a run first. Do you run?"

Sam butted in "He found his way home in the dark his first day. No flashlight. He runs Bella. But probably better in daylight. Out there in the dark he was as blind as a bat." He patted me on the back and then helped himself to more potato salad.

Bella didn't act like Sam answering for me was unusual. And Sam was joking with me like an old friend. I hang out with people I hire because I have no choice. Other than the band, Alice, Rose, Kate and my parents no one even dares to even send a little jibe my way.

"Want to come running?" She asked.

"Love to. I haven't had a dog for years." Saying I haven't run outside for years might make me sound like a hermit. Or the living dead.

"New York, right? My friend lives there with her husband. Minuscule two-bedroom. No room for a pet."

"I've lived there since I was twelve." My place could hold a few great danes with room to spare.

"We'll need to go early out, I think. It's too hot for the dogs and horses by eleven."

"Sure. I'm up before sunrise. What about seven or eight?"

"Seven sounds good. I'll be up at five tomorrow. Seven will be sleeping in. And there'll be light." Bella smiled coyly causing my heart to race. I better bring a flashlight, just in case.

"You'll know when I arrive. The Thing isn't exactly quiet." I told her. She laughed a musical laugh. I love her. It. I love her laugh. I had to correct myself. She gave me her number if plans change and I knew I should change them. I was falling. Hard.

Bella told me about all her animals and even sent a quick text to her mom about them seemingly worried her mom might forget some aspect of their care. I told her about Esme and her worry about me not calling until today. She gushed about vet school and Dr. Snow. And she was intrigued with Carlisle's job at Columbia. She didn't ask why I called my parents by their first names. I wanted to tell this girl everything. But I knew it would crash my current blissful existence. Just have a great summer, Edward, I told myself. Learn to paint, learn to ride, learn about wine, write as much as you can and then it will be time to head home to a new niece or nephew and a new year of crazy. I've sung to a few million girls over the years. Not one of them has fascinated me like Bella.

When Bella left she gave Sam and Paul huge hugs. I thanked her for lunch at least three times. I needed a cue card like on stage to keep me on the right track. I carried the basket to the car and opened her door for her. She looked shocked, like it was unusual for her to get help.

"Uh…thanks, Edward. See you Thursday?" It was still a question. She sounded nervous. I was imagining things.

"At seven" I confirmed. And I watched her drive away. I put her number in my phone. Esme had left two messages and finally sent a text. _I love it, sweetie. Call me._

So I did and the first question of her mouth was "Who's the special lady?"

"What?"

"It's perfect, Edward. The piece you just wrote. And it's building to something. I want you to send me part two. It's only been three days, Edward. This hiatus is doing you wonders. Emmett's going mad. He's pacing. He's considering going busking. But he's worried about Rose. Her blood pressure's a little elevated and Emmett's not helping things."

I worried. "She's OK, though? The baby's ok?"

"Yes, they're both fine, Edward. She's got Carlisle checking in on her which should be more than enough. But Emmett's got some hoity-toity OBGYN checking in too. They're talking about putting her on bed rest. I'll text you with the latest, OK? So you're not going to tell me her name?"

"No. It's nothing."

"It's something, son. But if you're not ready, that's fine."

I hung up and spent a long time sitting at the keyboard tinkering. Mom's right, per usual. But I shouldn't have hope about this girl. Bella. I played knowing the music isn't generated by my head. I had another two pieces recorded within the hour though I decided not to send them out quite yet. If mom could figure it out, Jazz seemed to have a sixth sense about things like this too. I don't need people worrying about me. They have enough to worry about. It was after midnight before I went to bed and I really was counting down the hours until I could see Bella again. Thirty. That's thirty hours too long.


	10. Chapter 10: Confessions

**Confessions**

 **BPOV**

I left the picnic and had to take a breath before turning onto the main road. Edward Cullen. Gorgeous. He likes dogs – check. He has a good relationship with his parents – well, we don't really have that in common. I can't believe I invited him running. Or offered horseback riding lessons. I just got back on a horse yesterday. I was going make a complete ass of myself.

I got back and holed up in my abode. Do I tell Jake? But it's nothing. I tell Jake everything. I went to find him.

"Jake?" I called through the screen door.

"Bells!" Leah was in the living room. Maybe I should learn to call first. I didn't know when the anticipated event would happen. It would be awkward on both sides if I interrupted. "I didn't know you were back, Bells. Jake's got another calf on the way. He's in the pen." I really wanted to see it, but I also needed advice. I surprised myself when I turned to Leah.

"Leah. Can I talk to you?"

"Sure. What's up."

"I met this guy."

"Whoa. Where? When?"

"He's my tenant. Edward Cullen. I went over to see Sam and Paul and this guy was walking back from the vineyards with Sam. I was so tongue tied. I could barely list off lunch. He's so hot. And then, like an idiot, I volunteer to give him riding lessons and to run with me and the dogs. And he's offered to paint my porch. What am I going to do?" I finally took a breath. Leah looked like she might just drive over to the vineyard and take good look at exactly why I was panicking. But then I saw that glimmer in her eye again.

"Teach me to ride? For practice. If you can teach me, teaching this Edward will be a snap."

So we saddled up and Leah asked questions about everything, the saddle, the bridle and the reins. We walked, trotted and cantered. Then Leah broke into a full-fledged gallop and she had me.

"It's been almost three years, Ness. You thought Jake hadn't taught me how to ride?"

"That's all he's taught you to ride." It just slipped out. She made me give her lessons though – she deserved it, almost. I apologized but she shook her head.

"Soon, Bella. I'm patient. We're at least talking about it now. Waiting for lab results. I assume Jake told you."

"Yes. I have forbidden him from telling me when. And I have firmly directed him to get feedback from you about the actual experience."

"So you and this Edward…" She changed the subject but didn't. I can't say I blame her. "Are you up for a summer fling?"

I shook my head. "I've never…"

"I know, Bella. Just take it slow. You're a good teacher. Show him how to ride. A horse." She emphasized but winked. "Get to know him. Do what feels right."

"Thanks, Leah."

"Jake and I talk, Bells. I think I just reiterated all your advice. When do I get to meet this Adonis-in-the-flesh?"

"Let's just see how tomorrow goes first."

"OK. But if Jake has to approve, so do I."

"He told you that, too?" I asked her. She just nodded.

"Thanks for the vote in favor. And the CD."

"No problem – for both. The writer guy for the band, what's his name again?"

"Pay attention, Bells! The lyricist is Jasper Hale. Everyone calls him Jazz. He plays bass. His wife is Alice, is a whirlwind – PR, tour manager and publicist, I doubt she sleeps. Eddie's the composer, lead singer and keyboardist. All-round talent, tall, dark, handsome and he basically has to have own bodyguard. Laurent helps to fend off all the women. Emmett Masen, Eddie's brother – is the drummer, his wife…no sorry, fiancée… is due mid-June and even eight months pregnant she could model. Then there's Garrett on guitar. His wife, Kate, is their lighting director."

"I don't know how you keep up."

"They're everywhere. There's even talk this will be the highest selling album ever. Tickets to the concerts were impossible to get. I tried Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, nada."

"Angela got us tickets in early December and made me promise to come. Ben has some connections I think. I'm flying to New York for a weekend – it seems so silly." If I hadn't already bought the plane ticket –non-refundable - I would have sent Leah.

"I'm so jealous! Tell Eddie to take his shirt off again."

"Just for you, Leah. But I'll have to tell Jake."

"You wouldn't!" She panicked then had a sly smile. I think she was wondering if Jake might move a little more quickly sizing up the competition.

"I tell Jake everything." I answered, truthfully.

"So, are going to tell Jake about your secret crush on Edward Cullen then?" She countered.

"Jake would figure out in an instant that I'm hiding something if I didn't."

I heard the door close.

"It's a girl, Leah!" Jake called.

"Awesome, Jake! Bells is here. Mom and baby are doing well?"

"They're good. You both could have come down." Jake put his arms around Leah and kissed her. I was so happy he'd finally found his match.

"I know. We were just talking."

"About me?" He sounded nervous.

"A little." I confessed.

"Nothing bad." Leah said quickly and she kissed him again.

"And…" he prompted, looking at each of us in turn. I looked at Leah, she nodded her encouragement.

"Edward Cullen." I confessed slowly and blushed.

"The guy who borrowed the truck? You met. Oh, good, he's nice." He took one more glance at me "What is it Bells, love at first sight?" He got it in one.

I broke down and told him same sad tale I'd told Leah. Complete with me giving her riding lessons, he, of course, knew that punchline.

"It's not practical Jake. He lives in New York. It doesn't make any sense. I'm leaving, he's leaving. I'm not going to start something. Besides, it's only one sided."

"You don't know that. Talk to him." Jake just reinforced what Leah had been saying.

"You two should talk. Two and a half years and counting. You're not exactly experts on having a summer romance."

"Bells, do you and I need another 'talk'?" Jake winked at me and then held my arms so I couldn't throw a much needed punch.

"I'm going you two. I need to think. You need to …do whatever you two do." I headed out the door planning on going the long way around by the pen so I could watch the newborn calf for a long while. I still heard Jake as I rounded the corner.

"Sweet dreams, Bells!" Jake called. My words. And I would definitely dream sweet dreams of Edward Cullen.

 **So, Edward is still on his countdown...**


	11. Chapter 11: And So They Meet Again

**A/N: Thanks for all the kind reviews and encouragement.**

 **And So…They Meet Again**

 **EPOV**

The next morning, I woke at eight; my head was so full of thoughts of Bella that I got up and made a beeline to the keyboard. Twenty-three hours until Bella. I'm hopeless. I was considering packing up and heading out on the road. Maybe play some piano bars. But I knew I couldn't stay away. Look but don't touch I could tell myself all I wanted but my dreams told a very different story. I kept myself busy later with Sam and checking out how to's on porch repair and painting on Google, putting my favorite five thousand plus songs on randomize. Beethoven, hard rock then a ballad, I liked not knowing what to expect. Maybe I should apply that to life. I looked more closely at the porch and saw a few loose and rotted boards and figured I should get an estimate on the repair. Sam gave me the number for the carpenter and I shouldn't have been surprised when he told me _her_ name.

When I called this Leah and told her who I was it seemed she'd already heard of me and my plans. That sealed it. If anyone finds out who I actually am it would spread through town like wildfire.

"Edward. I'm sorry but I can't make it today I'm working with my uncle. But I'll come by early tomorrow. I'll bring what I can." Leah apologized and even this made me smile. Everyone I know in New York would drop anything for a moment with Eddie Masen. I believe one of the producers for our sophomore album missed the birth of his daughter. So not worth it. One day, really I can wait.

"No problem. I'll be out until lunch tomorrow. Leave me an estimate; I'll take care of it."

"No need. I know the owner; I'll just get it done. I've got it covered," she said. Again, I think, only in a place this small.

"Thanks Leah. Any idea what paint I should get? I'm kind of a newbie at this." She gave me detailed instructions about sanding and the best paint to buy saying she'd drop off some tools, trays and brushes as well. She also asked me to check the outbuilding because it probably has some stuff I could use. Good idea. I didn't really want her in there to get a peek at the car.

I found a scraper and a whole bunch of sandpaper and though I hoped Leah would bring something electrical to make the work faster I spent a good part of the afternoon drinking wine, sanding the banister and spindles where an electric sander would be unlikely to reach. Every now and then I'd head inside and start playing whenever a musical thought flitted into my head.

None of this stopped me from thinking of Bella driving around with the vet imaging her excitement at whatever animals she was tending to. Carlisle had tried to influence both Emmett and I on the merits of going into medicine. And though math was easy for me since there's a strong musical link, I was hopeless at biology and chemistry and didn't have any possibility of getting into med school even with Carlisle as a tutor. Not to mention the fact that I get a little queasy at the sight of blood. So does Emmett. Rose will remember, I hope, and keep him on the right side in the delivery room and seated. I could picture a concussion. Bella will make a great vet. I don't even really know her but her kind eyes and sweet manner have already endeared me to this woman.

I'd missed lunch and didn't notice. I'd done all the spindles and railing on the east side of the house and could count about a dozen floor boards on that side that needed replacing but the railing was solid. I could sense I'd be sore in the morning. I hoped I could hold the reins. I didn't want to make a fool of myself on a horse. In front of Bella. And I didn't want to be late or tired. So I went to bed at nine.

I woke up too early but needed a long hot shower to work out the muscles in my right shoulder. I might need to sand the rest of the banister with my left arm just to even things out. I started a new book and then listened to all the recordings I'd made in the last few days. I won't release any song I don't firmly believe in – we have a lot of crap that will never be heard by anyone but our close knit team. But these, I could find only one reason why I wouldn't release them tomorrow. As is. Solo. Classical. Masen Hale – the band is family. And we are on top.

But I did put them on random repeat and tidied the house and did laundry, trying to get a feel for which ones I might send to Jazz. I haven't needed domestic skills for so long. It's usually room service and in-house laundry – I even get pressed boxers, as long as Alice pretends they're hers - I don't like thinking about why they frequently go missing. Today, it took me fifteen minutes to figure out the washer. But I got it and felt vindicated. The little work I did was rewarding and I flopped on the freshly made bed waiting for six thirty to arrive so I could head out and see Bella.

I made it to ten after six. Then I remembered water and some apples for the horses. I don't have any dog treats. I'll have to see what they like so I can bring some next time. Edward, it's only today, I chastised myself. It's not like it's a summer of lessons. In the truck at quarter past I got to the ranch at ten to and Bella was already in the yard with the dogs. I should have left earlier.

"Jake's not coming?" I figured it would be at least polite to ask after we said our hellos.

"No, we had three births last night - he was busy with Embry and Quil – the ranch hands - until all hours. I could only stay up for two of them. It's so amazing Edward!" I could just see her glowing.

"I figure we can head down the trail on the left, follow the road. The pasture's a bad place to run." She continued. I was just staring at this girl and nodding. I wish I had Jazz's way with words.

"Lead the way, Bella." Then I could watch her from behind.

"Here take Hope. She's the sweetest." I had to guess it was the dog's name. Me. I didn't have a hope in hell.

"His name is Love." She said pointing at the second dog. "Don't laugh. Jake's joke from way back is that I needed to have hope and then I didn't need to go looking for love."

"Jake sure seems like a great guy." It was true, unfortunately.

"He is. He's my best friend. We grew up together." Bella said. Just like Jasper and Alice – they met in grade school. Damn.

So we ran and talked. Bella told me again about Tampa. I told her I'd been there but not for how long or how often or that I'd only seen the airport, hotel and stadium, per usual.

"So Edward, what do you do?" She finally asked about the halfway mark when we gave the dogs her bottle of water and shared mine. I could taste her lipstick and was imagining her lips when I had to come up with an answer that wasn't a complete lie.

"I went to Julliard. I'm a musician. Piano." All true. Good. It really does sound better than I didn't actually graduate and usually use a keyboard. And a lot less pretentious than telling her I've won more than a few Grammys.

"Julliard! Wow. You must be amazing."

"Esme and Carlisle got me into music. I started late. But it was a safe place to put my energy. It's way easier for me to express my thoughts and emotions in music than in words. My parents were killed by a drunk driver when I was eight. Esme and Carlisle took my brother and me in. I've heard foster kid horror stories Bella but none of that happened to us. I have a lot – too much really – to be thankful for." I didn't have to edit this at all. Bella was interested in my life. I found myself just saying what I wanted to, for once.

"Edward" She stopped. She was actually in tears. I didn't mean to upset her; I'd learned to live with it long ago but I found my eyes welling in response to her. Her voice broke. "Sorry. I...sometimes feel like I got a raw deal. My mom just left. I was a baby. But to not have both your parents…and so young. My dad raised me; I grew up quickly – no rest when you need to work the land. My dad died just after I finished high school. I found my mom and decided to head to Tampa. We're trying to work a few things out. But I do have an agency on standby to take care of my menagerie back home so I can't say the trust is there."

In that moment I understood Jazz's lyrics in Naked more clearly than ever before. Bear your soul. Then you have a home. We hugged until the dogs started barking, both drying our eyes and apologizing – it was a sorry sight.

"Horses, Edward?" she asked.

We were being honest now. "Well, I guess I can't make more of a fool out of myself than I have already."

"You were worried? So was I. I'd forgotten I had only ridden once since I headed to Florida. But it's like riding a bike. You'll be fine. We've got Hope, Love, Lucky and Faith. I think we've got it covered."

"Shouldn't it be Luck? Each leaf of the four leaf clover?"

"I can't believe you get that. Yes. But Jake didn't want to be yelling that across the pasture. It might sound like a different word."

I chuckled. "I see. Lucky it is."

So we made it to the barn and I got introduced to Faith, a beautiful chestnut mare. Bella made me work and learn how to put on the saddle and walk around the horse safely. She even boosted me up even though I probably could have done it on my own I wasn't going to turn down having her hand touch my ass. And after all, my arm was still a bit sore; I rationalized. Bella got up gracefully and she showed me how to turn and stop. We practiced in the enclosure for a bit. I was picking it up all right - walk and trot were just a different tempo. No problem.

"You're good Edward. Do you feel ready for open pastures?"

"Go for it Bella. But keep an eye out. If I get hurt…" I had a sudden flash of the damn insurance policy we'd signed. I knew I wasn't allowed to bungee jump, skydive or pilot a small plane. I don't think it specified horses. But then, I thought, who cares. I have Faith.

"…she never bolts, Edward. Relax. Then she'll relax. You're doing great. You're a natural." With Bella's optimism and encouragement it was easy to do just that. Relax.

We had a great morning. Riding through the pastures and exchanging friendly banter. Everything Bella does seems to be golden. I think I have horrible hours. Working, volunteering and going to school with a near perfect GPA in order to get into vet school - I don't know how she does it. We did get into a little debate about the arts versus the sciences but called it a draw, deciding neither can really exist without the other. It was a good compromise. What would I do without the invention of the lightbulb, the CD or the keyboard anyway? She said she hadn't ridden much lately but she looks like she lives on a horse. Her smile and sense of peace despite her difficult past were rubbing off on me. I kept up and did as she instructed. Too soon, we were back at stables and hanging up the saddles.

Jake came down and gave Bella a bear hug. I cringed. I had almost forgotten about him.

"So Edward. How was the ride?" He asked. Jake's super friendly and welcoming, I shouldn't be thinking about his girl the way I am.

"Good. Really Good. I didn't fall, so primary fear averted."

"Bella loves to ride, you're welcome back anytime. I hope the truck isn't too much of a burden."

"It's great, Jake. Solid. But I should go meet this Leah. She's doing some measurements for me at the house."

"She just called. It's all done and she had to run home. She replaced about twenty boards in total. And she left you a sander. Good luck. That's a big project."

"It'll be done in a week or two probably. I'm working the vineyard with Sam too. It's great. I have drive."

"Hear that Bells? That's a good thing, right?" Jake said enthusiastically.

And suddenly I'd never seen Bella look so angry. Now I know she has a temper and doesn't look like one to give in. Feisty, that's good. Jake even took a step back.

"Sorry, Bells." He hugged her again and she softened. I wondered how hard he'd punch me if I gave her a hug again. It might be worth it. But Bella, with her temper, might be the one to punch me. Better not chance it.

"So Edward, would you like to stay for lunch?" She asked.

I figured I was overstepping some invisible boundary even though I really didn't have anywhere to be. I wanted to say yes but figured I shouldn't. Bella's phone rang before I could make up a reason to leave her side.

"Hey, Leah." Bella answered and then continued after a long pause. "Really? No. I'll put on the radio at noon and call you. Who's this Jazz again?" That peaked my interest. Eavesdropping again. I wished I was getting the other half of the conversation.

"Oh, yeah. No, I haven't even had time to listen to the whole CD but I love the one…" she hummed a few bars of Illusion. It is my favorite one on the album. Though I shouldn't really pick favorites. "I was riding this morning." She huffed at Leah. "It's not like that at all. I'll call you later. Later. Thanks for the porch repairs by the way." She hung up and smiled at me.

"Sorry, Edward. Leah's on about a band. I've got to go listen to this radio show at noon or she'll kill me. Can you take a rain check on lunch?" Bella apologized, sounding incredibly sorry for cancelling plans that had yet to be confirmed. I was close to hyperventilating and nearly swore out loud. Was that today? What day is it?

"No problem. I'll go help Sam. Maybe I'll head out to the hardware store for paint later."

"I can bring you lunch tomorrow, if you'd like. Help out with the porch?" I didn't have time to think of an excuse. I shouldn't want to be with her.

"That would be great, Bella. See you tomorrow. Thanks for the run and the lesson." I hopped in the truck and took off as quickly as I dared. I certainly wasn't eager to leave Bella but work beckons. I edged over the speed limit but the truck groaned and for the first time since I got here I really and truly missed my Ferrari. And I needed Bluetooth. And A/C doesn't hurt either. I hadn't read any of the stuff Alice had packed for these shows and I desperately need to call Jazz so he could save my ass. It wasn't lost on me that all my thoughts all the way home were the whinings of a rock star. Esme would have my head.

I got home before I checked my phone. Yeah. I had five messages. Twenty missed calls. Countless texts. Everyone but Rose. And Jazz had called seven times. I called him back. "Thank God, Eddie." He only ever calls me Eddie before work. "Where have you been? We've been calling all morning."

I told him I'd forgotten. I'd been riding. He was shocked that I'd get on a horse. I should check my phone more often. I'd turned off the ringer so as not to startle Faith. We only had ten minutes before this thing started, though I'm sure they'd play a couple songs as an intro.

"They'll want your take on the shirt incident, Eddie." As though I wasn't expecting that.

"Can I say I was an idiot? Or that I was absolutely ecstatic to hide for four months?"

"Alice won't like it, Eddie. How about that you were caught up in the emotion of the crowd?"

"That sounds great – I'll write it down. Anything else?"

"They'll ask what you're doing." Sure with Bella listening I'll just say I'm drinking wine, riding horses, painting a porch, working in a vineyard and falling desperately in love with a beautiful girl named Bella. But it would sound fake, like something out of a fairy tale. Until someone realized I was the villain trying to steal the princess from her true love.

"Relaxing." Sure, that sums it up.

"It's radio, Eddie. You'll need to be a little more descriptive. No dead air."

"Reading, writing, and getting ready for a killer tour in the fall."

"That sounds perfect. And where are you?"

"You know that Jazz. Texas."

"And you're going to tell every fan in Texas that. I know it's a big state but they'll be looking under rocks. And fans from neighbouring states will come for some Eddie sightings. We'll need to send Laurent." Good thing Jazz is saving my hide.

"Earth."

"Maybe a tad more specific. That sounds facetious. And only Hatfield has recorded in space. Alice won't let me go to the ISS – I already asked." That sounds so Jazz. On the edge. I got ripped by him for almost a year spending a cool half million on a piano, this little trip – and Jazz would have gone, no doubt, if it weren't for Alice, the price tag would tack on at least a couple zeros. Why not?

"Good. How else are you going to stay grounded?"

"But it would be out of this world." He quipped. We can do things like this for hours. Sometimes Jazz writes a song.

"Jazz, we can this continue after the show. I should have been going over Alice's notes all morning. This isn't like me. Are Garrett and Emmett prepped? How about I just say I'm staying with friends. Vague yet familiar, fans would go for that, right?" Sam and Paul already seemed like great friends, Jake too. Bella, yes, I'll have to consider her a friend too. Just a friend.

"That works. And Garrett's fine. Emmett's unpredictable at the best of times. Alice has already warned him, yet again. Everything else should be the same questions we've been asked for millennia. OK, you have to call the number Alice gave you. We need to talk for real later. I've got the first single for the next album, I think. The music wrote the lyrics, Eddie, I swear, you are brilliant. It alone will make the album."

"Thanks Jazz. One take. I was inspired. Showtime."

So back on duty. Good thing the interviewer was saying our names before we said hello to the listeners. I so would have introduced myself as Edward Cullen. That would have been awkward. It was going so smoothly, the interviewer had done her homework and knew all our top songs. We talked about the new album, single and previous tour and the one coming up, of course. Emmett said Rose was fine and then the interviewer was a little more intrusive and Emmett wasn't even Emmett when he answered "When we're ready" to both the marriage question and when there'd be a sister or brother for the baby that wasn't even born yet. I think we'd all asked him and Rose the marriage question and each of their answers was to ask the other. We're not holding our breath about a wedding and I sincerely hope fans aren't either. Garrett thanked Alaska for the warm welcome and his mother-in-law for some home-cooked meals. And Jazz just answered it's up to Alice about any future children. They were all pretty pat answers. Alice would worry she'd get e-mails about making babies and we'd get lot of recipes and probably a few more inappropriate comments when Emmett's child arrives but all-in all no faux pas. And when it was my turn I think I answered the questions about me just like we'd rehearsed. Jazz had prepped me almost enough. I say almost. Though I'd been asked the last question so often I should have been able to answer it by rote.

"So Eddie, any progress on the romance front?" The perky radio host asked as a wrap up. And like Jazz had said, silence in radio is bad. VERY BAD. But I couldn't even answer that I'm still on the lookout for that special woman or a similar vague bit of drivel that I'd said in every single interview since we'd started giving them. Because it would have been a lie. I'd found her.

And since I didn't say a word the all guys coughed, snickered and whistled. Great. That was a big help. Back to Jazz's space metaphors I was spinning completely out of control and they let me crash and burn. Alone.

"So this new love seems to have you speechless, Eddie. Maybe it will spur some great music to come." At least the interviewer didn't like dead air either.

This was easy but I didn't acknowledge the elephant in the room. "I've been writing every day. We'll be playing the old favorites on tour this fall along with the newest release and maybe a few unreleased songs too. It should be a great tour though we do wish all of our fans could see us live and not everyone could get a ticket. We're already working on a new tour starting in January and appreciate all the support. Thanks, to all of our fans." The interviewer was smart, didn't press and thanked us all, they started playing Always Never as the wrap and I instantly thought of Bella. The lyrics are actually always love you, never leave you. But it really felt like Bella had always been in my life, though knowing what I know she never will be. Sigh. At least I didn't say _that_ on the radio.

We signed off the radio and immediately went into a private conference call. The grilling started.

"Who is she Edward? It's the song. I should have known. I called it Unrequited because it's haunting but it's worse than that I'd say. Forbidden? Is she married?" Jazz, of course. And he's damn close.

"Can we come down?" Emmett, he sounded thrilled for me, I had to remind him he had an important upcoming event himself. A baby.

"Is she ok with the band?" Garrett, sometimes he's flighty, this was one of his more practical questions.

"No. It's just a girl who's giving me riding lessons. Unfortunately, the feeling isn't mutual. She has a long-term boyfriend. So, no, not married but she might as well be. And not a soul here knows about me. Least of all her. And I want it to stay that way. But, I learned her friend is a big fan. And the friend just finished fixing my porch."

"This sounds like you've got it bad, Edward. And the press is going to have a field day."

"You guys could have helped."

"We were as blind-sided as our perky host, Eddie. You could have warned us."

"If I'd known to do that I would have warned myself. Anyway, we'll have lots of material. I can't stop writing. We'll be in good shape come fall."

"You won't be Edward."

"I'm not that guy, Jazz. She's happy. I'm not going to try anything."

"But you'll go riding again?"

"I shouldn't, but yeah."

I asked Emmett about Rose for real. On the radio he had said she and baby were doing well. Now he sounded more nervous. "She's hanging in. Her blood pressures still up but the OBGYN says she's ok; Carlisle wants to check her in to hospital. I don't know what to do. Rose wants to stay home, so that's what we're doing for now."

"Give her my love, Emmett."

"No. Obviously no girl is safe from your clutches, Edward. Rose is mine." At least Em still has a sense of humor despite his stress.

"I'll come home if you need me, Em, just say the word. How's Kate, Garrett?"

"She loves it here, at home. But the first few days were rough. Fans around the block. But I can now get to the store without Kate threatening to use a stun gun, so it's progress. We're going to settle up here when all this is over, they'll have to get used to me someday. We can't be nomads forever."

We said good-bye and I spent a good hard afternoon in the field with Sam talking grapes again trying desperately not to think about the disaster that was unfolding in the tabloids, on the radio and on TV. I could see the bold print on The Enquirer already ' _Masen's Secret Love. Who is She?'_ With a multitude of guesses and unrelenting innuendo. And, of course, People _'_ _Most Eligible Bachelor – No Longer Eligible'._ Fuck. I could bet there was a crowd of paparazzi at my apartment, Em's and Jazz's. They'd all be trying to catch a glimpse, a photo or a sound-bite. Rose might actually get more sleep in the hospital. I turned my phone off. I knew everyone would be calling. Especially mom. I tried to focus on the vineyard. The grapes were now just tiny dots but there were certainly a lot of them. I don't know how Sam usually keeps up all by himself. The field seems endless. And today I learned no one but Sam is allowed near the pruning tools, he has his ways. There's some kind of formula to cutting new growth and keeping the grapes shaded that he tried to explain for at least an hour but it went way over my head. I kept him talking so I'd keep my inner voices at bay. I decided I'd stick with tying the new vines. Paul grilled us a late supper of steak and veggies and the stars came out as we sat outside drinking many a bottle of merlot. I certainly had more than my share. I should know better than to drown my sorrows. After a while I just lay down on the ground and stared. Wishing upon a star I could have just answered no, it wouldn't have really been a lie – there's certainly no progress from Bella's point of view.

 **Will Edward catch a break?**

 **And speaking of Bella's point of view…that's, of course, next.**


	12. Chapter 12: Just Lunch

Just Lunch

BPOV

I really didn't want Edward to go anywhere but the way Jake was acting was mortifying – I was glad Edward didn't pick up on the innuendo. I thought you could cut it with a knife. And Leah's question 'Did you go bareback?' had nothing to do with the horses we'd been riding - I could have so fucking strangled her through the phone. I wanted to yell but it would have been so much more embarrassing for Edward to actually know what she was asking. At least she was distracted by a Masen Hale interview coming up in an hour – it could have been so much worse. It still could, I just remembered she does have his number. I watched Edward as he left and hoped he'd be ok after his first foray on a horse, we might have to wait a few days to go out again or I could get Jake to ask him man-to-man if there were any ill effects in the nether regions. He looked excited or scared as he left, I couldn't pinpoint it exactly but I guess doing something new brings both emotions. It's certainly how I feel getting to know Edward.

I called Leah like I said I would and we listened to my now-favorite band give a little interview. Leah was in stitches when it was over.

"Eddie Masen has a girlfriend! About fucking time! Though I wish he picked me. Those abs…" she sounded wistful.

"That's so mean Leah. The poor guy was caught off-guard. And what about Jake?"

Don't worry, Bells. It's not like I mean it. I love Jake. But so far it's been almost look but don't touch. We're firmly entrenched at second base and I really need a home run."

"Well, your boy-toy Eddie Masen doesn't seem like the type to love-'em and leave-'em. The whole band actually sounded pretty down to earth. I'm surprised they haven't let the fame or fortune go to their heads - get hooked on drugs, drive the wrong way down the freeway, that kind of thing. If taking off your shirt causes a YouTube sensation for a band with all-male members you've got to know they're pretty tame."

"But that's why it caused the sensation, Bells. The focus is on the music – with amazing results – but sometimes you've got to have a little dessert with dinner, Bells."

"OK, enough about imaginary men. Back to Jake. Any progress?"

"Baby steps. The bedroom is still off limits. But I can say Quil and Embry were not thrilled to walk in on us on the couch the other day. We were clothed but…" Leah sounded like she was going to be more descriptive. I didn't need to know about Jake's hard on. And from now on I'm definitely picking up the phone before I head on up to the main house. I might even have to invite Embry and Quil back to the cabin.

"Congrats. I wish I could talk more sense into that boy."

"It helped, Bells. Really. I'm going to see how it plays out. Now for you…Jake asked me to ask you over to the farm. Meet Seth?"

"I would like to see the farm but you are so not setting me up with your brother. Besides I really think I like, like, like-like, Edward Cullen." I was so flustered I was sounding high school all over again.

"That's really exciting, Bells."

"Yeah. And you didn't help with your frigging bareback comments – he was standing right beside me for crying out loud. Leah! I'll let you know if things…develop. Don't you dare call him. Today we went running and shared our tales of woe. It was quite sad, really. I think we'll go riding again and I'm taking him lunch tomorrow. It's the least I can do. He's paying rent, working the fields and repairing my porch. I should be paying him. I don't know what he does to take the whole summer off."

"Sorry, Bells. I'll try to behave. You do know you have the summer off too, girl. Not like the rest of us stiffs. And you're also working for free."

"Yeah. But Jake's not charging me to stay with him. I feel bad."

"OK, well, Edward didn't repair your porch, I did. If that makes you feel any less guilty. But maybe not, since he did offer to pay for it – he sounded awfully sincere on the phone. I told him there was no need, so don't worry, Bells. Though I can tell you he will be repainting it. I don't volunteer as much as you do. He has all the tools. Just imagine the paint brush going up and down and up and down in Edward's muscled arm."

"God, Leah. You really need to get laid." I wasn't going to actually tell Leah but her image of Edward brought me a nice warm feeling all over. It would probably be rude if I just went over and watched him work though, or just held a paint brush while I ogled his pecs.

"I know. Maybe you do too."

"I barely know the guy."

"You are so crushing on him. You said so. Besides, is he good on a horse?" Leah. Not that analogy again.

"He's a natural." I knew I was going to hear the snickers, I wasn't wrong.

"Maybe it's time he teach you something. He plays piano, you say? Hum. I bet he's really good with his fingers."

"Cut it out, Leah. I won't even be able to look at him tomorrow."I wondered briefly if Jake would just fuck her as a favor to me. Of course, I would never ever suggest it but Leah's bordering on desperate. And her visuals were not necessarily unpleasant – just uncalled for. I would certainly be looking at his fingers the next time I saw him. I've only known Edward for a few days. I know there are people who are up for one-night stands, I couldn't do it. But I do feel a connection with Edward that I've never felt with anyone before.

"There's a time for a fling, Bells. But maybe it could be more. What do you think of Mrs. Bella Cullen?"

"LE-AH!"

"Just saying. Look at Jake and I. We started out as friends but it's so much more than that now."

"What do you think of Mrs. Leah Black?" I loved throwing it right back at her.

"It has a nice ring to it." I wasn't really ready for her answer. But it makes perfect sense.

"You'd say yes?" I nearly shrieked, then calmed and hinted. "I think I have some pull with Jake…" This is conversation is completely different. This I would DEFINETLY do. They really are the perfect couple.

"DON'T Bells. This isn't the 1900s. I'm not getting married first. He needs to let his guard down – to trust me and trust himself. Then, maybe we'll talk marriage."

"Jake doesn't let a lot of people in, Leah. He's been burned. He does trust you. And he wants you too. I've probably pushed him too much. I'll back off. He needs to talk to you and not me about all this. It's time."

"Bells, he's your friend. He needs you. Don't forget that. You need him, too. But you need a man in your life. So lunch tomorrow with Edward is still on track?"

"Yeah. I've got to get some lunch today and then decide what I'm making tomorrow. I didn't even ask him what he likes."

"The best way to a man's heart…."

"Shut up, Leah. Or maybe you should get cooking."

"I'm hopeless in the kitchen. Jake is the chef. You know that. I won't keep you, but call me. I can at least live vicariously. When you feed Edward something incredibly tasty and he hungers for something more than your cuisine you can tell me all about it." Leah snickered again and hung up knowing I'd yell at her again. Right. Leah talks as though I'm going to beat her and Jake to the punch. I'll have to tell her in no uncertain terms that if she thought her progress with romance or intimacy was slow, she had nothing on me. She had two high school boyfriends and went all the way. Me, I've only been to first base twice and decided to not even take a walk to second. Mostly, I don't even go up to bat if we're still talking baseball analogies. But I'm terrified I'll strike out with Edward Cullen.

 **Leah's star-struck and still stuck. Bella needs to improve her batting average.**

 **Will Edward overcome his embarrassment and move on?**


	13. Chapter 13: The Pessimist & The Optimist

The Pessimist and the Optimist

 **EPOV**

I woke early the next day really hoping the interview had been a bad dream. It, of course, hadn't. Our Twitter feed had exploded. I usually don't read them - that's Alice's domain. But after yesterday I made an exception and there was a new hashtag: #Eddiesgirl. Fan reaction was about fifty-fifty – from ' _Damn, he's taken'_ and ' _Wish he picked me'_ to ' _So happy for you, Eddie_!' Goes to show you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. The truth was that I had nothing but a crush that left me tongue-tied, except a promise of lunch.

After a little Tylenol and a few glasses of water the fog had mostly lifted and I could at least form cohesive sentences. I had to call mom – she'd already called four times. If I called her drunk she would have come down and dragged me home by the ear not caring about the reporters. I don't cross Esme. But I did tell her the same thing I'd told the guys. I told her I was fine which she saw through immediately. I shouldn't even try to hide things from mom. But I did tell her I wasn't coming home yet. And I wasn't going to pursue Bella. I couldn't promise I wouldn't see her. I don't think I alleviated her worries one iota. I hadn't done anything for mine either.

As soon as I was off the phone Alice called. It was half worry about me since she'd listened to the horror in real time and, of course, she'd talked to Jazz, but then work kicked in. "How do you want to spin this, Eddie?"

"I'm not spinning anything, Alice. There's nothing."

"You don't believe that. And you know none of your fans will believe it either. No one's ever seen you at a loss for words. Give me something, Eddie. I've been called by every magazine, TV and radio station at least twice since you got your sorry lovesick ass off the radio. So far I've come up with the completely thrilling 'no comment'."

"There's nothing, Alice."

"Well jeez, do you want to call TMZ right back or should I? That's quite the sound bite." Alice was pissed. She's on damage control with the whole world and I wasn't doing anything to help her. I couldn't help her.

"She's taken, Alice. There's nothing." At that, my voice broke. "I'm done, Alice. Say what you want. Tell them I had a fever. There's no girl. And before you even think it…there's no guy either. I'm going to just continue to write and hope everything goes back to normal."

Alice hung up but not before she said. "I've seen you at a piano. You don't do normal, Eddie. It's not in you. At least you're open to love, Eddie. It's a start. But be prepared for this to get worse before it gets better. Don't do anything stupid. And just so you know I'm going to stick with no comment. You owe me one."

Alice knows me. But sometimes her advice is so cryptic it's like reading a fortune cookie. I analyzed it long after we hung up as I played but it still didn't make sense to me. It can't get any worse. Bella's not mine.

The music I was playing was getting increasingly desperate and despondent. I stopped and I tried to clear my head because I was looking forward to Bella's visit. Just the thought of spending time with Bella changed my outlook and it filtered to my fingertips. I imagined racing her through the vineyard and I had a new song in minutes. Excited by the new tune I played a few alternative endings. Winding up horizontal was not helpful – I had to get out of my head. Distraction by manual labour was just the ticket. I continued with sanding the porch and if, by chance, Bella wanted to come inside I cleaned and scrubbed and even made the bed. Even as I was doing it I thought it was stupid. That's Alice's advice right there. Anyway Bella's just bringing lunch – you're not bringing Jake's girl to your bedroom. That would be really stupid.

She called before lunch asking if I'd be up for a run and if she could bring the dogs. Of course I said yes on all counts. I just had to see her – the sooner the better. I couldn't help thinking it was life imitating art. Even though every bone in my body told me it was imprudent. Dangerous. The next hashtag would be #Eddiesanass if I kept up this inner monologue about the reasons I shouldn't be thinking about Bella.

An hour later, I heard a knock and needed to remember to breathe. As soon I saw her through the screen door with her picnic basket full of goodies I imagined little red riding hood and then thought of myself as the big bad wolf. If that's what Alice meant by stupid, I had it all sewn up.

"Bella!" I would need to take my excitement down a notch, or three. I opened the door and waved her into my temporary abode.

"Hi, Edward. We can head out but I hope it's ok if I store a few things in the fridge." I nodded and she didn't even wait for me to grab the basket as she headed towards the kitchen. I was at least able to help her unpack as she told me what the lunch menu was. She confessed she didn't know what I'd like so made some more steak sandwiches since I'd eaten them last time. But she also brought her favorite – peanut butter and grape jelly. I almost laughed. Is it possible? I haven't had peanut butter and grape jelly since I lived at home, it was my absolute go to sandwich and every now and then I get a craving but I can say I've never actually seen it on a single room service menu. And I'm not one of 'those people' (Esme's words) who would have 'my people' running all over hell's half acre to make me one. Though, there's no doubt they would. And I wasn't going to steal Bella's sandwich either.

"PB and J?"

"Don't laugh, Edward." She said seriously. Really good thing I didn't. "I know it's crazy."

"It's my favorite too." I said as I hung my head. Why the unbridled honestly about PB and J I had to ask myself. But I knew, it brought out my humility and didn't make me feel like I was on the ten foot pedestal everyone puts me on.

She looked at me incredulously. And that's why.

"Really." I had to tell her. "I usually put the peanut butter on both sides of the sandwich and the jelly in the middle so it doesn't get soggy. Especially for picnics. We'd picnic in Central Park as a family almost every weekend."

"Crunchy or smooth?"

"Always smooth."

"White or brown?"

"White, it's PB+J, it isn't a health food." It was her turn to laugh. And then she pulled two sandwiches out of the basket.

"Made to order then." She was right. "I guess I can share."

"I'm not stealing your lunch, Bella." I told her. But next time I'm at the grocery store I know the three things I'm buying.

"Don't be silly, Edward. I made enough. I just thought it was hokey but I didn't want you to eat one by accident. I actually probably should have called. What if you were allergic to peanuts? Damn." Bella. So sweet. She worries.

"I'm not allergic to anything. You're not going to kill me, Bella." The first sentence was true, and so was the second. As long as we're not talking figuratively. At least a death by anaphylaxis would be a quick end. Then I wouldn't have to worry about tabloids.

"Good. I'd like to see you back on a horse. If you weren't scared off last time, that is."

"No. It was fun. I've love to go again. How about we run today then make some plans?" I should make a plan to head home; to get away from what she's doing to me. So far, we'd finished unpacking the picnic basket and had made it out of the kitchen and to the living room. Bella looked around the living room smiling. I hadn't closed the bedroom door so was actually grateful I'd made the effort to make the bed. She spotted my additions to the room and stared intently at the keyboards and the computer set up.

"I like what you've done with the place." Was all she said. I was mostly glad she didn't ask about the keyboards or the computer program I was running. I've always been hands on in the studio and I could talk for hours about music, recording, mixing and mastering. I would be in my element but I would bore her to tears. Instead I just nodded, watching her as she took in her surroundings. In the grand scheme of things her cowboy denim and faded SPCA T-shirt should have done nothing for my libido but I desperately needed fresh air. My body was betraying me and I really, really should have closed the bedroom door. I also ached to play for her, just her. I pulled her out of the house and untied the dogs and we headed out.

The fresh air helped clear my head as well as other parts of my anatomy and the seemingly endless rows of grapevines were way better than a treadmill. The dogs led the way. "Sam hates it when I run in here. Too many posts and wires. But I love it. It just smells so good: earthy, dry and sweet." Bella sniff the air and sighed so I did the same.

We were running though the older part of the vineyard the vines firmly rooted and trained along the posts and wires Bella described. I was behind her and all I could smell was a light strawberry scent which I figured was Bella's shampoo. To confirm, I would have to bury my face in her hair which was oh so tempting. But not happening. Regardless, I love the scent.

"It's heavenly, Bella." More talk about animals, piano, New York and Tampa kept us busy and not necessarily focused on our time or distance. I'd guess we'd been running for over an hour and I was getting a runner's high so my judgement may have been slightly impaired. When she slowed near the end of the row noticing Sam a few yards to our left I lost my head completely and spun her in a circle. She almost showed me how dangerous it could be as she stumbled.

"Bella!" I caught her and pulled her tight. "Are you OK?"

"Fine. I just have horrible balance." She answered and blushed. And I knew it was my overactive imagination at work when I sensed her pull me closer. "Thanks, Edward," she said as she caught her breath, the near-fall seemed to have winded her. I sighed quietly. It was her shampoo. My lips wanted to kiss her. My head overrode that urge.

"My pleasure." I'd never been so honest, what this girl was doing to me was truly frightening. "Let's head back. I'll serve you lunch so you're in no more danger." Of falling. I'd already fallen head over heels.

We ate our PB and J with milk as our appetizer and both sighed this time, laughing. Fruit and salad as the main were accompanied by wine and more wine in the relative safety of the house. I put on my playlist again and she commented about my eclectic taste in music. I avoided touching her; the last time had been a mistake even though my heart fluttered with the memory.

Bella talked more about her mom and her decision to seek her out. Her only family, which of course got me talking.

"My brother is my only blood relative. But we have great friends. My brother's fiancée is due any day and she's been having a few complications so he's worried. Until this trip I don't think we'd spent a day apart. He's two years older but doesn't act it. Sometimes he gets into trouble. I think the baby will make him grow up."

"You're not going back? To see the baby?"

"I don't know yet. I want to but this is their time. I don't want to cause a scene." If I showed up at the hospital there would even more of a mob. Neither Rose nor the baby needs any of that.

"But you get to be an uncle! That's exciting. I hope I get to be an honorary aunt. I think that's a ways away though."

"Angela, right?" She nodded but I felt I was missing something. Maybe she was shocked I remembered her friend's name, the one in New York. Or even knew it – she'd only said it at the store. Damn. At least she didn't remember. I remember everything Bella says. Bella then surprised me.

"Turn it up." She nodded to the computer. Illusion. I do have all our songs on a different playlist. I only added this one song to this list. Out of the five thousand songs available the computer had to find it. Of course. I did as she asked. She didn't say a word until the song was over. I was frozen. I really hoped she didn't bring up the god-awful interview. If she did what the hell would I say? I guess I could come clean.

"Can you believe the album reached triple platinum in only three days? Leah called right before I left and was bouncing off the walls. And it's not even up for download." I waited for her to connect the dots. My number was nearly up. She looked at me and the computer. "Edward, did you steal this song?"

"No. Burned it." From the master. Tell her. Tell her. A little voice inside my head screamed. I thought of saying Bella, I told you I play piano and I went to Julliard. Both true. I might have left out a few details. If only she could read my mind. Would it be ok? Would she understand why I'd kept this part of myself hidden? But I don't want her looking at me like all the other girls.

"Good. Those guys sound like they work hard. Leah's been a good influence on me I think. I'm paying a little more attention to the outside world." She smiled her brilliant smile. She was really about to admonish me for illegally downloading a song. I have no rights to Bella – her honesty is paramount. My brain was working overtime thinking only about Bella, but it finally caught up with her comment. Triple platinum. No way. It's impossible. Without ITunes? On the outset the record company was thinking it would be two weeks like our last release, maybe a little sooner with the hype of the fall tour, but three days? You'd think I might have gotten a phone call. Then I remembered I turned off the ringer. I hoped Jazz was on top of things; a massive thank-you to the fans was in order. I complain about the fame at times but then there's this. Even after four years it's still surreal. Bella waved me out of my reverie, and I changed the subject to the horses just in case she had any more choice thoughts on 'those guys'. We decided on another ride, she was game to ride every Tuesday and Thursday and I agreed whole heartedly. And to go running every day except the days she had to be at the clinic at six. I would have gone out with her at four but didn't want to look desperate. I could manage two days a week without Bella. With effort. We talked and ate and listened to music for so long Bella was apologetic about not getting to the porch. I brushed it off telling her I'd already worked on it this morning and haven't had a chance to pick-up the paint. Besides, she shouldn't be helping me; she was already working with Dr. Snow and likely has more than enough work at home. I was considering inviting her for dinner – I'm sure I could make something. It might be amusing for Bella to see me struggle in the kitchen, I'd get to hear her laugh again. That alone would be worth it. We could always drive to the city for dinner, I thought, if I made a complete mess of things. That would be fun. Then Bella brought up her plans for the evening and my excitement crashed. I had almost forgotten she wasn't mine. Again.

"Sorry, Edward, but I better go. Jake's making dinner. Then we've got to talk about castrating the new calves. Dr. Snow will come down for the day sometime next week." She said and she sounded thrilled at the prospect. My parts seemed to instinctively run for cover at the mention of the word.

"Give Jake my best." She said she would. I could at least try to play nice. I was really thinking Jake should get in line for the above-mentioned procedure, now very happy my thoughts are my own. As soon as she left I dialled Jazz.

"Eddie!"

"Bella just told me we're triple platinum?"

"Yeah, Eddie! All over the news. Fastest album ever! It looks like I'll be collecting the award alone, I'm not even going ask if you're coming – but it's already helped redirect the focus away from #Eddiesgirl, count your lucky stars, Eddie. Triple platinum in three days! I swear I'll send out the love from all of us. We rock Eddie! Our fans rock! But Emmett won't leave Rose's side now, he's even more worried. Garrett's happy in Alaska – we're going to have to pry him back for the next tour. And I wouldn't be surprised in the least if Kate has a little bun-in-the-oven announcement soon. He wasn't about to announce on the radio that they're trying."

"And you Jazz?" I wasn't going to address my problems. Better to turn the tables.

"Alice wants to. But how can we do this and raise a family? It's crazy. Emmett loves the prospect. Maybe we'll see how he's coping."

"Don't wait forever, Jazz." He changed the subject too. We know each other so well.

"So hashtag Eddiesgirl has a name. Bella. That's nice. Italian. Beautiful Bella. I'll send you some lyrics. You put it to music and she will be yours. Forget the boyfriend."

"Jazz. Don't. I don't know what I'm doing but certainly not that. It won't work anyway; she's pure to the core. And she's got her own plans; she's going back to Florida to finish school. I'm leaving at the end of August and then it will take me a few days to get home."

"In that car you could make it in one."

"But there are people on the road. I'll speed – but safely. You should get one – on a track the acceleration and speed cannot be beat."

"Only the great Eddie Masen would have a car that can reach 220 miles per hour and only travel eighty. You should have bought a tricycle. You've raced it once Eddie, you're not Andretti."

"I've got a perfect truck for you, Jazz. Good for carting the little ones. Solid. Gas-guzzler. And faded. Though I doubt even we have enough money for it, Jazz. It seems to be priceless to Jake."

"The famous other man?"

"I don't begrudge him Jazz. He was here first."

"We're going to Florida, Eddie. Is Jake?" Jazz asked. I was starting to think my infatuation was awfully similar to the way our fans look at us. Perfection. I was going to have to get over her. Somehow.

"We're in barely in Tampa, Jazz, the Super Bowl's the next day, remember?" Emmett was basically crying when we were asked to play the Super Bowl, I don't know how he's going to hold it together. "And, regardless, I'm not going to stalk her." I told Jazz. "Jake has a ranch so I don't know how much he gets away. I'd guess Bella goes back and forth. It must be tough. You, at least, get to drag your other half along."

"Have you been with us the last four years Eddie? She's the one holding us together. And she keeps us inline and on our toes."

"I know. I'm just jealous of all of you; you each have the one you want. Thanks for letting me whine, Jazz."

"You seem happier with her than without her Edward. I hope you can follow you heart. Maybe it will all work out." I quickly signed off. That's why he's the lyricist. Turns it around. There's a silver lining to everything. I went to bed trying to channel Jazz's positivity. Thoughts of strawberries and spinning Bella around on fluffy white clouds made for pleasant dreams.

 **A/N: I barely know how to tweet and have no idea if they are real hashtags or not. In any case, they're not related to this story.**

 **Bella and Edward are getting closer. What about Jake and Leah. Do they still need Bella's non-existent expertise?**


	14. Chapter 14: Sexual Healing

Sexual Healing

BPOV

I was really growing to love my time with Edward. The dogs were learning the land so they were now off leash but didn't stray. Edward was a natural on a horse and Faith had taken to him even faster than she'd bonded with Jake. That told me something about him. Animals have a sixth sense about people and Faith understands Edward. He seemed a little nervous when I called about bringing the dogs to the vineyard. I was starting to wonder if he'd been thinking about me. I had certainly been thinking about him. I was even paying attention to how his hair was growing out and how it seemed to be changing color in the sun. He also had a great farmer's tan. I wondered, unlike Jake, Quil and Embry, why he never took off his shirt; but I was still able to get an idea about what was underneath on certain occasions when he wore a form-fitting tee. I had persistent thoughts of running my hand over his abs. I thought I was giving out the signals – a smile, a laugh and I nearly squeezed him to death when he caught me in the vineyard the other day. But he was keeping me at arm's length. I guess I'm just not his type.

But our conversations and debates were lively and sometime we'd just pick a dangerous topic for the fun of it for the duration of our run like gun control, religion, politics or the right to die and flip a coin to argue one side or the other. I found myself passionately arguing against my own beliefs on more than one occasion. Other days, on a lighter note, we'd pick things like crunchy vs smooth peanut butter – Edward got the short end of that stick, he had to argue for crunchy and his heart wasn't in it. Edward could seriously talk music for hours and although I had to get him to slow down at first I learned about multitrack recording – my brain didn't compute why anyone would even need to do this. He was patient with me and I think it sort of makes sense to adjust different sounds before putting them together but it still seems like a lot of extra work. He doesn't cease to amaze me. His debate topic for our run on Saturday was classical vs pop music and musicians. Mean. Truly. At least he let me pick - I knew I'd lose no matter what but my arguments for pop – lyrics, mass appeal, music videos and adorable guitarists at least made him laugh. He caught me, correctly guessing I hadn't seen a music video in over four years. And I certainly couldn't name a single guitarist or tell him why I thought they were adorable. Lyrics, he said, make people think a certain way about a piece of music, not necessarily focus on how the music actually makes them feel. And he was adamant mass appeal can put more focus on an individual artist or band than the music itself. I'd say he won hands down because I had no rebuttals.

I learned quickly that although Edward loves animals, even the smallest mention of a wound or cut was enough to cause him to blanch. So I edited considerably about my days with Dr. Snow and on the ranch telling him, almost like a five year old, that we were 'making all the animals better'. He saw through me on the days when some of them didn't get better and gave me a hug of support and comfort. It wasn't the hug I wanted but it was still nice to be able to hold him and it did help. I still told him about all the new baby animals and the exciting developments in veterinary medicine I was learning about and over the course of a couple weeks he got a little braver and asked more and more about all the field work I was doing.

After Edward had gone back to the vineyard after our most recent run, I called Jake to see about getting groceries and Jake yelled rather gruffly at me on the phone. He told me he was just was sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"What are you calling for Bells? Just walk up to the fucking house!" So, despite his tone and language, I did. It sounded like he needed some support, though he didn't exactly pick the best way to reach out. To be honest, when I got there, he looked extremely frightened.

"What's wrong, Jake?"

"Performance anxiety."

"Like…"

"I'm not talking about riding a horse, Bells." OH. Not again.

"Talk her Jake. She's probably just as nervous." He was really almost there. I didn't know how to help him over what seemed like this final hurdle.

"She's not."

"Did you talk to her?"

"A little."

"How about a little bit more?"

"I know Bella. You're right. You're always right. What would I do without you?"

"That's never going to happen, Jake. We'll always be there for each other. So my advice if that's what you're asking is pretty straight-forward. Talk to Leah. And if you're both ready - get it on." Leah had told me she'd pulled him into his bedroom the other night and shirts had come off. She didn't think he'd last the week and was even getting nervous herself now.

"Bells" she'd said. "What if there's no…you know." I had to tell her I didn't know. "Orgasm" she had to whisper the word. I fought a laugh. That wouldn't be helpful.

I wasn't exactly the best person for this. I had no experience where a second person was involved. "Have you ever?" She nodded and blushed.

"Well, then, Jake might need some guidance as to what works. And you should ask him too. He's been in the shower, Leah." I told her. I have no recall about when or why Jake and I had discussed this sensitive topic, but we had. No, we were watching some silly comedy show and the comment was something about how 99% of guys admit to masturbation and the other 1% lie about it. So, Jake told the truth. Obviously it was before Jessica. I got a look of surprise from Leah. I didn't want to think about Jake doing that. Leah thanked me for my advice. I didn't want to think about Leah doing that either. Edward then entered my head and imagining him in the shower doing that was really quite hot.

"Bells?" Jake broke up my train of thought which was probably a very good thing; my heart had been starting to patter. "Is there anything else I should do? For her?"

"Jake, just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I know Leah. And you certainly know my experience in this general subject is zero. My biggest advice is still the same - talk to her. It's not rocket science. She will tell you…or even show you what she wants. If you ask. And if you do the same you shouldn't have any problem. But I do work for a vet…though I'm not completely sure he can prescribe Viagra." I really thought he'd hit me again but instead he blushed profusely.

"That's not the problem, Bells." In the twenty-one years I'd known Jake and the nineteen years we'd actually been able to speak to each other I'd never been at a loss for words, until now. So I resorted to an animal analogy. That's really lower than low for a hopeful vet.

"Well, then, Jake…go be her stallion." I thumped him on the back and left the house. I didn't want a reply. There was no reply that would be even remotely appropriate.

I suppose if vet school doesn't work out I can always go into being a sex therapist. If Jake and Leah are any indication there'd be a lot of demand. Though I would need some better material. I should have known Jake would be more worried about pleasing Leah than anything else. He's never put himself first. It was always his dad, who was paralyzed by a bull when Jake was sixteen and died from complications three years later. Before that he took care of his mom. And in between welcoming Quil and Embry and needing to ensure they had the training and skills to help so he didn't lose his ranch. What the hell possessed me to leave again? One of these days I'll have to thank Leah for stepping up, helping him out and falling in love. My best friend needs someone self-sufficient so he doesn't have to fret. I know he worries about me. Leah has family, loves Texas and wouldn't do something as crazy as move 1000 miles away on a whim to see someone she didn't even remember. That's me.

The few weeks I'd been in Texas had been almost perfect, I scurried around with Dr. Snow two days a week and all the other days I had Edward. Edward. I was almost counting the seconds until I saw him again. The evenings were a bit more of a challenge - there was no rain so there was still some grumbling from Jake at meals. I knew it wasn't just about the rain and we did have a few more talks about sex, love, Jessica, Leah, needs and desires. Jake didn't even balk about my second discussion about birth control methods and candidly told me he'd already been to the grocery store more than once. He was ready and I was hoping I'd hear about it from Leah very soon. He finally understood why I was calling the house and I got a real smile and a hug. Jake was a good listener when I told him about my own problems, sympathetic when he learned Edward doesn't seem to return my feelings. Sympathetic – Jake style. He did ask if I'd talked to him (it somehow sounded very familiar) and when I said no all he could do was shrug. He was right, of course.

Back in the cabin alone I spent some time contemplating my life. Running with Edward was great but once our debates and runs were over, we'd ride or he'd head directly back to the vineyard for porch work or to help Sam. I didn't want to invite myself over but I missed him terribly once he left. And then, with all the sex talk this week, thoughts of Edward naked couldn't help but creep into my head more often than usual. Even in the shower. And I can't say I'm an expert in the process, but a little orgasm goes a long way, even if it's solo. And if I take my stallion analogy further, Edward is certainly a fine thoroughbred I wouldn't mind 'foaling' around with. I sighed, at least I was alone with my stupid thoughts. There's no way I was going to be able to talk with Edward about liking him much less anything else. I don't even know how to start that conversation. I realized, then, that although my advice to Jake is very simple by no means is it an easy thing to do.

 **Maybe talking is the answer. Or maybe something else is more to the point. The next chapter may be one of the ones you've been waiting for… reviewers will get an excerpt from the next chapter (and my thanks)!**


	15. Chapter 15: Edward's Understanding

**Edward's Understanding**

 **EPOV**

Two weeks, four rides, a couple picnics and we ran together nearly every day for two weeks. Bella's certainly opinionated and passionate about things she understands. And I love pushing those buttons. Music isn't one of those things. I was really crossing the line with my debate topic for our run. I even gave her the choice. Pop vs classical. She hesitated and grumbled, of course, but tried. I even got a little jealous of Garrett and Jazz. Adorable. Bella's the one who's adorable. It was a very safe bet she doesn't watch music videos, but she seemed surprised that I could peg her like that. It was my turn to be surprised with her though. Pop – has a built in argument – it's popular. OK, she did say mass appeal – but with that comes a lot of money. Not a word. She seems comfortable but she does drive a ten year old car and doesn't seem to worry too much about her wardrobe. Girls in New York, at least the ones in my circle, won't leave their house without designer labels, full make-up and they'd perish at the thought of being caught in the same outfit twice. I love Bella's natural beauty and her take-me-as-I-am attitude. Bella would rather be on a horse or tending to her dogs than at the mall. But I do wonder what her reaction would be if I bought her something nice.

We'd been running and riding at the ranch but I hadn't invited her back to the vineyard again. I didn't want her to feel obligated to pick up a paint brush. As if that was the only reason. Though now that I was finally finished with the porch I thought I'd invite her over after our run to admire my handy work. I should probably invite Jake over today too. It would be prudent. I think I work hard but now I have a new respect for painters. And it's a really good workout. I wondered if Bella would notice, though given recent events, I'm not going shirtless anytime soon. Sometimes she'd give me a quick hug or high five. And though I hated seeing Bella upset, the way she would almost melt into my arms after a difficult day with Dr. Snow so I could comfort her was a treasure. I relished every touch, and though we had grown closer, I knew it was strictly within the bounds of friendship. It had to be. She has Jake. I have love and hope only in the canine form - and even they're on loan.

I was feeling more comfortable on a horse and I decided to dress cowboy for our next ride, complete with cowboy hat. I think I could now officially pull off the look on a horse without too much difficulty. And I now had the tan to make it realistic – a farmer's tan anyway. As I drove to Jake's Place that morning thinking of Bella I was just happy to have time with her and plans for lunch. Absolutely nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I pulled into the ranch early that morning for our regular run. Bella's horror story was unfolding in front of me.

Jake. And...a girl, certainly not Bella, kissing. Really kissing. Not just kissing - groping. It seriously looked like they were going to fuck in the middle of the yard. No. It wasn't that they were going to fuck, they had. This was the characteristic thank-you-see-you-later kiss, but prolonged. Not that I have much first-hand experience but Rose and Emmett were fourteen when Emmett first snuck her into his bedroom and I was always up very early to practice piano before school so I had four years of familiarity with these kisses. It was good that I was probably the only twelve-year-old who didn't need to be woken up by parents to practice. Though, if I wasn't completely disgusted with Jake, I might have to tell Emmett he could do with a few pointers. Or maybe he's learned a few things since. This was unbridled passion at its finest and when the truck I'm driving pulls up and doesn't faze them in the least, I can guarantee it was an all-night event. Then she reluctantly pulled away from Jake, got in her car and drove off, waving at me with that certain smile as she left.

I just sat in the truck. In shock. Heartbroken for Bella. Jake suddenly looked up, saw me and waved then walked back into the house with a swagger. Good thing he didn't come wish me good morning – I would have had a few choice words, and a punch. No, a kick where it would definitely count. I don't throw a good right hook. I would be satisfied. Jake wouldn't even need a good lawyer; I could afford it. I couldn't believe anyone would ever even think of cheating on Bella. Why? I was frozen, not even breathing. As I contemplated what to do next, I saw Bella running towards me with the dogs and waving. What the fuck should I do now?

"Ready, Edward?" She knocked on the window eager to go. I couldn't move. She opened the door. I just fell from the truck managing to land on my feet – thank goodness for runners. I had brought the boots with me though.

She was speechless as she stared at my ensemble. Any other girl I would have leaned into kiss. Not true, I wouldn't have wanted to kiss any other girl. Bella I wanted to kiss, but even knowing about Jake's indiscretions I wouldn't take advantage. I couldn't.

"Looking good, Edward. Texas suits you." I just stared at her with wide eyes. I couldn't cry in front of her again. I just wanted to take her away. To protect her.

"What's wrong, Edward?" She looked at me with concern. I tried to pull myself together.

"Bella, Jake…" I was tongue-tied.

"Jake? What's up with Jake?" She looked towards the house.

"Bella, uh, maybe we should just run?" It didn't come out like I intended. Avoidance. I was avoiding another topic too.

"Just spill, Edward." It was obvious I was hiding something. I tried to be diplomatic.

"There was a girl…. She just left." Maybe Bella was good at reading between the lines. I didn't want to have to spell it out.

Then the weirdest thing happened.

Bella had a grin from ear to ear. She handed me the dogs and ran to the door Jake just went in. She pounded and then yelled "ABOUT FUCKING TIME JAKE! CONGRATULATIONS! DON'T FORGET TO CALL HER!"

Bella ran back to me and grabbed the dogs. "Let's go!" She was euphoric. I couldn't keep up – with either her speed or her train of thought and was left in her dust with my confusion seconds later. She was expecting this? WTF? I did keep running knowing she'd have to turn around sometime. This was the most bizarre reaction I'd ever seen. Bella was slowing a little I was gaining. She finally stopped and turned to me. My face should have said it all but I actually had to ask.

"What was that about, Bella?"

"Leah." She answered, still with a huge grin. The carpenter?

"The girl was Leah?" I asked.

"Leah, long dark hair always in a braid? She did the porch. Yeah. That's Leah. I'll have to call her later." She certainly wasn't upset. Quite the opposite.

Call her? Not kill her? I still couldn't follow her train of thought.

"And you're, um, happy about this?" I clarified. I couldn't figure out how to broach the subject.

"Ecstatic. Jake finally decided it was time. He and Leah have been a thing for a year. It's a long, long story." And she really was thrilled. There's no other way to describe the bounce in her step as she ran or energy now. I didn't get it. A year?

"It's obviously a long story." I echoed "The way you're talking it sounds more like a saga. I had a whole different vision of how this would play out in my head when I saw them together. And I certainly didn't picture a happy ending. Quite the opposite." She looked at me to explain. Her confusion about my confusion was evident – we were quite the pair.

"I thought you and Jake were a couple…" I started but she interrupted almost immediately.

"No, no, no!" She shook her head adamantly. "Not again. High school déjà vu. Jake and I are the best friends on the planet. That's never going to change. But we would never, never ever, date." She grimaced as I would if someone ever suggested I get it on with Rose, Alice or Kate (and you've got to know, there are a lot of people who have suggested each of them, and others who have suggested all three - at once). So Bella giddily told me the short-story version of Jake's love life and though I can't say I was as thrilled as Bella at his tale, I was glad he got the right girl in the end.

We were just about head back but my brain was still processing the implications of this new information. It was slow. Too slow. Jake has Leah. Bella and Jake are friends, close friends with the story she told, but never more. What about Bella? At that, I looked into her eyes and I think our expressions started to show the same revelation.

She asked "Is that why…"

At the same time I started "So you're not…"

We both stopped. I let her go first.

"Is that why…" she stopped again. Blushed. Suddenly she didn't seem to know how to finish her sentence. She looked gorgeous. And completely terrified.

"Why what, Bella?" I asked her softly. I thought I knew what she wanted to ask. My lips were drawing towards hers of their own accord. I was so close to testing my theory. She didn't answer me. She just tested it for herself. She put her lips to mine and she was so sweet. There was no hesitation on her part. Or mine. The music in my head started again. Bella fit perfectly in my arms.

"I guess that's a yes." She said and sighed with a smile. I have dreamt of that sigh. She looked at me and I could only nod. "I've wanted to do that for a while." She told me softly. I couldn't admonish her for not doing it but it seemed like we had a few weeks to make up.

"I was under the impression you weren't available. But I can honestly say the same." This time it was my turn. I pulled her to me for a tender deeper kiss. Caressing her cheek and wrapping my arm around her waist. My piece of heaven.

"And you didn't think to ask?" She looked at me with that look again. Incredulous but now it had more than a touch of lust. I was so far gone. Of course I didn't think to ask. And now I wanted answers.

"You live here with him. What was I supposed to think? What about you? You didn't think to ask me? I'm the one here all by myself." Who am I? Accusing her of not making a move. But she answered.

"I didn't know how. I'm just not that type." She looked down, embarrassed. There's a lot of that type. I've met a lot of that type and I've never gone for that type. I just nodded, agreeing with her again. My thoughts would open a can of worms. I lifted her chin so I could look into her eyes. They were gorgeous and looking at me with desire. Maybe that look had always been there. Maybe I'd been too blind or too cautious to see it for what it was.

"What if I told you it was getting more difficult every day to stop myself from kissing you?" I asked her another question, my voice shaking. I should just kiss her. Again and again.

"What restraint, Edward." She rolled her eyes. Who does this? I can only think of one girl. Bella.

"I have practice." Why would I tell her this?

"You have other women throwing themselves at your feet?" She asked, and stupidly I nodded. Though I didn't mention it wasn't just the women, but their bras and panties too.

"Is it always like that in New York?" Her voice rose and there was this sweet but jealous undertone I had to squelch it immediately.

"Just know, there isn't a single one I've wanted to kiss back. Until now." That was very much the truth. And I showed her again exactly how much I wanted to kiss her. Nothing sweeter.

"Edward" she murmured. Her hands were under my plaid shirt and her whimper sent me whirling. She finally caught her breath so I could do the same. Though her needs were not quenched and neither were mine. I pulled her towards me again. Just a kiss, I said to myself, but with Bella there didn't seem to be such a thing as just. Now that she was in, she was all in. The whispers between us were sensual. We were accelerating faster than my Ferrari. We couldn't go where we were headed. We shouldn't. It wouldn't be fair.

"Bella. We should head back. Go riding." She nodded against my chest. I had dreams that weren't this good. She'd dropped the leads for the dogs. They just lay at her feet. She was loved by them too. I'd only known her for three weeks. We'd only kissed for three minutes. And I only have three months before I have to let her go.

We rode and stole a few kisses. I really did almost fall off but it would have been worth it. We got the horses stabled and Bella sent a quick text to Leah. I tried not to think about what they'd be discussing. And I was happy we didn't run into Jake. I don't know if I understand their connection but given what she'd yelled at Jake at the door, I'm sure there'd be a follow-up. I drove her to the vineyard as planned knowing I'd have to drive her back and would enjoy every second. She loved my handiwork on the porch. I made our favorite sandwiches and cut up some fruit and we sat on the steps. Sam walked by but just eyed us. We were cuddled a little too closely to invite company.

After lunch, more tender kisses and another walk around the porch Bella eyed my keyboards again through the screen door. She asked "Can I listen to you play?"

I nodded and pulled her into the house. I was euphoric. Bella. No Jake. I played everything I'd written since I'd arrived. And the newest arrangement I'd just thought of this morning. I was lost in the music; Em usually has to knock me off the piano bench when this happens. Bella did something extraordinary. She put her arms around me, her shyness all but disappeared, and her lips traced the side of my neck as I groaned with desire. I turned towards her and kissed her again as our lips parted.

"Wow, Edward." She said when we took a breath. I didn't know whether she was talking about the music or the kiss. I erred on the side of caution.

"It would be better on a real piano."

"I can't imagine it could get any better than that." She whispered. Holy Shit. I had imagined her saying those words to me just last night. In my dreams. Though, at that time, it had had nothing to do with my keyboarding skills. By the breathlessness in her voice she was alluding to something else as well. I had to focus but my words and actions were disconnected.

"Thanks. The response from my brother is usually to tip the piano bench so I land on my ass. This is much, much better." I wanted to pick her up and take her to my room. Rather I pulled her to my lap and kissed her like I've wanted to for so long and her response was perfect – fingers in my hair, moan of desire and she took to sucking my lips. I thought I must have died and gone to heaven.

"Bella?" I started. Was I really that guy? Emmett, Jazz and Garrett had all 'had a little talk' with me in private before the end of the last tour. And each 'talk' ended with giving me a box or two of condoms. They all decided that I needed to get laid. I was so close to asking. But I chickened out or maybe I smartened up. We just kissed – well to me it was more than a kiss but it wasn't right to ask her to my bed. So soon, I amended. I had to be happy to just have her in my arms.

Then she did, figuratively, throw me on my backside, sighing but getting up. "I don't do this Edward. I've never…" Her words trailed off and I kept my expression neutral. She'd said enough. More than enough. "I'm here to learn from Jake, from Dr. Snow and I'm going back to Florida in the fall. I'm heading over to meet Leah's uncle and learn about dairy farming today. I'm really sorry if I'm leading you on." Her words didn't match the look in her eyes, of longing. Obviously a look she's never worn before. And it was for me. Oh shit. I only had to utter the words 'you're not' and kiss her again and her resolve would melt. She would let me take her to my bed and undress her. No. I sighed too.

"I'm not that guy either, Bella. I haven't dated for years. Before that I dated a girl at Julliard but neither of us had time for a relationship between school and our music. We don't need to end this before it's even started, Bella. But we both see where this is going right now if we stay in here. Want to go help Sam? I can teach you to tie vines." Honesty. The best policy. I have a ways to go.

"Sure. Let's go." She laughed and pulled me up. We were good for now. The plaid shirt was long enough as I stood that I didn't embarrass myself. But I still guided her out of the house in front of me and down the porch steps. We found Sam who raised his eyebrows at Bella and shook his head at me. Something Carlisle might have done. If my attraction to Bella kept me feeling the way I was feeling we'd have to spend a good deal of time in Sam's presence. Right now I should call Laurent and get him on the next plane. It's Bella that needs a bodyguard. I wanted to protect her from Jake, now I need to protect her from me. And given the look in her eyes when she kisses me – I might need to protect her from herself.

Bella was a quick study. Like riding, I guess she'd worked in the vineyard before. We worked in the field for an hour and every so often her hand would brush mine and my head would get an idea it couldn't shake. There's something about a repetitive task that just leaves room in one's head for musings. I saw Bella glance shyly at me more than once over the course of the hour and blush. She was certainly thinking what I was thinking. Our thoughts were dangerous. It was a good thing Sam was keeping an eye on us. I didn't want him to witness what I had this morning with Jake and Leah. I was trying to keep my hands to myself.

The she stood up. "Sam, I said I'd meet Leah at three. Sorry for cutting out."

"You don't have to be here, Bella. Neither does Edward. Go. Thanks, though." Sam was surprisingly grateful for the hour we'd worked. Maybe one of these days we could kick him off the field and Bella and I could work, then play. Not necessarily involving a piano. Though, I think we just agreed not to go there.

"Later, Sam." She said and I handed Bella the keys.

"Take the truck. I'll drive you home when you get back."

"I might be late, Edward."

"Don't worry. I have a ride if I need it." I smiled and she didn't ask. Maybe I hoped she would. I don't know what I would have told her. When she took off Sam spoke.

"She's my friend's girl, Edward and she's been through a lot. She's working hard and I see you as a distraction. I know you're hiding something - it's not just that Ferrari. I'm watching."

"Sam. I swear I have no ulterior motive. She's…Bella. I love that she gets so excited about animals – every new birth is like the first. She's going to be the best vet and I will not stand in her way. Sometimes I have to pretend to be someone I'm not; New York's a big place, it's cutthroat. That's why I'm out here. Unwind. Relax. Lose the façade – I don't have to pretend with Bella. I can be me."

"I just can't stand to see her hurt."

"I don't want that either, Sam." I wanted to say trust me. But right now, where Bella was concerned, I didn't trust myself. We worked side by side until the light started to fade, Sam didn't invite me to dinner and I guessed he would want to share the gossip with Paul about Bella and I so I headed in to wait for her and made bacon and eggs again. My cooking skills could use a boost. Maybe I'd Google something tomorrow. I could make Bella something more substantial than PB and J, cheese, fruit and wine. I could make her dinner…but no … my best bet would be to get on Paul's good side and we could both make her dinner. That way we'd eat something amazing and we'd have a chaperon.

It wasn't that late. I had a whole bunch of new music in my head. Mom was right. Part two came easily and I forwarded it only to her. I knew I'd get a quick reply. Euphoria, was it even possible that Bella kissed me back? I could still taste her lips and it was the most delicious taste that had I had ever known. Maybe it was just her excitement over Jake's…activities...and that was the wrong thought as I had many a vision of Bella and me in bed and then having a similar extended kiss goodbye. Bella's smile radiating off her face due to her own pleasure and not someone else's happiness would be my biggest joy. My competitive nature even crept in and I could picture Bella and Leah discussing … stop it Edward. I tried to tell myself but not before I came out on top in all the important satisfaction measures. Wanting her, having her without telling her everything were not compatible. We could do this, keep things casual, I tried to tell myself, but even I knew I was lying.

Then I saw mom's reply. Very to the point. _It's perfect. Stay off the radio. Be happy. Love you_. Good advice. I texted Jazz to send me his new lyrics so I could practice. To get in the spirit I put on 'Adrenaline and lay on the couch. We had a concert to plan. Work. That way I have to focus. Kate was already ready and way over budget as always but it never matters and what she dreams up always pleases the fans. Alice thinks sleep is superfluous so our schedule is crazy and only manageable because she micromanages every one of us. We don't usually complain. But neither one of them would ever dare touch the music. We hadn't even decided on the actual set yet but as our popularity has grown our wiggle room in song choice had lessened. We were already pushing a two-and-a-half hour set in order to insert a few lesser known songs. The times we skipped performing a number one or just did a medley there was hell to pay both on social media and in the reviews. The reviews weren't really my worry, disappointing fans was. We could do without an opening act to extend the set but I like to support local bands and they usually do well with the exposure. I was singing along to the disc and contemplating the new set list - I'd do a mock-up and send it out to the guys for editing and commentary. Emmett would fill in the banter for me.

"Edward?" I heard and I jumped up for the door.

"Bella! How was the farm?" I wanted to kiss her again, taste her, but I was wary. She also looked very nervous. We'd been comfortable around each other for three weeks. I didn't like this.

"Great. Seth showed me around. He's a good man, knows his way around the place for sure. The cows are thinner than I'd envisioned. And there were two births. Seth had me go into the pen on my own for a delivery! Healthy girl. It was so exciting Edward!" Her nervousness vanished the second she started talking about animals. I love that about Bella.

"Glad you had fun." I walked over, even though I wanted to sprint, to turn off the CD. Dumb. Edward. Very dumb. She followed me, of course.

"So you were unwinding to Masen Hale again? You know the lyrics as well as Leah. Are you going to the show in New York in December? Angela hooked me up. Leah is beyond jealous - I would give her my ticket, but Ang says I have to come."

"Yeah. My brother and I always go to concerts together." I told her. Was I lying? Not technically. And I'd have to remember to get Leah tickets. "Ready to get home?" I asked her. I put my hand on her shoulder, gentlemanly, or so I thought, so we could leave the house together. But just the touch was something we'd both been craving.

She spun around and buried her face in my chest. I kissed her hair. Then she looked at me and I couldn't help but bring my lips to hers. It was an instant fire. Every connection the last three weeks solidified. I ran my fingers through her hair and down her back. Our lips parted with ragged breaths, my tongue found hers as her hands cupped my rear. Her whispers were enticing, but Sam's words were on my mind. _Don't hurt her._ I felt her body press into mine, she sighed again and I couldn't hide what was happening in my jeans. I was on the verge of asking again. I had to take her home. Now.

"You had a busy day, Bella. I am going to drive you home now." I had to tell her. To tell myself. Every word I spoke was an effort. I wanted to carry her to my bed. She nodded but wasn't able or willing to disentangle herself from my body. I picked her up to carry her out the door and into the truck instead. After I buckled her in and let go she came to.

"Thank-you, Edward." She was blushing, a beautiful hue. I got into the driver's seat quickly and we were off. Bella told me more about dairy cows and milk production than I ever thought I wanted to know. But hearing her enthusiasm had me interested and asking questions which Bella answered with ease. She belonged to Dr. Snow tomorrow. But I had to see her.

"Bella. Can we go to the city tomorrow?" San Antonio. Another place I'd been, but really hadn't. "When you get back from work, I mean." I said quickly, not wanting her to think I'd forgotten about something so important to her. "We could go for dinner."

"Sounds like fun. I'll pick you up this time. Around six?" She answered. It pleased me to no end that she was still breathless, but was trying to act nonchalant. It was good to know I had an effect – when I wanted to.

"I'll be ready. I owe Sam another day in the vineyard."

She sighed. "What did he say?"

"He's protecting you Bella. He's a good guy. I really shouldn't be doing what I'm doing."

"Why?" she asked, but then changed her mind. "No. Don't answer that. I'm in Florida, you're in New York. Enough said. It's not exactly a quick commute. But I'm an adult. September is a long way away, Edward. Let's start with dinner."

I could only nod. I would cherish these ninety days and think about them this fall as I spend my nights in hotel rooms. Alone. Bella lingered at the door. Thinking. I was relieved in many ways when she said goodnight, I wouldn't have been able to resist if she invited me in. As it was she nodded at the other car in the drive. Leah was here, she'd just left Bella, and even after what I'd witnessed this morning she was back. I envied his control but now neither one of them could get enough. He had lasted a year – I can't imagine the sacrifice. Or the stupidity. Three weeks and a lot my thoughts were of Bella and of her skin on mine. And that was when it wasn't even a remote possibility. Now, it seemed all the barriers had been removed. All but one, I clarified. A big one.

Dreams of Bella and me naked in bed or on horseback made my night pass quickly. Though my shower in the morning took longer than planned; thoughts of Bella bringing me to climax. I got dressed, chastising myself for my actions. Bella's not a sex toy. Focus Edward. Bella sounds like she rarely goes out, she studies, cares for her pets, works, volunteers; she thinks of everyone and everything before herself. She'd give up the hottest concert ticket on the planet – no ego there, Eddie – to please a friend, if she wasn't disappointing another friend. That's Bella. I have a date to plan. A real date. Not somewhere I have to go with someone that I don't want to be with to be photographed for the next edition of People. This is important, Bella needs to feel special. Google was my friend and I found the ideal place. A perfect restaurant for Bella and I for our first date - and I managed to get a reservation without pulling strings. It certainly wouldn't have been possible in New York. I swore to myself as I sat down at the piano that I would be a gentleman throughout the evening and I would ensure she got home, to bed, safe and sound. And alone.

 **Jake who? It seems like he's long forgotten.**

 **Edward is still torn – is he wrong to continue to hide?**

 **Bella's next. And it's date night. All kinds of things can go wrong in a big city. Or, maybe, they can go very, very right.**


	16. Chapter 16: Indecisions

**Indecisions**

 **A/N: The title of the next chapter is The Morning After. Hum…makes you want to read this one, right?**

BPOV

When I got home that night I was still trying to slow my heart rate from kissing Edward. Is it possible that he feels as much for me as I do for him? It certainly seems like it. I was lost in thoughts of Edward and his kisses. But then Leah called, telling me Jake was still in the pastures. It didn't help that Leah felt the need to discuss her first night with Jake with me in great detail. We hadn't had half a minute just the two of us at the farm with both Seth and Leah's uncle bombarding me with information. And now Leah wanted to know if she should wait up on the couch or fall asleep in Jake's bed before tonight's activities. I told her Jake wouldn't wake her, he never even kicked me out when I fell asleep at his house. She was opting to stay up, so I was anticipating I would see Jake and Leah exchanging yawns during the day for at least the next month. At least I know Jake listened to my advice and so did Leah. This sex therapist idea might work out after all. Leah seemed extraordinarily satisfied and if Leah's description is accurate, Jake was too. I hoped I wouldn't have the same discussion with Jake. Other people's sex lives. I don't want to live vicariously. Which brought me back to thoughts of Edward.

I finally got around to telling her about Edward and the fact that he saw her leaving the ranch this morning. She remembered but didn't seem concerned; she'd obviously been way too preoccupied to get a good look at him. She did say she'd waved. Edward's embarrassment and his conclusion told me it had been much more than a kiss, not that he spelt out the details. Then Leah heard something in my voice and made me spill. I told her all about Edward's misconception and that we'd cleared that up quite thoroughly. There is a mutual attraction and, yes, I kissed him. A lot. Yes, I basically threw myself at him. And if he hadn't taken me to the field to work and then physically forced me into the truck and driven me home tonight I would have been having a very different conversation. No, I corrected myself; I would likely not be having a conversation at all right now.

"You would have done him?" Leah asked me, completely thrilled at the prospect. Now I didn't feel so odd about my reaction when Edward told me about Jake and Leah. I still think Edward thought it was weird though. But I had to tell Leah.

"I would have done anything to him that he asked." I was being completely honest. Just the thought made my body tingle.

"Well, Jake says he's a good guy Bells, just make sure you plan for the future." I seem to be giving and getting this lecture a lot lately. I should probably listen. We said goodnight and I knew I'd have vivid dreams.

I woke with a start thinking I'd overslept. But it was only four o'clock. I lay there staring at the ceiling thinking about what an idiot I was. I had come so close to losing my virginity yesterday.

But then I thought of Edward and my heart melted. Maybe this is what I want. I picked up my phone to do what I usually do in circumstances such as this. Not exactly this, but any time I need advice really. _Call me_ , I wrote. But I looked out the window before I hit send. Leah was still here. I hit cancel instead. It's really not fair to Jake. Or Leah. I told Edward that I'm an adult but now I need to run to my best friend to ask him if it's OK to want to sleep with Edward Cullen. Even thinking about the possibility was causing my body to react. Thinking about him.

I got up, ran, showered and instead did what I do best. I studied. Dr. Snow had lent me a stack of veterinary magazines and texts, so for an hour I made notes and read about birthing complications in cattle. The list seemed endless. I don't know how Jake seems so calm when his whole livelihood depends on chance. But now I had a list of questions to bombard Dr. Snow with today so my reading wasn't for naught. And it had been an hour that had me distracted from my true problem. Should I? It was more than obvious he wanted me too when we'd been pressed together. I already know I would have and had told Leah exactly that if Edward hadn't been so noble. Twice. He probably didn't have protection. Could that have been why he brought me home? I have a whole evening with Edward tonight. What if, we do go back to the vineyard? And things...happen. I couldn't be that stupid. I am not my mother – pregnant at seventeen and washing her hands of the whole thing before she turned eighteen. I made note to pick up some condoms on the way home. Just in case.

Today I felt like a real vet. Well, not quite, I have a long ways to go. But I did manage to give some injections and even used my newfound pseudo-expertise in birthing complications to suggest to Dr. Snow what was happening and I felt vindicated when he confirmed my diagnosis. The calf was healthy and mom would recover. We then went to an alpaca ranch. I loved them, so ugly they're cute and their fleece is so soft. Dr. Snow prescribed an antibiotic for an eye infection and I bought Edward a pair of alpaca fleece socks. He wouldn't need them here but I'm sure he would get cold in New York. Goats, sheep, the birth of a foal and a 400lb sow with about twenty piglets completed the day.

After work I nervously went into the grocery store, picked up milk even though I still had some, and quickly left. Mrs. Newton was on till today. Mike's mom. Today of all days. No way am I buying condoms from her. I could see this getting back to Jess and something completely inappropriate being posted on Facebook. Not that condoms are bad. I just don't necessarily want my forty-three Facebook friends to know. The next closest pharmacy is half an hour away. I'd be late. So I either suck it up or chicken out. And call Jake.

"Jake?"

Hi Bells."

"I'm going out for dinner with Edward tonight."

"Leah told me. She also made it sound like you guys practiced a bit of mouth-to-mouth. True?"

"Ja-ake. We kissed. OK. And I listened to him play piano. He's really good, Jake."

"A good kisser, then?"

"OK. Yes. You win. He's amazing."

"So, dinner sounds like fun. Where?"

"I don't know yet. But I have to ask you for a big favor. Don't judge, OK?"

"Anything, Bells. You know that."

"Caniborrowsomecondoms?" I couldn't get the words out fast enough.

"What Bells?"

"Can-I-borrow-some-condoms?"

"You're sure, Bells?" He was panicking, for me. I couldn't alleviate his fears. They were the same as mine.

"No. I'm terrified. But I don't want to do anything stupid either." I told him about yesterday.

"You like him then, Bells?"

"Jake. I more than like him…"

"Sorry, Bells. Consider it done. Check your mailbox. See you later. Much later. Don't worry about Hope and Love. Leah and I will take them out tonight. And tomorrow if you're, uh, too busy to come home." I thanked him, he could have said something much more descriptive than 'too busy'. I had. My problem at least partially solved, I finally I asked.

"So Jake. Leah?"

"Yeah." And, finally, there wasn't terror in his voice. It was really too bad we were on the phone, I would have liked to see his serene expression. "Thanks, Bells. Leah's amazing…"

"That's great, Jake. Leah and I have talked. She said the same thing about you. Have another good evening."

"You too. Have fun with the pianist." He chuckled as he hung up, and yes, his diction was very much lacking – let's just say the a and the t in his last word were almost silent. I couldn't help but smile. Jake's innuendo was even worse than mine. I was still nervous, but happy that I talked to Jake, as I headed home.

I showered when I got in and found the fanciest outfit I brought – jeans, a red blouse and some flats. It would have to do. Then I checked the mailbox. Jake. My best friend. He included six (do I really need six?), the instructions (really, Jake, I couldn't possibly figure it out), a banana (obviously, for practice) and a note:

 _Bells – borrow implies I'd want them back. I most certainly do not - J._

 _P.S. NOT in the truck._

Only Jake. I will tell Jake that The Thing does have many great memories that I will always cherish. But losing my virginity will certainly not be added to that list.

Three of the little packages made their way into my purse, and then I put in the other three. Better safe.

I arrived at the vineyard and I could hear the piano even before I got out of the car. I just sat and listened. I didn't want to interrupt. At first it was just the music. The song, it sounded like something was out of reach, untouchable. I'd never though music could tell a story before our debate a few days ago. Then there were lyrics and Edward was right again. I couldn't make out all the words but 'forbidden love', jumped out at me and somehow it seemed darker, more sinful, more pained. Then it changed to a flutter, like waking up from a nightmare. Hope, light and love in a handful of notes. It was incredible. I probably could have sat there all night just listening to Edward play, except my stomach grumbled. I was getting hungry and we still had a long drive to the city. I opened the door and walked in calling him but he was lost in the music. I put my hand on his shoulder and he finally startled.

"Bella." Then he kissed me. I forgot about dinner. He stood and kissed me again. Lips parting, tongues jostling. This was a different kind of hunger. I was starting to think we might just fall on the floor. It was intense. Edward sighed, and broke us apart. I could only take short breaths, my heart rate was erratic. He knew and sat me on his lap still holding me upright. He looked at the clock and was apologetic.

"Sorry, Bella. We should head out. Reservations are at eight."

"Reservations?"

"Of course. It's a date, Bella. A first date. Though my greeting could have had something to do with 'Hello, Bella. How was your day?' And not…" I guess we hadn't actually said hello. This was a bad precedent - or maybe it was a really good one. I just curled into his chest.

"It was fun. But, Edward, I missed you." Did I really say this; I'd seen him less than twenty hours ago.

"I missed you too, Bella. Have you been waiting long?"

"I just listened from the car. I love your music." He looked embarrassed.

"Was I singing?"

"A little."

"What about?" He asked, he sounded nervous.

"Forbidden love, I think. I was in the car I was mostly listening to you play. It was amazing. I didn't want to interrupt."

"Sorry Bella. I love to write and sing. That one's new. I don't think I have it yet."

"Relax, Edward. It's just me. And everything I heard I loved. Others would too. Give it a chance."

"Thanks, Bella. Let's go." He put me on my feet and stood up himself. "We'll need to head straight there so we're not late. You look lovely." I had been listening to Edward play and then staring at his face with his passion about music lighting up his whole being. But I finally gave him a once over. He had on dark jeans that looked custom fit to his fine derriere and a white dress shirt that was obviously tailored to perfection and all of a sudden I could feel the heat.

"You look…" I think I made a few other sounds, and blushed. My whole body was flushing.

"I leave you speechless, Bella. That is promising. Very promising." He chuckled at a private joke, kissed me briefly and then took my car keys. Stole them, really. I didn't complain though as he pulled me towards him once again, pressing my mouth to his and pinning my body to the car as he opened the car door. The attraction was certainly not one-sided. I was considering hinting about skipping dinner. But I did tell him I wasn't that girl. I didn't know anymore. Edward took control. He made me sit in the passenger seat. I might have seethed but I was trying to control my breathing.

"It's not a sports car, but it will be faster than the truck."

"Careful, Edward. It's the only car I have." Once he got me settled, he kissed me yet again and pulled the seat belt across my chest simultaneously. As soon as he got the seat belt in place he brushed his lips with mine which sent tingles through my whole body and then he closed my door. Why does he affect me so? Then he slid over the hood and got in the driver's seat like he races cars for a living.

"I've taken lessons." He said, smiling at me again before starting the car, revving it and pulling a one eighty in my front yard in a controlled skid. He could drive. He wasn't lying. Is there anything Edward can't do? I haven't found a single thing yet. But I didn't want to let him know that.

"Show off." I told him. He beamed and laughed as he took my hand. We got to the city and Edward had no problem finding parking. We walked towards the river and Edward suggested moving our walk until after dinner. I knew nothing about a walk but nodded. He smiled and it looked like we'd arrived. Not until we were seated at a cozy table for two overlooking the water did I look at the name of the restaurant: _Bella on the River_.

"Edward. This is too much."

"It's perfect. It's our first night on the town. I think I'd like to do some wine tasting. You game?" I nodded. Over the course of the evening we drank our way down the menu comparing years and grapes, and I relaxed. It was a topic I was very comfortable with. I was a little shocked that Edward seemed to know a lot of what I do about wine until he mentioned his long chats with Sam in the field over the past three weeks. We had a couple of appetizers and then shared two mains. Everything was delicious. Edward talked about the antics he and his brother would get up to when they were little and then again when they moved to the city. There were a few years missing right around his parents' death that seemed to be blocked from memory. I told Edward about running through the vineyard and working with dad since grandpa died when I was seven.

"Sam and Paul gave me a lot of my education and raised me too."

"You mean, the vineyard is yours?" He asked, confused.

"Yes. I can't believe…" I searched my memory bank about how this couldn't have come up in the last three weeks. I couldn't figure out why it hadn't just been part of general conversation. But then again, neither had the topic of Jake.

"I figured it was general knowledge. Maybe just for locals. Sorry, Edward. But the agency had to have given you the history on the place?"

He looked deep in thought. "I didn't read anything except the address. I was just happy to get away."

"From…?" I might have been too forward. But he answered.

"My life. It's chaos. This is simple. Or it was supposed to be. Rest. Write. Repeat. All summer." He said. "Then it all changed when I met you." I didn't think I'd heard him right. Because my summer was supposed to be work, work, work. Edward certainly hadn't made it pan out that way either.

But the vineyard opened a whole new topic of conversation. He finally understood why I thanked him for the porch more than once. And I asked if he really was drinking enough wine to compensate for his hard work – he assured me he was and he told me not to worry. I told him about Charlie and needing to conform to the letter of the law growing up and to pull my weight around the vineyard. But it did make me focus and learn what I wanted early in life. And, of course, we talked about Jake. He, of course, knew we were close but not that he drove me to school because dad couldn't afford a second car or that I wouldn't leave Jake's side for a month after his mom died when we were nine. It was important to me that Edward know Jake would always be a part of my life.

"He's family, Bella. Now that I don't physically want to hunt him down and kill him, he's really a good guy." Edward smiled. I had to explain that messing with Jake wouldn't end well. He ropes cattle and has even been known to ride the occasional bull. At least Edward wasn't the type to pretend to be able to take him on. The most he could hope for is to give Jake a paper cut, but no, not even that. Edward doesn't even use sheet music.

"So, if I don't treat you right, I'll have Jake to deal with?" He asked with a smile. I nodded, but I wasn't concerned at all. Edward would never hurt me.

Edward was interested in what I remembered about Sam and Paul from my youth and I honestly told him they haven't changed at all. It's like they haven't aged. Which reminded me, I'd kissed Edward but I still didn't know how old he was. I was actually bold enough to ask him now. He smiled. Twenty-four. Perfect. I probably would have said that about any age, really.

So, I'd heard about New York but wondered more about Julliard. He gushed about school and the rehearsal studios. He described his favorite piano, which he had been disappointed to learn had only been on loan to the school his first year but he told me it was now back and wasn't going anywhere. I wondered if he still snuck into the school to play it. Probably. I also got another lesson, this time in mixing – something about adding effects and equalization; but really it went right over my head. Then he told me about his brother and friends and how they played the bars and clubs in New York while he was in school. I had to hear more. He started joining them because he got paid in beer, which isn't as good as being paid in wine he noted. This, of course, was good for a laugh between us.

"Some things never change, Bella. That's what I cherish. There were nights we were playing only for the bartender. Other nights, the bar was packed but no one was listening. But it just meant we were there for one another and played for each other every night no matter what. The music kept us going. And it still does when we all get together."

"It's always fun to get together with old friends." I agreed.

"And new ones, Bella?" He asked softly. We were going there again.

"And new ones." I repeated.

We were leaning over the table our lips brushing for kiss after kiss. Edward decided this wasn't the place. "Give me a second." I watched as Edward walked up to the bar making the sign for the check. I felt guilty; the bill would not be cheap. And he just learned I own the vineyard. I'd have to make sure I paid next time. He fanned a few bills and then pulled out his credit card. When our waitress appeared he signed the receipt and there was a commotion. It looked like maybe the receipt didn't print because he had to sign again. And he gave the waitress a few bills. She looked ecstatic – it must have been a big tip. He pulled me up and we took off down the walkway, along the path, Edward running around more than one corner and then pulling me to him to sit on a bench facing the river.

"Edward. What's the hurry? You didn't skip out on the bill. Rather, it looked like you left her a year's salary – she looked shocked. What's up?"

"I just wanted to do this away from prying eyes." He traced my jaw with his fingers and leaned in for a kiss of a lifetime. We weren't actually alone - River Walk was filled with couples milling about, tourists commenting about the city and I felt the need to end our kiss when there were kids staring. Edward didn't seem to notice the audience we had and was still captivated.

"Bella…" He tried to find my lips again just as the kids were ushered away by their parents who didn't look impressed. I let him. And I no longer cared about the audience. The wine, the warm night and Edward were all causing me to flush in different places. We then stood and strolled arm-in-arm around the streets and river taking in the atmosphere, the lights and the reflection off the river. Though, we were mostly lost in each other as I leaned against his shoulder with his arm around my waist until all the restaurants closed for the night. I figured we'd head home and wondered where that would lead but I didn't think I'd be good to drive; the wine was still catching up with me. But Edward surprised me and pulled me towards a club with a long line for admittance, flashed a bill and we were in – I didn't even need ID and I was barely twenty one. Money talks. It was loud and I couldn't hear myself think, _Howl at the Moon_ doesn't do quiet. Edward managed to get me dancing – I don't know how but it helped that he held me close and would catch me when I stumbled. And you could tell he's all about the music. He knew every song, all the lyrics and looked like he wanted to jump on the stage. He looked longingly at the piano. But mostly he was excited that I was having fun. I might have had a few too many glasses of wine – they were only three ounces but that adds up when you have ten, no twelve. When Edward asked me if I wanted anything else to drink I just shook my head – we did need to drive home. At midnight I was fading – Edward was still in his element. I perked up when they started playing Naked. Edward watched my excitement at first, and then spoke every word clearly in my ear and it was like he was undressing me. The song didn't last long enough. We stayed until close, swaying together every song thereafter and sharing kiss after kiss. Edward almost had to carry me to the car on the way back. I fell asleep on the way home even before we got outside the city limits.

 **Aww. A first date…with only a few complications. And Edward's not learning anything along the way. It's so easy to clear up these simple misunderstandings…Jake…the vineyard…Edward is the only secret left.**

 **And before you google them – Bella on the River and Howl at the Moon are REAL places at River Walk. I lucked out - I set the city long before I wrote this chapter. I've taken a page out of Stephenie's book (well, lots of pages really). She had never been to Forks, I've never been to San Antonio. If you know the place better than google maps – PM me with any corrections. Thanks! This has really made want to catch a flight.**

 **Please review!**


	17. Chapter 17: The Morning After

The Morning After

EPOV

The evening was magical. Bella was perfect. Only, I got caught. I figured I lucked out when I walked up to the bar and the male bartender was middle-aged – not really our demographic. Unfortunately he didn't process my credit card fast enough and our perky waitress came back and took one look at the card and my face and nearly fell over. I signed the bill and an autograph for Heidi and gave her nearly the contents of my wallet with a plea not to tell a soul. I didn't know Bella was watching this interaction until we finally slowed from my not-so-subtle escape. My reason for stopping was half-true. I certainly wanted to kiss her but I also wanted to undress her and checking into the Westin near where we'd parked the car had crossed my mind. But we were both a little inebriated. I wasn't going to drive but I certainly wasn't going to sleep with her in this state either. Technically, this was our first date.

The club looked like a great escape and a savior. And there was a real piano. I longed to play. I was drunk and completely thrilled to see Bella let her hair down. We danced and kissed for hours. She melted into me as I whispered in her ear. That was so wrong on so many levels, the least of which is that it's Jazz's song. We kissed more than danced after that until we were politely told they were closing and being ushered out the door. Even then, watching the band pack up there was a sense of comradery that I could so relate to. I vaguely remember the last time I put my own keyboard in Garrett's mom's old van. We had no idea what was happening. The next day, it seemed, our people had people – I know it's cliché, but not an exaggeration. Bella was moving her feet but she was draped over me as we left the club. The security guy looked at her then at me with a wink. I guess some guys would. Bella was exhausted and I'd kept her up half the night and until we were walking to the car I'd forgotten all about her being up for baby animals before dawn. When she fell asleep in the car I knew I'd have to make it up to her.

I drove home. Now that I knew it was her place, it felt so Bella. I took her to the second bedroom where I hadn't actually been since my arrival and it was definitely Bella's room. Posters of horses on the walls and a little growth chart cut into the doorframe. How her Dad had raised her into the wonderful woman she is I have no idea. But I figured I had more to thank Sam and Paul for every day. I tucked her in, not daring to even loosen a button on her blouse but I did take off her shoes before I gave her a little kiss goodnight.

I woke the next morning, my ears ringing from the club, and I said a silent thank-you to our sound guys for everything they do. Then I remembered the dogs. They were probably going stir-crazy. I didn't want to wake Bella but I didn't have Jake's number. I had Leah's and I took the chance that she was at Jake's – at least someone was getting lucky. And I didn't mean the horse.

"Edward? Is Bella OK?" She asked, concerned. She was obviously confused about the call so early. And she almost started to panic. I reassured her and explained the problem; she said Jake had already taken the dogs out.

"Thanks, Leah. She had a late night – we went dancing and I kept her up far too late. I don't think she has anything pressing today. I'm just going to let her sleep. You'll let Jake know?"

"Of course. Take care of her, Edward." She let that parting message ring in my ear. I want to take care of her. In every way. But I kept myself busy. I made pancake batter (I don't know what people did before Google), had the bacon ready to go and some orange juice. Bella still wasn't up. I read but I couldn't concentrate. I didn't play because I thought it would wake her but I had a melody in my head that was perfect for a sleeping Bella. I wanted to watch her sleep but I figured if she woke up she would not find it endearing.

I never have nothing to do so this wait was agonizing. I checked our Twitter feed – still millions of congratulations from fans (we really should be thanking them) – now that we were 5x platinum – though the ongoing speculation about Eddie's girl hadn't gone away. It's amazing how ten seconds of silence can cause weeks of chatter. But there was nothing about San Antonio or a dinner for two. I hadn't really believed it possible but then I remembered there'd been nothing about Phoenix either. Another reason to be grateful – maybe a couple fans aren't so bad. I thought again about telling Bella, wondering how she would react. Then, how Leah would react. While I waited for Bella to wake I considered going to help Sam in the fields but then I assumed I'd have more explaining to do than working – he would have to have seen Bella's car. I should have put it in the garage. I should have driven her home – but she was home, I rationalized. Mostly, I just wanted to be here when she woke, so I could kiss her good morning. When I checked in on her for the fourth time she was moaning my name – I shut the door quickly even though I wanted to kiss her, let her know I was really there and make her dream a reality. My body was already responding.

I took a much needed cold shower and half-an-hour later she really called my name, now somewhat awake. I wondered if she remembered that dream. It's likely something I will never forget. As long as I live.

"Edward?"

"I'm here, Bella. In the kitchen. I'm just making breakfast. I left you a towel." I heard her foot steps and suddenly I realized I hadn't actually grabbed a shirt. She ogled me and I blushed. So did she. Bella ... just Bella …looking at me like she wanted to undress me, I liked it. I more than liked it. 20 000 girls at once…not so much. I tried to kiss her but she mumbled something about morning breath. I kissed her hair instead.

"My toothbrush is on the sink, unless that's too…forward?" I asked her. She thanked me and padded towards my bathroom. I wondered if there were boxers on the floor or a set list on the mirror. No. I think it's all good. The toothbrush offer was a good idea because I managed to don a shirt and when she came back I got a wonderful minty good morning kiss.

"Did you sleep alright, Bella? I thought about taking you home but I didn't want to dig for your house keys." She ran to her purse to find them, I thought I heard her heart pounding.

"It's OK Bella, I didn't open it. Your phone was beeping earlier too." I wondered what had her so worried, what she was hiding. But I also wondered if she'd ask me the same question. I left well enough alone.

"It was weird being here. It's been a few years. Dreams of my childhood…and…" now she blushed crimson. Gorgeous. I knew the dream. I liked the dream very much. But telling her would probably embarrass her further. Besides, she doesn't know that I know she talks in her sleep. Saying my name.

"I called Leah...the dogs are fine." I told her. She looked surprised.

"Did she, uh, ask you anything?" She blushed again.

"Just how you were. I told her you were sleeping after a night of dancing. The truth." I only wished I could be so candid with Bella. She just nodded, still clutching her purse.

We ate breakfast talking about the evening and the club. I tried to apologize for keeping her out so late telling her I'd be more mindful of the time and our beverages on our next excursion. What I didn't anticipate was her beaming at the thought of other outings. She told me all about the theme parks, concerts, waterpark and other tourist attractions. I wanted to please her so decided we'd do everything.

And it adds a measure of security of not always being so close to my bed.

After breakfast we headed to the fields and Bella described every wine we drank to Sam in detail. And then ranked them in order of her preference. I don't know how she remembers. But I made a mental note to remember her top three. She told him about the restaurant, River Walk, the club and finally falling asleep and waking up in her childhood bedroom. I'm not sure Sam listened much though I thought I heard him let out a sigh of relief towards the end. He was eyeing me with a balance of scorn and admiration, but the way I was feeling about Bella I think that was going to be swinging pretty quickly in the wrong direction – in Sam's eyes, anyway.

 **Edward, what a gentleman. Is anyone else screaming 'Tell her already!'**


	18. Chapter 18: SeaWorld and Swimsuits

**SeaWorld and Swimsuits**

 **BPOV**

Over a week and no more sleepovers later I was wondering if Edward didn't need an intervention. Jake and Leah were both game. Maybe I should have just let him find the condoms that morning – would that have been enough of an invitation? Or I could have told him about my dream. That would have cinched it. And I've dreamt about him every night since. His hands on my body. Everywhere on my body. And mine on his. I thought that maybe the tingle I felt when I first kissed him might dissipate, but it's only got stronger. It's not like we weren't getting closer in every way but one – every spare minute I spend with Edward. Dr. Snow even noticed the bounce in my step and I shyly told him about Edward one day after a particularly difficulty delivery and it was the first I learned that Dr. Snow's wife passed away last year. We were connecting over more than our love of animals.

Even Seth got an earful when I was over for another visit and was thrilled for me. He knew Jake and Leah were considering setting us up when I first arrived and laughed with me. He's a nice guy but even if I hadn't met Edward there just wasn't anything romantic there. More like an older brother, and I was very happy when he called me his second sister. He even asked me about Jake – a little older brother protectiveness for Leah shining through. That made me smile and we talked for hours as we traded knowledge. I told him about Jake growing up and he shared more of his expertise of the farm with me and I got to see all the milk carted off in a giant trunk one afternoon. Seth seemed more at ease about Leah and Jake, and it made me wonder what my life would have been like if I'd have had a sibling. But really, I do. I have Jake.

I was still helping Jake, Quil and Embry with day-to-day operations and castration day was an unequivocal success. Edward was super uncomfortable when I described the process later that night – I laughed as he held his parts but that wasn't very sensitive of me and I did apologize. Then my thoughts went elsewhere. I should have known better than to tell Leah. She suggested I should have offered to kiss them better, saying she did just that to Jake. Apparently there's no such thing as too much information with Leah and I learned a few more things I didn't want to know about Jake. Like how partial he is to blow jobs. I tried to block her words from memory; to shield myself from unwanted knowledge to no avail. Damn. I need to tell Leah the bedroom should be treated like Las Vegas.

I didn't get to see Edward that Monday but my jaw dropped when he picked me up for our sojourn to SeaWorld the following day. The plaid, the denim and the cowboy hat coupled with his stance when he first stepped out of the truck made him look like he was posing for a new western calendar. He had no idea what it was doing to me. Or maybe he did. The package was complete with Edward sporting a new shorter hairstyle seemingly with copper highlights – though he swears it's his natural color. It took us a while to get on the road as I found I had to steal his hat, run my fingers through every strand of his hair and give him more than a few kisses to show him how appealing I found his new look. I really thought we might skip SeaWorld. The only way Edward was able to get me in the car was to start listing off the animals we were headed to visit and mentioning new baby penguins. I'm a sucker for babies. And then he sang songs with animals in the title all the way to the park – who knew there were so many? This did manage to distract me from ripping off all his clothing – just barely - and SeaWorld was actually amazing. I haven't even made it to the one in Orlando but Edward showed me to the belugas and told me we were swimming with them. I volunteer at the aquarium and with some dolphins, but belugas!

As soon as I he pulled me to the meeting point my radar went off. Cha-ching.

"Edward…" I warned. We'd been out to dinner twice since River Walk, each new restaurant out doing the other. I couldn't even pay for parking because he used a valet. Who the hell needs a valet? And usually the point of these extravagances are to impress the girl and then take her to bed, or so go the stories I'm told. Not for Edward. And so the spending continues.

"Already booked, Bella. Besides, I want to see you in a wet suit." He smiled his trademark smile and then pointed at the aquarium with a beluga swimming by. Somehow he knew just seeing the animal would make me follow him in to the attraction. And I had to admit seeing him in a wetsuit wasn't half bad either. We played with the whales and one of them got him for me and spat in his face. I think they got that on camera. Maybe it will be their new promo video. The training staff were great and when I told them about volunteering at the aquarium in Tampa I got a back of house tour to the kitchen and even dragged Edward along.

We did the coasters next, then had burgers and fries, Edward lounged on the grass staring at me. He took a quick glance around and then gave me a kiss. Short, yes, it's a family venue after all, but that didn't mean I wasn't burning. After lunch, we wandered to see all the animals and went on even more rides. I was very cognizant of my time with the sea lions remembering Ang at the museum and my total boredom, so I followed Edward out of the enclosure when he was ready for our next adventure. He stopped and point blank asked if I wanted to swim with them too. He capitalized on my minute period of hesitation and so I was in the water being doted on by the head trainer twenty minutes later. Edward just watched this time and seemed as thrilled as I was with my new sea lion training abilities. When I had had my fill – which was long after the group of eight beside me had left – the trainer thanked me for supporting animal conservation efforts. I just clued in that Edward had likely spent more than just a little cash this time for my one-to-one adventure. Come to think of it, it was just the two of us with the belugas. I wanted to be upset, but I'd had so much fun and seeing him beaming and taking me in his arms I just kissed him with a thank-you. The show with the killer whales made for a later evening and many, many Edward kisses in the car. We could have gone home but dinner was a seafood feast, Edward said it seemed only fitting. At least we were driving my car. But I still got driven home.

And then there was the waterpark. Edward was really playing up the cowboy – this time he looked like he just got off the tractor. I think every time he makes a trip to the grocery store in town he buys a new plaid shirt, he now has one in every color. Today it was green and matched his eyes – but it was hard to tell with the sunglasses. He was certainly toying with me now; he didn't need the full look so he could spend the day in board shorts. But he capitalized and I was surprised that I was the one that had to break it off and remind him we had a date. It only took one word - bikini. We were off. The waterpark was a huge magical playground and watching Edward gawk at me in my swimwear made it even more fun. He spent a lot of time in the pools. Edward had us swimming with the stingrays, we lounged in a private cabana and took in all the slides. Edward was awfully thorough with the sunscreen and so was I – it was really good we had three canvas walls nearly blocking us from view during our long application sessions. The sunscreen under the straps of my bikini went on nice and slowly and I got more than a few kisses on my neck and the lightest skin above my bikini top. I was able to spread sunscreen on his back but he wouldn't turn over – I could guess there was a big reason - and then he put his shirt back on citing risk of sunburn when we went out for more waterslide adventures. He was pretty pasty but a little sun probably wouldn't hurt and might even give him a little glow. After such a fantastic day I really thought that would have been the night. He certainly acted interested and we'd already had on a minimal amount of clothing. But no. We went for another extravagant dinner and he took me home after what might be called a goodnight kiss. I almost didn't need an imagination as his body pressed into mine for our goodbye, though my dreams did manage to take it to a whole new level and I woke myself moaning his name.

Edward busied himself, on days that I was working, working on his music - though he always referred to it as playing. His passion for piano is indescribable until I realize it's exactly how I feel working with animals. I can't really put it into words either. Edward also spends considerable time with either Sam or Paul – in the fields or the winery. Edward had been thrilled to try bottling, at least at first. I did warn him. Two hundred boxes later Paul told me he became a little crabby. I told him to get Edward to sing if that happens again – Edward's always happier with music in his head. Paul said when Edward helped with the next batch it took half the time and he didn't need a radio. I told Edward later that I felt guilty for the free labor and even wanted to refund his rent but he said I didn't ask for his help – he just offered. Case closed. Actually, his words were "Not a chance in hell!" And he spun me around the yard – holding me tightly - with a euphoria I usually only saw when he was at the piano. Edward still always foots the bill on all our outings and it's not lost on me that he pays for everything in cash. He will never take my money saying we're on a date. I try to tell him it's the twenty-first century but that doesn't sway him in the least and he knows the easiest way to stop the argument is to kiss me. Apparently, he doesn't worry about money. At least I provide the transportation even though he never lets me drive. One day, he will need to let me pay for something.

Ever since I stayed the night, Edward's been very aware of our alcohol consumption and he's moderated. It's very frustrating but at the same time it's nice to know he feels he could lose control with me if the opportunity presented. I wish it would. Every thrill ride or death-defying waterslide doesn't compare to how my heart pounds when he caresses me, or kisses me, and his body's response when I press my body to his is more than evident. We get back late and usually head into the vineyard and Edward gives me an amazing concert of either what he's been working on or just whatever is on his mind – from Bach to Verdi, Abba to ZZ Top, along with Mozart, Madonna and Masen Hale he seems to know every song ever written and it's always incredible. I had a request and then I nearly died and embarrassingly did nod when he rephrased it. If that wasn't an invitation I don't know what is. But, he added a few words and got right back on the piano. I hung on every note the whole song. And there's no lack of extraordinary in our kisses good night – and that night was certainly no exception – right before he peels me off his very responsive body and buckles me in my own car to drive me home. He had taken to driving the truck to Jake's so we could take my car all the way back and then he'd have to drive me home before he got back in the truck to head home himself. It seemed like a lot of time wasted, time that could be spent kissing, or at the vineyard. And this, so we can both sleep alone. I love our dates and our togetherness but I can't figure out why he won't invite me to stay the night. Though as I think about it, maybe that might be weird for him to ask, since it is my house.

That first day, after he understood Jake and I, we were so incredibly close to heading to his bedroom and every night since it's been even more intense. He doesn't drink and drive – obviously – and if I have a tiny bit too much he thinks maybe he'd be taking advantage. I'm sending out the signals sober, too, goddamnit. Or at least I think I am. Every night the dreams get more real, undressing him, feeling him, kissing every inch of him. I might have to step it up – like I'd told Leah to. I had goaded Jake about his relationship, but I was too shy to take matters into my own hands. I had yet to even invite him into the cabin. That might be too bold but at the same time it also might get me what I'm craving. Edward.

 **I expect a guess from every reader – What question did Edward ask Bella? If you're too shy, like Bella, you're in luck. The answer is next.**

 **Please review! Or PM. I love to hear what everyone thinks of the story so far.**


	19. Chapter 19: Rollercoaster

**Rollercoaster**

 **EPOV**

Bella loved the waterslides, but Aquatica really put me to the test. Sunscreen should be outlawed. Bella innocently trying to roll me over to slather sunscreen on my chest would not have looked so innocent to passersby. Good thing our cabana was almost in the water. I could slip my shirt on and slide right in. I decided on our next outing we had to go somewhere where Bella needs to wear more clothing. The beach was out. So I took Bella to the Alamo, neither of us really excited about history but it's really something one has to see in San Antonio. I understood enough to know Jazz would have loved it. He's all about history and battles. Alice had long ago confiscated his confederate flag and won't tell him where it is since it would certainly get us into more than hot water. It's a piece of history to Jazz and he's one to read history texts for fun – I guess anything with words is fun for Jazz. I bought him a book that I thought he'd like and Bella picked out a set of postcards with paintings by local artists for Ang. I got a nasty glare from her when I put them through with the book. She still cringes whenever I push her wallet away or do something like this. She even makes sure she fills the car with gas before I pick her up. Only Bella. I can hope she might be a little more reasonable when she learns the truth. When I tell her the truth, I corrected. She had better learn it from no one but me. Though telling her the other day when Bella's doing her trademark eye roll telling me how excited Leah is getting about the upcoming birth of the Masen Hale baby might not be the best timing. Do I tell her I am too? That would be a great segue, Eddie. Emmett's getting anxious, I could tell her, Rose is hoping it will be really soon and before they have to induce. Then I could casually mention Emmett's my brother. I wonder how long it would take her to figure it out. She might have to confer with Leah. I don't have to wonder how pissed she'd be with that scenario. Soon I keep telling myself. When the time is right.

The following Thursday we went to Six Flags. The rollercoasters were a little more daring than the ones at SeaWorld but Bella doesn't scare easily and we were making our way through the park hand in hand going on every one. Twice. We had lunch on the grass again, amid teenagers and young families, not a soul paying any more attention to me than anyone else around them. Being anonymous in a crowd was something that I didn't think could happen again. Bella fed me a few French fries and I gave her some of my shake. She didn't even balk at the idea of going on even more rollercoasters. But we had to stop at the facilities first. I always go into a stall but even taking that extra time I was hanging out outside waiting for Bella. All of a sudden I had to remember to breathe when I saw a couple of girls giggle, whisper and point; but cowboy boots and red plaid are so anti-Eddie that they shrugged and shook their heads. Though, it could have also been my hair. I silently panicked. I think they thought they were whispering.

"Do you really think it could be him?"

"Nah, Eddie would never wear plaid. He wears Gucci." Said fan number two. True. Gucci actually has a really classic black and white plaid shirt but the strobe effect it gives under stage lighting and TV cameras make it a no go. Armani really is my go to.

"And Armani." The first one confirmed. Shit! Super fan. "I like the guy's hair though." Really? Good. I'm keeping it anyway no matter what grief I get from Alice.

"Maybe…I should go ask." I slumped and kept my expression neutral. She wouldn't!

'You wouldn't!" Thank god her friend has more sense.

"Even if he's not Eddie Masen, he's still quite a hunk."

"You're going ride a cowboy?" Girls are really just as bad as guys. I know.

"No, I'm holding out for Eddie. Live the lifestyle to which I could grow accustomed. Fly around the world on a private jet, go shopping in Milan." I adjusted my weight to my other leg like I was bored and not on high alert. Fans only see the glam. They don't really want me. They want what I represent. And my money.

"Maybe I'll steal the brother then. Emmett probably hasn't been getting any for a while. I could fix that." They both giggled. Inside, I seethed but it was more important than ever to look like I hadn't heard a word.

So, I was right on both counts. And I was more than a little annoyed. I know to fans we're something other than human but I still found it all to be incredibly rude. Even I was above asking Emmett about that. That's between him and Rose. It doesn't need to be an internet poll. I tried to tune them out and, this time, I didn't go introduce myself. But it's certainly something that's way past due with Bella. She obviously likes me. Not just Eddie. Though, every day I worry about what will happen when I tell her. Even the thought of her wanting to shop anywhere, much less in Milan, was laughable. She's not a world traveller – she had never even left the vineyard until Florida, which was only on a hope and a prayer. And from Bella's descriptions it's not exactly a reunion of fairy tales. Even after three years her mom seems just as distant. But she's stuck it out. I do admire her determination. Her commitment. That might be the one thing that will help her in the face of media scrutiny. The second Bella was in view she was glancing around, looking worried. I sprinted at her, spun her around and silenced her with a kiss. The girls were still waiting and watching; all hell would have broken loose if she'd shouted my name. Of course, I wanted to kiss her, I always want to kiss her, but I felt horrible that I also had an ulterior motive.

Bella dragged me to the next four coasters as I kept an eye out for those girls or their friends who had been in the washroom. I certainly didn't want to know any more of their thoughts. And I didn't want any of them somehow striking up a conversation with Bella. That's what I need to do. My stomach did more flip-flops walking between rides than it did on the rides themselves. Two girls can easily become hundreds with one cry of "Eddie Masen!" But Bella wanted to go on Scream, yet again, so that's where we headed. I didn't see those girls but now that I was wary I was noticing a few others wearing Masen Hale tee shirts and I really wished I had my cowboy hat. Though it wouldn't really survive the coasters. Many more coasters and a shared ice cream sundae later I forgot about those girls. Bella let me feed her spoonfuls of ice cream with chocolate sauce and we kissed between bites. There's nothing sweeter in all senses of the word. I figured we'd stay in the park until close as Bella listed the rides next on our agenda. Like Alice, she wasn't wasting a minute of time. I think we went at least six more rides before we decided to head out. Bella loved every minute and cuddled into me as we headed back towards the car; my thoughts were back on those girls.

We exited the park unscathed, or so I thought. Those girls were parked three cars down and two rows over from Bella's station wagon. And that's why the Ferrari is safely ensconced at Bella's. They really had the gall to laugh at Bella's car. They were driving something a few years newer but it probably belonged to one of their parents. Or maybe they were laughing at what they now thought was their ludicrous idea that a guy driving this car was Eddie Masen. Either way, these girls spelled trouble. Again, I kissed Bella guiltily until the coast was clear. Bella was tired or maybe the rides were catching up with her. So, rather than a restaurant we stopped for grocery store chicken and Bella felt vindicated when I was so deep in thought that she managed to pull out her wallet and pay before I came to. At least I got to see her smile.

Back at the vineyard we were both very aware of the charged atmosphere between us. Kissing before we ate was mandatory and I was no longer distracted by other thoughts, my focus was solely on Bella. We were both hungry for more than chicken and salad but I got up to get plates. Soon. She'd know. Then she could decide where we go from here. Which caused a new panic. What if she doesn't want the limelight? I guess there's an easy fix. I quit.

The chicken was good, the company even better and Bella barely let me finish and wash my hands before she was dragging me to the keyboard. It reminded me of Emmett trying to pull me on stage. Really, no one has to pull me towards any kind of piano. I gravitate. But Bella wanted music and I wasn't going to deny her. So I played. She had a few requests that were no big deal. I watched her lounge on the couch. I could somehow picture this exact moment years from now. Could we really make it work? Only one way to find out. But I don't want to do it tonight. She's still smiling and firing off song titles for me to play or humming a few bars when she didn't know the artist or the title. I really need to upgrade her music collection.

Then Bella actually made me play Naked. It was so funny because I could barely even get her to say the word.

"You know. The one by Masen Hale." She said. Of course, I knew the one. But I listed off quite a few others instead. She just shook her head, blushing.

I almost reminded her she had said it wasn't a bad word. When she finally said it - I was a little giddy – and more than a little inappropriate when I asked,

"Really, you want me…Naked?" I smiled a little too coyly and Bella with her brutal honesty could only nod slightly and blush. I could have taken her to bed. But, I couldn't.

"Oh. You want Naked. You want me _to play_ Naked? Got it. I can do that. I do that a lot." I clarified, probably a little too slowly, and much too honestly as she continued to nod. So I did, fully clothed, unfortunately, and Bella actually mouthed the lyrics. She's so beautiful. I wish I could get her to sing.

I've been real. But this was just more of me. Exactly who I am and she loved it. That was the hardest night to take her home. And the hardest night to keep my secret. I love her. I really and truly love her. It's too early to tell her that. But is it too late to tell her my name? Even if it's one that I really only use for marketing purposes? She likes her quiet life, her animals. So do I. Do I want to subject her to the paparazzi? No. But I want her to know me, everything about me. Soon, I promised myself but even I didn't know how long I could postpone inevitable. I don't want her picture on every tabloid but I do want her to be mine in every sense of the word. And I don't see how I can have one without the other. Six Flags has nothing on my emotional ups and downs. If they could somehow design a coaster to reflect how I'm feeling right now, that would be one wild ride.

 **Short but sweet. All angst. No action. That's next.**

 **And Edward should have listened to Alice. Don't do anything stupid is really good advice.**

 **Please review!**


	20. Chapter 20: Dinner and Dessert

**Dinner and Dessert**

 **A/N: This chapter is a little more revealing. Lemons.**

BPOV

We ran and rode on Friday, Edward kept forgetting we were supposed to be exercising both ourselves and the dogs and every couple hundred yards he wound up pulling me into deep kisses making me giddy. Though my heart was certainly getting a workout. The horses were thrilled to get an extra ride this week and I was actually comfortable enough with Edward to ensure he wasn't chafing. It was more than a little forward but so was he when he adjusted in front of me before answering he was fine. The cabin was less than a hundred yards away. It was tempting. But Edward had already put the saddle on Lucky and uncannily was able to redirect my thoughts back to the pasture and a long ride. I needed help up – the intensity of my desire was zapping my strength. And Edward's massage on my ass as he guided me into the saddle only made it worse, or better depending on my point of view. Edward managed his own saddle too and then we were off.

We rode to the far end of the pasture and having never ridden all the way to the end of Jake's property Edward was in awe of how big it was. I tried to get him to tell me about his place in New York. but maybe Texas is a little intimidating – things here are measured in square miles, not square feet. Most New Yorkers, and Angela is now a New Yorker even though she tries to deny it, will tell you proudly they live in a space the size of a postage stamp. Angela's apartment is the grand total of 341 square feet and heaven forbid you leave off that extra square foot in any reporting. Edward, on the other hand, would just say he has a loft though only admitted to not being home much. He did light up telling me that he loves going to his parent's place for family gatherings, especially at Christmas. This didn't surprise me in the slightest; he even smiled and nodded when I presumed he sat at the piano singing every Christmas carol known to man. Esme and Carlisle got even more praise and I was starting to feel like I knew them. Every time he talks about his parents he makes them sound like the most wonderful people on earth. And his brother sounds like a bit of a card. It might not be the right time to tell him I'm free this Christmas.

On the way back to the stables we stopped by the oasis. I told him about the history of the place and Edward didn't miss a beat asking "Jake's seen you play naked?" He smiled with his play on words mirroring the other night, but I heard a hint of jealously. I seem to remember I had a similar reaction about his New York lifestyle. The easiest way to show him there was no need to be jealous was to kiss him and pull out his shirt running my hands up his back. It was his turn to weaken in the knees and our bodies were gyrating together dangerously. Skinny dipping with Edward would not end with us just drying out in the sun drinking wine like with Jake. Just the thought of Edward stripping to the buff had me wanting to pull him closer even though it was currently impossible. If I had thought to bring my purse…losing my virginity at the oasis wouldn't have been a bad thing. My body wanted his.

"Edward?" I think I whimpered. So did he. I was going to invite him to the cabin. I needed him. It wasn't what I was expecting when he pulled away, completely breathless.

"How about dinner, Bella?" He asked, once he could talk. It was barely noon. He should be asking about lunch.

"Let's go. I'm making you dinner." He said with another kiss that made my heart flutter. It was nice to know he seemed to want me as much as I want him. But not here. I was pleasantly surprised by the invitation. A dinner for two, romantic, and then, in the privacy of the farm house, we could play. Edward seems to have a lot of definitions of the word. This would be the night, I was sure. I didn't know he could cook. The way Edward usually talks he has very limited skills in the kitchen, though he's obviously a pro at restaurants. I guess that's just the way it is in New York. I'd be happy with PB & J and Edward. Not necessarily in that order. We got back on the horses and headed back to the stables passing Embry on the quad. It might have been an interesting introduction if Edward and I had been otherwise engaged at the oasis and he'd stopped by. Awkward wouldn't have begun to describe it. Good thing Edward isn't like most guys – he's thinking using the right head.

"Paul and I will make you dinner, I hope." He said. Then I understood. He was calling for reinforcements. I can't say I wasn't a little disappointed it wouldn't be a cozy dinner for two but I still anticipated a wonderful evening. Maybe afterwards we could go for a nightcap in the main house. And I'd drag him somewhere besides the piano.

"I have a vision of steak and lobster. So I'm going to call Paul and go shopping. You, you are going to relax and come over at six."

"I can't help?" I was a little hurt. Six hours without Edward?

"Nope. You are going to relax." He went to kiss me but thought better of it. "Bella. You're too tempting. I'm going to try to be good."

We got the horses back to the stable and I tried to shoo Edward home even before we hung up the saddles telling him I was going to brush them.

"I can't help?" he asked. There's the coy smile again. We shouldn't be apart but I understood his rationale. He hadn't mentioned it but I'd guess there was a cold shower planned for some time this afternoon. It was certainly on my agenda.

"Be good. I'll be there at six. I promise." I gave him a kiss, just on his cheek, trying not to start something. It didn't work and we were enjoying a long kiss goodbye when Jake coughed and interrupted.

I blushed but Edward was cordial with Jake and reminded me of our dinner before he left. I was already counting the minutes. I turned my attention to Jake.

"Jake, that was totally rude!"

"We need the horses, Bells. Embry's on the quad and Quil needs a hand. More importantly, Lucky didn't need to see you get lucky. Another two minutes and Leah and I would have been walking to meet Quil, trying to keep our eyes closed."

"Jake. We weren't…" I was saved from my explanation by Leah's arrival from the house. I wasn't going to ask him what they'd been doing inside. It was none of my business. Jake should learn the same courtesy.

"Bells, how is it that I keep missing that man of yours?" She asked, as she heard the truck rev and saw Edward turn onto the highway back towards the vineyard. I could think of a reason but didn't say it. She'd been naked. I seem to be using that word a lot.

"Don't know, Leah. It's weird how you're always, uh, occupied." I looked at her and at Jake. It wasn't a secret. They looked at each other knowingly and kissed and I think I got just a little piece of what Edward had witnessed that morning a few weeks ago. I now understood why Jake coughed. Then I told them both about my dinner plans. And I asked them to babysit the dogs until I got back.

It was Leah who said "Until…tomorrow?"

"Maybe." I said, nervously. But got I hugs and they agreed to dog-sit. Friends and a fabulous man. Could I have asked for a better summer?

My afternoon was spent cleaning and listening to music. It was useful and it calmed my nerves. Live music would have been better, but I had to imagine Edward was figuring out the grill and I was hoping his fingers weren't getting nipped by lobsters. Paul would look after him. I did take a cold shower and wished Leah and I had actually managed to squeeze time in for a day of shopping. Since when do I want to shop? I don't go to the mall except for necessities but Edward had already seen my whole measly wardrobe at least six times. I wanted something new, sexy. The clothing store in town was out – I think Edward already owned everything from there anyway – and I could picture myself walking around the house in one of Edward's long plaid shirts very soon. The cold shower was no longer effective as I decided that was all I'd be wearing. But, dinner first. So it was the red blouse again and my darkest jeans, with my cowboy boots – I hoped he wouldn't be wearing his boots, I might almost be tall enough to kiss him without losing my balance. An hour of a veterinary magazine later I was ready to go. The whole focus of the magazine was on breeding and I'm sure Freud would have had something to say about that. Before I left I checked my purse for the six important items at least six times. There would be no actual breeding going on.

Paul and Edward really did go all out with steak and lobster while Sam and I just arrived at six as instructed to be wined and dined. Edward doted on me throughout dinner. Every brush of his hand electrified my skin and had me longing for more of his touches. I made sure to only have one glass of wine. So did Edward. All throughout dinner I caught up with the guys and the grapes. They got me gushing over belugas and sea lions, waterslides and rollercoasters. Edward talked about a few new songs he was working on and that he hoped to now paint the house. I think he only mentioned it in front of Sam and Paul so I wouldn't say no. I agreed only on the condition that he'd at least let me pay for the supplies this time. He nodded extremely reluctantly. I might have to go to the hardware store myself. I'd have to help him with the labor too. It could be fun.

Later in the evening the coffee and tea were ready and there was a delicious custard with fresh berries for dessert. Paul's custard is to die for and today was no exception. I took a few heavenly bites but then it seemed Edward didn't think it was at all out of line to hand feed me a raspberry at the table. It was. All of a sudden, I felt an urgent need to go for a walk and look at the stars, at least that was what everyone at the table heard. I had to take a few deep breaths outside. My heart was thudding. He'd lit a fire that I couldn't quell. The moan that nearly escaped my lips at the table would have been so incredibly inappropriate.

"Bella?" Edward came out to look for me. I flung my arms around him and parted his lips. I had no control.

"Edward, I know I'm not…I can't compete with…New York girls. But you're here for a summer, I'm here for the summer…." There goes my brilliant speech. Every half-sentence had me gasping for air as my mouth jostled with his and had me pressing myself more deeply into Edward's torso and groin. I had wanted to wait until we were back at the house. I had really wanted to tell him how my feeling for him had grown and hopefully he would have told me something similar and we could have gone from there. But instead, I basically said 'Fuck me. From now until August.' Now I'm that girl.

"Let's say goodnight, Bella. Come on." His voice suddenly had the same urgency mine did. Was it possible?

I walked back in. I sat back down. I finished my dessert. My heart was pounding. I thanked Paul for dinner. And thanked Edward. Then I yawned. Or I pretended to, anyway.

Edward cleared the dishes and started the water. We were barely hanging on. Paul told him to leave the dishes. I don't know if we were convincing but we thanked them and left. We walked to the house hand-in-hand. Edward started massaging my hand which held me back. I leaned into him the minute we turned in front of the house out of sight and let my moan escape. It was carnal; his lips crushed mine as he picked me up and carried me into the house, through the living room but hesitated at his bedroom door. I kissed him with a passion I didn't know I had and he walked in and lowered me to the bed.

"Oh god, Bella…"

"Edward, please tell me you have a condom or…." I know I sounded too eager, almost pained. He nodded. Good, or I would have told him I have some. Six.

"Bella, you've never…" I shook my head. Whether it was my nervousness or my eagerness or just my plain innocence, he managed to guess I was a virgin. I might have tried to tell him before. "You're sure?" He waited eagerly for my answer. Anything other than yes, now, please or just starting to undress him wasn't even in my thoughts.

"Yes. Edward. For weeks. I've wanted you. I thought it was obvious." And if that wasn't enough I pulled his body to me and tugged at his shirt with another moan. I wasn't strong enough to rip it but he pulled it over his head and threw it who knows where. I just was staring at his body.

I hadn't forgotten his abs, even though he did put a shirt on when he caught me ogling the morning after our first date, and then he even wore a tee shirt at the waterpark so couldn't ogle. But now I took my hand and touched his chest with trepidation and ran my hands down his torso to above his waistband. Perfect abs. I kissed them and he moaned. I loved that sound. Edward moaned again when my hands reached his belt line and I undid his pants. His eagerness was even more evident than mine now.

"Bella, I've wanted you too. Since we met." he arched into me, and his boxers couldn't contain him. He kicked off his clothing but his eyes were on mine. Then, he was shaking as he undid the buttons on my blouse exposing my bra. I had fleeting thoughts of wishing lingerie shopping had been higher on my to-do list but he kissed the tops of my breasts and he sighed. It was longing and I could relate. The bra and blouse were on the floor seconds later and his lips, first on mine then teasing my nipples were more than enough for me to moan his name. He licked and sucked my breasts and nibbled every inch of my neck with his need until my mouth found his again. I dreamed of this day every single day for the last three weeks (really the last six weeks, if I was being honest with myself – the day we met) but nothing even in my wildest dreams had prepared me for the intensity of my hunger for Edward at this moment. My desire was growing such that I was reaching for him, then trying to undo my own pants.

"Let me." He whispered in my ear as he made his way with kisses down my torso, lingering with kisses and ragged breaths on my belly as he fumbled the buttons. He was still trembling. Edward pulled my pants and panties down together staring at me as my body arched with desire and he threw the last bit of clothing to the floor.

"Edward?" I felt exposed. He was definitely staring. Then, he ran his hand along my flank so gently and kissed me. He whispered to me and even hummed a faint melody that stilled my whole body, the musical equivalent of desire. I was completely naked as Edward caressed me softly and I shivered despite the heat in the room and between my legs and moaned. My legs seemed to part of their own accord. His hand finally brushed my inner thigh. "Please." I whispered faintly. He nibbled my ear as I groped for him and his fingers skirted between my legs and found their place.

"Oh, Bella. I have wanted you for so long." I could barely hear him, his fingers, magic on a piano, were doing amazing things to my body. I may have been whispering his name. I pressed into him again and again. His fingers by now adept on my center entered me and Edward's moan of pleasure was louder than my own. His hand danced inside and out, again and again. Then, I felt it. The ripple from within caused me to quake and cry his name. He continued his touches and kissed my breasts. When I stilled he held me and whispered for me to rest. I wasn't ready for that and I kissed him – his lips, neck, ears everywhere I could reach. He did the same. Our hands were everywhere and I found his shaft and began to stroke as he hardened even further. I moaned not believing I could have such an effect. He groaned and pulled my hand away, trying to calm his ragged breaths. His hands took over my body again as my breathing quickened. His every kiss more urgent that the last and then he was poised hovering above me, the silent question hung in the air. Desire evident in his eyes and his body. I was pretty sure I had the same look. I nodded at him as he reached for the side table and ripped open a box and package before returning for a long slow kiss.

"Edward." He needed no more encouragement drop body infinitesimally to nudge at my center. His shaft, now sheathed, parted me and entered slowly. I stared at Edward, caressing his torso and his backside as I arched and widened to accommodate him. He was too cautious, hesitating, inch by precious inch being enveloped in my warmth. I wanted him closer, I arched again and he moaned. I pressed him down and in he let out a cry as he thrust to deepen our connection. Our bodies were one. His lips crushed mine as we caressed each other, Edward pressing into me gently again and again as my heat was building. I bucked and we both moaned, Edward seeming to understand the rhythm needed by my body instantly. In and out, up and down, then, I rolled him and did the same, instinct and desire seeming to control me. We were no longer careful. Panting, he took me back under him, and every thrust and moan from Edward made my whole body respond in kind. His thrusts became deeper, harder and faster and so did my cries of his name. He didn't slow the tempo of his body even as I stilled. My quiver began and he felt it urging me on.

"Yes, Bella, my Bella" he continue to thrust as I writhed calling his name again and again; and then I felt him tense and pulse, whispering my name with his own release. The feeling within was indescribable. There is truly nothing this man cannot do.

"I love you, my Bella." I heard him say as I lay, spent, in his arms, my body still tingling with a million sensations it had never felt before. I felt loved and protected as I fell asleep in the arms of Edward Cullen.

 **Sigh. Now what will morning bring?**


	21. Chapter 21: The Naked Truth

**The Naked Truth**

 **A/N: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in the real world! So, a story can only have a certain number of hours of bliss and I think I dragged it out through the holidays long enough. The angst begins anew**

 **EPOV**

Why had I succumbed? When I woke I looked at her naked in my bed, illuminated only by the light of the moon and I know. I love her. Telling her when I did was not the timing I'd envisioned. It just slipped out. I love her. Even though it's no excuse. She's perfect to me but doesn't realize it. It just seemed so un-Bella – propositioning me. I know – it's more than a nightly occurrence where I'm from and never once have I acted…until now. I should know better. I do know better. But she was so vulnerable and endearing. Who am I kidding? I've wanted her since the minute I saw her in the grocery store. And the more I've gotten to know her the stronger that desire and my affection have become. I didn't have to ask her and make myself vulnerable to rejection. No. I left it to my girl. Now, Bella, she'd been as desperate as I was and I could have spent the whole night telling her why she is so much better than all the New York girls – and all the other girls - I've ever met but maybe that's something I can work on later. She also decided it will just be a summer thing with us...well, decided, might be a stretch –but I don't believe this is something I can turn off as I back my Ferrari out of the garage and headed back to New York at the end of August. I need Bella like I need air. No it's more powerful than that; I need her like I need music. Bella, unable to contain her energies and crying out my name over and over again. I love that sound. Sweet harmony. As she slept I cradled her. I can hear her murmuring my name still. I have never been happier. I don't want to be just her first; I want to be her only. I'll tell her today, I finally decided. I should have done it weeks ago. I kissed her neck and got some more happy noises so I did it again. And again. Oh, Bella. I could lay here forever with Bella in my arms as she sleeps. I just watched her as the most perfect melody formed in my thoughts, for her, for us. Bella woke up smiling at me a couple of hours later. I knew I'd found my heaven.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked. She nodded and cuddled into me as I stroked her hair. I could only kiss her good morning on her cheek and nibble at her earlobe. She wants her toothbrush, I remembered. Just watching her watching me was even better than watching her sleep. I could see her thoughts. _I love you._ It's not too early, after all. And she still wants me as I want her. I felt her caress as she continued to gaze into my eyes and I pulled her even closer. I figured I might show her, if she's interested, how we could do what we did last night but at a much slower tempo. Maybe it could take all morning, or even into the afternoon. I didn't have anywhere to be except with her. Nowhere but in Bella's arms. Then, the actual thought of not having interviews or autograph sessions or rehearsals to attend brought me back to a crushing reality. We can't…not yet. I have to make her breakfast and tell her I love her when we're not in bed making love. And then, I have some serious explaining to do. The band. Eddie Masen. Edward Cullen. It's so complicated. How do I begin? I know I have to start somewhere. The music, Julliard and not finishing my degree. Then I can explain everything. Knowing Bella, she'll be mad at first but I have to believe she'll understand. She has to! I was thinking about asking her not to tell Leah but I don't think she would go for it. More secrets would not be to my benefit. I can handle one fan this summer. It will work out. As long as I have Bella. I kissed her again and she sighed, cuddling deep into my chest. My Bella.

I had been able to ignore the little chirping on my phone since I woke not wanting to move from Bella's embrace but my thoughts were suddenly drowned out by the radio and the last minute of Always Never. Today of all days. I haven't set the alarm since I arrived, maybe I hit it sometime during the night – we were a little frenzied. More than a little frenzied, really. And even the thought of our night together was causing a real reaction in me and I caressed Bella's body putting just a little more distance between us. It didn't help me that she moaned. My body wants hers and I want her, and it wouldn't take too many touches from Bella for me to succumb again. And again. But I have to face the music first. Just that expression in itself is certainly ironic in this situation. I finally located the radio and was about to flick it off but Bella stopped me - a news report was starting. I should have unplugged the radio. No, I should have done something differently six weeks ago, or three weeks ago, or last night and way before we were naked listening to news that would undo the very fabric of my existence.

 _Breaking News: Emmett Masen, drummer of the band Masen Hale has just welcomed a new daughter. The band has released a press statement as follows: "Emmett is pleased to announce that Elizabeth Esme Cullen Masen, a seven pound two ounce baby girl was born at six-fifty-four am. Mother Rose and baby Elizabeth are resting comfortably and are expected to be released from hospital soon." We at SJKT have been hoping to catch a glimpse of our favorite lead singer, Eddie Masen, as he comes to check in on his new niece but so far he hasn't been spotted. We will continue to update you if we do we see him._

I froze. It was over. Bella. She would work it out way before I could form the words. But to my dismay they weren't yet done.

 _What's in a name you ask? Well it turns out there's quite the story to this one for all the Masen Hale fans out there. We have done some digging and it turns out that Emmett and Eddie Masen were raised by Esme and Carlisle Cullen when their parents Elizabeth and Edward Masen were killed after being hit by a drunk driver….."_ the radio announcer continued with the story I knew only too well but I could only look at Bella in complete and utter horror as I watched her face change in seconds from excitement, to confusion, to realization, to tears and finally…

"MASEN? EDDIE MASEN?" She screamed.

"I'm so, so sorry Bella." I was in shock. And saying I was going to tell her today sounded false even to my ears.

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" She screamed through tears, having extricated herself from my body and pulling the comforter around herself and shaking.

"Bella…" I wasn't helping since I was now in tears too and completely exposed and she would only pull even further away from me.

By now both our phones were ringing, likely Em, with baby news, and Leah, who would have pieced two and two together immediately. And the minute the announcer finished his spiel about our how the tragedy of two young boys shaped them into the megastars they are today and the station started playing Naked I ripped the damn radio out of the wall and flung it across the room where it crashed into the wall and then to the floor. Silence. Then Bella sobbed.

I watched her as I babbled about coming here to get away. Then meeting her. Our connection. And last night. She wasn't listening in the slightest; she was completely distraught and I couldn't blame her. The only other thing I could say was "I love you, Bella."

She huffed. I wasn't expecting anything less. At least she heard it. Again. I picked up her phone since it was the first one I'd found and it was Jake. I got an earful as soon as he realized I wasn't Bella.

"YOU LYING, CONNIVING, ASSHOLE! When I tell Bella…" he threatened. She was still curled up in the corner of the bed, staring at me like I was a total stranger, with silent tears running down her face. If I had walked in on her looking like this I would have certainly killed whoever had hurt her so completely. I felt like a monster.

"She knows Jake. Please come here. Help her. She won't listen to me." I begged as I threw on my jeans.

"Go back to New York and your groupies! We don't need you. Bella doesn't need you!" He spat.

"I need her, Jake. I'm going to talk to her when she calms down. I love her. I didn't mean for this…"

"Save it, Eddie." I'd never heard that name said with scorn, usually it borders on reverence. But it was well deserved.

"Where's Leah?" I had to ask before Jake flew into another tirade. Bella needed Leah. And, selfishly, I didn't want Jake helping Bella shower.

"She's driving. We're almost there. FOR BELLA! If you think she's going to rush in and ask you for your autograph, you're delusional. She also thinks you're a complete ass!" He hung up and I told Bella that Leah and Jake were on their way. She couldn't speak but just looked towards the front door.

I unlocked the door which was a good thing; they burst through a few minutes later nearly knocking the door from its hinges. Leah ran to Bella after I got more than a once over confirming what she already knew was true. She was so livid she couldn't speak but I can read lips and 'holy fuck' and 'fucking asshole' came through as though she'd screamed the phrases. I agreed completely.

"EVERYONE will now know you're a prick!" Jake pushed me backwards and I had been watching Leah comforting Bella so I didn't even see it coming. I landed backwards on the sofa, winded. I couldn't even retaliate; his words caused my mind to whirl.

"Don't Jake!" I panicked. If this got on Twitter Bella's life as she knows it would be over. I tried not to think about Bella and the abhorrent comments that would plague social media for weeks, months. She would be Eddiesgirl, of course, as well as slut, whore, skank, hoe and a whole lot worse when there'd be the inevitable allegations I was paying her. Fuck. And they wouldn't just be allegations – someone would find the rental agreement. It can't happen. Ever. "For Bella's sake." I had to beg. Whatever it takes.

"More like save your own fucking career!" He taunted. Not a concern in the least. I only care about Bella. But Jake wouldn't believe it. And Jake doesn't understand publicity. The record company would rub their hands in glee if Masen Hale made the tabloids for a sex scandal. Anything to sell records. IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I'd learned a few things about Jake the last few weeks and telling him no doesn't work it just riles him – Bella has him pegged. I had to be more careful.

"However you see it. Ask Leah. My silence on the radio was enough to make Twitter explode. THAT was about her. Ask yourself what the response will be to this? Think of Bella, Jake. She's the only one who matters." I begged again.

"DAMN RIGHT!"

I could work with that. Protecting Bella was our common goal. I should have thought about that last night. I didn't protect her. From any of this. There are consequences in my world and Bella should have had all the facts before I carried her to my bed. So she could have known how she'd change, or at least how things could change for her – to make an informed decision about her life. At least Leah seemed to be nodding. I hoped a part of what I said registered with her. She would know Twitter. I would guess she probably follows Alice's blog and a few other fan sites too. Not the time to ask. Leah was now shaking her head at Jake. Good. She'd keep him reined in.

"Jake, I wish you could understand how I feel about her; I don't know how to put it into words. I don't do words."

Aren't you going to call…" Jake searched his memories.

"..Alice," Leah called unhelpfully from the bedroom.

"Yeah, Alice. So she can put a PR spin on your sex life that makes you sound all righteous."

"Jake. You know me. Don't believe the tabloids or the rumours. Until last night, the last four years, I've slept alone. I know I'm not a saint, before Masen Hale I had a girlfriend. One. It didn't work out. Bella knows. I don't do one night stands. I've been here six weeks, Jake. I'm still Edward." I had to try.

"FUCK YOU! You're worse than Jessica. You led her on, she fell for you, I'm sure you know. And she told you she was a virgin, right? Rock star gets extra points?" He sneered. I was getting nowhere. "Was today the day you were going to take off in your private jet?" And why the fuck does every damn asshole think I have a private jet? Not the time, Eddie. Your fault, remember? Bella was still cowering in the corner of the bed and Jake's words like Bella was just a notch on my bedpost were cutting through her like a knife. They were doing the same to me. I'd barely gotten up from the couch to face Bella again but I collapsed in the doorway.

My phone had gone from chirping to ringing incessantly for the last twenty minutes and I had to crawl to get it. I knew it was Em. I picked up.

"Em. Congrats. Can I call you later? I'm in the middle of something."

"Edward, Rose is...bleeding. They're taking her to the ICU. I can't…"

"What?" I couldn't wrap my head around what he'd said.

"She's losing too much blood. She can't die, Edward. Not like mom and dad. I need you. Please. I don't know…" Emmett didn't even cry once when our parents died, he'd been my rock. It sounded like he was on the ground in tears shattering into a million pieces. And I wasn't there. Alice came on the line.

"Plane tickets for you and Bella, Edward. Leaving in one hour. You're under Cullen. Don't forget. Cullen. Not that it matters anymore. It's bad Edward. You won't be able to check bags. They will hold the plane. You paid dearly. Get here now!"

Oh god, not Rose! As soon as I could breathe, I stood and I needed to tell Bella. To explain. Leah now glared at me as if the glue that held her world together had come crashing down. I could relate. "Bella. I love you. Rose is bleeding – transferring to the ICU, it sounds very ominous. I hate to leave but Emmett …" I could barely speak. "He's my brother, my only family. I have to go. I will be back-as soon as I can. Please, please, let me explain." My feet were stationary. I wanted to stay, hold her, to tell her in a million different ways that this shouldn't have happened. But Rose. Emmett. Elizabeth. Emmett hadn't even told me about baby names. I should have been awed. It was perfect – honoring all four of our parents. I had to go. I had to focus. I picked up my shirt and turned it the right way around before I put it on. It smelled like Bella last night – strawberries and lust. For once, I hadn't been at all concerned about exposing my abs.

"Jake. Leah has Bella. She will help her shower and dress. Please help her with everything. I need to be in New York. Don't believe the news - Rose is very, very sick. I'll call as soon as I can. PLEASE ask Bella to hear me out. I'll be back once I know about Rose. And please keep all of this here. Bella doesn't need the press flocking here invading her life and Emmett doesn't need the world to know yet either. It will be out there soon enough. Especially if…" I couldn't even say the words, my vocal cords wouldn't let me say the words 'she dies'. Emmett can't lose Rose. Twelve years together. I shouldn't compare even in my own head but I can't lose Bella either. "And Bella…she's everything to me, Jake. Whether you believe me or not I love her."

"She's mine, Edward. You don't get a say." Jake was sincere. And adamant. But also very wrong.

"Leah's yours, Jake. You made that decision. Let Bella choose too." As I said it my breath caught. Looking at her now I didn't think she'd choose me again.

"Jake I'm taking the truck. I need the enforced speed limit. Here's collateral." I threw him the keys to the Ferrari. "I don't care what you do with it. Just take care of Bella. Please. For me." I couldn't even wait for his reply. He would take care of her, I knew, but it certainly wouldn't be for me. I ran for the truck and floored it to the airport, parking in short-term because it was closer to the door. I needed Bella but my brother needed me.

 **Secret's out.** **Decisions – some wrong, some right, no win.** **What are Bella's thoughts as she processes what is unraveling?**


	22. Chapter 22: The Naked Truth Too

**The Naked Truth Too**

 **OK, everyone. You must read chapter 21 before this one. No cheating. It seems about 200 people skipped chapter 18. I don't know why, it was fun to write, not really story changing, though. No one skipped chapter 20 – that's really good! But this one won't make any sense at all if you haven't read all of Chapter 21 first - Edward's point of view. Honestly;)**

 **I have way more respect for SM's Midnight Sun (well…the part that's written, anyway) and Life and Death and all the other writers who have written Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn from an alternate point of view. It is extremely hard – especially when editing - and I only tried one short chapter!**

 **BPOV**

 _I was being fed raspberry after raspberry on a deserted white sand beach by Edward under a swaying palm tree as our skin glistened in the sun. Making love on the beach all day was certainly something I could get used to. Edward gave me another kiss along my collarbone and up my neck and I sighed with desire once again. I could never get enough of Edward._

I stirred from my dream to an equally pleasing reality and turned smiling at him. He was already awake and he kissed my neck exactly like in my dream, I sighed and looked into his eyes. It looked like we shared the same expression, or it's how I was feeling anyway. Complete and utter bliss. Is love really this easy? I'm brand new at all of this but I must say I didn't expect my body to react like it did last night. He asked me about my sleep, and somehow that was the least important part of my night. I thought about his body on me and in me and every single touch that made the fact that we'd waited until last night even more special. I snuggled into his arms and body again, sighing as he kissed and nibbled at my ear and I thought that more time in bed caressing Edward would make for a fantastic morning. I could find out what else Edward might like. Maybe, I might like it too. Do I ask? Not yet. He kissed me again and I warmed, wanting him. This is how a first time should be - absolutely perfect.

Initially, I groaned at the radio. Nothing should be interrupting my buzz. Edward looked around for the source of the sound, as he simultaneously ran his hand right down my torso. I will Always love that and could Never get enough. I decided music's not a bad thing after all. I smiled snuggling closer. The song was finishing, but then I heard there was news about Masen Hale. Edward had almost got the dial but I stopped him as the announcer continued. Leah would be so thrilled she'd cajole Jake into making a birthday cake. I wondered if Leah already knew about the baby. It would be a first if I told her something about the band. But she probably has it on her phone as an urgent alert. The reason Leah hasn't called me was because she probably thought she might interrupt morning sex. I've never had morning sex. I'd already been giving it serious consideration. Contemplating between Edward's body and calling Leah had me catching up to the radio announcement - the baby's name. Elizabeth. Esme. Cullen. Masen. I was confused. Esme Cullen. The mention of Eddie not being at the hospital and Edward's words from weeks ago flitted into my head about his brother. _I don't want to cause a scene_. I didn't ask why a brother would do such a thing. Unless…no, that's ridiculous. But the follow-up was the final kick in the ass. The crash. The adoption. Edward. Cullen. Eddie. Masen. My eyes watered. I shrank away from him, tugging on the comforter all the way into the far corner of the bed. I could barely look at him. He realized his gig was up.

"MASEN? EDDIE MASEN?" I screamed. Tears were welling in my eyes.

"I'm so, so sorry Bella." Yeah. Right. This is some kind of joke. Naked. I _so_ get it.

GET THE FUCK OUT!" I shrieked trying to put as much distance between me and him without falling off the bed.

My eyes overflowed as THE song came on the radio. There was a loud crash and the music stopped. That was actually helpful. Even the few notes had me falling completely apart.

"Bella..." He was crying. He should have been laughing at my expense. I was humiliated. I heard a ringing but my whole sense of being was deceiving me. I vaguely heard Edward – Eddie - go into long drawn out monologue about meeting me - I don't even remember seeing him at the grocery store, his attraction, attempts at self-denial, of wanting me and wanting to protect me from himself and his sense of connection last night. Then he said the words that mean nothing now "I love you, Bella."

Right. I heard him answer the phone. Time to book a flight.

"She knows Jake. Please come here. Help her. She won't listen to me." I'd heard Jake yelling. It really was Jake. I need Jake. Jake is the only constant in my life.

"I need her, Jake. I'm going to talk to her when she calms down. I love her. I didn't mean for this…" He held the phone at arm's length, Jake was telling him straight up what he thought of Eddie Masen. Leah must have heard the same radio announcement. She, obviously, knew who I was sleeping with even before I did. That thought alone caused more tears, panic. I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't form words. I need Jake.

"Where's Leah?" He, suddenly asks. I say HE because I still can't believe it's true. Eddie Masen?

Minutes later Leah flew through the door, and I could see her do a double take…a triple take…before she ran to me and held me. I was grateful. Leah knew way before the announcement I'd heard – her phone – in order to wake Jake and get here. At least twenty minutes. And if the radio hadn't come on? She would certainly have seen way more of Eddie Masen than she'd seen even in her wildest dreams. We would have been making love again. I would have been, anyway. I don't know what he would have thought we were doing. At that, the tears wouldn't stop.

"EVERYONE will now know you're a prick!" Jake shouted and actually pushed him. He fell onto the sofa. Eddie was going to get seriously hurt. NO JAKE! I wanted to scream. Then, it upset me that I cared. And then it upset me that I was upset. I'm a complete wreck. Leah leaned over to the bedside table for tissues and handed me a wad. I was startled by Edward.

"Don't Jake!" Edward coughed and was panicked. "For Bella's sake!" He got up, slowly, not looking worried about Jake pounding him to a pulp. He just had an expression of complete and utter terror, for me. I didn't understand. Leah seemed to freeze. I couldn't tell if she was agreeing with Jake or Edward – Eddie. I have to keep reminding myself. I blotted my eyes. Leah was more delicate and wiped the tears gently from my cheeks.

"More like save your own fucking career!" Jake growled. And was about to pounce. Edward – Eddie – possibly from years of experience in front of a camera nearly turned into a diplomat. Or, part of me thought, he listened to me when I told him Jake is overly stubborn. Some of my head was working. My lips wouldn't cooperate.

"However you see it. Ask Leah. My silence on the radio was enough to nearly crash Twitter. THAT was about her. Ask yourself what the response will be to this? Think of Bella, Jake. She's the only one who matters." At that, Leah just held me tighter. I remembered the radio show, I remembered Leah laughing. She was remembering it too. Now, it didn't seem funny. About me? How could it have been about me, we'd just met? But then, I remembered the picnic, our run, Edward telling me about his parents and going riding. I had fallen for him that day. The interview was that day. Was it really possible? No. This has to be some sick, sick joke. Or my worst nightmare. I pinched myself just to be sure. Ow. No, not dreaming.

"I wish you could understand how I feel about her; I don't know how to put it into words. I don't do words." I tried to tune him out. But even my thoughts were enough to stir memories, not words, music, and I remembered the raw emotion I felt as I listened to him play. Millions obviously felt the same. I wasn't special. Tears just ran down my face, Leah didn't even try to wipe them away anymore.

"Aren't you going to call…" Jake was still livid but couldn't come up with what he needed.

"..Alice," Leah called as she stroked my arm. Who's Alice? Oh, yeah, Jasper's wife. Why was my brain trying to make sense of something completely and utterly crazy?

"Yeah, Alice. So she can put a PR spin on your sex life that makes you sound righteous." Jake was still raking Eddie – Masen – over the coals. Other than sobs and pitiful whimpers I hadn't made a sound since Jake and Leah had run in. Yell, Bella, scream, do something, I told myself, but I couldn't move. What I really wanted to say is I loved Edward, a figment of my imagination, someone who can't exist. Who's too kind and generous and who wanted me like I wanted him. He's too good to be true, I had thought, too perfect to exist in the real world. It turns out I was right. A part of me wanted to go back to that blissful ignorance, total happiness. Live a lie. Just like he did.

"Jake. You know me. Don't believe the tabloids or the rumours. Until last night, the last four years, I've slept alone. I know I'm not a saint, before Masen Hale I had a girlfriend. One. It didn't work out. Bella knows. I don't do one night stands. I've been here six weeks, Jake. I'm still Edward." I wanted to tell Jake that is what I knew. But I still had no voice. But Leah was nodding. I hated that she knew this. Or rather I hated that Edward – Eddie – hadn't told me that everyone in the world knew his sexual history. He seemed adamant he didn't want me added to that list, however short. I didn't want that either. It was way too personal. The combination of thinking of our night and considering that that information could somehow be in the hands of millions caused me to sob even more violently.

"FUCK YOU! You're worse than Jessica. You led her on, she fell for you, I'm sure you know. And she told you she was a virgin, right? Rock star gets extra points?" Jake sneered. "Was today the day you were going to take off in your private jet?" Jake continued screaming at him and didn't even push him again when I saw Edward fall to the floor. My heart betrayed me, it skipped a beat in fear. For him. It looked like Jake might just kick him. I willed Jake not to hurt him. Edward. It seemed my vocal cords were paralysed; my whole body was still shaking. Even when he leaves I won't forget him. Six weeks had made an indelible impression on my soul. I thought we'd only have the summer, so really, it was going to end anyway. Wasn't it? This is just a little earlier, and with that horrible, long-drawn out tearful goodbyes or the silly 'but we'll keep in touch' talk that goes on but never happens that I hear about. Unless we're talking about horribly predictable romance novels where the couple always finds a way to be together in the end, despite the odds stacked against them. I don't live a fairy-tale. My life is proof of that. Edward was still kneeling on the floor and that phone wouldn't stop ringing. Of course not, I reasoned. Emmett would want to tell Edward about his daughter. At least something good would come out of today. Edward crawled, seemingly defeated, to answer it. He actually looked like I felt. And nothing like a rock star.

"Em. Congrats. Can I call you later? I'm in the middle of something." He really sounded at a loss. But to perform on stage every night – he must have developed some type of acting ability. Em, his brother – a baby girl. He should be excited about his new niece. He should go back to his family, I thought, and with that a new sob escaped my lips.

"What?" I heard a new panic in Edward's voice. Then silence. But every second he listened he crumpled a little until he hung up two minutes later, the phone held limply in his hand. He was completely broken now. I hadn't thought he could look worse.

I finally saw him stand and look at me. I shrank some more. There was something else. Something else I didn't know. Leah glared at him, there was no sense of awe just disappointment. "Bella. I love you. I have to go. Rose is bleeding – in ICU, it sounds very ominous. I hate to leave but Emmett …" he could barely speak. Leah tensed, now worried, she absolutely loves Rose and Emmett. "He's my brother. I will be back. I swear. Please, please, let me explain." I couldn't move. I just stared at him with tears still running down my cheeks. At that I felt selfish, Rose. What was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, or one of them anyway has turned into a real nightmare. Life or death. Eddie turned to Jake.

"Jake. Leah has Bella. She will help her shower and dress. Please help her with everything. I need to be in New York. Don't believe the news - Rose is very, very sick. I'll call as soon as I can. PLEASE ask Bella to hear me out. I'll be back once I know about Rose. And please keep all of this here. Bella doesn't need the press flocking here invading her life and Emmett doesn't need the world to know yet either. It will be out there soon enough. Especially if…" His voice hitched. It really was that serious. Leah shivered. I didn't know I'd be worried too.

"And Bella…she's everything to me, Jake. Whether you believe me or not I love her." He's pleading to a lost cause. Jake's already tuned him out. I was listening. It's counterintuitive to think he could lie…or at least, evade the truth so completely for six weeks and then profess this.

Anyway, he's leaving for New York. I figured he'd run but not for this reason. Rose. The baby, how's the baby I wanted to ask? Rose, bleeding…after delivery. ICU. It sounded terrifying. Maybe the placenta didn't fully detach, maybe the uterus wouldn't contract. I went through all my reading all summer about birthing complications – ok, wrong species granted, but the consequences would be the same. Maybe they would have to do a hysterectomy – that would break her. The way Leah went on and on about Rose wanting a big family. Who will take care of Elizabeth while Rose is in hospital? I didn't want to think Eddie's if. I worried for Rose. For Emmett. Edward had said they'd been together since they moved to New York – if only to have someone special, someone you could trust for that long. Hell, someone you could trust at all. The tears started again as I stared at Edward. It was surreal how my brain was meshing everything Edward and Leah had told me over the summer into one reality almost instantaneously.

"She's mine, Edward! You don't get a say." Jake was protecting me. Like always. Leah froze at Jake's words but I didn't have any voice to reassure her. Jake and I, she should know by now.

"Leah's yours, Jake. You made that decision." Even Edward knew. How is that possible? "Let Bella choose too." Edward – Eddie – begged. I had chosen. But I didn't trust my judgment anymore. Edward Cullen doesn't even exist I repeated to myself for the hundredth time this morning. He's not real.

"Jake I'm taking the truck. I need the enforced speed limit. Here's collateral." Eddie said as I heard him throw something to Jake. "I don't care what you do with it. Just take care of Bella. For me." I heard the door close. He left. He just left. Jake walked to me and gave me a huge but awkward hug over all my blankets. I saw something, a glimmer, in Leah's eye but Jake shook his head so I wouldn't see. Or that was the hope. There were thoughts there and I hoped they'd never be voiced.

"He's right on only one count, Bells. Leah should help you. I'll be outside." Then Jake left me. Jake never leaves. A small part of me said everyone leaves. Even my own mother.

"Bells", Leah said softly. "Come on. I'll run the shower." I heard water. She helped me up. Put me in and closed the door. The water helped. I sat and let it flow over me. I finally stood and washed. New tears fell. Everywhere I touched I could remember the soft caress of Edward's hands or his lips or his tongue. The memory was enough to cause a sensation in my groin. I felt like even my body was betraying me. I shouldn't still want him. He lied.

Leah helped me dry and dress and I crawled back into bed. She tried to get me to lay on the couch. A few minutes later I knew why. His scent permeated the sheets. But rather that shy away I pulled myself into the blankets again. And cried. And cried. Edward had lied, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him already.

 **How is Rose? How is Emmett? And what will Edward do about Bella? It would really serve him right if he needs to buy himself a private jet.**

 **And before anyone asks, yes, Leah does have more class than to steal Eddie's boxers.**

 **Please review! I love everyone's comments so far.**


	23. Chapter 23: Confessions

**Confessions**

 **Happy New Year! Yeah! A lot of people are riled at Bella's reaction. She's shocked, she's naked and she's thinking she's been completely used. Give her time. More importantly, Edward thinks she is fully justified. So, on with the story!**

 **EPOV**

I got on the plane five minutes late to a host of boos and hisses until someone yelled my name. Then, of course, I got a million congrats about little Elizabeth and every young lady on the plane was offering up the empty seat beside themselves. So far, no one knew about Rose. I covered all the bases as I apologized and said thank-you before ducking through the front curtain. The four other people in first class looked set to murder me – time is money, after all – and I really did like this reaction better. And at least I would be left to my own devices during the flight and not be forced to make small talk with a fan for four hours in the confines of the aircraft, especially with the way I was feeling.

So, I spent the next four hours with minor key tragic melodies floating around in my head. Bella. She was too distraught for me to even ask her to come. Maybe if I'd had a few hours I could have reasoned with her. Probably not even then. Not Bella. If anything, if I have any chance at all, this will take time. Her mom's had solid three years, and granted she hasn't worked very hard at it but Bella doesn't trust her in the slightest. Which makes what I did just that much worse. Just a week into her stay here Bella had been on the phone with the pet sitter when her mom missed a visit. She'd given her a chance and her mom had blown it – again. I'll work so much harder than that. Every single day. And I anticipate a tough road ahead. So, the seat beside me sits empty and it just reminds me of my complete stupidity when it comes to Bella.

Then there's my family. I wonder what they'll say when I tell them why Bella didn't come. I'd called every one of them more than once and told them all about Bella these last three weeks. Every conversation had me more excited. They all thought I was an idiot to not even ask her about Jake in the very beginning. Then again, so did Bella. But we worked that out. It had been easy. And ever since, everyone had been thrilled for me. Mom and Dad told me to bring her up to New York so they could meet her. I would love that. Alice said she'd take her shopping – she'd really hate it. Alice can outspend Eddie Masen in a heartbeat. Bella wouldn't have a clue what hit her. But she'd go along – I think no one says no to Eddie, but absolutely no one says no to Alice, including me. It's her gift. And Bella would love Rose. Everyone loves Rose – she'll pull through. She has to! For all of us, but especially for Emmett. He'll be lost without her. Rose has always been like my big sister. But her parents never liked Emmett; they never thought he was good enough for their daughter. He, like me, was a decent student but we weren't going to go to Harvard or become CEOs of anything. I was aiming for the symphony but would have probably been happy as a wedding singer or jingle writer. Emmett, if he couldn't make it as a studio musician he probably would have gone into sports radio, he loves football.

So Rose's parent's decided she should date someone respectable – a drummer certainly doesn't meet that criteria. At fourteen – they decided it was a simple crush, by eighteen they were courting for her. They liked this business student, who wanting to go into banking…if that's not respectable I don't know what is. Well, Rose didn't go for it, was kicked out of the house, moved in with the boys, Alice and Kate and started doing a little bookkeeping and taking some accounting courses. Her parents didn't even call her when this respectable kid and three of his respectable friends were charged with gang raping his girlfriend on campus a few months later. It could have been Rose. The kid is still doing time at Sing Sing and probably not enjoying it – sadistically I thought he was probably getting what he deserved. But there's no way to voice that out loud and simultaneously sound politically correct. Rose tried for three years to reason with her parents while I was in high school and at Julliard. Telling them that she's happy, Emmett's happy and they'll do whatever they need to to make ends meet, and, I quote 'we don't need a million dollars' (she told us, with much irony, later). At least she was good with numbers and she pooled all the resources in that house – her and Alice's income, basically, since free beer doesn't pay New York rents - and made them stretch. But this still wasn't good enough for them. So, she gave up and stopped calling them about six months before we finished Naked. They've called her since. She hasn't called back. I do hope she gets a chance. Emmett's toyed with the idea over the years of sending them copies of his tax return along with a police check showing a clean criminal record but hasn't followed through. It's probably for the best. It made me wonder if Emmett or Alice phoned them today. They should. Someone should. No one should hear anything for the first time on the radio. I decided firmly, my thoughts returning back to Bella like a boomerang. And back into despair I wallow.

No. It's too long a flight. I don't want to go there. Positive thoughts. Bella in New York would make me happy. She said she was there at Christmas with Ang. I always liked the museums, but I can't even go now. Not true, I corrected myself. I thought I couldn't go but Bella's the one who opened doors for me. I wouldn't have dared go into any city, much less any major tourist attraction before Bella. I wondered if I'd run into her in New York if there would have been that same pull that I felt when we'd first met. I couldn't imagine anything else. And, of course, I wondered if things would have been different if she'd met me as Eddie Masen. It could have happened that first day – if Leah had been over when I picked up the truck. It's too late to go back now. A happy Bella in New York - that would be the key.

Elizabeth would be a draw. I already know Bella loves all babies – a human one would also cause her to melt and coo. Emmett would annoy her for sure but she'd learn that he's harmless. And fun. Even Garrett was ready for a new wave of fans and said I could bring her up to Alaska for a visit. Kate would tell her how she managed the move from rural Alaska to the hustle and bustle of New York, trying not to shock her. In only six weeks Bella had become a part of my life so completely. Mom didn't even have to ask if it was serious. She knew. She worried about the tabloids. I told her I'd handle it, neglecting to mention Bella hadn't the faintest idea about any of it. Carlisle, being both dad and doctor, made sure I was fully aware of the consequences of a physical relationship. Really I had to ask, no one calls it that unless you were born a few centuries ago. You'd think being a doctor the word sex would be in his vocabulary. I got this lecture from him when I was twelve (two days after Emmett had his – Carlisle missed the mark with Emmett so thought he'd catch me early). Then he asked if he needed to courier me anything special knowing a trip to the pharmacy for me would be front page headlines. I declined without further explanation. First, the boys had it all covered; second, Bella and I had talked about it, and about not going there. Though, all of that changed last night. No one, of course, had thought to ask if I'd been stupid enough to do what I'd done. Who would? If I was honest with myself, I'd lied to them too. I'd made excuses when they wanted to talk to her on the phone, fearful, of course, that someone would say something I didn't want them to say. I'd only wanted her to be mine and I might have blown that completely.

Bella. Leah would take care of her. So would Jake. But I still worried. Leah did have a look of horror when Jake even suggested telling the world, so I hoped that would protect Bella. But Leah doesn't seem to have a filter – that, coupled with her Masen Hale obsession could be a recipe for disaster. Even if I think Leah will stay off Twitter she could still be insufferable with Bella. Bella's not likely to agree she's oh-so-lucky to be Eddiesgirl. But Bella will hold her own. She'll roll her eyes. Huff. Or just use a few choice words. And Bella won't feed into her fantasies and tell her about our night, she probably doesn't even want to remember. But I'll never forget how her body moved with mine no matter how long I live. There are no words to describe how I felt, but there's always music. And that's where my head always goes – a piece materialized out of thin air as I thought of Bella and me, together. That one is mine to keep. And Bella's if she's ever ready. Bella's shy question about chafing came back to me, and well, today I've learned one should not go commando in jeans. Even really nice jeans. Especially while thinking of Bella that way. And I shouldn't be. Not now. I need to apologize. Over and over and over. See if there's any possibility of us. Any possibility of trying to be a couple without secrets. And exactly what that would entail. Exactly. Telling her straight up might cause her to run, I know. Not telling her the truth – even the hint of a lie – will give her no other option. I don't want to lose her but my lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. Again, Eddie, I told myself for at least the hundredth time, there's the option to walk away. Settle down in Texas or Florida or just wherever Bella is, in hopes that she'd see that I really am the same person I've been all summer, just more honest. I'll play for her. She loved that.

As long as she doesn't get hurt through all this, I told myself. And then I nearly yelled out loud. She's already hurt. Were you even watching her? The total collapse of her belief in what we had? That every single moment was a lie? And it's your own stupid fault. Eddie. Millions hang on your every word. Even though they're not your words at all. And now, the one, the only one that actually listened to you, cared about you and not the pretense, you had to go and treat like she wasn't worth letting in. She will never forgive you. I told myself as tears rolled down my cheeks. The flight attendants know me. But I fly first class for many reasons. They're well trained. They brought me tissues, Perrier, a pillow and a blanket and let me be. They'd learn why I was upset soon enough. Or they'd think they did, anyway. Then I chastised myself again – that's what got me into this mess – it's not appearances that matter. It's the truth.

I was brought back to the here and now by the captain who came on the PA with the standard announcement about landing. This caused my other fears to rise to the surface as we started our descent. Emmett. Rose. I'm heading home for good reasons. My brother. Rose. Elizabeth. I called Alice the second I was allowed to use my phone and wasn't reassured when all she could tell me was that Rose was still alive. I bolted out the airplane door as soon as it opened and ran up the gangway and through the airport like my life depended on it. Alice had Laurent waiting at the exit and he whisked me to the car where James was waiting and we were off. No chances. Not today. But it didn't look like someone at the airline had decided to make a few extra bucks by telling the press I was on this flight. There were no cameras. Thank god. I probably looked crazed. And I was wearing two day old clothes and hadn't showered – unless you count a sponge bath in the airplane bathroom midflight where I let my tears really flow. I had to focus. I would talk to Bella as soon as possible but right now I had to get to Emmett. Halfway to the hospital Laurent and James finally asked where Bella was. I told them enough.

"That sounds like it was poor planning, Eddie." Laurent told me kindly. Poor planning? It's not like I fucking forgot flowers or a birthday card. Then I remembered – I'm not Edward Cullen anymore. I pay people to like me.

"Cut the crap, guys. Jake said it like it is. I'm an asshole. And now Bella has to suffer."

"Eddie. You've never been one of those guys. Before we got this gig we quit – working for someone who, due to legal issues, must remain nameless, unfortunately – because of the fucked up shit he was pulling. He had no regrets, no remorse and expected us to clean up his mess. You, you look like you're about to break. You need to be in two places at once. And you think you need to be two people; you don't Eddie – just be yourself. The most realistic moment in your life was that radio show. Tongue tied and in love. You didn't even have the girl then. Give her time. Maybe it will work out. In any case, I don't see you doing this ever again." Laurent's speech was over.

"Fucking hell, no." I just shook my head. Could it have been any worse? I didn't think so. What if she'd found out from Leah. She would have slapped me for sure. At Six Flags. She would have hidden it well – smiled at the girls and probably found a pen in her purse so I could sign autographs as we walked out of the park. Then, she would have given me a piece of her mind. The radio - If we'd been going out to run the dogs as usual and she'd heard what she'd heard she would have just thrown the radio at me. I already know she can leave me in the dust. In any case she would have been furious. But after giving of herself so completely, that moment of complete vulnerability, total trust in me, waking up in my arms and then, seconds later she learns I'm not exactly who I said I am. I kept telling myself I wasn't lying – right. Good one, Eddie. You managed to fool even yourself. Bella keeps everyone out. So she doesn't get hurt. Like her mom hurt her all those years ago. She let me in, in every conceivable way. Why couldn't I have done the same? And then, I up and left. For good reasons, I know, but still it will be like déjà vu for her. I hope she'll let me explain.

"Good. Lesson learned then." Laurent was guarded as I came to.

"Thanks Laurent. Alice is usually the one who knocks us down a few pegs. Or Esme. Good to know I can count on you too." We pulled into the hospital entrance, I hopped out and Laurent accompanied me. James went to park the car. I hate being babysat. There were reporters in the lobby but we braved the storm "Where's your girl, Eddie?" "Love the hair!" "Have you seen Elizabeth?" I wanted to slaughter the lot of them. They didn't know about Rose yet, it would be any minute, I knew, but it wouldn't be from me. But I hoped it meant that Leah and Jake were also protecting Bella. Thank god. We cut through the ER and got to the ICU still dodging flash bulbs and questions, I didn't have it in me to make a statement, which was a first. I knew my eyes were red and puffy; I didn't care about the photos. Fans would learn soon enough what was going on with Rose and understand. But Bella, what had I done? When I finally reached the waiting room Emmett just looked haunted and his eyes were bloodshot. I hugged him. My brother.

I wanted to ask him what went wrong, what had happened. But there's no way he could answer. Ten minutes later Carlisle walked in from the ICU. Alice and Jazz, Emmett and I and Esme all held our breath. I'd learned Kate and Garrett couldn't get a flight until the next morning, and that was with arranging a private charter. Kate would be distraught. Money doesn't buy everything. Carlisle hugged both of us tightly.

"Em." He said, "She's holding on. Still multiple transfusions and they gave her a sedative and a breathing tube for now. She's not out of the woods but her blood pressure's improving. I'm going to see what else I can meddle with. They haven't kicked me out yet." Carlisle had no privileges in this hospital but it certainly sounded like he didn't care.

I could swear I heard Emmett whispered "Thanks, Dad." A first. And at that I was tearing again. We sat in the waiting room, almost unmoving, for two days. Alice brought us food. I don't remember if we ate. Carlisle updated us whenever there was a change in Rose. The good news wasn't forthcoming and though Carlisle tried sound optimistic at times, I could tell he was lying. Now I know where I get it from. For his updates I know he tried not to use too much medical jargon but, still, most of it went over my head. Bella, she would have been the one to lay it out, tell me what it actually means when Carlisle started throwing around phrases like 'she's hyperkalemic and hypocalcaemic' and 'she's in hypovolemic shock.' To me, it all just sounded very bad. I understood when she needed yet another transfusion and cardiac arrhythmia was pretty easy to interpret but foreboding. The word hysterectomy was being used more and more but Rose had made her wishes abundantly clear. No. Emmett knew, to Rose, that would be a fate worse than death. Emmett would go into the ICU with a nurse, who looked like she'd been in tears herself, to sit with Rose whenever they'd let him. When he was in there I called Bella but only got voicemail. I texted her updates when I understood them as well as many, many, many more apologies but I also had to focus on Emmett. Emmett just shook his head in anguish every time he re-emerged from Rose's bedside. And he looked at Esme in horror when she suggested he take a little break and go up to the nursery. He wasn't there. So the next time he was in with Rose I took a ten minute trip with Laurent to the nursery myself. No one but parents should have been allowed in but I signed a few autographs while thinking of Jake's jibes. Then I was rewarded. I got a picture and I was able to hold her. It seemed everyone on the whole unit gathered round and immediately I felt more alive. Maybe I do need an audience. I hummed Elizabeth a little melody which caused her to turn to me and open her big blue eyes. Her eyes were so like Emmett's but she had all of Rose's beauty and then some. The last two days dealing with Rose, Emmett and Bella and my pent up fear, along with the fact that it was the longest I've gone in sixteen years without sitting at a piano, had made me crazy. Three minutes with music in my head and the world felt alright for a little while. I managed to rock Elizabeth to sleep and had a few tears. When I handed her back the nurses all asked me to give their best to Emmett, reassuring me his daughter was well taken care of. I should have felt guilty for using my celebrity but holding Elizabeth was priceless. That I had actually planned to stay away from her ate at me. The pros and cons of fame were always staring me in the face; can I ever come to terms with it all? Then the other question remained – could Bella possibly forgive me and adapt to all this at the same time when I still haven't figured it out after four years? Is it too much to ask for?

The next morning, Carlisle was looking haggard but he came in to the waiting room for the first time in three days with a real smile. It was really, really good news. The bleeding had stopped. They thought they could take the breathing tube out the following day. Rose was getting a few more pints of blood but she was no longer sedated. Carlisle pulled Emmett to his feet. "Just Em, for now. Hang tight everyone." I gave Emmett my phone. "Show her a picture of your daughter."

Ten minutes later Carlisle came back marching towards me and I heard the tone of his voice. He was livid. "Rose wants to talk to you. Now. Whatever the hell you did she shouldn't be this riled up. She can't talk. But I'm sure you'll get the gist."

Heads had turned and whispers started as I walked down the hall but given that I'd been here for three days and had only signed a few dozen autographs when I went to see Elizabeth – well that was nothing short of miraculous. It might have something to do with Carlisle. He left me at the doorway and I was welcomed to the ICU room to a middle finger from Rose. I have never been so thrilled to see her. Or so terrified. She'd only been allowed one visitor and, of course, that had to be Emmett. She had IVs – I counted six and other tubes and wires were everywhere. She didn't look out of the woods by far. Then there were the monitors – three screens with information that was blinking and scrolling that I couldn't hope to interpret. And I could smell the blood. Good thing I'd talked to Bella a lot the last few weeks about medical things – she was helping me through even now, as I stood in fear. But Rose just glared at me, her finger still stretched and waving making sure it wasn't missed. That was Rose. That was Rose MAD. I almost smiled – she really was going to be just fine. She typed on my phone. YOU ASS! I had to guess she read my texts.

I just nodded.

GO BACK! I shook my head.

Then, she replied to Bella on my phone. EDWARD AN ASS. TOLD HIM 4 U. BABY GOOD. LUV ROSE. Then she attached the photo of Elizabeth. She hadn't even met Bella and was treating her like family. My family welcomed her in every way but I shut her out. Rose is right, I am a complete ass.

"Rose. She's pissed. For good reason." She had only read my multitude of apologies but didn't know the story. She did manage to beat a part of it out of me by repeatedly pressing the question mark on the phone when she wasn't getting enough details, was even more livid, and gave me the finger yet again. I could see the monitors reacting. We stopped our bickering as three nurses rushed in to make sure Rose was OK. I was pretty sure the ICU was one nurse to one patient but I couldn't deny then that this hypervigilance had probably saved her life. While they checked everything Emmett and I looked at each other and I knew he thought the same. We were more than lucky to be us. And to have Rose back. I love that she is as stubborn as a mule – to think she has the gall to call me an ass.

After the nurses finished checking every line and connection and we reassured them that we didn't need anything, they left. Then, I finally got to ask Rose how she's feeling. It took her a long time to type out her reply.

BETTER. TELL THEM TO TAKE OUT THE TUBE NOW. I WANT TO SHOVE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. I couldn't help but smirk. She and Bella would be best friends.

Only Rose could make people laugh in the ICU."When you're ready Rose. Rest."

ELIZABETH?

"I wrote her a song. She's absolutely precious and Alice got her a whole wardrobe. The nurses are doting on her, don't worry. All of them are fans."

I HOPE SHE DOESN'T GET AN EGO. Rose, worried already.

"She has the nurses wrapped around her finger. They love you and are telling her all the stories they know about you and Emmett. She'll be happy to see you. I'll leave you with Emmett, Rose. Rest." She had one final note to me before I took back my phone. CALL HER. YOU LOVE HER. I nodded. And Rose smiled. I don't usually admit my feelings so candidly. But she still shook her finger at me. I was going to get a verbal lashing later. Anyway, I didn't even know if I was allowed my phone in here. The nurses weren't saying anything, but that could be because it's us. I squeezed Rose's hand gently before I left, I was too scared to get any closer with all the tubes. That, and I thought she might really try to slug me and then we'd have even more nurses come running. I don't think patient confidentiality would apply to me if I somehow developed a black eye.

I found an empty room for families and barricaded the door. I did as Rose asked and tried to call Bella again. Voicemail, yet again (I might want keep calling just to hear her voice) but this time I left a long message. Basically grovelling. She could post it to YouTube and I'd be done. But I'd deserve it. I'd take it. I tried Leah next. More of the same. I asked her to please call me or have Bella call. Or have Jake call. I wished I had Jake's number. I wanted him to yell at me again. As I sat for a minute a tiny little piece of me was actually hoping Leah might just cave and call me back for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to talk with Eddie Masen. And that fleeting thought made me feel even more horrible, which I didn't think was anywhere near possible. Shallow and unworthy of Bella. It would serve me right if I'd lost her.

Talking to Carlisle was worse than talking to Rose. He has a voice and wasn't afraid to use it.

"You did WHAT?" He had obviously heard the first time, but I managed to repeat myself – that I hadn't told Bella about the band and she found out from the radio - for Esme's benefit.

"Bella…" Esme was more than worried for her. "What did you say?" But she got it even faster than I could explain. "YOU LEFT HER THERE? Edward. I thought we taught you…" I thought the same way about myself. No I thought worse. Way worse. But I wasn't about to tell them the whole sordid tale.

"I love her, mom."

"Showed it too, didn't you, deceiving her like that." That's mom. To the point. "Edward. You have a career that looks glamorous on the outside. But you know the price you pay – fame and fortune may not be the most important things in this world. You need to figure out what you value. And that the person you bring into your life values the same things. If you want her to be a part of your world Edward, she's got to know what that entails. Decide if she can handle it, if she even wants to. " And, so, it took mom to explain it. That even though I thought I could shield Bella from the chaos that was my life, it would mean she couldn't be in my life. And now, maybe she never would.

"She won't talk to me. I've called." My voice broke. And though mom had made her feelings known – she didn't have to say it but I heard it loud and clear _I thought we raised you better than this_ – she now put her arms around me and then shook me to my senses.

"Enough Edward. It's done. Now go to her. Rose will be extubated tomorrow. Carlisle says she's stable. Maybe a few more days in hospital. She's weak but much better. I understand Rose gave you a piece of her mind. We all will." And this is why even a sometimes pretentious, certainly overly sensitive and often very, very wrong rock star needs a mom.

"But Emmett needs me."

"He has us. Garrett and Kate are here now. Talk to Emmett. You're going to need to show Bella who you really are. It's no guarantee."

When I broke down with Emmett, and after he yelled at me for a good ten minutes – both for upsetting Rose and for what I did to Bella, he was the one to call the airline. And Laurent. I was getting a flight back to San Antonio the next day. Mom's right, I have to try.

 **How is Bella fairing? Will what Edward has to say be enough?**


	24. Chapter 24: Breakdown

**Breakdown**

 **A/N: There's a lot more angst and tears until the epilogue. Bring tissues and/or your frustrations! I love all the reviews and comments. Or, if you want to bypass the angst you can just skip to what I currently presume will be chapter 34 for the happy ending. I don't really think that's a spoiler;) Sorry, I haven't had time to thank all reviewers and haven't been able to since there seems to be a glitch in the review system since Dec 30 - but I still love reading all of them! Please PM for questions/comments!**

 **BPOV**

Jake came back into the room after I showered, dressed and buried myself in the covers. I had to stop him from climbing into bed with me. He shares a bed with Leah now.

"I'll come out, Jake. Give me a minute." At least I had my voice back though it was still hoarse. It took me a lot more than a minute and Leah's help but I did manage to crawl out of bed and sit with him on the couch as I cried into his chest. For hours. Leah made us breakfast with the contents of Edward's fridge. And pancakes and bacon caused more tears. They stayed with me all day, Leah sat with me when I insisted on going back to bed and cried into the still unwashed sheets. I heard my phone ring and beep frequently later that day indicating calls and texts. Eddie – I thought with scorn. Leah brought it to me but I just shut it off. I couldn't deal with it yet. Maybe never. For two days they alternated sitting with me or just watching TV while I slept and cried. Leah slept with me while Jake slept on the couch for two nights. At first, Leah tried to change the station or the channel whenever something about Rose, Eddie or Masen Hale or the baby came on TV or the radio but there was no point, so I stopped her - it was constant. Leah's right - they are everywhere. I couldn't get away from Masen Hale – news of the baby and someone had found out that first day that Rose was in the ICU. I shocked myself at how devastated I felt for Emmett and baby Elizabeth and Leah cried for Rose. I was chastising myself a lot thinking that Edward had made it up, another lie, just a way to escape. That would have been really low. Eddie's – I corrected myself again. The news reports I could listen to but Leah and Jake quickly learned to change the station when even a hint of a Masen Hale song came on, especially Naked. I would start to hyperventilate. The third night was immensely hard, Leah stayed but Jake had leave – a pack of coyotes had killed a calf. The expression on his face was familiar I realized, torn like Edward's, when he'd left. I shooed Jake out with fake bravado then tears ran free again.

Leah was supporting me as much as she knew how. But I could tell her allegiances were divided. She loves Masen Hale. At first, she was quiet, she would answer any random question I had about the band, but didn't volunteer her typical plethora of information possibly thinking it would upset me even more. At my insistence she showed me pictures of the band and they all looked completely perfect. Eddie's dark locks looked foreign to me but he looked like himself anywhere near a piano. Of course, I cried. The green eyes stood out. I would have recognized those eyes anywhere, but it seems, not everyone is that observant as I thought of our outings. I certainly wasn't ready for video. Later though, I was even more stupid, and I finally read Edward's texts and listened to his messages from the last few days. More tears ensued. I wanted to believe he was sorry, that he did, in fact, want to tell me. That day. Yeah, right. All I had were his actions. Midway through the morning there was another text. Edward's phone but signed by Rose. Weird. But I'm smitten with babies of all species and the attachment she sent was priceless. I would have texted Rose a thanks but I didn't want to send Eddie Masen anything. It could have been from him. Leah was in awe staring at little Elizabeth. Now that I could actually form cohesive sentences without going completely off the deep end, she was back to her fandom and pointed out there were no photos of Elizabeth anywhere – she'd looked. At least she was honest. As mad as I am I'm not going to post it. I'm not vindictive. Besides, Elizabeth has nothing to do with any of this. And if Leah's reaction was any indication Elizabeth would have pictures posted soon enough, I don't need to help things along. She's only a baby. I'm glad Leah didn't point out there were no photos of Eddiesgirl either. I didn't want her to bring out her camera. That though brought more tears and I started to wonder if I wasn't being a baby. Summer romance, great sex, so what if he's a rock star? But I knew. It wasn't just him I was missing, it was a piece of myself. Meeting him, being with him was never just a summer thing for me. I'd lied to him too.

Later, there was a long message - Eddie apologizing again – I could barely listen, I wound up sobbing and shaking. Then, I did something really, really stupid even though Leah tried to dissuade me. I played with Eddie's computer. I found a whole folder on Masen Hale and just hit play. And then I went to bed. All day I listened to Edward's voice, so obvious now that I knew it was him. And I cried. I sent Leah home. Then I cried. And I cried some more. I wondered when this despair would end.

I crawled out of bed early the next morning and showered. Washing my face and drying my tears multiple times than morning. I had to go out with Dr. Snow and needed to at least look like I wanted to be there. I left a message for Leah and Jake and headed to the clinic. They would worry. I joined Dr. Snow asked the right questions and loved the animals as always and I figured I'd ask to go with him every single day for the rest of the summer – it would keeping my brain from wandering elsewhere – when, at the end of the day, Dr. Snow put his hand on my shoulder.

"Bella. You're going to make a great vet. This is your reference letter." He handed me an envelope. "Just take next week off. Think things through. Bella, I moved out here after my wife died, thinking that getting away from reminders of her would make things better. It hasn't. I miss her just as much here as I did there." Jake must have told him about Edward while they were dealing with the calf. I didn't know. All I could do was thank him and sit in my car for a long time in tears.

I called Jake to yell at him. He could have sabotaged my career. He didn't even apologize.

"Bells. I can't stand to see you like this. Neither can Leah. Admit it. You love him. Cullen. Masen. Eddie. Edward. Everything single thing you told me about him Bells, Leah has confirmed. We've talked about nothing else the whole day. And I've never watched so much YouTube in my life. He's certainly a showman and he's never ever off key. Masen Hale is actually really good but I've officially determined their fans are decidedly nuts. Eddie's got way more patience than I do with those crowds. I would've swatted the lot of them." Jake groaned just then and that told me Leah was there and she'd slugged him or even kicked him in the nuts. It didn't stop him.

"Eddie's friendly in interviews, Bells, but sometimes he seems to put his guard up; here he didn't seem to have a care in the world. And he never had so much as a moment of hesitation when answering questions about his love life until that interview. Because it was non-existent. Until he met you, Bells. And he doted on you the whole time he was here. Though, he obviously made you feel needlessly guilty about paying for everything."

"Jake…" I couldn't even go there. Edward wouldn't tell me who he was but that didn't stop him from paying god knows what for every outing we had. Jake caught on quickly and changed tactics.

"Bells…He may have been a totally deceitful prick not telling you he was in Masen Hale but everything else checks out. And he told you about his parents way before the whole world knew. According to Leah fans are even more enamoured with Eddie and Emmett now than even before - if that's even effing possible. But, of course, the focus is on Rose now. Leah is still fraught with worry; I can't even pretend to understand. I really was going to tell you to send him packing, for doing what he did but you're hurting and I don't think Leah or I will help. Eddie begged me to ask you to hear him out when he comes back but that's not why I'm asking, Bells. You need to know. Everything. Just listen to him when he comes back, Bells, find out the real story. Then decide. And you don't have anything else to worry about. Leah and I we've worked things out. We just want what's best for you. Think about everything, OK, Bells?" That was quite the speech about feelings from Jake. I think it's the longest I've actually heard him talk. Usually I pry a nod or a shake of his head out him as a response.

" 'Kay." was my stilted reply, through new tears, and only because I had to vocalize on the phone but I wasn't actually convincing. My half nod half head shake was what he would have seen if he'd been sitting with me. I still didn't know what to do, but I figured I had time. Rose was still in hospital still in 'critical condition' according to the radio. I looked at the picture of Elizabeth for the hundredth time and hoped the precious little girl wouldn't have to grow up without a mom. I planned go back to the vineyard, sit on the couch, cry, put on the whole fucking Masen Hale playlist again and again and again and cry some more. And Leah had reluctantly given me the link to a half dozen fan sites including her own. I could torture myself all night long listening to and reading about Eddie and the band. Should I hear him out? Do I even want to? I have no idea. Not in the slightest. No decisions, not yet. But I should probably wash those damn sheets.

I drove into the vineyard and I stopped cold as soon as I turned into the drive. The truck was back. Eddie Masen was back. It was too soon. I wasn't ready. I was nowhere near ready.

I steeled myself for the tears again and they flowed with no end in sight.

He stood frozen on the porch. I just sat in the car wondering if I should just leave. Run to Jake. He'd help me, I reasoned. But he also suggested I do this. Eddie – more tears rolled down my cheeks – had yet to move. If we stayed like this for much longer we'd turn to stone.

I could barely see but I climbed out of the car and walked up towards the house not even bothering to try to hide my distress.

"Bella…" He reached out but I shook my head, I just passed him and walked into the house and sat on the couch. And waited. He came in and sat in a chair facing me. I cried but when he stood to reach for me I put my hand out - stop. I wouldn't let him come any closer and he sat back down.

"How's Rose?" was the first question out of my mouth even before I could stop myself. I sounded rational. He seemed shocked that I didn't have a string of profanities at the ready.

"OK. Out of hospital in two or three days according to Carlisle. She got out of ICU just before I headed to the airport."

"Good. Leah was beyond worry." I told him. "Me too." And then, I didn't know the rules.

"Can I …let her know?" He just nodded. Leah answered on the first ring.

"He's back."

"Shit."

"Yeah. Rose just got out of ICU. I just… thought you'd want to know."

She let out the biggest sigh of relief. Even Eddie heard it. "Thanks, Bells. I'm headed to Jake's. I'll let him know. I hope you listen to him. It took us a long time to make up that speech." I teared. Jake and Leah were the best friends a girl could ever have. She let me go and I sat there with the phone to my ear for a little while. Stalling. I didn't know where to go from here. My anger was resurfacing.

"OK, Eddie." I said. I hated it. More tears flowed again but I didn't stop them. "Say whatever it is you need to say."

"Edward, Bella, please. I go by Eddie only on stage. My whole family calls me Edward. Edward Cullen. I didn't set out to deceive you. I love you. Though, I know you're a long way from believing that. You're far more welcome in my family than I am at the moment."

"Why then, Edward?" my voice was small. I needed some kind of explanation. I wanted to run back to Florida but knew I'd have hide under a rock to get away. I own a radio.

"I've asked myself that all summer. And a million times in the last few days. I thought Eddie Masen could just disappear for the summer. I could write what I wanted to write and actually have a life, be me and not some dreamed up fantasy. The way you asked me to go for a run – when we first met – so casual, flippant even, was endearing. You couldn't have known I hadn't done that for four years without an entourage. And you light up around anything and anyone you love: animals, Jake, Sam, Paul and then it started happening with me. I'm judged by millions every day, Bella, I didn't want the same for you. I thought we could maybe be friends when I thought Jake was your other half. Though, that wasn't working for me at all. And then when I found out otherwise…" I remembered the exact moment when my lips touched his for the first time. It was like time stood still. Would it have been different if I'd known? Would I have cared? Focus Bella.

"So you fell in love with a country girl named Bella." Yeah Right. I tried to disconnect. "Were you planning on telling her who you really are? On stage?" Talking about myself in the third person seemed to work well. At least there weren't more tears. I don't think I had more tears.

"Did I have a speech planned? Hundreds. None of them exactly right. I thought about different ways to tell you. I hoped it would work out. I wanted to tell you on my terms, and not for you to find out like that. I can't say how sorry I am." Edward teared. I still needed more.

"There was ample opportunity Edward. 'Oh, really, you own the vineyard? I didn't know that. Gee, guess what, it must have slipped my mind to tell you, say the last twenty times you told me Leah has gushed over that band - I'm in it. Not just in it but the lead singer.' It just seems really odd that not once in six weeks did you and Leah run into each other. Were you avoiding her? Did you think she'd recognize you?" I was rambling. But I thought it was much better than being curled up on the floor barely holding myself together.

"No, I wasn't avoiding her. And Leah recognizing me, that would have been a million times better than what did happen. And I saw her once, at Jake's, remember? She certainly wasn't paying any attention to me. She was very busy, I really probably should have introduced myself. She wouldn't have cared. And she hasn't exactly made it her mission to meet me either – she's been a little preoccupied as of late." Yes. Leah and Jake had certainly not just been kissing that morning. Leah. Eddie Masen. Something would have given.

"She would have made time. I guarantee." I told him. No doubt.

"Yeah. Go Figure. For Eddie Masen. That wouldn't be a surprise to me, Bella. Everyone makes time for him." This actually upset him. I couldn't smile and neither did he. He was using the same technique I just did and it sounded like he did it often. I didn't doubt, just then, that he spoke the truth. "I just wanted to be Edward. But I took it too far. WAY too far. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Us."

"There is no us. Not now. Maybe if I knew. I just feel violated. I gave you everything…" I started to tear again but blinked furiously, I needed to get this out even though I could barely speak. He looked like he wanted to pull me into his arms but thought better of it.

"I know. I'm sorry. So sorry. I wish I'd done something differently. Anything. That night, I don't want to think it with how much I've hurt you, but it was the best night I've ever spent, Bella. In your arms." He started to tear again. I was sobbing, even as he leaned forward, though, I shook my head. I couldn't let him touch me. I couldn't even think about that night. I was shaking again and he handed me a blanket from the opposite chair even though it was probably a hundred degrees, careful not to even brush my fingertips. I nodded in thanks and wrapped myself up.

"I'm sorry, Bella. But I want to – I need to - lay it on the line. I don't know if you'll ever want to see me again." His voice broke. "What if I had told you, how would you have felt?"

"Still blindsided, probably, but how do I know?" I honestly, in all likelihood, wouldn't have believed him. Eddie Masen? Yeah, right, would have been my response. Then, when I got over that, I would have called Leah. Guess what? I would have asked and then told her. She would have burst into a fit of laughter. It would have probably been quite amusing. I could picture Leah clear as day actually coming over and stopping in her tracks. Then shrieking. What would I have done then? Would that have been before or after I kissed him? And would I have kissed him if I had known? Would it have changed how I felt about him then? Does it change how I feel about him now? I didn't have answers to any of those questions but none of that even matters. It doesn't matter because that's not how it went down. It was humiliating. "It didn't happen. And hearing it on the radio, after losing my virginity to the person who I was supposed to trust most in this world was a little lower than low, don't you think?"

He just nodded understanding my point of view, still tearing and whispering, "I'm sorry."

"It even goes downhill from there, Edward. I'll give you just one guess as to what song was going through my head."

"Oh, god, Bella… NO! Never. I would never…I'm sorry. I can't…" At least he got it. He had his head bowed and his whole body was shaking. The memory was as vivid for him as it was for me. I wasn't backing down even through my tears. I had to get this out.

"So. Tell me Edward. I'm waiting. I gave you a lot of opportunities come to think of it. 'oh, I Iove this song' – 'Gee Bella that's great. That's actually my band'. Paid in beer, Edward? That certainly wasn't last week or even last year." I had to take a deep breath. Leah had said millions, and I shut her down. I couldn't even think about the money. I didn't want to. He's so out of my league. He probably has more spare change in his sock drawer than I have tied up in the vineyard. "Was I fucking supposed to read between the lines when you said you play Naked a lot? Or just fuck you? And, seriously, you go to concerts with your brother, really Edward? I can't even make some of this shit up!" I didn't know it was even possible to yell and cry and swear simultaneously. I hope I never need to do it again. I was yelled out. He just looked at me shaking his head – he remembered saying every one of those words to me. Though now he looked like he wanted to take it all back. My voice quieted to a normal volume. I sounded almost human again. Calm. "But I digress. Tell me what you should have told me, if not when we met at least before we kissed. And WAY before we…" I didn't need to finish that sentence. He nodded. I waited for Edward to speak. I'd gotten a lot out. I waited a very long time.

"Bella. I, uh, you know, I like to sing and play piano. And I told you my brother and a couple of friends have a band." I nodded once. I figured I should try to make an effort too.

"Well, we started out in clubs, while I was in school. Then, we caught a break. I had to drop out of Julliard." He said. This was no longer news to me. Though it would have been four days ago and probably a good segue. Maybe he had really thought about how this might go.

"Really?" He knew that I knew. This was to keep him talking.

"Well… come on, Bella, this is silly."

"It's for practice. Think of it as a rehearsal. You must do those. The next girl will thank me." The tears started but I still looked at him with anticipation. I needed to know.

"Never again, Bella. And I hope I can do something, anything…I don't ever want another girl. I want you." I couldn't respond. He can't. The way Leah talks, he's... very much in demand. Even Leah had fantasies about him, before Jake, I amended. I hope. But he doesn't do that, she said. So I get to be the girl. #Eddiesgirl. Right. I had to redirect the conversation. I hmmmed. That's good. It doesn't make me look like I feel, like I'm going to fall apart.

"A band, you say. That sounds like fun. Are you on the radio?" I asked, back to our stupid game.

"A lot."

"Sounds great. Where do you play?"

"Stadiums, mostly. We're pretty popular."

"And what's your band's name?"

"Masen Hale."

"Oh, is that the band where that guy took his shirt off?" My voice and face completely expressionless. That was good.

"Bella. That was the stupidest…no, the second stupidest, thing I've ever done." I couldn't even pretend to smile. Neither did he.

"Now, Edward. Please tell me if that was as hard as what you actually did." I still didn't understand. At all.

"No."

"Good. Maybe I'll look you up in December, after the show in New York. I might be less bitter by then." I curled up on the couch. I knew I wouldn't get past security. And I certainly didn't want to be a groupie. I wouldn't be able to watch him on stage anyway. "Just give me a minute. I'll head home. Stay for the summer, or go, Edward. Whatever you want. Regardless, I cancelled the rental." I let the tears flow. I'd said my peace. I would leave in a little while. Let Edward pack. He wouldn't dare stay. Tomorrow, I'll beg Dr. Snow to take me back. And the rest of the summer I'll work with Jake, Quil and Embry for eighteen hours a day and try not to think about Eddie Masen. Work, that's all I was going to do this summer. I better get back at it. Manual labour. Even that thought didn't get me away from thoughts of Edward. The porch. If I could have seen myself in a mirror I would have probably said I looked like someone died. Someone like me. Edward was still in the chair. Defeated. But the next second he was kneeling beside the couch, beside me, I hadn't even seen him move. And I certainly wasn't expecting what came out of his mouth next.

"Bella. I love you. Come back to New York with me. Please. Meet Rose. Elizabeth. They'll be out of hospital in a couple days, Carlisle thinks. Just for a few days. See if you survive the crazy. I want you to understand what this is all about if you ever decide to forgive me." He was quiet. He didn't want me to know his name but now he wants me to dive in headfirst. I don't get it.

I just stared at him like he was totally nuts. Yeah. Fly to New York on a whim. Hell, why not? I could think of a million reasons. Eddie Masen was reason number one. I thought we'd covered all our bases. But Jake did tell me to hear him out. So I did what I usually do when I can't make up my mind. I called Jake. Told him I'd talked to Edward and corrected him when he called him Eddie. I babbled about what Edward and I had talked about so far for however many minutes through more tears and then told him about Edward's request.

I asked, "Jake, should I go to New York?"

"Bells, do what your heart tells you. It might clear the air between you and him. He sounds like he's at a loss too. As much as I don't want to defend the a-hole, I've seen how he looks at you Bells. And meeting his family, that might tell you a hell of a lot. And then you can see if there's anything there worth pursuing. At least…you'll know." Jake, my voice of reason.

I got off the phone and Edward asked, worried. "Are you going to always call Jake for advice?" I nodded. In tears. Confused. I still couldn't make up my mind.

"Good. I like him." He said, nodding. No other comment from Edward could possibly have made me even consider getting my ass on that plane.

 **Bella. Confused. Torn. Still in love. Will she realize it?**

 **Edward is next. And so is the paparazzi.**


	25. Chapter 25: Back to New York

**Back to New York**

 **EPOV**

I had the tiniest glimmer of hope. Bella is really and truly coming to New York. I'd been grasping at straws when I asked her. I had nothing else. I saw her drifting away. I saw that concert in New York and I knew I would have been looking everywhere for her. Wondering. I would have done that show. Just in case she was there. Then, no more Eddie Masen. Just watching her walk towards me and into her house at the vineyard I didn't think there'd be anything I could say to win her back. But Bella, being Bella, needed to ask about Rose and reassure Leah even before turning attention to herself and her own feelings. She is so selfless. I think that will be both a blessing and a curse as I try to explain. I want to help her see that her own happiness is worth pursuing. She was happy with me, very happy. I hope I could get her to feel that way again. But can I do it with the world watching? I can try. I know my other option.

After she said yes to New York, well, her yes was actually "I don't know but Jake thinks I should go." And then the words "I trust him." I nodded. I will owe Jake my whole life for this if it works. I would have taken anything, done anything at all to bring her home. Even if she asked to bring Leah. Maybe I would have offered that next. Bella wouldn't disappoint a friend. I felt horrible for even thinking of manipulating her like that. Thank goodness I didn't have to. I finally got Jake's number from Bella. She certainly couldn't drive but she shook her head when I told her I'd find a hotel telling me that would be unfair. Unfair after what I've put her through? And refunding my rent? Only Bella. I wanted to tell her she was being ridiculous but that would have upset her. I hoped she did it on principle and not for the reasons I'd thought about.

I called Jake and told him about New York. I also asked him to pick her up that night to take her home. He didn't yell at me, just calmly said he was on his way. I don't think he'd left anything unsaid on our last meeting anyway. But obviously he wanted what was best for Bella. Was it possible that could include me? I thanked him, both for talking to Bella and for coming for her.

"It's all for her, Edward. Give her space, give her time. If you hurt her again…" Jake is her best friend. And currently my only ally. He would become my worst enemy if I didn't listen to every word he spoke.

I picked her up the next morning at the cabin. Leah was there – I saw her car - but she didn't come out. I wanted to bet Jake asked her to stay inside and I was grateful. I wouldn't have been up for signing autographs. And I still wondered if Bella would change her mind and bolt before we got on the plane. Jake just gave Bella a hug, wiped her tears and helped her into the truck. He looked at me, helpless, like I needed to fix this. I was going to try but I still had no idea how. She didn't speak in the truck on the way there though she did shake her head furiously when she was shown to first class. It didn't impress her. I guessed it wouldn't. If she'd been her usual self I would have seen her eyes roll. I would have loved that. I was glad Jake still had the keys to the Ferrari, or what was left of it. Bella shivered and pulled away when I tried to touch her hand on the plane. I just asked for a blanket and some tissues for her and watched her tears, helpless, like Jake. The flight attendants were wondering about who she was but knew better than to ask. I kept up a pretty good near-monologue on the flight stopping mid-sentence whenever anyone but Bella was in earshot. I'll be in the tabloids anyway, I don't need any direct quotes. I told her everything I thought I couldn't tell her before about the band, the tours and the fans. She nodded appropriately but had been well versed by Leah, I assumed, as well. She had a few questions about the tours and the places I'd been, especially London, but I couldn't tell her much other than we never sightsee. Both because of our schedule doesn't allow it and because fans would make it impossible for us to even take a stroll across Tower Bridge.

This is the difficult part. Telling her about the complete lack of privacy, the inability to go anywhere without, at least, Laurent. Which, of course, boils down to why we're here. Why I was hiding from the world. And why I kept myself hidden from her. So far, she couldn't see it. I could only point out the whispering among the flight attendants near the cockpit wondering if the girl with me is really Eddiesgirl.

"Really. Paranoid. Edward." She didn't believe it. But she did start paying more attention to the looks.

I didn't want her to think I wasn't grateful. She knows I love music. I was finally able to share how surreal it is to reach so many people doing what comes so naturally to me. Doing what I love. She remembered again.

"You'd play. No matter what." She said simply. I nodded. She so understands me. Truthfully, I'm paid to be on stage. To write music. That's not necessary. No one would believe I'd do all of that for free. Except Bella. I wanted to play just for her again. Soon. There's more she needs to know. About me and my life.

"But there are perks, Bella. Substantial perks." That caused a shiver. I changed course – she does need to know about the money but that will have to wait. Which meant I couldn't really tell her about my place or my piano. Instead, I told her again how much the summer meant to me. Because of her. And why I love her. She listened now, taking way more of it in than in the bedroom that morning. But, still, she was wary. One lie amidst a thousand truths and I know what anyone will remember. I knew it would take time. But this was progress. No yelling, no cursing. She didn't lock herself in the bathroom the whole flight. I'll take it. By the end of the flight Bella was just staring when the flight attendant asked her about another drink. She was too stunned to speak. I just asked for Perrier for both of us.

"I nearly told her to take a picture." she said after we got our drinks.

"Not a good idea, Bella. Just smile." She tried. It looked forced but I nodded. We'd need something to get off the plane. I didn't want to be right. But, after everything, she had to know the truth.

Laurent met us at the gate and I introduced them. A look of recognition crossed her face and I wondered what Leah had told her about Laurent that I hadn't. I could guess when she grimaced. He noticed Bella's discomfort like I did and was candid.

"Don't worry Bella. We protect him. James tracks the fans like a hawk. No one touches Eddie."

He gave Bella a hug which she returned. She wouldn't let me touch her but she'd hug a stranger. Laurent's right. No one touches me, even the girl I love. I glared at Laurent but he just ignored me, focusing on Bella. He's right. I need to be put in my place. Laurent was using his newfound freedom every chance he got. Laurent's ears were tuned. He took my bag and steered us both quickly towards the car as I heard the first calls of "Eddie!"

Bella listened to me. She smiled and let herself be guided by Laurent. Usually I would at least acknowledge the calls and sign few autographs. Not today. Bella was my sole focus.

"Keep him on a leash, Bella." He continued, helping quickly her into the car. She was so out of her element she wouldn't even let Laurent carry her bag. I'm glad he didn't bring a limo. Or acknowledge the cameras. He was goading me and helping Bella focus. That took talent. And it worked.

"I'm currently seeing if buying a leash is worth the effort." She told him. And I deserve it. But she said this without emotion, every word a struggle. I'm a long, long way from winning her back.

In the car I told her even more about Rose's ups and downs and she confessed she read my texts two days later. At least she read them. I finally told her my family was appalled with me, and that Emmett had booked my flight. She shrank into the seat and cried again, either with the mention of family or just with everything to do with the whole surreal situation. I couldn't hold her and at this point music certainly wouldn't soothe her. Laurent handed her tissues and a bottle of water, and when she had a few sips, dried her eyes and wiped her face she looked perfect. It saddened me that she could hide her emotions so quickly. I didn't bother, with Rose and Emmett, but especially with what I've put Bella through, my face wasn't hiding anything. But I had to at least give her a warning. Prepare her.

To start with, all I did was breathe. She picked up on it instantly. "You're worried?" she asked. She is so in tune with me. She even noticed.

I nodded. "About everything." But I couldn't start from the beginning again. We didn't have time.

"They'll be photos, Bella. Hundreds of photos." I told her. "As soon as we're seen together, you'll be Eddie's girl. It can't be undone."

"You could just trade in that fancy car of yours for a DeLorean. Then all your problems would be solved." She deadpanned. So either Jake or Sam or Paul had told her about the Ferrari. I would have, but she'd already been running scared. What I wouldn't give to be Marty McFly. I could have a do-over. Do it right. Go back in time to that first moment at the grocery store – it would have been easy. Introduce myself, buy her the albums, give my number to the cashier if her grand-daughter had any questions about Julliard and ask Bella for her number. I wonder if she would have given it to me. But that kind of thing only happens in the movies. If I could have seen into the future to this point in time I would have done anything to change it.

"It's not going to be that easy." I told her. She shook her head.

"Jake crash it?" I asked.

"Paul wouldn't let him." She said, I shrugged. The car was in one piece, Bella was broken – I'd change that in a nanosecond.

"I would have." I told her. She didn't smile, not even the fake one. She probably thought it wasn't the truth.

"Guys, we're here." Laurent interrupted. "Rose will be discharged before you get upstairs if we don't get a move on." Laurent had backed the car into a spot in the parkade for a quick getaway. We would need it. I was worried about walking all the way in through the main doors, and we didn't have James. According to Laurent, James was bringing Emmett back, the only reason they'd left was that Rose had insisted on a change of clothes and would only let Emmett retrieve them. Sometimes it takes a personal touch, and though I worried about us I was glad Emmett hadn't been too stubborn to listen. That usually gets him into trouble with Rose.

Laurent opened the door and I tensed again. Bella has no idea what's out there. I shouldn't have brought her. She shouldn't have come. I was really starting to panic. The press – they're vultures. And they're certainly ready to feed on a sweet, innocent girl like Bella.

"So Bella, Rose is in Rm 910 – at the end of the first hall on nine. Do you want to go up on your own or with us?" I was scared. If anyone even suspected she was with the band she'd be mobbed. But then, I had a much better solution.

"Laurent could take you directly to my parents' place. I could meet you there. Avoid the press. For now." I wanted to say until you decide. But I couldn't even go there. She contemplated everything. I have to give her credit. But she really doesn't know. I don't have any idea how to explain the complete pandemonium. I'd tried on plane but I'm not sure I was thorough enough. I'd already told her about the fans, the cameras and the anything-for-a-story reporters. Saying 'you have to be there' is a cop out and would probably just encourage her to get out of the car.

"With you." She said. "No more secrets." I understood. That shouldn't be why she's doing this. All or nothing. Bella leaps before she looks – and doesn't see the danger ahead of her. She'd nodded like she understood. She didn't look like she was changing her mind but I still had to ask.

"You're sure? The press is hungry. I've barely been seen for six weeks."

I looked at Bella and she shook her head and nodded at the same time. I almost smiled. I might try to use that in a TV interview. People would be so confused. I know I was. But still, she got out of the car, put on that smile and walked with Laurent through the main doors while I trailed behind. That was her answer. She was jumping in with both feet like she did when she moved to Florida. Laurent was smart. If push came to shove he knew who he'd need to get out of there first. Showtime. At least I know Bella's not scared of rollercoasters – this will be the ride of her life.

I wish I'd been wrong. The reporters were there – print, radio and TV and the flashes and questions started at the same time as the shouts of "Eddie!" Laurent kept us close but we'd need reinforcements to get back to the car. These were the lurkers – hopefuls, now that we were in the building there would be dozens more.

"How's Rose, Eddie?"

"How's the baby?"

"What's with the hair?"

But the barrage of questions they all really wanted to know the answer to was now the one in full force. "Who's the girl?" "What's her name?" or "Introduce us to your girl, Eddie." or to Bella, "What's your name?", "Where are you from?", "How did you meet?" and, of course, "Are you Eddie's girl?" Bella didn't say a word, though her answer to the last question at this stage would have been an emphatic no. Or possibly something a lot more colorful. It would be quite the sound bite if they had to beep out half it to get it on the air. I didn't really answer any specific question but felt I had to say something.

"Rose and Elizabeth will be out of hospital soon and we will be thrilled to have them home. The interview on July 5th will go ahead as planned. We will hold on any further questions until then and we wish to thank everyone for the outpouring of concern for Rose." Laurent handed me a Sharpie and I signed many an autograph while we waited for the elevator. Laurent was keeping watch over Bella who looked more than a little dazed. But she was really here I had to keep telling myself. The elevator finally opened and we got on. Laurent ensuring it was only us. I hit a bunch of buttons, including nine.

"We're stopping on every second floor?" she asked. She said nothing about the cameras. Or the autographs. It was a lot to process.

"We're setting a false trail." I told her, I didn't have much confidence in Rose's confidential status. Her admission to ICU had been quickly leaked after I'd arrived. Though, now that I think about it, it was probably because I'd arrived looking the way I did that someone had put it together. Still, I'd had no choice.

"OH. I see why you're so good at subterfuge." She looked down. Tears again, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. Laurent handed her another tissue. I wouldn't get away with anything with her ever again. Not that I'd ever try it. I was on borrowed time.

Rose beamed at Bella the second we walked in the room.

"Go away, Edward." Rose said. She wasn't subtle. Rose looked so much better, I couldn't be mad. But I didn't even get to introduce them as Rose shushed me. I told Bella I'd get us coffee. She raised her eyebrows. She catches on far too quickly.

"God, Bella. OK, I'm going to send Laurent to get us coffee so I don't get accosted and I will wait out here so Rose can tell you I was an ass but she will hopefully tell you I'm not usually such an idiot." I looked at Rose with an absolutely desperate plea.

"Better." Bella said. Honesty. That was my lesson. I'd certainly learned it. So I sent Laurent for coffee. He looked around before he left. I reassured him I could handle a few rogue nurses, if any. It would be pretty embarrassing to run in with Rose and Bella and barricade the door. I did get more than a few looks as I sat in the kitchenette and I'm pretty sure the nurses were definitely taking the long way around as they went to tend to their patients in rooms 905 through 915 but no one was intrusive. While I sat I had a little time to contemplate my future and the only one that feels right is one with Bella.

 **He's running scared and sounds nothing like a rock star. Though, she might have caught a glimpse.**

 **What does Bella think of the family? Was Jake right in encouraging her to go?**


	26. Chapter 26: Family Values

**Family Values**

 **BPOV**

I made it all the way through the lobby to the ninth floor in one piece – almost. The airplane flight was certainly an eye-opener; but the lobby was something else entirely. I don't know why I didn't just crumble. Edward had tried to warn me over and over and over again but I still wasn't prepared for the cameras and the interrogation. It's a hospital for crying out loud and Rose nearly died! All they care about is the new girl and his hair, I didn't understand. Laurent was hypervigilant in the airport and the lobby and still wasn't letting his guard down even as we rounded the corner towards the nursing station. That reassured me in a strange way. The rustling of charts and the chatter ceased immediately as a dozen pairs of eyes stared in our direction. Not a single nurse could even utter a word. Exactly like Leah. The nurses obviously knew who we were there to see. They just pointed down the hall. Good thing Edward already had the room number. We weren't even out of earshot when the 'oh-my-god-it's-Eddie' comments started, and, of course, the not-so-quiet whispers about Eddie's girl soon followed. Laurent, who had been leading fell back, obviously the crowd at the desk now concerned him. As much as Edward worried about the crowds, he'd spoken with authority downstairs and the autographs seemed second nature. I'd finally met Eddie Masen. Though, watching Edward now, he just looked nervous as I felt. You'd think he'd be used to all this. I pursed my lips as I walked down the hall, I didn't know what to say when I finally met Rose but I figured I'd wing it, 'How are you?' might me a good icebreaker. The minute I got to the room Rose told Edward to go away and beckoned me in. Rose didn't even let me say hello.

"So Bella. I know why he did what he did but it was still wrong. Horribly wrong. Edward's usually a great guy. He's always been true to himself and he doesn't understand this celebrity. He doesn't want to. He would just write music. The other guys live for the stage. Emmett would have booked a tour this summer even with the baby if it hadn't been for Edward. I don't mind. But Edward - the stage brings the music to the masses and he loves his craft. We were thrown into this from the beginning and have learned to cope; if you're in we'll help you through. If you're out we'll be there for Edward. It's a family." Rose did send that photo. It wasn't Edward, pretending again. I was relieved. Rose should know him – they met when Edward was twelve if Leah's math was correct. And she was offering an olive branch. I should at least try. But I was shaking.

"I can tell, Rose. I'm just so upset and angry. And the fact that he just took off distressed me too. But it was for you, for Emmett. If he'd have abandoned his family I would probably think less of him, but he put his problems on hold to support his brother. I really admire that." It was probably the wrong time to mentioning that I was a complete wreck the whole time he was gone. "Edward worries he only has Emmett. I told him that's not true. If I only counted immediate family as family it would be just as short a list but a much more distant bond." I had to blink, Rose handed me a tissue from the side table.

"But you've got Jake and Leah and Sam and Paul." She said. I nodded. It sounded like Edward had talked a great deal about me. And that she bothered to remember told me something about Rose.

"You can add us, you know. Just say the word." She was so sincere. I didn't understand why Rose would be so welcoming – I didn't know her other than what I'd gathered from Leah and Edward. I wanted to give her a hug but she still had an IV and a lot of bruises. She pulled me in and gave me a hug instead. That was all I needed.

"It wasn't a little secret, Rose. His name. Basically the last four years of his life. The reporters, the fans, just getting through the lobby was absolutely crazy. I didn't have a clue what to do out there. What do I do now? And how do I trust him again?" I'd just met Rose but I didn't have anywhere else to turn for a voice of reason. Leah had sat with me in the cabin and basically kicked me out the door when she heard Edward pull up in The Thing this morning closing the door behind her knowing she wouldn't help matters. I certainly would have broken her camera.

"Just take it in slowly. And if you don't know exactly what you're going to say to reporters, stay silent. They love to twist your words, Bella. The story is what counts – it doesn't matter who gets hurt in the process. And Edward, he knows he screwed up – big time. It's no excuse, but your list summarizes exactly why he was hiding. Exactly. Try to imagine all of the times you've gone out with him with fans screaming and begging for autographs. Getting to know him through that. Either girls run away because of it or that's the only reason they want him. Either way, it's not fair to Edward. But that's how it will be, if you stay. You have to know. He's torn between fame and his music – he needs the music, and because of that he'll take what comes with it. He's the first to say he's not Eddie, that's how he copes. But he got lectures from every one else about what he did to you, I can tell you that. That wasn't fair either. And now that I have a voice again I plan a pretty thorough follow-up. He has no other secrets. I guarantee. I would say you could Google it, but that's really not the best idea – especially now that you'll be front and center." I had to breathe. Rose took my hand. She wasn't going to shield me from any of this.

"I can tell you he's so much happier since he met you, Bella. Edward throws his all into everything he does. And he doesn't give up. How do you think they got to where they are? And how they've stayed there? The same goes for his family. Which is why he dropped everything for Emmett and me. He doesn't have much experience with love. Fans have that confused with the music. But Edward, he loves you. Give it time – just not too much. And try not to second guess everything he does, that won't be good for your relationship either. I know it's a lot to take in. Relationships are hard – don't think I don't know. First my family, then the press, if I didn't love Emmett more than life itself I wouldn't have made it through. And Emmett is not Eddie. There's the band, yes, but Eddie is an entity unto himself. I would say you've got a way bigger hill to climb. He's THE one, Bella. Everyone wants him; you'll have a lot of naysayers. But I think, you could make it work. Edward says you're ambitious and passionate about your career, exactly how I would describe Edward. But you both need to work on trust. Given his status he has trouble thinking that people aren't latching onto him for the wrong reasons so he puts up barriers. You need each other." I nodded in agreement but with trepidation. Leah says she's an accountant; she should probably be a psychiatrist. The band probably actually needs both. Rose smiled. I needed to change the subject. I was going to start crying, yet again. She was the one who was in hospital and she was trying to make me feel better.

I finally got to ask. "You're ok?"It wasn't quite the `how are you?' I'd been going for but it was close enough.

"Hemorrhage. They got it. I wouldn't let them do a hysterectomy. Emmett was so angry with me, at first. Though, looking at you, Emmett actually came across like a cute little cuddly teddy bear. But now, I know my problem will be talking Emmett into baby number two in a couple years." At that, I started crying and babbling about not answering Edward's texts, the picture she sent of Elizabeth and what would have happened if she died.

Rose handed me more tissues, all the while reassuring me that she was perfectly fine and I would be too. And that it was actually a good thing she'd been hooked up to all kinds of machines at the time otherwise Edward would have been the one needing the ICU. I doubted it would have been that serious but Rose was certainly firmly in my corner. It looked like she'd support my decision about what I was going to do no matter what.

"Home tomorrow?" I asked as I dried my eyes.

"Today. After Edward leaves – he'll be the decoy. We'll meet him at the house."

"You're throwing him to the wolves?" I asked. The reporters downstairs are certainly worse than Jake's coyotes; without Laurent they'd eat Edward alive. And he had wanted to send me to his parents with Laurent while he braved the paparazzi completely alone? He's crazy.

"He volunteered. You can come with us. Emmett would love to meet Eddie's girl."

"I don't know about that title."

"You might need to get used to it." She pointed at her phone and I handed it to her. "Let's see…. Since you entered the building...uh, say, 20 minutes ago… masenhale has…345,000 tweets and climbing speculating about Eddie's girl. Some nice, some not-so-nice. My advice? Don't read any of them; Alice is on it. She'll tell you anything you really need to know. That's the business, Bella. Gonna run?"

I was speechless for over a minute. But I knew the answer. I was pretty sure Rose did too. "No. I can't…"

Rose smiled and looked up, my eyes followed. Edward was in the doorway, with coffee, tears welling in his eyes. I took a coffee.

"That doesn't mean I'm not still angry, Edward." He nodded and held out his hand. I took it – the first time we'd actually touched since and it was evident the spark was still there. A new beginning.

"I'm going with you, Edward. No one will leave if I'm still here. Then Rose and Emmett can sneak out with Elizabeth." He nodded slowly.

Soon, Emmett arrived with a stroller. Edward introduced James. And there were reinforcements. They looked mean. Eastern European, maybe. Romanian? James and Laurent were taking us and I was a little relieved.

Emmett introduced himself and he told me more in two words about himself and his relationship with his brother than a whole tell-all book would have. "Emmett MASEN." He gave me a hug. Edward's whole family was acting like I belonged. Edward had told everyone he was close to about me. I hadn't been a secret. Why should that make me want to cry?

I peeked into the stroller and Elizabeth was dressed in the most adorable little pink gown, her hands curled under her chin, asleep. She was the cutest little baby ever. You'd think she was a princess and I guess, in a way, she was. She didn't have a choice about being exposed to all this. I do, at least in theory. I sighed and Rose smiled. Emmett seemed to have the stroller thing down. He had a bag for Rose in the bottom and handed it to her with a little kiss. Then, a nurse appeared. And this nurse meant business. We were all shooed out of the room as she tended to her patient. Not everyone's impressed with celebrity. I just watched Elizabeth sleep. Adorable. I knew Edward was watching me. Ten minutes later Rose looked like she'd just walked out of Vogue - dressed and IV removed, perfect hair and make-up, though in the required wheelchair. I looked like, well, I was just resurrected. It made sense really, the last three days I'd been pretty much dead. Maybe there's some life in me yet. Rose smiled at her daughter and Emmett gave Rose quite the kiss. I got the impression Edward would have usually told them to get a room, the way Emmett looked at him afterwards but Edward was still just watching me, and didn't say a word. Then, he bounced twice.

"Showtime." Edward said. Resolved. It sounded like something he did a lot. I tried to relax. Breathe. I told myself. I needed to do this. To at least try. Jake knew. I tried my mom, no answer, I didn't leave a message. I wondered if she'd check in if she saw me on the news.

But then Edward asked, "You're sure, Bella?" His fear for me, for us, was breaking through his façade again.

I didn't want to lie. Sure, absolutely not. Resolved – like Edward. This was his life. It could be mine. Or I could scurry back to Florida. Not yet.

"Showtime." I told him. He took my hand again but I shook my head and teared again when he leaned in for a kiss. I still needed to think. He nodded and apologized again. Edward told me there'd be a lot more reporters, more cameras, more fans. I didn't believe him – his record wasn't clean. But he was absolutely right. They'd multiplied a hundredfold. We got down to main and I was blinded by flashes, bombarded with questions. Microphones and cameras were shoved in my face Laurent and James and Edward were basically surrounding me. Total chaos. Even if I'd wanted to speak – I didn't- I wouldn't have been able to utter a sound. My throat was parched and burning. My eyes were a violent sort of red. There were hundreds of fans outside yelling for Eddie and Emmett. Others were calling for Rose and Elizabeth. And then I heard the chant "Eddie's girl, Eddie's girl". Hospital security and even the police were now out in force. Edward just smiled and waved looking at ease again. He signed a lot of autographs, shook a lot of hands and made a short statement to the press again that baby and mom would be home soon even though almost all the questions now were about me. And then Edward told the fans Emmett was terrified about caring for a newborn and Rose had already banished the drums to the garage. The fans got a kick out of it; I could tell Edward was just trying to redirect the cameras and microphones away from me. We got in the car with James helping us in and holding back the throng, while Laurent started the car. Edward rolled down the window and signed a few more autographs and posed for pictures, I was huddled on the other side of the car and Edward certainly did his best to keep me from view. It wouldn't matter – there were thousands of photos already. James' phone buzzed and I guess that was the cue. Emmett, Rose and Elizabeth had gotten out, hopefully, with a lot less fanfare. My heart was racing and my face was flushed by the time we started to pull away. Holy shit!

I only had one question once I got my voice back. "All the time, Edward?"

"Pretty much. On a crazy scale of one to ten, that probably rated an eight. Usually, it's about a five. At concerts – always a ten. Then, there's the outdoor concerts, with nowhere to hide – at least a twelve." He had hesitated for a second, it seemed, not wanting to scare me away, but this was whole the truth. I'm not sure I needed quite so much information.

I contemplated that for a minute and nodded. Only an eight. Damn. It was a lot to take in. He smiled tentatively. I guess if I hadn't been scared off yet it was good news.

Meeting Carlisle and Esme was even stranger than dealing with the throngs of reporters and fans. They welcomed me with open arms. Told me they were ashamed of their son for his behavior but were pleased I was here. I hoped Edward hadn't shared exactly what had happened but I didn't dare ask. I would start crying again for sure. During diner I was relatively quiet at first answering a few questions about Texas and the vineyard. No one pushed me - it seemed like they knew I was taking it all in. Carlisle managed to make me gush just a little over a whole litter of nine golden retriever puppies I'd helped bring into the world just over a week ago. And then, of course, I had to talk about Hope and Love. They'd distracted me sufficiently. Turning towards Edward he was in a grand discussion with Emmett about the band. Hearing Edward talk about the new tour or the current album – which had just reached sales of seven million - was surreal. He noticed my unease, took my hand and tried to talk about something else but I just shook my head and told him to go on. I needed to know his reality. Besides, even at the vineyard he always talked music. I had to tell myself it was no different, really. I thought about everything he played for me this summer. Just me. I missed it. I could even see the piano from my current vantage point. But I couldn't ask him to play. It would be too weird. Now. Rose noticed my unease and gave me something to do. I fed little Elizabeth and it took my mind off the world around me for a little while which, I think, was the idea.

When I gave Elizabeth back to Rose, Edward asked if we could talk. In private. I almost shook my head, but conceded.

"Bella, my parents would like you to stay here tonight but if you're not comfortable I'll get you a hotel. I'm going home for the night." I nodded, I hadn't really thought about sleeping arrangements. It had crossed my mind briefly to call Ang but she'd been really busy lately and I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

"You'll be back?" This was the only question I could think of asking. I had a million others swirling in my head.

"Tomorrow morning."

"I'll stay here, if you're sure it's ok." He nodded. I thanked him. He was smart to think I wouldn't be stepping foot anywhere near his bed.

He shook his head, still uncertain. "I have a lot more to make up for." I nodded. I was still reeling and couldn't even fake forgiveness. Besides, that would be wrong. He told Esme and she gave me a huge hug and took my bag, like she'd been expecting a guest and showed me to the room. It was chic: puffy pillows and a king-sized bed. I wondered if it had been Edward's room but it would have been rude to ask. They left me to settle in and I had a little time to freshen up.

When I came back, Edward had a tentative smile and Esme had made tea, so we sat and sipped. I talked with Rose about what it was like at the beginning and she was very candid. She basically reiterated what Edward had said about being paid in beer. There were the lean days – Emmett and Rose, Garrett and Kate and Jazz and Alice shared an apartment, Edward still lived at home while he was in school. Then the craziness about Naked and her engagement she weathered well. She then decided we needed to go for a stroll – as far as my room. Away from Emmett it turns out. When horrible things were printed about her and the pregnancy she was almost ready walk away. Emmett just told her it didn't matter and it was Edward who had to step in to run interference. The long and the short of it – Emmett's all in; Rose doesn't want anyone to ever again imply she's after his money. So, right now the prenup remains half unsigned. And the wedding, she says, will happen when he signs it. Until then, she'll give him a little time, and then discuss a sibling for Elizabeth. I've only been here for maybe eight hours and Emmett's very easy to read. How long should I wait to tell Rose she's never getting married? With everything that's happened in the last week I should probably wait awhile. Does that mean I think I'll be around a while, I had to ask myself. I wasn't ready to leave. Rose is right. Give it time.

"I haven't thanked you, Bella." Rose said as she gave me a hug. I must have missed something. I'd done nothing to deserve a thank-you since I'd arrived. I'd cried and babbled, I should be thanking Rose for being my rock.

"Bella. I wasn't thinking when I sent you that picture of Elizabeth. Too many drugs. You could be set for life. Elizabeth hasn't made her debut." I was confused. I'm sure I looked it.

"Any magazine would pay you seven figures for just a pic, Bella. That one, because Eddie took it, you'd get twenty times as much. Think about it." She didn't really let me, and she just led me back to the dining room where Emmett was actually using his phone that same second and taking pictures of Edward holding Elizabeth. I thought it was completely adorable. No one around the table was even considering what Rose had just told me. Neither was I.

Rose, Emmett and Elizabeth left with James shortly after Rose and I re-emerged but not without Emmett giving Rose a kiss right in front of his parents that even had me looking the other way. And I tolerate Jake and Leah. Emmett, he pushes all the boundaries. This was in stark contrast to Edward gingerly holding my hand before Laurent called him down to the garage. He promised again that he'd be over in the morning and with one last squeeze of my hand and a look at Esme he headed down.

I had more tea as I talked with Carlisle about vet school and he tried to convince me med school was the way to go. I had a lot of good reasons for why I wanted to be a vet. Carlisle had similar arguments about medicine. I now know where Edward got his debating skills and told Carlisle about some of Edward and my running debates the last few weeks which he hoped we would continue. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know what would happen after I woke up tomorrow, it was all brand new. Carlisle hadn't said much during dinner but it was obvious he worries about Edward and Emmett and the path they've chosen. He loves them like his own. And then, since doctors seem to have less of a filter about uncomfortable subjects, he also mentioned he drug and STI tests all the boys regularly, with their permission of course, all with negative results. I'm not sure I was supposed to be thrilled or if I was supposed to tell him he should trust them. I wasn't going to say I had a vested interest in Edward's results. Maybe he already thought that was the case. Rather, I thanked him for the talk, told him I was still pursuing veterinary medicine, which got a chuckle, and said good night.

Sleep didn't come easily even cuddled in the perfect bed under the softest comforter. My head was overwhelmed trying to piece together the events of the day and my life in the last few weeks. Edward. Every emotion. I tried to push memories of his touch to the very back of my mind. Everything was clouding my judgement, that would just push me to the brink. I focused on the sirens and the flickers of light outside the window. Usually the city lights and noises, even in Tampa, drove me crazy. I liked the peace, the tranquility and the utter stillness of the vineyard. Today, even the chaos of New York was nothing compared to the chaos in my head. The lights and sounds had a pattern, so I focused outside my mind letting everything take over all my senses so I didn't have to think or feel. Tomorrow, the next day and probably many days thereafter maybe I could work on answering all the questions that have been swirling around in my head. Do I love him? That has an easy answer. Yes. But that's not the right question. The real question is do I love him enough – to trust him again, forgive him and do I believe he loves me enough to even try to make this work? The world will be watching, according to Rose, and I didn't doubt that for a minute after today. But that shouldn't be a reason to stay; neither should it be a reason to go. It just is. The rest will be my focus. The hum, lights, shouts, sirens and even what could have been gunfire lulled me to sleep as I tried with some success to shield myself from my own mind.

 **Everyone has welcomed Bella to the family. Will it become too much for her to handle?**

 **Edward's fretting – yet again. Maybe he should talk to Jazz and Garrett and take up guitar.**


	27. Chapter 27: At Home

**At Home**

 **EPOV**

With tremendous apprehension I left Bella that first night with my parents, hoping she would still be in the city when I returned in the morning. Mom had promised she'd call me if Bella wanted to leave but she wouldn't stop her and would in fact drive her to the airport and pay for her flight home herself. No wonder mom and Bella got along instantly.

The loft was cold when I got in; the last day I'd been here was Valentine's. Alice never schedules concerts then. Of course, she has never known a Valentine's alone. I turned up the heat, found a jacket and then sat at my grand piano in the dark looking out at the city. Another indulgence, yes, but the piano is more of a necessity for my soul than the Ferrari. I played the song I thought of when Bella and I first kissed and the one for Bella's sweet dreams. Not the dreams about me. The one I'd composed the morning I woke up in her arms was playing in my head but I couldn't bring myself to bring it to life. It was perfect. And I was far from it. But I did play nearly everything else I'd written the last six weeks including everything on my first flight home. Tears are cathartic, at least in theory. I fell asleep late on top of the covers and woke early. Too early to see if Bella was still here. But I worried. At least there wasn't a text or message from mom.

I called Laurent to go for a run. Outside. He was over in less than fifteen minutes which meant he had been waiting close by for my call. He parked in my spot in the garage. I agreed with him that it wasn't the best idea I've ever had but still we ran from Fifth Avenue into Central Park, to the Bethesda Fountain, around the boathouse to Belvedere Castle. I needed the fresh air. Every step was liberating aside from the fact that we were gathering a crowd that through the magic of Twitter, I assumed, was growing exponentially larger. It was also getting louder and chanting my name. Well, chanting Eddie Masen, anyway. It's one of the many reasons I steer clear of Strawberry Fields. That brought me to thoughts of Bella - strawberries. They were also asking about Bella, though they didn't know her name – yet. I knew it wouldn't stay that way. A part of me just wants to tell the world about her and how much I love her – which I could do if I just stopped and turned around. There were at least fifty reporters and hundreds of fans. But I need to focus on Bella, protect her. And, most importantly, let her figure things out in her own time. Laurent was now on the phone, looking for an exit and reinforcements; we weren't going to make it all the way back to the loft without backup. It was a good thing I'd been running with Bella and at least had some endurance; we had to run around the Great Lawn to meet James. Or possibly Laurent just thought it would be amusing to throw me in the back of a black sedan right in front of the police precinct after I'd signed a copious number of autographs and posed for a thousand mug shots. And, of course, the dreaded impromptu press conference without Alice. Answering questions about Rose and the band were easy. Elizabeth. Of course she's adorable, Emmett and Rose are considering releasing a photo soon. Eddie's girl. I used Alice's answer. No comment. The rescue after that by Laurent couldn't have been more well-timed. I couldn't exactly complain; the whole scene was my doing, after all. I have a nice quiet gym in my secure building. Running outdoors certainly isn't the best choice for me in New York or anywhere, except Texas, really. I didn't just have Bella, Hope and Love for company with an endless expanse of land. And it would also be my doing if I wound up losing that. It was finally a decent hour so I quickly showered and changed and went to meet my Bella. Bella. She's far from mine.

My heart broke again when I saw Bella crying in mom's arms. Mom shooed me to my old bedroom, which had changed a lot in the last four years – it was now Esme's studio, but it still had my bed mixed in with her tools of the trade – computers, fabric samples, art magazines and all the design catalogues available. There were a few names I recognized on folders on her desk and from what I knew of these celebs they would not be little projects. Only once, did Emmett and I suggest to Esme and Carlisle that maybe they should take it easy, retire, and see the world. We certainly have more than enough. They answered very carefully but emphatically. No. Now that I've reconsidered, I don't think Carlisle will ever retire. He loves medicine and teaching, healing and imparting his knowledge to future generations. Esme might get tired of coddling to the super rich and start redesigning free clinics or animal shelters. At that, I pictured Bella the vet and my mom at work, years from now. Maybe if Bella worked there and didn't just volunteer she might qualify for a new SPCA tee. Maybe I should just get her one. Thinking of Bella in her faded shirt brought me to thoughts of her and her body and making love to her again. I have to keep those thoughts at bay. Music in my head worked to calm me. I wondered if I could really play for her again or if that had all changed too. She was always happy listening to me play, and just watching her brought me new melodies and such pleasure. Staring at the ceiling in my old bedroom wasn't getting me anywhere and I needed to at least see if Bella was open to a talk. That's where we need to start. At the beginning. She was nowhere to be found but mom was. I haven't had time for a real talk with mom since that decorating weekend. It's fitting, really, to have another that I've now found the woman who had been only a figment of my imagination back then. Mom listened to my rationalizations about keeping my identity a secret, even though I knew she didn't approve. Mostly she listened as I considered giving up this stardom, for something simple, something…

"Like Florida?" she smiled. I nodded.

"Edward. You're scared. She's scared. Give her time. Following her to Florida may not be the best idea. And giving up everything you've worked for on whim doesn't sound like you. Try not to be rash. Talk to her about the rest of the summer first. She's doing OK, all things considered. In next couple of months you can talk about the fall. I can't say a tour won't be hard on her, you've got a few million admirers Edward, she won't like it."

"Bella knows I would never…"

"She does. She also knows you weren't completely honest. Helping Bella see why she's the only one for you won't be easy. The media will be hard on her too, Edward. And your fans…they will either want to be her or want to tear her apart. Just stand by her side."

"Or I quit."

"That's still an option. But remember why you do this, Edward. It's as much for yourself – more so I think – than it is for the world. And think about all the consequences. Your fans think you walk on water, they won't blame you."

"Bella." I sighed. Nothing is fair. Mom is right. I can't live without music – but I've thought about options all summer, it doesn't have to be in front of thousands. Mom pulled me in for a hug and I completely lost it. The last four years haven't been easy but it has been a choice. That coupled with the events of the last week and those of this coming week were all precipitating factors in my breakdown. And that's where Bella found me half-an-hour later. A mess. A mommy's boy crying and being cradled. It's amazing Bella didn't walk out right then. It was too late but I tried to jump up. Bella just shook her head with words of caution.

"No secrets, Edward." She's right, that's how it should be. She really already knows I'm not the definition of macho but this was taking it to another level. She sat down with us and it felt right that Bella had bonded so quickly with my mom. And with Rose. We certainly had had an instantaneous connection ourselves and it would take a lot of what it had taken already to get us back to that point. Love, Hope, Faith and maybe I'd also need a little luck. I hope it hasn't run out, I've already been lucky most of most life. Bella just being in the room made everything better. Mom left and I took Bella's hand. The tingle was real but with one look from Bella I knew I was in trouble. Again. This time, I'm not sure what I did. But that isn't an excuse. I'll do what I can to make it right. After all, the reason I'm in such a mess really comes down to one word, one concept, the one thing that was so paramount in people's minds it had propelled Masen Hale to instant stardom. The truth. Right now, Bella was here, so I had a lot of work to do to gain what I'd lost. Her trust.

 **Ca anyone guess what Edward forgot to tell her that everyone else knows? A little hint: Elizabeth was born six weeks from the end of April and it's now about 6 days after her birthday. That's a big hint, really. You'll find out from Leah…our resident super fan.**


	28. Chapter 28: Building Trust

**Building Trust**

 **A few people guessed it's Edward's birthday. Yeah! Let's see how dear Bella's doing...**

 **BPOV**

I woke after nightmares of being chased through hospitals by reporters, unable to run as I was wading through thousand dollar bills up to my waist and blocked by millions of fans at every exit demanding to know my name. Then I realized it wasn't too far from my current reality as I got up and looked out the window. There was already a crowd. Or, they hadn't left. I couldn't fathom the excitement. Or maybe I could. For Edward. If the events of the last week hadn't occurred we'd be running with the dogs right now, stealing kisses or more. I shouldn't even let my head go there. Maybe he really would have told me himself. Then what? I gave up on my thoughts again and trundled to the bathroom. Esme had left beautiful towels and bath products and I felt reinvigorated after a nice hot shower.

Esme was up early and didn't believe in the word guest. I'd immediately become family. We made breakfast together and while we stirred and cooked and ate she told me a lot about the boys and their difficult adjustment after their parents' death. She didn't have to tell me what turned it around.

"Music. Esme. In everything he does. I've always seen it. I just don't understand…" I knew my lack of tears the last twelve hours would catch up with me. I wanted to hide. Run. But instead I felt Esme's arms around me.

"Bella. Bella." She didn't say it's ok to cry, or try to rationalize Edward's decisions. She just held me. Talking softly about everything Edward had told her about me and that she was so happy that I'd come to New York. Happy for Edward. She must have held me for a couple of hours. Much longer than my own mother has held me in my whole life. Edward came in but Esme sent him away. She has compassion, understanding; the perfect person to nurture two little boys who had lost everything.

When I was ready, she let me go. I sat in my room. I was glad to learn they'd put me in the guest room and not Edward's old room. I called Ang, no answer. I couldn't leave a message about this. A text wouldn't do either. This called for a real talk. I didn't actually know how to begin. Next, I called Jake, Leah was with him of course. Jake worried about me as usual but I told him I was going to try to stick it out, for now. It was his idea, after all. I told him Rose was a doll and Esme and Carlisle were perfect parents. His next question was "Eddie?"

"Edward" I emphasized, "is full of remorse, Jake. I'm working on how I feel. But I don't want to make promises I can't keep."

"Good thinking, Bells. I'm glad you're listening to your heart."

"I listened to you, Jake. Thanks."

"Good. Maybe that means you'll listen to me again one of these days. We'll talk again, Bells. Leah is begging for the phone." I held my breath. I couldn't bear Leah if…

"She promises she won't talk about Eddie, OK?" Jake. It seems like he can read my mind. I tried to say good-bye but all I heard was Leah screeching my name. I highly doubted she'd really keep that particular promise. We were talking about Leah.

Leah was relieved about Rose but, of course, already knew she was out of hospital. It still astounded me how she had so much concern for someone she didn't really know and had never met. She told me she'd seen the Twitter feed and me on all the e-news shows. I hadn't been identified yet but there was some speculation about Texas. I couldn't figure out Texas… unless it was the flight attendants. Because Leah didn't ask, I told her I stayed at his parents' place and he went home. I'm sure it took everything she had not to comment.

"Emmett?" She asked instead. So she was banned only about asking about one Masen brother. I had to give her credit.

"He's pretty funny, Leah." I told him about his introduction.

"He didn't!"

"That's Emmett." I said. She changed the subject and broke Jake's rule simultaneously by telling me Edward was seen running through Central Park this morning with Laurent hounded by reporters and fans for the first time ever. I'd had that thought; a run in Central Park would have been a great stretch. But the mass of reporters outside made the thought a fleeting one. I should go find Edward. Talk. It's why I'm here. But first I had to gush to Leah about baby Elizabeth and her outfit. Leah oohed and aahed appropriately, but I was more than a little peeved with her when she wondered why I didn't take a picture. She didn't mention anything about selling it but I still wasn't in the mood.

"Really, Leah? Seriously. You have no idea. No clue! There were enough paparazzi – there didn't need to be one more fucking camera!" She apologized profusely, remembering I was still pretty close to the edge. That caused me to apologize – what happened to the calm, rationale Bella I once knew? Hopefully I'll be back really, really soon. I miss me. I'm going to try to work on it. I was about to sign off with Leah when she didn't help me one iota with my new resolution telling me to wish Eddie a happy birthday. When I didn't reply she knew she'd put her foot in her mouth again.

"It's tomorrow, Bells. June twentieth." She said quietly. She heard her second f-word in the course of our short conversation. She finally decided maybe that telling me things so I'd curse wasn't the way to go. "You might want to ask him what he's doing tomorrow. It's big. If it's what Emmett did on his twenty-fifth, anyway. And now we know why."

She apologized again as I hung up. I was in worse shape than I was when I came upstairs. Birthday. Great. And for a minute I actually considered Googling whatever it was that Emmett did and why, but there are probably better choices I could make. Quit hiding. Quit crying. Talk.

I was pretty endeared when I finally headed back downstairs and Edward had tears and was being held by Esme. He pushed away when he heard me but knew I'd seen.

"No secrets, Edward." I told him. And Esme patted the couch on her other side. I sat. She put her arms around both of us but got up a few minutes later leaving us alone. A minute passed while we held hands. He understood something else was wrong.

"So, uh, Leah, says 'Happy Birthday'." He swore like I did. He knew I didn't know.

"Sorry, Bella. But it's not a happy one for a lot of reasons. Did Leah tell you?"

"No. I suppose I could have asked or looked it up. But that would defeat the purpose of me flying all the way here." I told him. He nodded. Then he told me about the settlement after his parents' death and the insurance.

"A million in life insurance each and one and a half million for the insurance claim split between Emmett and I. Carlisle and Esme didn't touch a penny to raise us. It was all put in trust for us when we reached our twenty-fifth. Of course, at the time, they had no idea that we'd have no need for it. They didn't even tell us about it until six months before Emmett's birthday. So, Emmett donated everything to MADD. With interest it amounted to 5.8 million – back then, no one knew the actual reason behind the donation but at least the message was clear. Now I've had a little longer so it's about seven and half. And, well, I've just decided to double it. So that's the plan. Alice was just going to put out a statement, but since I'm here she thinks it would be horrible PR to not go in person. I'm not doing it for the PR but I will go. Tomorrow. If I can say anything to have someone reconsider driving drunk there might be some kids out there who don't have to go through what we did. That would make the craziness we live worth it."

I just sat there while he talked and these days I just cry so it was probably no surprise to him that I was in tears, again. It was starting to piss even me off. And again I had no words. His parents' death. Seven and half million dollars. Double it – no biggie. Like last year when I thought I'd give ten bucks to the girl in my class collecting for a charity run but all I had was a twenty. That was my coffee money for the week put to good use. Breathe Bella.

"Fifteen. Million. Wow." Was all I could say when my tears finally dissipated. This time, my math skills didn't escape me. And then, stupidly, I told him what I'd been thinking. He actually didn't think I was a complete idiot.

"It's not for commendations or another headline, Bella. Nowhere even close. And you had to make a real choice. What do I need? Certainly not another Ferrari. I didn't need the first one. And this money, a part of me wonders what I'd be doing tomorrow if I didn't have what I do. It's blood money, Bella. If my parents were here it wouldn't exist. Would I really have kept it? We seem to be having a lot of these 'what if' conversations. I'd like to think I wouldn't have. But that's way too easy to say today; much more difficult if I was having trouble paying rent. I donate a lot, but I'm usually not on camera. I just need to make it through tomorrow without tears. Rock stars are supposed to be impervious to things like parents dying, sisters in the ICU and the terror I feel that you're just going to pack up and walk out. I'm not. But apparently it doesn't look good on camera."

"I'm not leaving, Edward." I was more certain in that moment than I had been since I'd gotten off the plane.

"Good. That helps a lot. I'm just going to remember how happy you were playing with the sea lion. That should get me through tomorrow."

"That reminds me. I got a big thank-you for supporting animal conservation." I let out another huff of exasperation. Better than tears.

"You were having a blast and so was I. I actually didn't give them nearly enough. Let's say I gave them more than twenty bucks but less than fifteen million. Or would you like me to be more precise?"

I shook my head. I really didn't want or need to know. "That's perfect. I am more than happy being oblivious – about that. I'm just sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday. I don't think I can go out there." I pointed out the window where the crowd of reporters and fans still gathered.

"You're here, Bella. That's more than I could have hoped for when I headed back to Texas. And I love the socks, Bella, really." He smiled tentatively and even showed me he was wearing the gift I got him three weeks ago by wiggling his toes. From the fifteen million dollar man to just Edward in seconds. I liked that.

We talked some more, both with tears. Edward told me about his biological parents and his and Em's activities as kids: going to little league – worse humiliation than the shirtless video, was Edward's assessment even at the tender ages of seven and eight; Emmett's football games and then hunting, fishing and camping with his dad. Racing cars on video games with Emmett, Edward would always win. It seemed like a different life, not necessarily unhappy other than the torture of little league, just like something essential to the Edward I knew was missing. As we talked, Edward showed me around the apartment, including the rooftop garden and the gym but we couldn't even step into the lobby unless we wanted to call Laurent. I wasn't keen to get on a crying jag outside the door where there was still a huge crowd of reporters and fans – a seven on Edward's scale - so we stayed inside. A whole city at our doorstep – but out of reach. I was beginning to understand what the freedom of the vineyard meant to him. Why he was always so excited running with the dogs or working with Sam in the sun. And I think I understand what something else means to him too. That missing piece. Pulling him into the living room again I walked him towards the piano. I haven't heard him play for a week. Music just brought me all that much closer to the truth. He hesitated and just looked at me. Questioning. That brief glance told me so much. I don't want him to be scared of my reaction in doing what he loves. And it's time. I nodded and went to sit on the couch. Just me and Edward and music. The world completely disappeared as I listened.

I love Esme and Carlisle, two of the most down to earth people I think I'll ever meet and they were dealing with all this as well as they could. I'd learned the night before that little Elizabeth's name had opened quite the can of worms not just for me but that Carlisle and Esme weren't used to the press and fans either. Edward was still playing a few hours later as I lounged on the couch enamoured with every note when Carlisle came home from his summer session at Columbia flexing his fingers complaining loudly about autographs and med students.

"I've never had standing room only for an optional lecture on hematology! Though the most relevant question to the lecture I got at the end of class was 'what's Edward's blood type?' confessing I have no idea. You don't want to know what else they were asking. I actually had to sign autographs! Next lecture will be mandatory and I'm setting a quiz."

"AB negative, Dad. I know exactly what else they were asking. The answer is no. Never. Sorry, Dad. It's no walk in the park."

"Or a run in Central Park, Edward?" Esme walked into the room eyeing her son with total fear.

"Laurent was there." He looked at Esme sheepishly. I still couldn't fathom his reality in getting this type of interrogation from someone as wonderful as Esme about something as banal about going for a run.

"That was way too dangerous! You need to be more careful." Esme cautioned him but looked at me wondering what I thought of all this. Edward looked panicked. I couldn't figure out why.

"I haven't been in Central Park since this thing started, Bella. I swear. It was early. I missed Texas. I… missed you." He'd already gotten up from the piano bench and sat beside me caressing my hand.

Oh. He thought I caught him in another lie. No.

"Leah." I had to reassure him. Realization dawned in him. I already knew. Carlisle and Esme didn't get it but Esme understood we were having a moment. Carlisle couldn't leave.

"Donate blood, Edward." He was at least able to get out before Esme dragged him from the room.

First, I had to tell him why he needed to donate blood. Then, we sat for a while. I asked about his run, heard all about the castle and the fountain. I'd been to Central Park but that was more out of necessity than it was for a saunter, Ang had to get to a gallery on the other side of the park so I've never actually done any exploring. For Edward, lounging in the park, climbing the turret or throwing coins in the fountain was out of the question now, he said, but it brought back memories of doing these things as a kid. The fans were handled by James and Laurent and having few officers in the vicinity helped keep the peace. When I told him I wished I'd been there it actually brought fear to Edward's eyes.

"You're allowed to put yourself in danger…" I started, now just as worried as Esme.

"I wasn't in danger. Mom was exaggerating. I didn't go alone, Bella. I don't go anywhere alone." He sighed. This was always the crux of his argument. And I can see how it rips him in two. Minutes earlier at the piano it was like he was back at the vineyard, completely relaxed, playing whatever he decided to play at that moment in time. I'd let the peace overtake me too. But we were back to his reality. Though if he didn't react like he does to music, there'd be no way he'd put up with everything he does. Rose is right, yet again.

"I know." I told him. I wasn't ready for reality. That discussion would lead to why. And then to us. Instead, I gestured towards the piano again. He didn't hesitate this time. We both got lost in the music. Esme called us for dinner and Edward and I were apologetic about not helping.

"Don't worry, kids. It's just a stir-fry. I don't get serenaded much anymore. I loved it."

"I notice my tip jar is missing, mom." Edward gestured to the top of the piano, laughing. I had to ask. Esme answered.

"When we first got Edward into piano we didn't know how he'd take to it. We decided to give him a dollar every time he practiced for fifteen minutes." Esme laughed. Even I could see a serious problem.

"Oops." I said. Both Esme and Edward nodded.

"We quickly cut it down to a dollar and hour – even then he was the richest kid on the block." Esme said with a smile.

"I don't doubt it. And he probably snuck in extra hours and didn't bill you." I looked at Edward knowingly. He nodded. "And you probably didn't buy comics and gum like a typical kid did you, Edward?" I asked.

"No. Lessons. Music geek. I confess." Edward actually blushed.

"We didn't find out for six months that Edward was paying for extra lessons. Took him to do his grade 1 piano exam and he passed grade 4."

"Only because they wouldn't let me challenge the grade 8 exam. I was all set."

"Bella, as you can see, he's a little modest. Don't let him Google himself. His head might explode." Esme winked and passed me the rice.

"Mom!"

"Reality check. It's good for you, Edward. Bella's here to meet your quirky family. And tonight, I'm it. Carlisle decided to get some work done without students asking for your phone number." Edward rolled his eyes. I think he picked that up from me. It was so sweet watching Esme and Edward reminiscing. Esme seems to understand this strange love-hate relationship Edward has with his fame and is pushing him to take a step back and laugh at himself. I'm still worried about the whole situation. Esme's perspective is good for him, and for me too. We ate in silence. Esme said it was a simple stir-fry but the sauce was delicious and the chicken was tender. After dinner, Edward and I at least cleaned the kitchen and did dishes. By the time we were done Esme had found a couple bucks and put them on the piano. It was a perfect evening.

The next morning Edward tried to convince me to attend the charity event. I told him that not only would I be a distraction for him, people would be too focused on 'Eddies girl' to pay attention to the message he was trying to deliver. He conferred with Alice and reluctantly agreed to go to the MADD event with Emmett and Laurent instead. When he returned from his birthday duties he said the staff and volunteers at MADD were very understanding and the PR piece with the cameras was very short. I told him the reaction was positive. It didn't even take him a second this time.

"Leah." I nodded. He'd stuck around for another couple hours learning more about their advertising campaigns and services before heading out to the cemetery with Emmett. Fans had left flowers for his parents which was both touching and disconcerting, he said. I could only hold his hand and wipe his tears. I wished I could do more, but I still shook with anxiety about everything. He knew and there was a sure way to work out some of that pent up energy in both of us. We headed to the gym and the dreaded treadmills.

Edward finally told me what he'd told his family and, though I hate secrets, I was glad they didn't know what had really happened. When he asked if he wanted them to know more I looked at him with horror. He still told me it was up to me whatever and whenever I wanted to tell anyone. I shook my head. I don't think I need to share that with the world. I still didn't know how our relationship would pan out but I wasn't about to give up yet either.

Emmett, Rose and Elizabeth came over for dinner; Esme enlisted all of us again to help. Rosalie gave Elizabeth to me and I lit up as I held her. Edward took to setting the table. Even with the changes Elizabeth brought to their lives (and mine), she had everyone wrapped around her little finger. Emmett was still jumpy and didn't want Rose to carry the baby even though Carlisle tried to reassure him it was fine and she was doing well. There was still so much worry. It's so obvious Emmett and Rose love each other but they're both too stubborn for their own good. Is that me too? Do I let someone like Edward go because of what he did? Or was he at least partially right? Would I seriously be here if I'd known he was a megastar? A part of me wanted to say it didn't matter. But I'd been more than nervous to take Edward Cullen on a little horseback ride. Leah's 'holy-fuck-it's-Eddie-Masen!' for six weeks wouldn't have been very conducive to relationship building. For Edward and I or for Jake and Leah. I hated thinking it. At some point I'd have to figure out how to voice my fears.

I borrowed Edward for a few minutes between dinner and dessert. I couldn't talk about all that but I did have something else on my mind. The minute I asked Edward if he would stay in Texas for the rest of the summer he smiled and took my hand. I told him there were strict rules – I would be staying at Jake's. He still looked thrilled. It was an invitation. We had way more to work on but I was willing to see what could happen. More family talk and homemade birthday cake for the birthday boy put my horrible thoughts at bay. There was no lavish gift exchange. Esme gave Edward a music note piggy bank with twenty bucks in quarters inside for future serenades. Edward's pieces that night were diverse, reflecting his various moods throughout the day, a lot of them I had to guess he'd just written. He's completely amazing.

We headed back to Texas the next day with Laurent accompanying us for the first time. Fans at the airport had Edward decide to fly into Dallas rent a car, drive to the San Antonio airport to get the truck where Laurent would then drive the car back to Dallas for a flight home. I hoped we wouldn't have to call him.

We weren't followed. We spent most of the rest of the summer in Texas and tried to return to our regular routine. Leah moved into the cabin with me; or rather, that's what she was telling her mom. She and Jake no longer shared with me everything they do at night and for that I was grateful. Every time I thought of Edward's hands on my body I didn't know how to feel. Edward stayed at the vineyard and drove The Thing. Dr. Snow welcomed me back and I was eager to prove myself again; no strings attached.

Leah was actually tongue-tied when she finally, officially, met Edward. And she'd already had almost a week to get used to the idea. I kicked her. Edward was overly nice. He obviously does this a lot. He reminded her they'd spent a lot of time on the phone about the porch and it didn't really take her all that long to come around. What really cinched it was Edward's confession that he'd actually hoped she'd call Eddie Masen even after what had happened. And Leah hadn't said a word to me but she'd had her finger on her phone those three days taking care of me at the house thinking about doing just that. They both felt like schmuks and apologized to me. I don't think it would have changed anything for me if she had called, but Jake looked at her with a new respect. She still called him Eddie but at least she didn't ask him to take off his shirt (she had had a pretty good look, really). She did ask me later to get her his autograph even though Jake just shook his head. Edward did one way better and secured her tickets and backstage passes to the shows in Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and Austin in October. She was giddy.

Jake was way more wary, now that he'd convinced me to give Edward a chance he was back on his guard. I could have yelled at Jake but it seemed like it was his way of being my protector. And right then, maybe I felt like I needed one. He glared at Edward every chance he got and Edward didn't have a clue how to handle him. Edward knows nothing about cattle, doesn't have time for sports and Jake is tone deaf. Though, they both know cars. For Jake, the Ferrari is a sore spot – I can tell he loves it, but admitting it would be like welcoming Edward back into the fold. Edward even took him to the race way trying to break him in. Jake just shrugged when I told him to quit being an ass. I confided my frustrations with Leah. Jake was being particularly annoying one day when Leah pulled Edward aside and loudly whispered that it wasn't possible to change Jake in a day. That got an even bigger glare from Jake. I finally understood. Jake's attitude towards Edward had little to do with me. It was Leah. He was claiming his territory. Jealousy. Leah had better not figure it out. She can curse worse than I can. Jake would need to learn a lot of grovelling. At this point, he could probably take lessons from Edward.

Sam and Paul felt incredibly guilty and confessed they knew about the car. It didn't faze me; I didn't care about the car and wouldn't even go for a ride. I wasn't ready. Edward still worked with Sam in the fields and with Paul in the winery every day telling me he was earning his keep. Some days I'd bring a picnic but we'd always eat outside; Edward would talk about the vineyard and music and play and I would ramble about the animals I'd seen that day. We'd still run and horseback ride and Edward would always take my hand but he didn't try for another kiss. He was being very careful; he was still nervous that I might run. So was I.

We flew back to New York the following Tuesday – Edward said it was important and I thought it had something to do with the band. Not entirely. Carlisle took me to Columbia. I loved it. Though I still thought two flights to New York in a week was ridiculous. Edward casually mentioned he's frequently at least one airplane every day for months. Now that the cat was out of the bag he wasn't shielding me from anything. I toured the medical school and vet school with Carlisle and Laurent, wishing Edward could have come though knowing full well why couldn't. I think Carlisle was still trying to convert me – we spent a lot of time at the medical school, even with the gathering crowd. Carlisle would answer questions posed by his students as long as they weren't directly about Edward. I loved his wealth of knowledge. Edward's blood type would soon be common knowledge after the thirtieth student asked him the question.

"He's a universal plasma donor. Look it up!" He finally told the next twenty students, at least making an assignment out of it.

I wasn't about to answer questions about my name much less my blood type and Laurent was staying close. We finally made it to the veterinary school and I got introduced to the dean of veterinary medicine. Carlisle managed to strongly emphasize I wasn't looking for a handout. I would have been mortified. The dean had actually pulled my file, talked with me about my next year of studies and my summer endeavours. His parting words were promising but cautionary, "You've got the package, Bella. Stay focused. Your science degree with a strong GPA should bring you over the top. Just don't spend too much time on the road. My granddaughters would be impressed but it won't help you here." I thanked him for his time, told him that I was pleased admission was based on merit and that I hoped to see him next year. Carlisle told me the next day I made a good impression and the dean was sworn to secrecy about me and my plans. He was allowed to tell his granddaughters Edward's blood type.

Edward and Jazz worked on music and the fall tour at Jazz's while I was at Columbia. The following day I joined him and finally met Alice. We listened to the music as we talked. Alice was very guarded with me at first – I could sense she was worried I could cause a PR nightmare where the band was concerned. I would never do such a thing; but it took a while until we understood one another. Then, she told Jazz and Edward we were going out. Apparently that was code. For shopping. If I'd known that was her mark of friendship I never would have agreed to go. Leah and I hadn't made it to the mall but the first thing I saw as we walked in near the electronics store was a larger than life poster of Eddie. I backed away and Alice just took my hand and we took a wide berth around the group buzzing about Eddie's hair, comparing pictures on their phones to the poster. From what I could gather his current look was winning out but I didn't want to stick around when they were discussing the best way to find out what his real hair color was. Seriously? Alice blushed as much as I did. When we finally rounded the corner she started to open her mouth. I just held up my hand. She was either going to tell me or ask if I knew, I didn't even want to go there. My message was clear. Alice suddenly spouted off our agenda – which sounded like something to do over the course of a few years and not an afternoon. I just wanted new runners. Laurent let us do our thing but it was disconcerting being watched. Again. I thought of Edward. All the time, he'd said. I finally picked out some new runners and headed to the till. Alice, the little devil, was so fast and ripped my wallet out of my hands before I could even open it and stored it in the bottom of her purse. Now that she had my wallet hostage she dragged me to store after store dressing me in new...well...everything. There was no saying no to Alice, she caught herself when I nearly fainted at the first price tag, shrugged and everything else that came to me to try on had the tags removed. I don't shop but I have heard of Gucci, Burberry, Louis Vuitton and Dior and wouldn't ever have dared enter an establishment where jeans cost more than fifty bucks. Then…I met Alice. Two full wardrobes later – one was staying in New York – I was exhausted, Alice was euphoric. She bought twice as much for herself as she bought for me. I think there was a method to her madness. Leah's description fit her to a tee. Whirlwind.

"Gotta look the part, Bella."

"I go to school. I have a vineyard and I work on a ranch. Designer jeans while delivering livestock is silly." I didn't want to say designer jeans are just plain silly. That might be rude. Besides, she likely just spent more than I paid for tuition – on clothes.

"Not if Edward is looking at you."

"We're nowhere near there, Alice." But I didn't expand. We'd been there. I can't deny that my body wants him. But I can't. Too much has changed. I need to figure out how a terrified farm girl could even consider making this work. If it's even possible. Alice looked ready to pry information out of me but maybe had received a warning from Edward. Edward was being extra patient; we still only held hands in private and didn't even touch in front of a camera. Esme and Carlisle have been gracious and they let me stay at the house again while Edward stayed at his loft. No questions asked.

We flew home, had a great ride and BBQ with Jake, Leah, Quil and Embry on Friday. Leah talked to Edward about our new painting project without hyperventilating. Progress. Jake had actually taken the Ferrari out by himself while Edward and I were in New York and I heard a little reverence in his voice. Maybe he'd finally done what I'd suggested and talked to Leah. Brilliant. I was relaxing. So was Edward. Then came our Saturday morning run and ride. As soon as we finished the ride I was trying desperately not to panic. Laundry, that was a good excuse. Yes. Edward was planning on a conference call with the band and to help Sam out. Good. Sam had actually bought Edward some pruning shears. If only I was so trusting I could just tell him my current problem. Instead, I sat in the cabin alone in tears. We'd been in New York, I hadn't remembered. After I hung up the saddle on Saturday my head was in overdrive. I was four days late. It was not possible. We'd used protection. I didn't answer the phone that evening. Edward blew me a kiss goodnight on voicemail. Edward called Sunday morning. I didn't answer. Jake and Leah banged on the door. I shut everyone out. By Sunday afternoon, Jake figured it out. He braved Mrs. Newton and bought a pregnancy test and used the spare key to get into the cabin. He just handed it to me without a word and sat down to wait. I followed the instructions then sat with Jake. Three endless minutes later it was negative. Jake was confused when I cried. So was I.

It was Jake who picked up my phone. He called Edward. I heard Edward answer "Bella!" in a panic. Jake was Jake and point blank told Edward I wasn't pregnant. Edward knocked on my door not even ten minutes later. Thirty miles – he didn't drive The Thing. Jake opened the door for Edward and left.

"Bella." He looked so worried. But also like he wanted to hug me. I couldn't let him.

"Don't. Edward. I'm fine."

"What if…"

"There is no 'what if' Edward. It's a very good thing. Think of Masen Hale. The scandal." I tried to smirk. I didn't do a good job.

"I don't give a damn. You are more important. But I can't understand why you called Jake, Bella. Why?" He sounded at loss, upset and even a little angry.

"I didn't call. He guessed."

"I should have been here."

"Yeah? I could have sent you to the pharmacy? That would have worked as a headline." I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I wanted to say, I wanted you here, I want you. But I'm afraid.

"Do you want me to choose, Bella? My life or yours? I can. I will. I would choose you, Bella. Today."

"You would never." I told him. There's no way. In the two weeks that I'd known he is Eddie Masen, everything is about the music. No. Everything's always been about the music.

"Give up the band. Yes. I've thought about it way before today, Bella. I could go back to Julliard. Play in the symphony. Just write. Teach piano. If you hate me for being Eddie Masen I don't have to be." Edward sounded resolved. Just like at the hospital. Not like something he wanted to do, something he felt he had to do. I couldn't let him.

"No. I'm not that girl, Edward. I can't tell you that I'm not going to school next year, that I'm not going to vet school, just so I can be the token girl warming up your bed. And you're not that guy – if you did give all this up, you'd be bitter and need someone to blame for the rest of your life. That someone would be me. I can't let that happen. You love what you do."

"You'd never be a token, Bella. I love you. It's true, I love music, too. This crazy thing the band has could end tomorrow. I'll still need to play. To write. Anywhere. As long as you're in my life." He pleaded. I felt horrible. I didn't even know what to say. Our relationship isn't going to survive if I'm hiding and Edward's doing all the work. The question I need to ask myself is am I more scared of losing him if I try and fail or if I just let him go. I've tried with mom. I haven't gotten very far. But Edward, I have to believe he's worth the risk. I took a deep breath. All or nothing.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have shut you out. Especially not for something like this. But I'm terrified of being anything like my mother. We're not quitting anything. Either of us. This year will tell us a lot, I think. Florida. New York. The world. It won't be easy, we'll be apart. We'll know pretty quickly if it's not working out." Edward smiled and took both my hands in his. We hadn't really talked about anything past August. It was time to start. Maybe we were getting closer to making something work. At the very least, I'm not going to hide in my cabin alone anymore.

"Alice." He said. And now he had a grin and a plan. We were both going to try. That ups the odd right there.

Two days later I finally got my period – a full week late. I called him right away.

Edward was right. Alice is a schedule master. She has to be. She told me about the tour, which takes the band to almost every state and a new city and show nearly every night from September until December. Impossible. Apparently that's how it works with Alice. So Alice and I did a little tweaking for my fall semester. In comparison to tour logistics for the band and crew this was a snap. I changed my work night to Wednesday, volunteering at the shelter Monday and Tuesday. I didn't have class on Friday and I would volunteer at the aquarium on Sunday afternoons. My schedule left Thursday after classes at four to Sunday at noon for Edward. And studying and assignments and travel. I might need to give up on sleep.

For the interview on July 5th Leah was my rock. We listened in my childhood bedroom, while Edward was on his phone in the living room. The band talked about the tour, the album, the baby, Rose, the almost-adoption and even Edward's new hairstyle and blood type but every second question no matter how he or the rest of the band tried to redirect it came down to speculations about Eddie's girl. I wanted to run out of the room grab Edward's phone and tell them to leave us alone but I knew that would just fuel the fire. Edward was way more diplomatic and acknowledged a new relationship, not expanding about where, how or when we met, or giving my name, just asking for privacy again and again. We knew it still wouldn't happen. When it was done, Leah unlocked my door and I nodded at Edward and took his hand again. Even with next to no information Twitter went mad. I finally read some of the comments and Rose had definitely sugar-coated it. Not-so-nice, she'd said, some fans were a lot more descriptive – strings of profanities and threats for stealing Edward were prevalent. Edward cringed and apologized. This one wasn't on him. And I should have listened to Rose.

The rest of the month was filled with horseback rides, running with the dogs and painting the house. Edward and I talked a lot about the fall between school and the tour and our pending separation as we sanded and painted. Edward bit his tongue whenever I pulled out my credit card paying for paint and supplies. He did, however, enlist Leah to redo the hardwood floor in the whole house – the radio caused quite the damage, he said – I think it could have been buffed out. Leah, knowing I'd kill her if she did anything else, billed Edward to the penny. Then, the ten dollar radio was replaced with a fully integrated entertainment and security system for the whole house. Edward knows more than a few people who know a thing or two about sound. That's when I had to bite my tongue. There were days after working with Dr. Snow where I really needed a hug. Leah and Jake allowed me to lean on them. Edward was willing but knew I couldn't go there yet. And despite his hatred of little league, Edward likes to watch baseball and was surprisingly happy to join Embry, Quil and me to watch baseball in the cabin, bringing beer and making popcorn. He'd sit in the La-z-boy with his feet up holding my hand while the three of us lounged on the couch. Embry and Quil don't really know about music so initially they treated Edward just like he preferred. That was until Edward told them he knows quite a few of the Yankees, then he was revered. He can't win. But he did give them tickets to a few Astros games and let them drive there in the Ferrari after a few lessons. Quil and Embry were over the moon. And Leah and Jake? Well, I know Leah still idolizes Edward, but she always begs off on baseball, pulling Jake into the house for some alone time. Jake told me he can't actually believe he rates over Eddie Masen. He hit me when I told him I couldn't believe it either. And then we hugged and Jake spun me in circles. Jake and I, we're at least back to our version of normal.

On nights without baseball or after baseball I'd sit on the porch at the vineyard and listen to Edward play – the new outdoor speakers had great acoustics, I had to admit. Some nights I would even fall asleep on the bench and Edward would call Jake and Leah to take me and my car home. He was being more than careful. I would still burst into tears for no apparent reason but it was lessening and everyone carried tissues to come to my rescue. So the bottom line was that I couldn't let him in but I couldn't let him go. I was in limbo. I had horrible nightmares that he would just get sick of my theatrics and leave me without warning. When I shared my fears with him he could only shake his head. "Never, Bella. I love you. I'm here. Forever. Unless…" he couldn't finish his sentence. He looked petrified too. Unless I send him home was left unsaid. I can't do that either. After our talk, the nightmares stopped. A month of nightmares and a ten minute conversation was able to quell them. Honesty, I think I need to work on it too. Maybe we weren't completely in limbo but crossing that imaginary boundary line that separated our worlds felt like a chasm I couldn't cross. Yet.

 **I think we'll catch up with Edward right away…**


	29. Chapter 29: Birthday

**Birthday**

 **EPOV**

My birthday. It hadn't slipped my mind but I honestly thought everyone in the world knew my birthday. I found out there was one exception. Bella. She accepted my apologies and heard the whole saga about the insurance money with just a few tears. And then I loved talking to Bella about my childhood. A little embarrassing given my little league woes, but honest. Every day that's where I need to go. The roof garden was peaceful, the gym claustrophobic – but it does have two treadmills. Bella declined. I'd only run a few miles this morning even though it felt a lot further since Laurent and I were basically being chased. When we headed back in I assumed we'd sit on the couch but Bella stood me in front of the piano. It was something I would have expected before, not now. She took my hand and nodded, then turned and sat. It was my show. For Bella. Like every night at the vineyard I just played. Today, she wasn't making requests. Mom's the designer, she's not the pianist. It's really hard to see your audience when the piano is facing the wall. I might have to have a word. But Bella seemed relaxed every time I turned towards her. That helped me relax and pretty soon I was lost in music like always.

I don't know how long it was until I heard the door slam. No one in this house slams doors. Uh-oh. Dad. Columbia. I'd told him I'd hire some security but he flat out refused. This was the aftermath. My blood type was easy. I wasn't keen on dad spouting off that all the med students wanted to know my phone number, my shoe size or that they wouldn't mind doing a full physical. He still shook his head with the idea of security. Which, ironically, was why mom was so upset with my run. I didn't have enough. I'd only called Laurent. She didn't have to say it. But that wasn't my concern at all as soon as mom looked at Bella. I panicked, jumped across the room wanting to hold her, but caught myself and held her hand.

"I haven't been in Central Park since this thing started, Bella. I swear. It was early. I missed Texas. I… missed you." I told her I never go out. I don't. Until today. And I only went out today because of her. If she didn't believe that she was gone. NOW.

"Leah." She said, looking at me. It took me a second. They hadn't only discussed my birthday. I don't exactly know what I'd do without Leah right now. I owed her my life. Bella actually wanted to hear about the run. I told her what I'd seen and what Emmett and I used to do as kids. It was fun until Bella said she wanted to be there. Then I worried for her. I wasn't in danger. Laurent. James. Cops. She would have been hounded by the press. I don't want that for her. I had to explain again since she thought it was about me again. Though I didn't want her to be fearful, the fact that she was genuinely worried for me was an indication she really cares about me. I need to know that. I need to hang onto that. And she squeezed my hand and wanted me to play again. Of course. For Bella.

Dinner was fun. Bella learned about my early childhood in the morning, so I guess it's fitting we continued the story. Music. In Ithaca. I'd been excused from little league since my parent's death and I felt horribly guilty about that. I wasn't sure how to tell Carlisle and Esme, that I didn't want to join the following spring. But somehow they'd talked to my teachers and learned that maybe I wasn't a kid geared to sports. So that's how piano came about and the bribe. I wasn't sure about the whole thing but I did like music and I could always use the money on CDs. But I didn't look back after my first lesson. I practiced probably four hours a day the first week. I think Esme and Carlisle really thought it was for the money and lowered what they were giving me as a practice incentive. That's when I asked to use the money to tune the piano. I played every day for the month and I didn't balk at the idea of my lower 'tip' money. By then I could actually play and I entertained everyone with my rudimentary piano skills. I think they finally understood that it was something I really enjoyed. The high school student I was taking lessons from was happy to give me extra lessons and she basically listened to every type of music so that's what we played. I could read music and play almost anything by sight in six months. The minute I passed the grade 4 exam I needed another music teacher; she challenged the same exam and didn't pass.

Mom wasn't wrong about my confidence. But it was embarrassing in context. And the fact that I do Google myself on occasion is probably even more embarrassing and something I didn't mention just then. But then, mom was just mom. And I think Bella appreciated her candor and liked the story of my musical roots. Mom grounds me. I wish I could come home more often. Two bucks on the piano and I knew my job for the night. Exactly what I've done since I was eight years old. Just play. Two hours later, Bella was sleepy and headed to bed. She needed reassurance I would be over in the morning and that I wouldn't go running. No problem.

The next morning when I asked Bella to the MADD event Bella decided she would be more a distraction than anything. I wish she would have come to the event for moral support but when I called Alice she echoed Bella's sentiments.

"Edward. She's been in the limelight for two days and she seems to understand how the media works better than you do. She's right! She can't go unless you want to spend your time telling the media about Bella rather than the dangers of drinking and driving. I want to meet her, Edward. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders but…"

"No buts Alice. I don't want your cryptic warnings or eerie premonitions. I'm doing this my way."

"And we see how well that's worked out."

"I'll do better. I have to."

"You've got it bad, Eddie. Let's hope there's a happy ending."

"I have to do more than hope Alice."

"You do. Just let me know before October if we're continuing the tour after Christmas."

"How about if I let you know about September."

"Edward. You can't!"

"Later Alice. I have to figure out today. Just today."

"OK. You don't need me to nag right now. But I will Edward. Like you said – later. Today – you're doing the right thing. People listen to you. Your parents would be proud. But you make a difference every day, Eddie. You have to know that. Bella will see it too."

"I like that optimism Alice. I'll keep it in mind." I let her go on a good note and got set to head to the bank for serious paperwork – getting your own money out of the bank winds up being very challenging when it's anything more than five hundred bucks and this is substantially more. Emmett and I did the public appearance thing and the six foot cheque. The speech I gave was to the point and things people really should just know. Don't drink and drive. Have a designated driver. Take a cab. If it takes Eddie Masen to say it for people to listen so be it. At the same time it frustrates me. After the appearance we decided to head to the cemetery.

Emmett and I were a little taken aback when we got to the cemetery and there were flowers and cards from fans. I just took a breath. I gave Emmett a few minutes - our parents needed to know about Elizabeth and Rose. Then he let me tell them about Bella. I know it's silly, sentimental but I think it just keeps them in our thoughts. Carlisle and Esme won't let us hire security. Elizabeth and Edward won't have a choice. Guards to protect the dead and not the living, the irony was not lost on me. Birthday dinner with my family was something to treasure but Bella's request for me to come back to Texas was the best present I could ever have asked for.

Yes, I was completely paranoid about our trip home. Yes, home. The vineyard feels like home. We made it with a little detour. And then I had to meet Leah. Sigh. But it wasn't so bad. She didn't shriek even when Bella kicked her. And we met on common ground. She's still a little hyper but Bella says that's just Leah. Jake kept giving me a look. Bella figured out it was all about jealousy and he got a talking to. He's working it out with Leah. The strange thing is Bella didn't react to Leah's adoration at all. I wonder if that could translate to a whole stadium of fans. I'm not going to count on it.

She loved Columbia, not the fans, but that was to be expected. And Alice? Bella will know better than to volunteer to go out with her ever again. Though I can say her figure isn't hidden in some of the outfits chosen by Alice. She's beautiful. I love her. Bella doesn't even notice she makes heads turn. Especially mine. Soon I'll need to talk with her about security, so she's prepared when the press does find out her identity – I have a feeling it might not go well.

Bella didn't have her phone on her on Saturday night or Sunday morning when I called and I was starting to get a little worried. By noon I was thinking of heading over to the cabin when Bella called. Thank heavens.

"Bella!"

"It's Jake. Bella - she's not pregnant, Edward." He hung up even before I could say a word. The keys, the car and I was on the road. Why hadn't I even thought of it? Why didn't she phone ME? Because, that's a day she's so trying to forget, Edward. What if? Then, I had thoughts of her with my child and I was overjoyed. It's wrong, Edward, I had to tell myself. But a way where I would be in her life. Forever. NO! She has to want me and not be forced to see me. I had to remember to slow to the speed limit before turning into Jake's drive. Jake heard the tires and had the door open even before I had the engine off.

I got my fiftieth warning from Jake as he left "Go easy on her, Eddie." Yeah. But I still wanted answers. I got them and I gave her mine. She's far more important to me than anything else in this world. But she's strong. And tough. And way, way more logical than I am. That's the scientist. She should have used that in our debate weeks back. Logic prevails. We can't give up what we both love. So I guess the tour is on. Bella's going to try to balance school, travel and the media circus. She's crazy. So maybe it's not logic at all. Maybe it is love. Maybe she just doesn't know it yet. At least I have a hope.

I tried to beg off the July fifth interview. Alice, of course, said no. I knew it would be all about Bella. So did she. We agreed it wasn't time to introduce her to the world. As a band we did what we do best – work together. Jazz and Garrett took all the questions about the band and the music, Emmett talked about Rose and Elizabeth. I was hoping Emmett's enthusiasm about his daughter would take up most of the time and he really tried. Unfortunately, a three week old doesn't do more than three things which makes for a limited conversation, no matter how adorable she is when she's sleeping. We should have had Alice – she could have discussed all the designer wear Elizabeth was wearing at length in the recently released pics. Then, I was all for talking about my hair. Yes, it is my natural color and Alice made me emphasize I might decide to grow a mustache to prove it. It took me a few minutes to figure out why - I should just learn to trust Alice and not overanalyze what she says. At least that topic used up a whole sixty seconds. And then I need to thank Carlisle. My blood type was not only a trending topic, I did a little spot for the Red Cross and donations were up. With Bella's help I'd been able to sound like I knew why it was important to donate blood especially for rare blood types like mine. This made me sound very philanthropic. And really I was more than happy to give back. Without the Red Cross we would have lost Rose. But on the selfish side this meant less time for…

"So Eddie, tell us about your girl." I could feel Bella cringing in the other room. Have I ever said how happy I am she has Leah? Probably not, but I should.

"As a few people have begun to suspect" I started. Really I should just say 'As the whole damn world can't mind its own effing business' but I channelled Alice, yet again. "I have recently met someone and as our relationship is in its early stages we are asking for privacy at this time."

"Just tell us her name, Eddie."

"We're asking for privacy."

"Do you love her?" Yes. But they weren't getting that answer. Not before I tell Bella again. And again.

"Our relationship is in its early stages and we are asking for privacy at this time."

"Where did you meet?"

"We're asking for privacy." They should get tired of this really soon.

"How did you meet?"

"We're asking for privacy."

"Was she with you at the hospital? The brunette?"

"Yes." They knew they weren't getting anything else.

"Well Eddie, we and I'm sure your fans certainly wish you and…" That dreaded radio dead air. They thought I'd bite. Really? At least the dead air wasn't my fault this time.

"Eddie's girl – whoever you are – well."

"Thank-you for the warm wishes." I said. Jazz knew I was done and he took over. He did the wrap up and thank-you to the fans for the amazing response to the album and the fall tour. The dreaded interview was finally over. One more to go in August. Bella held my hand. Leah was still in the bedroom and probably listening to Naked still playing on the radio. Ironic really. Leah won't come over to hear me play but Bella says she still turns up the radio whenever Masen Hale is on. She came out of the room about five minutes later, looking at her phone and grumbling. Not a good sign. Bella grabbed it. Leah tried in vain to get it back.

I already know Bella knows her curses. She used them all.

"Bella?" She was on the verge throwing the phone across the room. She showed me Twitter. It wasn't pretty.

"Sorry, Bella. It's unfair."

"It's reality, Edward. We'll deal." She said and just closed the app and gave the phone back to Leah. And smiled. Trying for the ignorance is bliss approach. She surprises me every day.

Baseball and music made for a great summer. Alice would call with anything important but if it was on Twitter I'd certainly already heard about it from Bella courtesy of Leah. Bella had been terrorized by nightmares for a month before she confided in me. I was glad she finally did because her fears are for naught. I can't leave her. And she says she won't make me go. It's a step. Besides, we're on way to planning for the fall. And I will say those three little words again and again and again: I love you. It will be music to my ears when I hear her say it back.

 **It was going to happen sooner or later. Bella's identity revealed. Next. Who do you think does it?**


	30. Chapter 30: Mayhem and Music

**Mayhem and Music**

 **BPOV**

By mid-August, the day before the next Masen Hale interview, someone – and I could tell who by the Twitter handle JessicaNewton – had leaked my name. And I thought neither Jake nor I could hate her any more than we already did but I was dead wrong. And the two of us were nothing compared to Leah – she looked about ready to explode with rage. I kind of wondered why Jess had waited so long to go public with information she'd had for two months but I wasn't going to ask her on Facebook. She'd posted it on Twitter and Facebook and, of course, it had gone viral. She likely had no idea she would have made a killing telling all the juicy details to the Enquirer. Profiting off the pain of others' was usually right up her alley. Her timing was impeccable, as always. But we got reinforcements. Alice arrived with Jazz that night and she held me on the porch, then she took me to my childhood bedroom to sleep and stayed with me but not before Edward called Jake to let him know what was going on and Alice had a long chat with Leah about social media. In the morning, I had registered just over my millionth friend request on Facebook and I was shaking. I shut down my account. Alice thought that was a good move. The interview was at one, so we had four hours that morning to work on 'spin', a term I don't think I ever had the inkling to learn about before. Alice figured she had all the questions pegged and sufficient answers without giving out my full bio. Edward was prepped, but he still wanted to know if he really should confirm the swirling rumour about me. His other option made even Alice's jaw drop.

"I could just say I slept with Jazz last night. Leave Bella out of it." I hadn't really laughed for a couple months but this was pretty good, mainly because it was true. In the same bed anyway. The press, of course, would take that to another level entirely. Jazz shook his head vehemently. I had to save him.

"Probably not the way to go, Edward. Then they'll wonder about Alice and who she slept with and we'll be back to where we started." I told him.

"Bella, you're sure?" This was like déjà vu. And I was just as terrified.

"Showtime." I said. He understood fully.

It went as well as could be expected. Alice had been right and the questions we hadn't prepped, Edward was polite and tried to rephrase the question to give Alice time to write out a cohesive yet vague answer that would sound like something substantial until someone actually analysed it. If Alice wasn't working for the band she could be a presidential advisor. So, people now know my name, that I'm an only child, that I like animals, that I'm finishing a science degree and that I have a place in Texas. I was relatively OK with it. Really stupid questions like when we're getting married and having children were changed by Edward courtesy of Alice to we're enjoying each other's company and that I'm focusing on finishing my degree. How we met 'A friend of Bella's introduced us' was actually true and why they didn't ask what friend or how that friend met Edward I have no idea. But we were all relieved - even I knew saying Edward had been renting my property wouldn't end well. And the question of how well I'll deal with the tour in the fall was answered by Edward 'she'll be in school, we'll have to wait and see' though I could see how it pained him. He didn't know if I'd be around for the whole tour and I didn't either. We were going to try. Alice had prepped Edward about us but Edward seamlessly wove in the band, the music and the tour without any prompting trying to redirect the focus where it should be. Edward's announcement of a new album in February started some buzz and even Alice looked at me like it was news to her. Good thing the rest of the guys didn't say anything.

Alice gave Edward a thumbs up at the end.

"So, back in the studio?" She asked calmly. Jazz was a little more panicked.

"You do realize we've got only one, maybe two songs, Eddie?"

"I've got more than enough already. It will be perfect." Edward looked at me, I was still catching up. I love everything he's done this summer and there's still a couple weeks left.

"So, do I book the studio?" Alice asked, still calm, I don't know how she does it. I started to hyperventilate. He was going to leave. I wasn't ready.

"Bella, don't worry." He took my hand, like he knew my fears. "On tour, Alice. We do it all the time. I still have two weeks. Jazz leave your notebook. I'll write. You guys go home. Or go to the Alamo. You'd like it, Jazz." Jazz actually looked excited. I told him SeaWorld was way more fun but he shook his head. Each to their own. Alice gave me a huge hug and reiterated her advice about staying off Twitter. It would be worse – now fans had a real name to curse out. After they packed, Jazz left his book on the coffee table and they flitted off hand-in-hand.

Edward was worried about what he'd said about me. I reassured him all that was fine. Then I got a little annoyed. "Do you think the guys are maybe a little pissed, Eddie?" He knew my tone. And I don't call him Eddie.

"The release? We do it all the time. It will work out."

"Maybe. But it's a decision involving them. It's a band. So be it if you want to go solo." This did have a double meaning. He got it.

"I'll talk to the guys. Apologize. But they'll be as pumped about a new album as I am. But this isn't just about the band, Bella. Talk to me."

"I just want to know you're not going to make unilateral decisions involving us. That's all." I was mad but Edward focused on a keyword.

"Us?" He still holds out hope.

"You and me. The whole world likely has a different take on our relationship right now. It sounds a lot of fun. I can see the headlines already: _Cowgirl Ropes Rock Star_. You and I know it's not that easy."

"I wish. I promise anything involving us," he smiled "you'll be the first to know. There will be interviews where I don't have Alice though. What do you want me to say?"

"You've been at this a long time. I want to trust you. Tell the truth. Except maybe about anything involving my meltdown. No one would believe it anyway." I started to tear and Edward handed me a tissue and took my hand. No one would believe I screwed Eddie Masen without knowing it, I wanted to say. Most would think I was lying and those who didn't would think it was a good thing anyway. It's almost every girl's dream, after all. Especially for all the fans cursing me out. But Edward already looked helpless. And knowing my thoughts wouldn't change a thing. Or they'd just get both of us more upset. Instead I told him,

"If you don't want to answer or can't answer a good cop out might be 'you should probably ask Bella'. Hopefully, they won't find me." I told him. If they do, I'd probably need to learn a little more tact. Remember spin, Bella, spin.

"They'll find you. Which brings up your safety." I think Edward had already been considering this a lot over the last few weeks but didn't know how to work it in to general conversation even before 'Bella Swan' became a household name yesterday. Bodyguards. Kate has a couple friends, Tanya and Irina, who aren't overbearing but who can keep an eye out as soon as I go back to school. I would have my own posse even though I argued with Edward – the whole band has James and Laurent, I told him I didn't need two bodyguards all to myself. So we talked and instead compromised on a two week trial. We're really getting better at this.

The last two weeks of the summer went by way too quickly. Edward showed me one of the headlines the day after the interview -we laughed a little since it was the one I'd written. Edward started working on putting Jazz's words to music which seemed much harder than just playing. It's probably harder for Jazz the other way too. We still made time for riding and running. Painting the final part of the house was actually fun. Edward would paint, then, run into the house to record at least a few times an hour. I had no idea holding a paintbrush was so inspirational. I shouldn't have asked him but I did. He told me it wasn't the paintbrush, it was me. No surprise that I burst into tears. Edward had tissues in the pocket of the same green plaid shirt he'd been wearing a lot of the summer. My favorite shirt. Edward pointed out all the paint I'd managed to drop on my SPCA tee. I told him the shirt had seen better days long ago. He just smiled.

Edward was leaving his car and gave Jake the keys, told him to take care of it. That got a smile from Jake. This meant he was spending three more days than planned in Texas. With me. Then we flew up to New York where I met Irina and Tanya and got to see the first rehearsal for the new tour. It was completely surreal, seeing him on stage, he didn't lie, he really is Eddie Masen. And a perfectionist. "From the top" was his catch phrase and people scurried. I could see Emmett's mind whirling but even he sat back down for the fifth run through of the same song. Shows what I know – they all sounded the same to me. But then dinner back at the house had Esme as the frontman, I was charged with setting the table for ten and Edward, completely in charge an hour before looked totally out of sync trying to follow Esme's directions in gravy-making. But I have to give him credit, he persevered and dinner, including the gravy, was a hit. I wound up taking the red-eye back down with Irina to hugs from Jake and Leah. Jake thought it was hilarious that I now had a bodyguard and couldn't help but goad me as I packed up with the dogs. It was totally in contrast to Edward's seriousness about the matter and he really did help me relax. Leah was a little choked when I wouldn't tell her about the show – sworn to secrecy, I said. She looked at her phone, and then put it away. I knew she wouldn't call him.

The first few days of classes I only got a few glances, I didn't understand why I needed Tanya and Irina at all. The few friends I had were more nervous around me and classmates I'd never spoken to tried to act like my best friend; it was just a little weird. But then, every day, people got progressively more intrusive. I relented and Irina and Tanya were there to stay. Edward was relieved, I worried about the money. He had the gall to laugh. He told me to talk to Rose emphasizing she's only one of his accountants. Great. But I was begging for honesty, I told myself, I couldn't have it both ways. Rose called me that first week, worried about how I was adapting and strongly hinting I could ask her anything. That's Edward. I was honest that it was taking some getting used to but that I was trying to follow her advice. I made it perfectly clear I didn't want her volunteering unsolicited information. Then we talked about Elizabeth for an hour who has just about figured out how to roll over and loves being rocked to sleep to any song by Masen Hale. Rose is so proud; she's the epitome of the word mom. She's so doting and the sleepless nights are just something to savor in her book. Elizabeth is one lucky little girl. I also talked to Edward. He's not going to push. We're counting the days until I see him in Seattle after the show. It actually seems fitting. We won't be able to go outside anyway, who cares about the weather.

It didn't take long for fans to find my apartment or find out I have dogs. As a result, my frequent runs turned into a group activity. Both Hope and Love lapped up all the attention but they couldn't accept treats - Tanya and Irina told the fans they were on a special diet. I learned to sign autographs, pose for photos and answer questions for fans far more politely than I do for Jake. I called Leah if I didn't know the answer and felt like an idiot when she did. There were a lot of questions I did my best to ignore. Tanya and Irina wanted me to get a treadmill and a dog walker but that's where I put my foot down – I'm from Texas. I'm not going to hole up indoors. It's bad enough when I visit New York.

No surprise that I arrived in Seattle to rain. That first night I settled in and though I tried to wait up I didn't know what time Edward's plane was coming in and I fell asleep fully dressed. I didn't hear anything until Edward phoned me early the next morning. It's so much easier to catch up face to face and we spent the early morning with room service exchanging stories about our week even though we'd talked every night. Then at eight-thirty Alice knocked. She ran down his schedule which didn't even seem feasible. Suddenly, my plans to write an essay, start some research and catch up on my reading seemed lax. Alice had already cleared the dishes into the hall, picked out Edward's wardrobe and was in the middle of telling me when I'd get a ride to the stadium before I even took a breath. Alice finally caught herself.

"Bella. Relax. Study. Irina will come get you. You won't be late." Alice took a precious twenty seconds to give me a much needed hug. Then she distracted me by helping me with my books and computer. Edward was out of the shower and perfectly coiffed before my computer booted up. Alice had been tapping her foot.

"Room service, Bella. Don't starve. Go to the gym. I don't recommend going outside. Call me if you need anything." Then she turned to Edward. "Two minutes." She left our rooms.

"Alice." Was Edward's explanation. It was sufficient. He took my hand.

"I've missed you, Bella." All I could think was not now. I didn't want to cry.

"I'll see you tonight." I told him. But I sounded different. I didn't know why I was the one who was scared. He was the one going out on stage in front of thousands. I hate doing presentations in my bio class.

"Just you and me, Bella. Here. Midnight. Don't forget." Edward tried to reassure me. I nodded and he was gone. Duty calls.

So I studied, I wrote and I worked at narrowing down my topic for my honors project. I had to have at least an outline to present to my project supervisor in a couple weeks. He's been quite helpful the last ten days. The grads student I'm supposed to confer with, however, have not. I'll persevere. Hopefully, once I have a project they'll quit breaking into the chorus of Naked every single time I walk into the office. Whenever I was feeling frustrated or overwhelmed I just thought of Edward and it put it all in perspective. If I mess up I don't get into vet school, Edward messes up the whole world knows in milliseconds. We each have our battles. I went for a quick run in the gym and did as Alice suggested and ordered room service just telling myself Edward would simply laugh again if I complain a little lunch was fifty bucks. Breathe Bella. When I was feeling tired, I'd stretch, think of Edward and get back to the books. I think Alice said they were recording, doing a noon hour TV show, an appearance at the children's hospital, sound check, a dinner and performance for some computer programing award event. Then back to the stadium. I will never complain about a little reading again. I began to wonder if computer geeks would really be excited about Masen Hale. Maybe I should have gone. But Alice figured just the show would be more than enough for today. I had to trust her. The essay nearly done and my project becoming clearer I was feeling much more confident in trying to have a discussion with Lauren on Monday about my project. Maybe she'll listen, or maybe she'll just ask for my autograph, again. I still have biology to read but I also have a long flight home.

Irina came to get me at five-thirty. We went for dinner and then to the stadium. The opening act was great though they probably didn't need to do anything to ready the crowd. The lead singer was a little suggestive and I hoped the crowd wasn't expecting the same from Eddie Masen. They finished to cheers and foot stomping and the calls for Masen Hale began. I got progressively more nervous in the twenty minute break. Kate passed me and tapped my shoulder softly as she went to check something on stage. I saw Alice peek out and a few fans called her name. She waved to the crowd but didn't single me out. Smart. I was trying to stay inconspicuous but Irina was sitting on my left if there was any issue. Then the house lights went off. It was Kate's show. Lasers. The crowd was thunderous. The screens showed shadows of the band and there were equal cries of "Masen Hale" and "Eddie" along with other shouts of "Jazz", "Emmett" and "Garrett." As soon as the drum beat started and the curtain parted I was in trouble. Eddie. I knew his voice. I knew the song. But the lights, the crowd, the shouts and the screams just brought everything to the forefront. Eddie Masen. Then, I heard the cat calls and saw the flying objects. I was going to lose it.

Somehow, Alice knew I wouldn't make it through and she came out to get me and carried me backstage with Irina even before the song was over. I had listened to Edward all summer, been to that one rehearsal and even finally watched a few music videos with Leah but nothing could have prepared me for a whole stadium of screaming fans, all of whom would give Eddie anything he asked for without a second thought, some of whom were actually throwing underwear onto the stage. I hadn't even wanted him to see my underwear then. And I certainly don't want him to see it now. I asked myself why he would ever want me. He has his pick every single night.

"I can't watch, Alice. All those girls." I held onto her. I couldn't let go.

"Edward is immune to those girls, Bella. He's friendly, signs autographs and poses for an endless number of photos. He gets countless shirtless requests now and you've got to know lots of others are asking him to take it all off. He doesn't, he hasn't and he won't. He's waiting for the one. And he thinks he's found her – in you." Alice was prepared and handed me a tissue even before I shed a tear. Well, that at least told me that Edward didn't kiss and tell. Even to Alice. I wasn't going to either. But I'm still at a loss.

"Why me?" I asked Alice meekly.

"That's something you need to ask Edward. For now, relax, just listen. You already know he sings and plays all the time. Just take it in. Tomorrow's another city, another throng of fans. Just take it one concert at a time. See what you think. When you're able to let go it's pretty incredible. Just watch him. He puts on a show out there, but he's human, Bella. And everything tells me he loves only you."

It took me three more weekends to make it through a full show without being carried backstage. Alice always booked Edward and I separate but adjoining rooms every weekend, citing my need to study. Edward and I talked about our week either Thursday night or Friday morning, whenever the show was over and I managed to get to the city he was in or was heading to next. I told him Tanya and Irina were doing a great job, he gave them a raise. That's when he decided we needed to have another discussion about money that wasn't about charity – Edward gave me a credit card and I cut it up while he watched. Even without renting out the house I'm fine. He barely got in a 'but..' when I cut him off.

"Alice already bought me clothes. I don't want it, I don't need it."

"But you let Alice…"

"You know darn well no one lets Alice do anything. She just does." He still looked ready to argue.

"Donate it. I guarantee I have food and shelter. I can even afford the occasional CD or download." I told him. We compromised. No money. But I do have unlimited access to ITunes now. He said he might even quiz me. I'd flunk. And he gave me a coffee card. He didn't forget. He also reminded me we'd had a discussion about philanthropy a long time ago. And he told me with a smile that Rose and Emmett had already donated to my five favorite charities. I didn't have to ask how much.

Apparently, my travel is a business expense – and Edward insists it must be in first class and either Tanya or Irina must join me every flight. Usually it's superfluous but every now and then there's a fan with a little too much to say and I try not to cry in public. After our long talks about our week he always plays a new song for me and then just watches me study. When it's time for bed – usually very late - we lock the doors between our rooms and sleep alone. I always hear the same melody as I drift off to sleep and it comforts me. Inevitably there were interviews, appearances, recording or autograph sessions during the day (sometimes all of the above, knowing Alice), so I'd stay in and do a week's worth of assignments, essays and studying in a day or two while Edward was being fawned over by the ladies. It was really good I had a lot of books. Edward would usually come back after sound check unless work beckoned and then we'd go for a quick dinner or order up room service before the show. I was slowly getting used to my new routine and the crazy life Edward lives.

By the fifth Friday I was in awe with Eddie's energy and the crowd. Yes, I did say Eddie. Alice is right: let go, detach and have fun. I actually don't believe Alice has ever been wrong. I may have greeted Edward with a little too much enthusiasm when I jumped right into his arms after the encore and I was a little embarrassed. It was a good thing Laurent didn't think I was some rogue fan. Neither did Edward as he held me tightly. I didn't want to let go. Ever. I just repeated I was sorry, mostly for not holding him earlier, sorry for everything we'd been through since June. He said the same. I don't know how long we stood there locked in our embrace but Kate left long before we did.

In late October I caught up with Leah at the show in Dallas and she'd even dragged Jake along. That concert I watched Jake more than I watched Edward. Jake knew the lyrics, sang along and even called for an encore with Leah. This was a step in the right direction. At least Eddie Masen was growing on him. He was growing on me too. And so, of course, was Edward Cullen.

 **She's taking it in slowly. Will it get to be too much for Bella?**

 **What does our resident superstar think of all that's happened? Or is he really just Edward? Next.**


	31. Chapter 31: Still Bella

Still Bella

 **EPOV**

Summer was so normal, until Jessica. Again it turned out. Jake was the one who told me more about what happened, and his candor surprised me. Bella protects everyone and she couldn't do the same with Jake in that instance. And now, with the tables turned, Jake feels responsible. I had to tell him this one is all on me. Really, we both should have kept our pants on. I didn't understand why there was so much love between those two, yet no romance. Leah caught that arrow, and I couldn't believe my luck. I got Bella, and then lost her. I really would have quit the band. There's no doubt. I don't need any more money or fame but Bella's right. Music is in my blood. So we're going to try it the hard way: she'll finish school, I'll be on the road. It will be especially hard since she's now known to the world. She'll be scrutinized and torn apart all because of me. It's not fair. But she's not leaving and I'm not willing to give her up. Does this make me selfish?

Convincing her to have a couple friends proved challenging but Kate and I managed. I grimaced when Kate told Bella she set me up with both Tanya and Irina over the years but there was never any spark.

"Who else, Edward?" She asked. Oh god. So the day was spent telling her about every single woman I'd ever been linked with. I figured she'd confirm everything with Leah or Google it so it was good and thorough. I thought about Googling it myself but not remembering would look really bad and I didn't especially want Bella to read about the two of us on the internet – it wasn't censored like Alice's reports. I shouldn't, I really shouldn't but I've been perusing and some of the comments about Bella are darn right venomous. They don't even know her! I can't reply, that would just boost the fervour a hundred fold, but Bella doesn't deserve any of that. Throughout the lengthy discussion I was more than thorough emphasizing there had never been more than a dinner, some award gala or fundraiser and a chaste kiss good night, if that. Bella had no idea who any of the actresses or other celebs were. I had a feeling Leah would fill her in when Bella had time and then I could reassure her again. And again.

September was a living nightmare. I knew it would be hard on Bella once the tour started. She was starting her last year of school and there's lots of pressure in that in and of itself. Then, of course, there were the bodyguards but she seemed at ease with Tanya and Irina almost immediately. That is once she agreed to their presence and told them who's the boss. I worried about her runs but she, of course, wouldn't have it any other way. The worst, though, was her look after the first concert. Alice had warned me after I finished the show that Bella had left, a little upset, she'd said. Alice edited again - it wasn't just a little.

"Eddie?" she sounded completely petrified when I caught up with her back in her room. I wasn't about to correct her. "Why me?" I didn't understand. My adrenaline was still pumping but my brain couldn't catch up to her train of thought. She continued.

"The screams. The underwear. The girls. You could have anyone of them. Why me?" Oh. This was a time I maybe should have had a speech prepared. I have a song but it's not done. I don't do lyrics but maybe it's time for me to branch out. Jazz is trying to help, to pull things from my head, but it's so hard to describe love.

"I love you. The fans love the music and so do I. That's why I'm on the stage. But that's where the connection ends. The two of us, we've had something amazing since the moment we met. And it's only intensified, for me anyway. You're compassionate, kind, anxious to a fault and wanting to please. And obviously, being here, now, you're showing a certain willingness to overlook certain faults in my DNA. I wonder when it will be too much. When you'll run. Whether it's this fame or my stupidity that causes it will you tell me? The first one is easy to fix, the second, I think I'm still learning. Why me, Bella?" I shouldn't ask, maybe there isn't a good answer.

"I'm here, Edward. I need you. But that…" she paused. I knew that. Lying. Or the equivalent, anyway. That was my undoing. "…was horrible. I'm still trying to understand. And this…is something I can't wrap my head around. Alice tells me it will get easier. Is she right?" I would have told her I'd quit right then but I'd tried that already. She is really willing to try. That's all I can ask for.

"She's been with us since before the beginning. We've just ridden the wave. I hope so. I can usually tune it out. The negative comments were relatively easy to ignore until they started to be about us. About you. I don't want you hurt - whatever you decide to do." I knew I'd break if she left. I'd certainly quit the band. Travel to Italy. Buy a vineyard like hers. And just think about Bella all day and every night. But I wasn't going to have any of that on her. She has to decide.

"I can take care of myself." She said. I know she can. She has. I just don't want her to have to.

Over the next few weeks after each successive show she seemed a little more at ease, a little less shaken when we met back in her room. She was more willing to talk with me about her fears that I tried to put to rest. We talked more about the fans, the show, the fame and, of course, the never-ending photos and questions. And at the concert she and Irina always had the same seats. I couldn't always see her even though I knew she was there, the stage lighting is too bright. Kate could fix that, of course, but Bella would be embarrassed if I brought attention to her from the stage. She would run for sure. A real breakthrough was when she finally called me Edward and not Eddie immediately after the show on her third weekend.

She didn't even notice and I had to tell her why I smiled.

"It's that important to you?" She asked.

"It's just different with you, Bella. Who calls you Isabella?"

"The prof – but only on the first day."

"Right. So people who know you know what you like."

"Got it." She smiled. I think it was one of her first real smiles in so long.

Two weeks later the show was fantastic, even Jazz got the rift he struggles with and I was euphoric but at least I didn't disrobe. And then my euphoria increased exponentially when the second I left the stage I had Bella jump into my arms. She hadn't held me since that fateful morning and I just held her in my arms like I would never let go. It took everything I had not to kiss her. I didn't think she'd be ready for a kiss. But this was progress. More than progress. She just kept apologizing. I shook my head; I didn't want her to be sorry and I didn't want to put her down. I wanted to hold her forever. It looked like she finally got over her fear of watching me on stage. I might want to have some fun with that next time she's in town. But I should wait. My Bella. Maybe?

October was so much easier since Bella was happier. She was no longer shying away from my touch either backstage or in our rooms so I could hold her once again. I cradled her while she studied, and she'd put her head on my shoulder as we sat at the keyboard. I taught her Chopsticks but she preferred to listen to me play. Some days she'd just fall asleep in my arms after a long flight and though I had the desire to just let her sleep in my arms all night I tucked her into her bed and closed her door, just like that first night at the vineyard. We still had a long way to go. In front of the cameras she pasted on a smile, wouldn't touch me and couldn't wait to escape. I hoped that would change too since there was no way I could hide from them. Fans expect photos, sound bites and other seemingly impromptu comments that are actually well orchestrated by Alice.

Bella missed a weekend due to midterms and I tried to find a flight to Tampa just to bring her coffee but we were in Phoenix and the turnaround time didn't work. Probably for the best. A university campus and a quick visit from Eddie Masen would certainly spell chaos. I sent flowers but, of course, it's not the same. I wanted to give her a hug and wish her luck. Not that she needs it. After sound check Laurent came up and said the fan from the motel was here. It took me a minute. Charlotte. The computer. I'd have to ask her about school. I wasn't completely shocked that Charlotte had brought Peter. It seemed he'd made his move and he wasn't giving an inch, Charlotte looked smitten. Charlotte thanked me a million times for the computer and the disc and everything. If Bella saw how easy it really was to accept presents… maybe then… I'll think about it. Alice had been on me since Bella's first show that Bella's computer is archaic. When I told her she still hadn't gotten over the clothes Alice just laughed. She's been shopping at least six times since and doesn't understand why Bella even considers it a problem. But at least Alice is letting me deal with Bella and hasn't dragged her to the mall again. I hadn't thought to sign Charlotte's disc, which was an oversight, but then the whole band did along with Alice and Kate so it all worked out. Charlotte asked about Bella saying she just started her science degree. When I told Charlotte about midterms she was actually a little disappointed. It seems Bella has more fans than I do; I'm always answering questions about her – unsurprisingly the questions I get asked are always polite. But I still worry. And Peter wasn't just a crossword geek it turned out. He had seen the car and thought it was a sweet ride but apologized for thinking I was a drug dealer. This time in Phoenix, Alice has us at the Westin again. And, yes, it's the penthouse for Eddie Masen, of course. On tour I try to just go with the flow but I would have preferred the motel. And I yearned for the vineyard.

Bella was even more relaxed when Leah and Jake came up to Dallas. She introduced Leah to Emmett, Garrett and Jazz and I really thought Leah would finally faint. The fact that Bella was now so nonchalant about the whole thing telling Leah to cut it out was music to my ears. And Jake was actually pumped. He didn't even know that all the songs he knew were ours and it seemed like he was doing a little math. He recovered and didn't ask. Bella still doesn't want to know and any mention of money makes her squirm. I'd tried earlier, but deep down I knew the credit card I gave her would suffer a terrible fate. I would love to see her in a new car, pay for her schooling or get her out of the one bedroom apartment she shares with her ten pets. All I managed was coffee and music. But, she's Bella. And I'm going to try not to upset her. There will be time to talk about all these things. I hope.

Three days later I stayed at the vineyard. Alice objected. I didn't care. After the San Antonio show Jake and Leah drove me home in the Ferrari. Laurent drove the rental. I was back early but just five hours of sleep, a call to Bella and an hour trying my hand at harvesting I was feeling normal again, relaxed. It spilled into the music. Everyone noticed. Even Bella. She was very happy I went. Not happy I mentioned that because of me she's now not able to rent it out and shut me down even before I could mention that I'd help. Win some, lose some. I should know better than to break my own rule. Two weeks later, I was still working on not upsetting Bella and it really was working. Very well. It's a good goal but not my only one. We do have to talk about the money sometime. Maybe not yet. But since I was now allowed to hold her I was going to try to see if I could get her to do something way out of her comfort zone. For practice. Something that had absolutely nothing to do with money. In the middle of November she got in late on Thursday, so on Friday I asked her to come down to the stadium for the sound check. She was surprised, faked a yawn, but she did come down. Bella's right. Sound check isn't exactly fun; it's a lot of repetition and minute adjustments. And it's where I'm always called Eddie. No one leaves – even Emmett, though he tries – unless I'm satisfied. Sometimes we'll try a new song or two to see how they work live in various stadiums and arenas but that's usually the highlight. Not today. When we were done nearly everyone had orders from me to leave the building. Even Laurent. I pulled Bella from the front row and walked her backstage. She'd been there before. No biggie. Then, before she knew it was even happening, I picked her up and carried her on stage. This was nothing like carrying her to my bedroom that night. Today, she wasn't going to go willingly.

"Edward! Stop it. Put me down!" Bella was a little riled. A lot riled. I hoped it would be worth it.

"Relax. Bella. Shh. There's no one here. Well, there's Kate. And me. That's it. Give me just one minute. Just a minute, I promise." She actually listened. And held me. It was miraculous. This took trust. We were definitely getting somewhere. So, we'd made it to the middle of the stage. I put her down and she was still facing the back curtain. She clung to me. I had forty-five more seconds.

"Turn around, Bella" She did her strange head shake/nod but didn't move. So I spun her. Thirty seconds. I had her cradled in my arms in the middle of the stage looking out. But she had her eyes almost glued shut.

"Open your eyes, Bella" I whispered in her ear. I just held her, rocked her. To protect her. This wasn't as scary as Scream by far. Fifteen seconds. She listened again. She couldn't speak. I could see her reaction but not as well as if I'd been sitting in the front row. Gazing about at all the seats, imagining the crowd, eyes wide.

"Holy fuck." She whispered. Or so she thought. We were a little too close to the mic. In the vast empty space, it echoed. I held her even more tightly as the echo quickly quieted. She just continued to stare. Too soon, my time was up. I loosened my hold on her, and she immediately turned towards me again burying herself in my chest. My Bella. I picked her up and carried her back to her seat. Then I jumped back on the stage. And down again. I don't get to do that anymore, it's fun. Bella demonstrated exactly why as she jumped into my arms clinging to me. She's allowed.

"That was completely and utterly terrifying, Edward." She said as I pulled her even closer and then looked into her eyes. I can't figure out how she can give and injection to an angry bull with no problem at all but be scared of an imaginary audience. Or even a real one.

"So, I'll never interest you in a duet?" I was being cheeky. And I was rewarded. She rolled her eyes.

"I hope you have a good memory. I'm never going up there again. Promise me, Edward." She said as she continued to hold me, shaking.

"I promise audience or no audience. There's no need." I told her holding onto her as tightly as I dared. And I didn't need a good memory. I'll remember this forever. And Kate was there running video. I'll watch it later with Bella and I'll hold her again. Sound checks. Now I love everything about them. Especially my Bella.

 **Is Edward getting too daring? Or is this exactly what they need?**


	32. Chapter 32: Coming Around

**Coming Around**

 **BPOV**

I made Edward promise not once, but three times he would never invite me, pull me, push me, drag me, carry me or even mention me on stage. Ever again. I think I covered all my bases. The most terrifying fifteen seconds of my life were looking out at all those seats imagining a crowd – there's a reason they call it stage fright. But even I had to admit, I wouldn't have really known what to expect if he hadn't carried me out there in the first place. And watching him on stage that night completely in his element I knew why he'd wanted to share it with me. It's where he shares what he loves with the world. At his piano bench he gets lost in the music, on stage he makes sure everyone else does. Every night. Initially, I thought I might find it repetitive watching the show once or twice every weekend. Not a chance. He brings the energy and the crowd completely absorbs it.

Edward had another surprise for me when we were back in the room. He was actually worried I'd be a little upset. I guess that's happened a lot lately. He had my stage debut – and finale – on video. I couldn't believe he had Kate recording the whole incident. Watching Edward on video holding me looking so nervous but excited at my reaction was actually worth it. I really did look completely terrified. And my contrasting his nervousness then to his presence on stage every night made Edward blush. Even better was cuddling into him in total security while we watched the video six more times drinking the wine he'd brought back from the vineyard before he played me to sleep.

Every day we're together my fears dissipate a little, then a long four or five days apart while I'm in class make them grow again. I am reassured when I'm with Edward and I know I shouldn't listen to fans or reporters or smart-but-stupid grad students but sometimes common sense and logic don't prevail and I get home and cry when someone winds up implying that Eddie is looking for a new girl, that I'm after his money or any other horrible rumor too awful to even repeat. I'm a zoology major, and I know darn well I'm a vertebrate. I just need to grow a backbone.

For my trip to New York in December Edward booked me at the Ritz – my objections clearly not heard - since I had an early flight and I didn't want to disturb his parents, yet again. I'd arranged this trip long before I met him. But the week before the flight, Irina had called Edward the second she saw me looking up the closest Super 8 to the airport. And my non-refundable plane ticket was suddenly fully refundable when Eddie Masen got involved. Irina and I apparently 'needed' first class tickets. Only Edward. Angela was still distracted when I called her about my upcoming visit; her new art show was opening the same day as the concert and she was completely on edge. We'd barely had two minutes to talk since shortly after I met Edward; whenever I had a few minutes to call Ang was always busy, painting, drawing or getting ready for a showing, Ben had said. He even confessed he was worried about her. The most I got out was to tell her I'd met a guy in Texas and she told me she was terrified about the new little art show she was putting on. This call was no different. She said she was sorry, she couldn't pick me up at the airport and gave me directions to her new showing. I didn't even have time to tell her I wouldn't be able to stay with her or why since she hung up. To be honest, that would have been a long conversation. In the end, we learned we had both been holding out on the other – big time. The 'little' art show was a whole wing of a brand new gallery that Ang invited me to. Ang was the new hot ticket in New York and she was just super excited that I was able to come in for opening day – the concert had really been a cover. She'd come a long way since moving to New York at sixteen. After that, I still felt a little guilty telling Ang I'd just come across some new tickets for the concert, giving hers to a couple of distraught girls at the door. The girls recognized me, and I quickly sent Ang for drinks while I signed the tickets and they were absolutely ecstatic repeating thank-you after thank-you. I think Edward's got this giving thing right; a little gesture and I made a couple people smile. Ang and I were on the floor at the end of the sixth row in my usual seats, with Irina right behind us trying to stay inconspicuous; she was doing a good job since I hadn't even seen her at the gallery or in the lobby. More than once Ang commented 'I think Eddie's looking at us!' After the concert Ang was hyped but was wondering why I was taking so long. I couldn't cop parking, we'd taken a cab.

"Uh, let's just watch the crew pack up." I was getting nervous, and a part of me saw a little similarity to not so recent events. We hung out until Laurent came out. I took out my pass and Ang's. She was confused.

"Backstage pass. It's a perk." I told her.

So I introduced them. "Edward. Angela. Angela. Edward." No last names – it was too complicated. Ang recovered well and just shook Edward's hand. She looked at me with a nod and a smile. She was quick.

"Eddie's girl?" was all she asked me, and I nodded. Edward beamed – I'm not sure I'd ever answered that question in the affirmative before. It sounded like right after that first interview Ang had buried herself in her art and hadn't touched an ounce of social media. She couldn't believe I hadn't told her when we'd talked briefly a few weeks later and called me on it. Edward tensed and held his breath. There was an extremely good reason I hadn't told her then but I focused on the fact that she hadn't found out since. I was still a trending topic. Ang hadn't turned on the radio or TV or internet in months. I guess if I had decided to run, holing up in Ang's apartment would have been the way to go. Edward finally exhaled and looked from me to Ang and back – but he knew better than to make comparisons – only I can do that. Ang loved the guys but adored Kate - she and Kate got into some weird discussion about paint and light and color that I couldn't follow. I was sorry she didn't get to meet Rose and Alice - Rose was at home with Elizabeth, and Alice was busy finalizing details for the winter tour, probably in the hotel room with a bunch of maps and timelines and potential conflicts running through her head. Edward complimented Ang on her works and I raised an eyebrow – I didn't think he'd had time to get to the showing. He said he hadn't but had arranged a private viewing due to high recommendations from his designer before the show had officially opened. I smiled - I still forget he has pull. When he said he bought a few pieces Ang was ecstatic. I called him on his designer and Edward hugged me. I kissed his cheek. Kissed. He looked at me with surprise – it had been many, many months since any kissing of any kind had occurred. We should have probably talked about this. Ang didn't notice the exchange between Edward and I; she was completely vibrating when she learned that Esme Cullen was Eddie Masen's mom. And that I'd met her. Eddie Masen does not compare to Esme in Ang's book. Then Edward gave her the shock of her life when he said Esme had plans to call. I had to remind her to breathe. I obviously shouldn't have worried so much. About Edward, anyway.

Laurent drove us to Edward's place and Edward asked him to wait. I said the same to Ang. That was the first night I saw his loft. On the way up in the elevator I apologized for the kiss, that's all I planned to do. Clear the air then head to the hotel. Edward just shook his head at my apology. The elevator opened right into his foyer. My jaw dropped. There was a grand piano in the main room. The floor length windows framed the middle of Central Park. It was too dark but I could imagine the view. Ang's pieces were already on the wall above the sofa and they looked like they belonged. I was glad he hadn't just bought them for me. Ang would be too.

"Wow." I was nearly speechless. He had said it was a loft. True. He had neglected to mention the penthouse - I had obviously pictured something much smaller and lot more industrial. I should probably have rethought things. Maybe asked Leah. There was probably some kind of 'At home with Eddie Masen' special she would have seen and probably PVR'd. Better yet, asked Edward. But it really was perfect. The kitchen was far bigger than my whole apartment and there were two huge master bedrooms. And then there was a keyboard in one of the bedrooms. He's never here but I guess it's there just in case he needs to play and can't walk the fifty feet to the piano. It's just so Edward. The whole place was Edward. I could already see him gravitating towards the piano bench. Where he always goes no matter how much he's played on any given day. It was the piano he'd gushed over at dinner, many, many months ago. I got it.

"So, I take it you bought the same piano for Julliard." He nodded not actually shocked I remembered that conversation.

"That was nice." I told him. Edward apologized again, this time I had to tell him it was fine. I was actually getting used to his generosity.

I did complement basically everything in the place and I had to circle the piano twice. I don't know instruments but this, even to me, was a work of art.

"Your place is homey, Bella. I've only slept here maybe a couple dozen times." He put his arms around me and kissed my cheek, now that I'd kissed him, it felt right. I was thinking things I didn't want to know but asked anyway.

"Alone?"

"Always, Bella, you know that. Wait…Jazz fell asleep on that sofa once –we were writing the day I moved in- does that count?" With everything he said, he still worried that I didn't trust him.

"No. Is that bedroom taken, tonight?" I asked, pointing at the second master. He shook his head saying it's never actually been used.

"Edward…can…I stay?" I asked. Edward lit up. He called Laurent immediately, then handed me the phone.

"You're sure, Bella?" Laurent asked. I think I gushed a little about the whole loft. Laurent made sure to give me his number and the panic code for the alarm system. I wouldn't need either. I wasn't worried about Edward making a move. I said good night but not before I got Ang on the phone to see if she and Ben wanted to stay at the Ritz.

That night, Edward played for me for the first time on his piano - and he hadn't lied – the acoustics were incredible. I was enthralled, thinking I'd just listen all night. But Edward knew his audience and soon it was softer, quieter, and the music finally lulled me to sleep. The best sleep I've had in a very long time. Edward was so close I could feel him.

The next morning I'd forgotten to have Laurent bring my bag up. Edward could have called Laurent to solve the problem, but no. Instead, I got a delivery from Bergdorff Goodman with a few new outfits and a toothbrush. It's been almost six months that I've been flying first class but I still can't possibly get over twelve hundred dollar jeans. It was another discussion about money – I gave him the price tag, with one word.

"Seriously?" He nodded and was fully prepared.

"They're nice. Try them on." He shrugged.

"You do realize that's more than what I make at the clinic the whole semester."

"You don't work there for the money, Bella." He's right but that wasn't the point I was trying to make.

"Try them on." he repeated. Then, thinking I might refuse he foisted another credit card on me.

"You can always just buy what you want instead." I took it, grudgingly.

He smiled and I believed he thought he won. But I wouldn't be using it. He still smiled and kissed me on the cheek again, that's when I knew he knew what I was thinking. It went better than our last discussion and I did wear the jeans and an equally expensive blouse. I could see Edward's smile. I liked it. Edward also had groceries delivered and he made me breakfast. It was comfortable and he said it was the first time he'd actually used the kitchen. I think we were having a lot of firsts. After breakfast, I got a text from Ang with a thousand thank-yous. I passed them on to Edward. She also texted an equal number of question marks. She was looking for answers about Edward, I didn't have them. Yet.

I had to get back to classes and exams. Before we left Edward took great pleasure in having me leave a few items of clothing in the dresser in his spare room as he helped me repack; the new stuff he bought me plus the other stuff I had from my prior shopping spree with Alice wouldn't all fit in my carry-on. Edward, despite his overwhelming confidence on stage, held on with both hands to anything that tied us together, even if it was only a few blouses and a couple pairs of jeans. Or maybe it was the symbolism it represented. I felt a bit of the same when he left his car – a piece of him was still in Texas. I was glad Edward insisted on going to the airport with me. He was leaving later for Philly but planned to have an early lunch with his parents before his flight since he hadn't seen Carlisle since early September. He kissed me good bye on the cheek before we got out of the car. Then he asked Laurent to just stay put and got out of the car and helped me and Irina with our carry-ons himself. I found it so very Edward that I forgot about the cameras and the fans in that moment. I kissed him. For the first time since June I really kissed him and it was shared with millions.

When I recognized what I did I nearly collapsed. Laurent was on it in a heartbeat and threw us all back into the car and drove to LaGuardia instead. On the way, Edward looked completely elated and held me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I kept apologizing as I clung to him, worried. But Edward shook his head, revelling in the moment. And then, in the confines of the car Edward ran his fingers through my hair and whispered my name right before he touched his lips to mine. Just a kiss. A perfect kiss. I didn't want it to end.

Both Laurent and Irina got out with me and Laurent gave Edward strict orders to drive straight to his parents'. There were cameras. Too many cameras. Apparently the paparazzi had guessed Laurent's game plan. I got a new ticket but had to change planes in Miami. With Laurent, Irina, airport security and US Marshalls accompanying me in Miami it looked like a little kiss (it hadn't actually been all that little) had turned into an act of terrorism. It took me twice as long to get home. And when I landed Tanya was waiting, but so were reporters and fans. Laurent took the next flight back. I learned I crashed Twitter.

I still studied and volunteered and worked, Irina and Tanya stayed closer and I signed autograph after autograph. They tried to keep me from the reporters but I still heard the questions and comments - some of which were even more vile and degrading than before. I understood how Rose felt. "Knocked up? Bella to be Awarded Millions" and "Bella: Kiss and Tell" were the internet headlines. A tabloid noted my new designer wear and that I'd come from Eddie's loft; I could read between the lines just as well as the voracious audience they were serving. Another questioned if it was a first kiss and as a result I couldn't walk into a grocery store without seeing my picture and the words "Eddie's Virgin?" in bold print. I cringed and I certainly said nothing to the press. I held my head up and just thought of Edward. I still ran with my dogs. Lauren, the grad student, had started a poll in the office and had single-handedly bought out a couple supermarkets of the offensive publication. Not only wouldn't I answer, I couldn't – either yes or no would be a lie. At least my project hasn't required a lot of Lauren's input or expertise because I was getting neither. I wasn't going to make matters worse by telling my supervisor. I'd rather die.

I talked to all my managers at the clinic, shelter and the aquarium saying I would resign if I was causing any difficulties. They told me the opposite: donations had skyrocketed at the shelter and the aquarium and attendance at the aquarium had nearly doubled. I guess Leah's right. There's as many fans out there who are happy for Edward and I as there are that think I'm stealing their man. Regardless, I was glad I didn't have to give up parts of my life and pleased the animals were at least benefiting from my new-found notoriety. Maybe among the new visitors to the aquarium there would be a future marine biologist or veterinarian. For three days straight I was called by Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Alice, Kate, Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, Sam, Paul, Jake, Leah, Ang and at least three times a day by Edward before I had to tell everyone to quit it, that I was fine and that I really needed to study for finals. It was pretty obvious who it was that didn't call.

Ang and I had a very long talk three days later and really caught up. With her show now fully up and running, she was really worried about me since she'd now fully rejoined the land of social media. When I reassured her, yet again, that I was fine despite the headlines she finally joked that she wanted my autograph. And Eddie's. I'd found the whole folder I had of Ang's art for the last fifteen years and told her I already had hers. I told her absolutely everything about Edward and I and Ang was the perfect sounding board, riding my waves of emotions and helping me see my way through. I've never heard Ang swear before I told her about finding out about Eddie Masen after my night with Edward Cullen. She actually knew a few doozies. I was surprised my account this time only brought a few tears. Ang helped me look at separating the content of the lie from how and where I found out the truth.

Ang, like Jake, was concerned about how this new very public relationship might affect my plans for vet school even though I told her I was still on track. Ang was great and she needed much less reassurance than Jake did. But then, I had to admit, I wasn't quite as much of a mess with Ang as I was with Jake all those months ago. Ang didn't specifically ask, but I did give her answers about me and Edward at the loft and she thought I was on the right track not to rush back into things. She loved the Ritz and said Ben did too. Ang certainly has more tact than Leah; I would have gotten graphic details from Leah's stay which just reminds me inviting Leah and Jake to New York isn't a good idea. Though I'm sure Edward wouldn't let them stay at the Super 8 either.

Finally, Ang told me she was very flustered about her first meeting with Esme next week. This I could help her with and I told her a bit about Esme and the family and that Esme would put her at ease immediately. I gathered it wouldn't be long before she'd be the one in the magazines and I told her to practice her autograph. She relaxed and rationalized if she really messed up with Esme she at least had a great story to tell Eddie's mom. I swore I would kill her if it ever got out. Ang reassured me, though she didn't need to, that her lips were sealed. We promised to talk more often and she promised me another painting. When we hung up I couldn't believe we'd been on the phone for four hours. We'd caught up, laughed, cried, forgiven and moved on. Why couldn't things be just as easy with Edward? Why wouldn't I let them? Something was blocking me.

I did very well in all my exams, despite my crazy schedule and the incessant questions and comments from reporters and fans. Edward managed to surprise me at the aquarium after my shift on Christmas Eve, smiling as I was signing a few autographs. I think I squealed just as much as the fans. But I was the only one he pulled into his arms. We knew better than to kiss. He had two full nights off and was in New Jersey on the 26th so he wouldn't even need a flight. I thought he'd take over but then fans wanted pictures with both of us. He'd come down to escort me back for Christmas in New York the next day. But he also had an ulterior motive.

"Can I meet her?" He asked once we were in the car after Laurent took the last photo. I knew this day was coming. I was hoping to put it off – indefinitely. He kissed me and I kissed him back and it was like we hadn't just spent the last three weeks apart. I just wanted to hold him, kiss him, but I called Renee and we all went for dinner – Tanya, Irina and Laurent included. I figured we needed the bodyguards here more than ever. Edward thought he'd been interviewed, asked every question imaginable. Not until he met my mother. It was a good thing he had reserved a banquet room at the restaurant. No stone unturned. Edward was polite but my mom showed none of Esme's warmth or Carlisle's concern about my new relationship. And it wasn't lost on me that all Renee's questions had to do with the music, the band and Edward's future endeavours. Though it was evident she had been following the tabloids, she hadn't even bothered to call. We told her how we met and the incident didn't sound as bad this far removed and Renee shrugged it off, perhaps even found it amusing. I left off a certain number details to paint Edward in a better light and maybe I didn't want to show the woman who had abandoned me exactly how vulnerable I am. She asked very little about me even though Edward did mention what I was doing with school whenever he could. She didn't think this was important and more than alluded to the idea that I probably didn't even need to finish school now. It was all making so much more sense – she married dad thinking that the land offered some kind of vast fortune. When it was damn hard work and she was saddled with a kid, she didn't want anything to do with the whole lot of it. She still hasn't found her meal ticket. I started to wonder if the deception would finally make it to the press. Renee had already done a number on me, I wouldn't have been surprised and I began to debate in my head some responses to reporters. At least Renee didn't have me answer the tabloid poll or hit Edward up for a 'loan' by the time we finished dinner and headed home.

Tanya was staying put, looking after the pets again and seemed content. I picked up my bag, gave every one of my pets a little cuddle and we headed to the airport with Irina and Laurent. Edward was super excited that the new album was now finished and the release was scheduled as the kickoff to the Europe tour in February. He had been right and the album is absolute perfection. I still don't know how he does it. It's going to take me almost eight months to write a thesis that will be read by, at most, a dozen people. He managed a full album in a few months that will be heard by millions. Granted, he has a lot more people in his corner than I do. I was so tired from exams and my seemingly impossible schedule that I fell asleep on the plane cuddling into Edward as much as I could in our roomy first class seats, accepting the offer of a blanket but not a pillow. Edward was the perfect pillow and I even smiled at the flight attendants before I nodded off. Laurent got the car, Irina got our bags and we were greeted at home by Carlisle and Esme. Edward got me settled, kissed me goodnight and headed to the loft. Even as tired as I was, I could see both Esme and Carlisle looking at each other and they were really now wondering what was up with the two of us. They need to quit reading the tabloids. But they didn't actually ask and I didn't say a word.

Christmas at the Cullen's was a family affair. There was a draw for gift giving back in November and I drew Emmett. It was supposed to be a secret but I had to get Edward's help. He just pointed to his feet.

"He keeps trying to take my socks. Get him his own." Edward started wearing the socks I got him even in Texas. It seemed like a silly gift but I didn't have any other ideas. What does one get someone who has, or could have, literally anything? A gift card seems pretty pointless. So I did get Emmett a couple pairs of socks as well as some gloves, hat and scarf to complete the ensemble. And I learned the alpaca we'd treated was fully recovered so at least I had a cute story to go with the gift. The hundred dollar limit was a challenge even for me, everyone complained. Everyone except Edward.

On Christmas Day we all cooked, Esme made sure I got into the fray peeling potatoes and cutting up bread. Emmett loved his gifts; he put the socks on right away and was sliding around on the hardwood making Elizabeth laugh. Edward – cheated. An eternity diamond necklace is nowhere even close to a hundred bucks but I remembered the girls at the concert and Ang and just said thank-you. Edward tried to hide his surprise. I haven't exactly been too accepting of presents so his reaction was justified. It is absolutely gorgeous. I gave him a little kiss and he put it on me. He caressed my neck and brushed my hair out of the way as he did up the clasp. I shivered with pleasure and the way he whispered my name afterwards made me blush. Edward looked thrilled and I even cuddled into him on the couch giving him yet another kiss. Emmett took photos and then pretended to tweet the event; Rose stole his phone and gave him Elizabeth to keep him busy.

Edward also bought everyone a case of wine from the vineyard. I could imagine Paul's displeasure – he likes selling local and hate packaging for shipping and basically prices himself out of the market for the service. But later Paul mentioned to me he got car racing lessons in the Ferrari and tickets to the race way from Edward so he didn't seem to mind calling FedEx.

Dinner was amazing, Elizabeth was eating her first real food and she loved the potatoes and gravy. And though Rose had said Emmett would just stay on the road if he could I could see how he lit up with everything Elizabeth did so I would say his time at home this summer was well spent. After dinner, there were, of course, Christmas carols and I just sat with Edward at the piano while everyone else sang. I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder and Edward started carrying me to bed as I woke.

"Why don't you take her home, Edward?" I heard Esme ask.

I had to open my eyes to see Edward slowly shake his head as he continued to my room. He settled me in bed with kisses and more apologies saying he would talk with Esme. I shook my head telling him I could go with him if that would be easier. I even tried to get up.

"Bella. I would love to take you home with me. But not for that reason. Sleep." He kissed me again and tucked me in. A part of me wanted to go with him. I really do like his loft. I could stay there again. In his spare room. But I knew that wasn't what Edward meant either. I tried to speak, to explain. Edward just kissed me softly.

"Don't even think it, Bella. I'll be here in the morning." I got a final kiss good night that was a little too good. I didn't want him to leave but I couldn't ask him to stay. And I couldn't go. Decisions – they were mine to make but I couldn't make them. Jake would just tell me to take the bull by the horns. I should listen. But instead I fell asleep even before Edward left the room. At least I could dream that he was always with me.

 _The endless pastures glimmer in the Texas sun while Edward and I ride horseback and run with the dogs which bring us smiles and an early friendship. Then, picnics and working the vineyard both of us nervous yet excited about our developing relationship. Our closeness growing still with sweet kisses at SeaWorld and the vineyard. Edward starts playing on his keyboard just for me as I fall asleep beside him, full of happiness. I'm completely in love with Edward Cullen._

 _That vision fades, in its place is Leah tugging at my arm wanting to introduce me to the lead singer of Masen Hale. She is bouncing. I have no interest and decide to head off to help Jake with the calves instead. We finally meet on his birthday, Leah having had Jake make a cake. I get introduced to Eddie Masen with Leah vibrating and asking him to take off his shirt. This Eddie was ornery and not in the mood for a party or conversation. I call him conceited behind his back and we barely say hello the rest of the summer. I don't know Edward. I call for him in vain._

I wake, still tired, with no memory of a single dream.

Edward came back early like he said he would. I was so happy to see him and was not exactly shy in making that known. Esme knew how to get my attention and I was a little embarrassed. Then we even went for a run with Laurent in Central Park, with a few snowballs thrown at Edward by Laurent and me with a lot of retaliation from fans and from Edward. Even with fans looking on Edward grabbed me and pulled me into a snowdrift. He kissed me and of course there were photos. Edward's soft "I love you" and tender kisses almost made the world disappear until we got doused with more snowballs. The frivolity of it all contrasted drastically from the previous night. Will I ever be ready? I don't understand what's wrong with me.

Edward said he had another gift for me just as I was leaving for home after the show in Newark. He shhed my objections and told me it was it was already on my phone. I'm still learning. Then he gave me a real kiss goodbye _before_ I got out of the car with Irina and by now I wasn't shy about kissing him back. On the plane I searched my music files – what else when you're talking Edward - and I listened to the playlist simply titled 'Bella'. He should really have warned me. It was basically our relationship in music from the moment we met – rather when he met me; the uncertainty and the hesitation and then the emotions that accompanied every touch. Every caress. Then – that night. I should have been alone. I could feel the heat. I had tried very hard not to think about it but it was like I was back reliving every touch. It wasn't something I was prepared to share with three hundred people. Even in first class I didn't feel the space was adequate to contain everything I was feeling. I turned it off. And sat. I knew I couldn't listen to the rest on the plane. As soon as I got home, I took the dogs out with Irina and sent her home then sat on the couch and pressed play continuing where I left off. How could he know? But we really had had that perfect connection. I sighed. Then the next melody was absolutely incredible. I teared. Love. He had said it but with everything I couldn't go there. Then that piece ended and my heart stopped. He laid it on the line. His anger at himself echoed mine, I could feel his sense of loss, fear. It seemed to never end – four days not knowing if I would ever see him again was a lifetime, I remembered. I didn't think it was the same for him. I cried. Then, it transformed, uncertainty, then hope, happiness and more love. Too soon it was over. But it isn't. I just have to decide what's next. For…us?

 **She's so close. Bella has some decisions to make and things to learn. What does Edward think about meeting Ang, Bella's mom and the all-important kisses?**


	33. Chapter 33: Kisses and Christmas

**Kisses and Christmas**

 **A/N: Just a little reminder to read Chapter 32 first (posted yesterday)...the stats seem to show chapter 28 was skipped by about 400 people (I'm just so excited there are even more people actually reading this!)...but then again, it seems Bella has her share of dissenters. She's getting there...honest. And Edward, he just wants her happy, certainly not a typical rock star. But no matter his incarnation, Edward has never been typical. On with the story!**

 **EPOV**

She kissed me. Bella kissed me. It was on my cheek granted, but I'll treasure it. Bella's friend Ang is like an anti-Leah. So demure – until she learned about my mom. Even Bella thought it was pretty funny – I got to hear her laugh again. Ang was wide-eyed with the idea of going home in a limo, Bella too, but she tried to act laisser-faire – she really was getting a little better with the money. Just a little. It was polite to take Ang home and it was pretty obvious the two friends needed to catch up. When Bella came up to the loft with me I thought it would be to tell me that Ang would soon know everything. I wouldn't expect a warm greeting from her next time we met. But no, Bella just wanted to apologize for the kiss. I didn't let her, rather I held her and she let me kiss her on her cheek this time. I hungered for her lips but Bella was already worried about the little kiss. Christmas is coming up. Mistletoe. That might be a hint. I could wait until Christmas. I was going to let her go; the girls could both stay at the Ritz. They'd have fun and Laurent and Irina would make sure they got there safely. But then, she asked to stay. My place. Not with me exactly, but close. So close. No double locked doors between us. Of course, I couldn't deny her, but I couldn't sleep either, with her right there. I played her to sleep then I lay on the couch all night imagining she was having pleasant dreams. My dreams in bed would have been of Bella and me. Together again. It's not the time.

By seven, she still wasn't up when I realized she had nothing to change into. I know a few people, so it wasn't difficult to arrange a little delivery. And, I rationalized, she need a toothbrush. We were certainly nowhere near a place where she'd use mine. She called my name in her sleep again and I smiled. I think she really misses me. When Bella woke, she was a little argumentative about the delivery - she's obviously still not ready to sit down with my accountants. Even Rose. At least she wore the clothes and though she's beautiful in absolutely everything, the jeans were certainly worth every penny. In New York it's all about appearances and the media would have jumped on her if she'd worn the same thing leaving my apartment as she did entering it. It was a bonus that she kept the credit card. Baby steps.

And then, later at the airport, a giant leap. Bella's lips on mine. Softness and sweetness I would kiss her forever if I could. The only reason I came to was Laurent yelling.

"Edward! In the car!" He doesn't call me Edward. He should. I listened. Bella kissed me. Truly kissed me. But then she huddled beside me apologizing half-way to LaGuardia. I couldn't take it. There was a sure way she couldn't say sorry one more time. If she'd let me. I brought my lips to hers and she actually sighed. Her name on my lips and joy in my heart. Laurent called James and forced me to drive right to my parents. Alone. I needed an order, I wanted to take Bella home myself, to protect her. Kiss her again and again and tell her I love her. Though, cancelling a concert would create no end of chaos and I was sure this was already causing a big stir. Yeah. My phone rang on the way back. Alice. Spin. What can you spin? She's my girl and she gave me a kiss good-bye. It's not a federal offense.

Bella was pretty peeved with all the phone calls. Even from me. I told the guys and my parents to let her be. She was adamant I shouldn't come down – it would involve cancelling a show which Bella would not support - but she did confess to a problem girl at school. Honesty even at a distance – that's Bella and something she was teaching me as I told her I worry. She reassured me Irina and Tanya were keeping a very close watch. Bella really was dealing with it better than expected. She said she wasn't watching Twitter. But it wasn't just Twitter. The tabloids. I cringed with every new headline. They were truly awful. I read every one really hoping I could sic a few lawyers on each of them, but even I knew they were vague and questioning – certainly implications but no overt accusations. Really, reading them all you could believe Bella was currently pregnant and a virgin. That's difficult shoes to fill, really. Maybe we'll be able to laugh about it later. MUCH later. If I thought even the threat of a lawsuit would have shut them up or even tied them up whatever it cost I would have spent it, but my fear of it backfiring stopped me from dialling Jenks. He's good. He's just not that good.

I had to do something for her, for us. Bella didn't come to a show for the rest of December due to exams. I missed her even though we talked every night. My phone was my lifeline. She was supposed to meet me at my parents' on Christmas Eve. Instead, I went to get her. Her jaw dropped when I met her right after her shift at the aquarium and we both spent a few minutes with the fans. Then we got in the car. Our last kisses had been total spur of the moment affairs. This time, she looked into my eyes. A lot like our very first kiss as our lips connected. A minute later Laurent thought he should put up the privacy window. I hadn't even noticed. Bella sighed. I could kiss her forever. But then I remembered I had a plan. Renee. When I asked her she wasn't enthusiastic, but she relented. I was glad we'd taken that step but she really couldn't wait to escape. I knew she despised the idea of being dependent, and her mom was one of the reasons why. Bella was mortified by a few of the things her mom said. She wasn't what I'd call subtle and she knows a hell of a lot more about my bank account than Bella wants to know. It looked like, in contrast to Bella, Renee would have absolutely no difficulty in having someone just provide for her. I would never dare bring up even the thought of Bella not having her own career. That, and her spending my money as well as her own were not mutually exclusive, however, and I still need to figure that out. Bella has yet to charge even a penny to that credit card I gave her, but at least I'm keeping her in lattes and she has officially downloaded all the Masen Hale albums along with four other songs. I doubt the same would be true if I gave Renee a credit card. Bella was much happier back at home finishing her packing and spending a few minutes with her animals.

I loved seeing her relax with my family and that not only didn't she balk at my little Christmas gift, she let me put it on her and kiss her. I thought she might hit Emmett with his phone antics but she just held onto me and kissed me back. She kissed me in front of people again, even if it was just my family. This reaction was worth more than all the diamonds in the world. She still wouldn't sing but she did fall asleep in my arms again. Of course, this time it was at the piano bench with my family looking on but I was still over the moon. I had to shake my head with mom's comments and calm Bella's fears with gentle kisses. She relaxed and slept. Esme apologized and told me Bella can stay as long as she wants. I thanked mom again, thinking Bella would be just a tad upset if I bought her her own place in New York.

I came over so early the next day mom told me Bella was still sleeping. Then I heard her call my name. Mom said she's done that every morning. So she thinks of me every night? That sounds promising. Calling for me even when I wasn't there. It made me smile. I wanted to wake her. But we'd all be embarrassed if she started moaning my name. Especially Bella. Though I'd love to know if she could think of me like that again when we're alone. I helped mom start breakfast and soon I heard Bella's voice again.

"Edward."

"Edward." Then, I felt arms around my waist. She was actually awake. Here.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." I said and turned towards her for a kiss. She didn't get to say good morning. My lips just met hers.

"Edward. Bella. Breakfast." I vaguely heard someone call but I was busy.

"I can bring out a camera." Mom threatened. Bella heard and came to stuttering, blushing and looking darn-right adorable.

"Sor-sorry, Esme. Can we help?" She asked. Mom was already serving the plates, with a big smile. Even Bella caught on that it was an empty threat even though she was blushing something fierce. I loved that blush. Dad was pretending to read a journal, but eyed me like we needed to talk. I didn't even have to guess. And the answer was still no.

Our plans to go running in Central Park got a look from mom. I reassured her I would be fine. And so would Bella. I don't think mom was expecting that. She even told us to have fun. We did. I knew Bella had barely seen snow. Much less a snowball. Snow in her hair, on her neck and her eyelashes. When I pulled her into a snow drift I didn't mean to kiss her but I couldn't resist especially when she responded like she did this morning. She sighed and kissed me back as I told her I love her. Yes, there were fans with cameras. I asked them for the photos.

I hoped she'd like the music I loaded into her phone. This was my actual present. But I had to buy her a little something to open Christmas morning. I couldn't give this to her with my family there or they would have wanted to listen. Not a chance. Never. It's for no one but Bella. I had contemplated taking two of my pieces off but that wouldn't have told our story. My side, anyway. She has to know the truth. I hope she's ready. When I got home that's what I played. For me. For Bella. For us. Our life so far and hopefully there's a lot more to come.

 **Short but sweet. Edward's cautiously optimistic. What happens when Bella's subconscious finally catches up to her?**


	34. Chapter 34: Bella's Revelation

**Bella's Revelation**

 **Sorry for the delay, I've been ill. But this just means my fantasy timeline is right in line with the events of the month. The Super Bowl and Valentine's. A while back I said there would be 34 chapters – it will be a total of 37 – Sorry!**

 **BPOV**

I didn't have the freedom during winter semester that I'd had for the fall. I could barely travel. Class ended at five on Friday, and I had to be at the aquarium at noon on Sunday. It took me a few, OK, way more than a few, run-throughs before I thanked Edward for the music. Edward swears it's only meant for us. I told him I listen to pieces of it every night. I wanted to tell him I felt exactly the same way when I woke that morning. Why couldn't I?

Masen Hale was continuing the tour down the east coast and was going to be touring Europe as well as doing interview after interview starting in February with the new release. I got to Miami and Orlando but no further from home. In Miami, there was a tense half-hour with Alice before I left. But it turned into another beginning for Edward and I. After the episode with Alice my emotions were heightened and my guard was down. I thought I told her for support but, really, maybe I was hoping for a different perspective. I realized later I should have gone to Rose. She'd told me the first time we met exactly what I'd needed to hear but, back then, I hadn't been ready to listen. This was the week I finally understood. This was the week I finally woke remembering my dreams. And if they were to be believed, my anger then and my life now were totally incompatible. I love him but I wouldn't have given myself a chance to develop that. I wouldn't have given Eddie Masen a second glance. Waking up with Edward, the total shock, everything with Rose, his birthday, my notoriety, the tabloids, the travel and fans not to mention school, bodyguards, assignments, exams and a more than a few cutting remarks by Lauren had left me little time to consider what I really would have done if I had known from the very beginning. I'd had no time to think about it while I was awake but the morning after the outburst with Alice it was crystal clear my subconscious had done nothing except think about it. That morning when I woke it was like I'd lived my alternate reality. Like I'd gone back in time as I'd told Edward to do so long ago. And Edward would just be Eddie Masen. A rock star. I would have told Ang that he'd rented the vineyard in the summer and that he was a bit of an ass. That would have been the end of everything before it even began. I wouldn't have understood his reaction on his birthday and would have just jumped to conclusions. Basically, what I had done the second I had truly found out – deciding without a second thought all rock stars were drug using, womanizing, self-absorbed assholes with more money than brains. But by then I had six weeks of Edward - I knew him by then but I didn't trust myself that I did. Though, unlike mom, he came right back just like he said he would. He'd been nothing but honest since. Now it was my turn. Edward and I had spoken every night that whole week about everything except my revelation. I couldn't tell him on the phone what I now so clearly understood so after the show in Orlando I was totally undone. I'd done so much soul searching I didn't know where to begin. I didn't meet him backstage after the show. He was worried when he got up to our rooms. My hidden fears from the last seven months came pouring out. But he had to know. He'd been worried for so long that I'd leave. This might cause him to tell me to never come back.

"Bella?" he ran to me and pulled me into his embrace. I held on for dear life but I had to tell him.

"I'm not going to say it right, Edward." I shook my head.

"You can talk to me, Bella."

"I've been so angry about that morning…"

"Understandably…"

"And so overwhelmed with everything."

"I know Bella. I've been at this for way longer than you have and I still feel that way. It's OK, I understand." He pulled me closer into his embrace and at first I let him. It was what I wanted but it wasn't right. I shook him off.

"You. Don't."

"What it is…please, Bella." He sounded so lost. I didn't know what to say next.

"I wouldn't be here." I blurted out. I know I made no sense.

"Bella…" Edward pulled me to him again and I broke down, holding him. I told him as much as I could as fast as I could. It would sound awful, regardless.

"I don't know how to even start, Edward. I've thought about it. About us. When we met. And I know I couldn't have done it. Knowing everything when we first met. Leah. New York. This. I would have been too scared of the whole package. The fans, the music and the money. I wouldn't have taken the time to figure you out. A rock star. In my book that had all of the wrong connotations. Leah would have pushed, I'm sure, but not for the right reasons. I loved the simplicity and my complete infatuation with Edward Cullen. It made love so easy Edward. You made love so easy. I've been angry at you for keeping that secret, and it makes no sense now, because if I had known I would have dismissed you. My summer, my life would have gone back to what it always was. Predictable."

I looked at him. I'd said it. I blinked furiously trying not to tear. I was expecting wrath of the highest order and basically being told to leave. That I wasn't wanted. That wasn't what I wanted but I would have understood. I hadn't been honest with him or with myself until I really thought about the whole situation and faced my fears. I'd been looking at everything from only my point of view – my hurt, my anger and my fear. Edward had the same emotions that he couldn't express because of me. I finally turned to look at him.

"Bella. My Bella." Edward held me even tighter and started stroking my hair. I didn't understand. Why isn't he mad? YELL AT ME! Damn it.

"Don't do that. Please, Bella. We've come so far. What matters is now. I love you. I've thought about all of that too. Every day. That was my rational to keep it up for so long. That you were too good, too pure, to ever want someone like me. That's the truth Bella. It was still wrong. I was still wrong. Trying to build a relationship on a lie was wrong. It had to end. Though absolutely not the way it did. But I do think about some fairy tale version where you would have said, 'Eddie Masen, really? That's nice, it doesn't matter, but maybe I shouldn't tell Leah' has replayed in my head. We've done these 'what ifs' all year. There are days I look at my whole life and play that horrible, horrible game. What if my parents hadn't died? What if we'd never met Esme and Carlisle? What if I had never ever sat at a piano? I regret every thought the second I have it because the life I have now, Bella, hinges on my parents' death. I was named after my father, Bella, but it was Emmett who was daddy's boy and had his attention. Sports? Me? It's a joke Bella. I was never able to be who I was because I didn't know who that was. Maybe I would have figured it out. I was young. I would have lost years, Bella. It tears me up to even think it. I loved them. But I also love Esme and Carlisle. And you. In that scenario we wouldn't have met, either, or maybe we would have. At Cornell. If I hadn't been in music maybe I would have gone into teaching. Math. Yeah. Something would have told you not to go to Florida. I would probably have been happy being Eddie Masen in that other life. I would have been Eddie Junior. Not too many fans for those who can solve differential equations in their sleep. I still do that by the way, only now it turns into music. And you really think you wouldn't be here? What makes you think I would be? I would have walked away from all of this. Last summer was just supposed to be a reality check. I wasn't supposed to fall in love. But my life has only changed for the better since we met. My life started when I saw you in that grocery store. I don't think I would have let you get away then just because you were a little scared of Eddie Masen. I would have courted you. In the beginning it wouldn't have worked on you at all – gifts and the whole pretense would have just made you run the other way. But I could have learned. Enlisted Leah. Jake. I think it would have worked. I would have tried, Bella. Everything."

"You can't know any of that." I told him. How did he have all these arguments in his head at the ready? But then it dawned on me. Everything clicked. He knew. He'd known about my fears all along. He knew even before I'd put it all together. He knew and couldn't talk with me about it because of my anger. And he's not leaving.

"I know, Bella. Neither can you." He said simply as he wiped my tears and gave me a kiss.

"I don't see you as a math teacher, either. Music. Maybe." I was just babbling now. So was he. He wasn't even mad. He was just trying to make me see. Exactly what he'd been doing this whole year.

"I'll keep that in mind if this gig stops working out." He smiled. Now that I wasn't panicked it was easier to breath and really discuss everything we'd said. I had no idea how torn he was. The layers of his life that brought him to this place and every single choice that could have altered his destiny. And mine. We both knew our pasts were fixed. The good and the bad they made us who we are and continue to impact our lives. But they don't have to define them. My fears were for naught he'd continued to reassure me as I finally told him my horrible dream. He figured if he hadn't gone to the store, if he had met Leah first and if he'd really been stupid enough to wait until his dreaded 25th to meet me it just might have gone down like my nightmare.

"But that's a lot of 'ifs,' Bella. Besides, the next day I would have come to senses, tracked you down to apologize and taken you to SeaWorld."

"You wouldn't have known I would like SeaWorld." My argument. Stupid, yes, but it was all I had.

"Sam." He said quickly. Like that was the answer to everything.

"You would have talked with Sam?"

"And Jake."

"But you thought I was with Jake."

"I wouldn't have thought that if I hadn't seen you or heard you at the store. Problem solved." Edward just smiled and continued. This hypothetical interaction was taking on a life of its own. "The only thing that wouldn't have happened is the porch. I would have missed that. I loved working on the porch but Leah wouldn't have been able to string two words together much less have told me how to sand and paint a porch."

"And having Leah wield power tools in front of Eddie Masen would have been a really bad idea." I told him. I think we were both picturing Leah shrieking and bouncing while trying to work a circular saw. It was very frightening. He nodded and continued,

"So, in our new story, I would have wooed you with cute little animals. I'm sure it would have worked."

"It did work, Edward." I told him. The belugas and the sea lions really did have me hooked. Edward in a wetsuit. That was part of it. He knew it too, laughing with a sly smile.

"What else worked Bella?" He asked still holding me, now kissing my neck, it was a little distracting. But I had the answer.

"Everything worked. Your compassion, your sense of humor, our talks, your sense of family, your protectiveness and your willingness to help anyone who needs it. Your patience and your generosity. And, of course, the music. It's all a part of you." The truth. The naked truth. It was all out there. I should have been embarrassed, telling him why I love him. I wasn't.

"What about my rugged good looks?" Edward rubbed the shadow of stubble on his face. I'm not sure even that was there. I had to check by caressing his cheek and he smiled. That made me laugh. Sense of humor – check.

"Rugged? Try clean cut, poster boy, Edward. But…you do have a certain charm." I told him, half-jokingly. Really, with his brilliant green eyes, coppery locks and that smile just looking at him made my heart patter. But maybe I'll keep that to myself for now. We're talking.

"As long as you like it."

"I think there's a lot more than me that like it." I said. Twenty-three million were the last numbers I'd heard. It was a little disconcerting.

"You're the only one who counts, Bella. I love you." He said, seriously now. And to show it he brought my lips to his. I was starting to forget my name. But this also had me adding things to my ever-growing list of why I needed and wanted him in my life. He sighed, breaking away way too soon.

"Can you tell me just one more thing, Bella?" He looked at me with one unanswered question. I nodded still thinking of the kiss.

"Are you still scared of Eddie Masen?" He asked. Dead seriously. He looked into my eyes and waited patiently for my reply.

"No." I told him. And this was the truth.

"That's good." He said as he smiled and stroked my cheek. I nodded. I think we were both finally at a loss for words. I've never felt so lucky. And so loved. I have Edward in my arms; I don't ever want to let him go. We got here very unconventionally but I love him. I might have said it that morning in bed. After breakfast and every day since if life hadn't interfered. Feelings. It was so easy to tell Jake the obvious. You love her. Tell her. Show her. Not so easy when the shoe's on the other foot. Not easy – for anyone but Edward.

"You're also never afraid to say exactly how you feel. I'm not good at it, Edward. At all. I'm just so scared of getting hurt." I curled into him. Once again feeling secure in his arms.

"I won't hurt you, Bella. Ever again. I love you." He said. I believed him. Completely. Which made it that much easier for me to say it back. Unconditionally.

"I love you too, Edward." He just looked at me. I didn't know if he'd heard me. I had to say it again. I wanted to say it forever. "I love you, Edward." Easier. And so, so right. He had heard me and just held me shaking with emotion, tears in his eyes.

We both cried. And kissed. For what was and for what wasn't. No one can predict the future. We shouldn't even try. Every little decision or event opens up an infinite number of possibilities. We had to take each day we had together and cherish it. We're not like most couples. A day here. An hour there. It's never going to be as simple as at the vineyard. But I love him. I really love him. More than enough. I said it again and so did Edward as he played our song and then, of course, something new, just for us. An hour later, dawn was breaking and reality was looming. Alice. Edward realized this at the same time I did and the music ended, not with a typical flourish but Edward's soft touch of the keys that simultaneously marked the perfect ending and a new beginning.

We separated for the first time in hours to get ready for a new day. I was heading home, and next week he'd be there after shows in Georgia and Alabama. I'd barely showered and dressed while Edward was totally packed and was answering the door for room service. Really, it was now just a typical morning on the road even though everything had changed. We talked about our day, our week, Edward's trip to Tampa and Emmett's panic about the Super Bowl. Alice showed up, we ate while Alice did my packing muttering about time and weather. She was wound. Me, I was finally at peace. Edward too. We even kissed at the airport – the tiniest kiss ever but you can bet there were cameras – before we headed to our separate planes.

A week later, Edward was barely in Tampa for twelve hours before they had to head to the Super Bowl. I saw him for maybe fifteen minutes alone where we kissed and held each other with quiet 'I love yous' before Edward's whirlwind tour of Tampa was to begin. Edward started caressing my neck and I did same to him. We'd talked all week; this was time to just be together. Something we don't have nearly enough of.

I studied all day still thinking of him. He came over with Laurent after his day to pick me up himself and we were going to go for a nice dinner but Edward has a heart. He told me what he wanted to do and we cancelled our reservations. We ate in the hospital cafeteria instead. Edward and I signed autographs and posed for pics for the doctors and nurses and then both of us went to see a patient he'd met earlier in the day. A teen girl beamed at Edward and me as we walked in the room. But she addressed me.

"Bella!" She spoke softly but smiled the biggest smile. I nodded and Edward had to make introductions.

"Maggie. You asked to meet Bella. I thought I'd bring her by." I looked at Edward. People don't ask for me. Or if they do, they just want to get to Edward. But he's here.

"Wow. I didn't…no it was too selfish…asking…but you're really here."

"I'm here. Ask anything." I'd never said that to a fan before but I meant it. She looked a little dusky but what got me was that the room had a crash cart and fluids were already hanging. It really wasn't a good sign. She saw me looking.

"That's not going to happen again. They're taking it all out. I'm ready." I heard a muffled sob in the corner.

"Mom, Bella." Maggie introduced me, beaming again. I hadn't even seen her mom there but she looked like she was barely hanging on. Her daughter was dying and there wasn't a single thing she could do about it. Her mom shook my hand in both of hers, ever grateful. I didn't know what we were doing here. Maggie wanted to meet me? Why?

"You know, Bella. Edward was lovely today." Maggie said sincerely. Lovely? Not the word I ever would have chosen, but ok. "The photo ops with the kids here seem to cause such a strain on most celebs. I know, I've been here the last three months. But he did good. You should be proud. I had an epiphany last week." What thirteen-year-old even knows the word? "You and Edward. There's been something wrong but I think it's getting better. I just had to see you. To tell you one thing. You only get one life – I know. Live it. He tells the truth, Bella. He said it to me today, he loves only you. Forgive him, please."

I looked at Edward. He looked as shocked as I did. He didn't tell her anything. I had to tell her the truth.

"I'm working on it, Maggie. No, I'm there. We're both there. But why is this so important?"

"I'm dying of a broken heart, so to speak. You shouldn't. I tried to write you all year but I didn't think you'd get the letters. Here." She gave me a stack. The one on the top was very significant, it was Elizabeth's birthday.

"Rock it for me tonight, Edward. I have my own playlist so my heart rate doesn't go above sixty – doctor's orders." She is special. No fan has ever called him Edward. Not even Leah. He certainly noticed. And that's why we're here.

"Will do."

We said our goodbyes, and they certainly weren't see-you-laters. Maggie would have seen right through that, I think. A few tears glistened on my cheek as I forwarded her a song, telling her it helps me sleep.

We talked all the way back to the stadium, drying our eyes. I couldn't read the letters yet, I think Maggie said it all. I just wanted to crawl under the covers and mourn for a young girl I'd only met for fifteen minutes but felt like I'd known my whole life. Edward had to perform for 20 000 again and I don't know how he does it.

"She made me think Edward."

"She only asked me two questions, Bella. 'Edward, do you love her?' and 'Can I meet her?' Somehow I had to bring you by. But I didn't know any of that."

"How are you going to get on stage tonight?"

"Easy. I'm supposed to rock it. For her. But that's the show. That's second nature." He's so confident about the music but then his voice faltered. "I still worry about us. Us, Bella?" He'd been reassuring me, comforting me, telling me he loves me all year for me to believe him, to trust him. I'd told him but he still voiced those shadows of doubt. If it takes him just as long to believe me, I'll be there.

"Us, Edward. I was already there, before tonight. It's taken me a long time, I know. I love you, Edward. I always have." We were in the car, being driven back for the show. Maybe it's not the best time for all these words – but it is. Every day. Then Edward knew just what to do and a tender kiss with an 'I love you' of his own followed. And the biggest smile. No, he's not as stubborn as I was. Not even close. We pulled into the stadium and I kissed him again before we got out of the car. I've told him I want us to be together, but I still have to share him with the whole world.

I shared him with about twenty-five thousand fans that night for the other three hours I was able to see him on stage. After the show, we kissed again. Emmett couldn't give us an extra thirty seconds alone. He was like Leah – on steroids. He might forget he'll be needed on the stage and not on the field come tomorrow. I was usually a little intimidated around Emmett. Today was different. Edward went to give me a peck, that's not what it turned into. When we came up for air we both sighed. I nodded at Emmett. I was done. For now.

"Cowboys all the way, Emmett!" I called to him. I swear he growled.

"Jets will take it, Bella."

"Not a chance."

"Wanna bet?"

"I've got twenty." I told him. "Twenty bucks." With these boys you really have clarify the zeros. Edward chuckled. Emmett bounded across the dressing room and flung me around even easier than Jake did.

"You got it!" Emmett said as he continued to spin. He finally put me down and made me shake on it. As soon as he finished with me he picked Edward up and flung him around too. What goes around comes around. Edward only has the upper hand on his big brother on stage. And Emmett wouldn't put him down. Seemed fitting.

"Bye Bella!" Emmett called with Edward flailing over Emmett shoulder in a fireman carry. Emmett changed his mind and at least brought Edward closer to me for a little kiss goodbye. It was definitely little but my lips still burned. Emmett waved at me again as he opened the dressing room door. I heard him as they were walking out.

"She loves you, little brother."

"I know. I love her, Emmett." Edward sounded wistful, his voice fading. Emmett was saying something else I couldn't quite make out before I heard nothing else. I said a quick goodbye to Kate and then headed home with Irina. The next day it was a five hour study session, then the aquarium for six hours. I was PVRing the game but it looked like all the fans had already found a TV, not a single autograph as Irina and I walked to the car and turned off the radio. There's no point in watching the game if I know the score. I watched the commercials, the boys kicked ass, Edward didn't even bother to curtail him Emmett's antics and it all worked in the open air stadium and the roar of the crowd. The crowd wasn't the usual demographic but the crowd was hyped and it looked like they now have quite a few new fans. I had to watch it twice before I finished with more commercials. Oh, yeah. And the game. The Cowboys kicked ass and I'm collecting. Best of all I get bragging rights. I beat Emmett. I probably won't be able say that ever again. I was thinking about how to gloat when Edward called, thanking me. He also bet against the Jets. And he also won twenty he said. I made him clarify. Twenty. Million. These boys certainly don't do little. We decided on a few charities. But there was no adding my twenty bucks to the total. Edward was going to enjoy watching me get my winnings. We hadn't had this much fun in a while. We were actually talking serious money. I was never scared of Edward. I'd even looked for the fans. Edward and I hung up as he was boarding just another plane. I had one more task; another fear to overcome. The dreaded internet. Tentatively I typed Masen Hale into the search engine. The reviews of the half-time show were mostly positive. The little kiss in Orlando seemed to have caused a lot of chatter though not nearly the sensation of the airport kiss in New York. I was in almost every second photo with Edward now. I was looking a lot less scared of the cameras. There were even photos of our snowball fight. There I looked very happy. I was. Of course, it wasn't all roses. Occasionally Irina would take Edward's flank and Laurent would walk beside me either heading to or from the stadium. I really shouldn't be surprised at the stupid gossip. Edward really had told me about all the women. More gossip and, yes, I knew better. I was still being sworn at, not a surprise. Edward has his share of admirers wanting his body, I knew. But it was really creepy to I learn I do too. Hence, the bodyguards. It sometimes takes me a long while to catch up. But I was also being admired for my dedication to school and volunteering. There was actually a rumor that I was planning on going to vet school. Something that wasn't totally bogus. Kudos to someone. It didn't seem like it was Jessica. Columbia was in the mix along with basically every other vet school in the world. I guess they're not going to be wrong – as long as I get in, that is. And then there was Edward's money. There were many ballpark figures. All totally surreal, all conjecture. I'm still not calling Rose or asking Edward. The necklace had also made headlines. No wonder Leah had called. And it wasn't even my real present. I love it but if I had to choose, I'd rather keep the music. There was a whole lot more crap amidst the commendations but all in all I could take the good with the bad. I closed the browser with a sense of victory. I wouldn't make it a daily activity but Google and tabloids would no longer have that hold of terror over me. I fell asleep picturing myself curled up with Edward on the plane. Even that was normal now. Since meeting Edward, my whole life had stopped and started again. And the events of January were so completely life-changing, I almost felt reborn.

In February, Alice had her own agenda with Jazz and so Edward came down for the weekend at Valentine's. Two days, 30 hours really, but I wasn't complaining. He shushed me the minute I tried to apologize for the eightieth time and gave me a Valentine's kiss and beautiful roses.

"There's nothing for me to forgive, Bella. I love you." He looked into my eyes willing me to understand. Another kiss and I was melting into him. Like I said, he doesn't hold onto things like I do. I showed him how much I missed him. Time apart and doubts creep in. I still had things to learn. Our kiss only ended because Hope and Love were getting restless. But we couldn't go out just yet.

"It's Valentine's, Bella. And I couldn't decide." Edward clarified before he gave me two little boxes. Earrings. First, diamond studs, to match my necklace. The second box had diamond drops, just because, he said. He barely let me look at them. He just put them on the hall table, gave me another perfect kiss and handed me my phone. I called Tanya and Irina and Edward got Laurent on the phone while getting the leads for Hope and Love. Our life. Just a little run requires the cavalry.

So Edward and I ran with the dogs and, as predicted, my running posse went completely mad. The hour run turned into four hours – an hour run and three hours for autographs and photos. His day off. There's no such thing. Afterwards, Edward made us PB + J for lunch and we sat on the couch for hours kissing and exchanging 'I love yous'. It seemed so natural. We were in a good place. He also had me open my books to study – yeah, right. But I did tell him all about my classes and essays and my excitement about my honours project that seemed to finally be coming together. He volunteered to come with me if I wanted to call Lauren to discuss it. That would have been interesting – Lauren would have stared at Edward like a deer in headlights and a part of me would have liked to see him pounce - but I assured Edward I can fight my own battles. After I also reassured him I could also take one night off from studying Edward took me for dinner and drinks; dancing followed. We had an audience, of course; Laurent, Irina and a lot of fans were in attendance but it was still a fabulous evening. We were mindful of our audience but still couldn't help stealing a few kisses. I asked him to stay but Edward told me that Laurent had strict instructions to ensure he got back to his hotel that night. Alone. Maybe he's right, maybe we still need time. Dreams of Edward that night told me otherwise.

He came back early the next morning and made me breakfast. Then he helped me with the earrings. I could finally thank him. Then Edward caressed my cheek, my neck and my earlobes that were now bedazzled with their new set of sparkles and showered me in kisses. And then we went running again with the throng (all of whom noticed the earrings) before he had to head off to Prague. When we made love last time we didn't really talk about it. I didn't know how. And I don't know how to bring it up now. I have a while to think about it. Laurent took a longer route to the airport, and we made the most of our almost-alone time just kissing. It had become a favorite activity of mine once again but I was also thinking of more. The minute Edward left I was missing him.

The boys started the tour in Europe. I turned up the radio every time the new single 'Forbidden Love' was on. I knew it was about me – when Edward really thought I was with Jake. Both Jazz and Edward outdid themselves and the reviews were off the charts. But the rumour mill that was swirling created even more buzz – there was some talk that I was married or underage, I denied both on camera but still had to dig for my birth certificate. Alice was beside herself with panic. And this is only the second time I've ever seen Alice nearly loose it. She flew down to Tampa immediately and helped me find it. Then we talked. I told her how I'd figured things out. She apologized, promised she'd already talked to Edward, and then suggested we go shopping. Alice, there's never any grudges. I managed to beg off with my studying needs but not without the promise of a rain check. I wondered how long I could put that one off. With one rumor quelled, the rumor that Edward had stolen me from my childhood sweetheart still swirled, probably courtesy of Jessica. Jake and Leah didn't bite and were kept out of the limelight.

There was the other song - a last minute addition to the album - that was getting a lot of attention. Only Masen Hale could have pulled it off. And Edward actually shared writing credits with Jazz on this one. Horseshoes and wine, luck and love. An attraction so instantaneous fans would really think it was all made up. Edward and I know it's not. I really do love the song – Edward wrote the music in the summer so it wasn't only the story that was familiar, it was the vineyard, it was Edward. But the title? Luck. Seriously? There's the obvious problem, which he knew all too well when he called to play it for me. But the promise to me from Edward is that he will never, never ever, perform it on stage. He's damn lucky I love him like I do. Edward's diction is one thing, a stadium of twenty or thirty thousand is another thing entirely. No surprise, the album really is my favorite of all of them since I'd been there from its inception. And Edward? It's his favorite too. For the same reason, he said. It's really hard to kiss him through the phone. We did get a few 'I love yous' into our short conversation before he had to finally get to bed and I had to get ready for school. Fans responded in dramatic fashion to the new album once again and Masen Hale replaced themselves in the Guinness Book – triple platinum in fifty-two hours this time. I texted Edward a congrats and he texted me back a horseshoe and a heart. Luck and love – we really do have a tremendous amount of both.

After mid-terms at the end of February I started applying to vet schools in Texas, Florida and New York. I had to hedge my bets but Columbia was certainly my number one. I called Carlisle and Dr. Snow for advice and we spent many hours on the phone. Sadly, it was much more time than I was able to spend on the phone with Edward. We sometimes had few minutes for goodnights, which given the time changes were good mornings where I was already heading to class when he'd get back after the show. A few discreet kisses and I'd have to go. And he was usually at an interview or autograph session promoting the new album during the day when I was heading to bed at night. If he couldn't call, he would send me a little text with hugs and kisses. I really missed his voice. So, like any fan, I made myself a playlist to listen to Edward every night When I told him this, he told me he missed me too, then he fixed it as only Edward can. He just sent me a brand new song every night before he went bed for my bed time later that night. Most of them even had lyrics written by Edward. I'd just put it on repeat and I could just picture him at his keyboard as I drifted off to sleep. In the morning I'd send him a thank-you and little love note which usually involved a dream about the vineyard. Long-distance solutions. We'll need a lot of them. I'm counting down the days until I see him in London. The music made the separation a bit easier, but I wanted to hold him and kiss him. And I was really preparing to talk with him about something important. For us. It wasn't exactly something I wanted to discuss over the phone and I wasn't going to send him those dreams. I hope he'll think it's time again. I just need to have a little faith. We already have all the love in the world.

 **Bella finally said those three little words Edward so desperately wanted to hear. Is Edward ready for the next step or will Bella need to make that move, yet again? We'll have to catch up with Edward first.**


	35. Chapter 35: Taking Steps

**Taking Steps**

 **A/N: No boy-band copyright infringement intended. And I really do hope Midnight Sun gets finished…one day.**

 **EPOV**

I didn't get to see Bella before the show in Miami, her flight was delayed. But Jazz and I were the last two in the dressing room after the show when Alice barged in completely enraged followed closely by Bella who was trying to hold her back.

"You SERIOUSLY thought THAT was a good idea?" Alice yelled at me probably loudly enough so that the entire crew could hear her even while dismantling the stage.

It took me only seconds to figure out what she was talking about, with Bella's tears.

"NO! Alice. Obviously. I've been trying to make amends." At that Bella was crying and saying that she didn't mean for Alice to burst in here.

"Well. She's a smart girl, Edward. You are DAMN lucky she likes you. I would have beaten you to a pulp. And sued your rich little hiney!"

"I know." I couldn't have been quieter. I had flashbacks of Bella in her state of shock and still couldn't believe she was sitting beside me now. And she was currently trying to comfort me.

Jazz looked at me with an expression of utter confusion which Alice picked up on.

"So. You didn't even tell Jazz? You didn't think this might affect anyone else?"

"I was ONLY concerned about Bella, Alice. Drop it. Bella can tell who she wants, she confided in you and THIS isn't helping. Yell at me later. I know I deserve it." I was trying to breathe, gather my thoughts and hold onto Bella since she was letting me. And she was holding me too. That, at least stopped Alice from throwing everything at me in the room in anger, though I would have understood. Alice no longer addressed me.

"Sorry, Bella. Edward…" Alice seethed some more. "It's never been his character to EVER do something like this!"

"Go, Alice. I know. It's fine. Tell Jazz if you want. Secrets…they hurt." Bella was to the point. Alice was still livid and I knew I hadn't heard the end of it when she stalked out. Jazz knew to follow her. Jazz, he'll hear the unedited version from Alice and he'll write lyrics we would be fools to release – but I'll keep them. He knows he doesn't need to yell at me to tell me how he's feeling. Bella and I sat in the dressing room for a long time, thinking, though it was incredible progress that we were holding one another with our fragile emotions so close to the surface.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have told…"

"Bella. Please don't..."

"She overreacted Edward. I overreacted." Bella was actually talking. Rational. The contrast to our previous talks about this was dramatic.

"Don't worry about Alice, Bella, I'll talk to her. She won't hold back, I know she's nowhere near done, I'll weather it. Then Alice and I, we'll be OK. You and I, we've come so far Bella. I love you. Do you believe that?" I just saw her nod. And then she kissed me again. I felt her love in every touch. But she couldn't say it. Why? I didn't know but I couldn't ask because I was scared of her answer. I was expecting a yes. And then a 'but...' and I worried I still wouldn't be able to overcome her list of reservations. More time together was the answer for us, of course, we don't have it. I wanted her to stay overnight but I knew I wasn't getting out of any event scheduled by Alice in the near future and wouldn't even dare ask. And Bella did have to get back to the aquarium. Work always beckons for both of us. Bella kissed me goodbye promising we'd meet in the happiest place on earth. Well, she was close but we'd be too busy to make it to Disney even though the thought of going to another theme park with Bella was very tempting. I wondered if I could somehow arrange just the Tower of Terror and chocolate sundae; I might have a little pull. I took her to the airport with Laurent and Irina. It seemed Alice's rant had jarred something in Bella but she swore she was fine, apologizing to me again though I tried to tell her not to. I was the only one to blame for the whole fiasco. Her kisses, though, I didn't decline. Her love was right at the surface and evident in every look and every touch. But as a musician I so desperately wanted to hear it.

The following morning Jazz didn't hesitate and did exactly what I thought he'd do. He'd penned me some caustic lyrics and shoved them under my door. He must have been up all night. Alice would really panic if I ever put those words to music. Jazz channeled Bella and the hurt was so complete, so real. Taking her body and ripping out her soul. That's Jazz and exactly what I did. Uncovered Lies. Unfortunately, Jazz knows how to name them. He doesn't pull any punches. Maybe I'd work on music for it when it wasn't still so fresh – say, ten years from now. And then, maybe if I'd learned enough, I'd really try lyrics from my point of view. No, it might take longer, way longer than ten years, I don't know if I could ever express how I felt in that moment in words – regret, horror and utter self-loathing probably wouldn't make the pop charts. It might never get written. Though, if Jazz heard what I'd already composed he would even have more to say. As long as none of it ever leaches onto the internet; it's just all too personal. Bella's been working on forgiving me, sometimes I wonder, even if she does, if I will ever forgive myself. Maybe I'll work on that song too. The day was crazy – Alice was on a mission to make my life a living hell. We'd already had a busy day planned but in between every event Alice had somehow arranged a new group contest winners ready to meet me. She had connections to every radio station in the world. I'm sure this was not difficult, just annoying. I was worried about Bella and Jazz's lyrics, but I put my best foot forward the easiest way possible. Laurent helped set up my keyboard and I just played. The fans ate it up and then there was less time for photos and autographs. I made it through the day and did not complain. Alice stopped short of telling fans my room number. At that I was grateful.

Jazz also scribbled a few lyrics on a napkin at dinner. I cringed again. It was also true but a very good thing we'd be sued bigtime for copyright infringement - even if Jazz did change a few words. 'I fuckin' care who you are, where you're from, what you do…' Thanks Jazz for the pearls of wisdom – I could figure out the rest myself without any difficulty. And more than that, I got the point of that one too. After that Jazz was all done. He lobbed the napkin into the garbage without difficulty – he is one to play a little ball. We made up just like that. Jazz had said his peace. We headed to the stage in a better head space than all day and that was reflected in the show. That night Jazz helped me pen a real song capturing when Bella and I first realized our mutual attraction. Jazz got it yet again. We called Garrett and Em. And Alice. Studio time first thing in the morning. And when we were done I woke our producer at three am New York time. He was extremely accommodating – no surprise. It will make the album. And I was positive Bella will like this one, though she will have more than a few words with me about the title. No if, ands or buts about it.

Bella and I talked on the phone every night that whole week, but I missed her expressions and her touch, it got me closer to knowing what she was thinking. I was right about the song. I was eager to see her the following weekend since she seemed to become more and more on edge as the week progressed. I worried.

It was true. Bella had been unravelling - but Orlando was a breakthrough. After the show when I caught up to her in our rooms she was shaking her head in total terror and absolute shame as she confessed she didn't think she could have fallen for me. Bella thought I'd blame her. Leave her. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Just the thought that she would believe she'd been lying to me was ridiculous. She doesn't understand the depth of my love or my regret even though I've tried to explain it hundreds of times. I'd thought about all her arguments when I'd been hiding. Rationalizing exactly what she'd voiced in order to maintain the lie. She really doesn't think she could have seen through the façade of Eddie Masen. She's right that Leah would have been absolutely no help but she doesn't give herself enough credit. Not nearly enough. I would have fought for her regardless. And I know that's what I should have done. No lies. My Bella. My life. Bella has always been true to herself. She didn't even blink at the idea of a quick twenty million. It meant nothing. She wasn't even sure she wanted to be in the same room with me back then. I loved her before that and I wouldn't have even cared if she'd released the photo of Elizabeth a day or two before Emmett and Rose planned to - they took the money, and donated it to Bella's charities – all animal related, of course. Emmett asked me back then when I would get Bella a ring. That was seven weeks to the day that I saw her in the grocery store. Now, I was thinking of it more than ever. My arguments, rationalizations with Bella just trying to make her see the total truth brought out things I'd kept hidden my whole life. Things I'd never told anyone. Certainly not Emmett. Why I'd really chosen to be a Cullen. The discussion was just supposed to help Bella see. But it opened my eyes too. And our total honesty just brought us that much closer.

The deep discussion was almost over when we got into an epic 'what if' conversation. I won her over again and somehow she wound up listing everything she loves about me. I couldn't have gotten her to do that if I'd tried. Then I asked her if she was scared of Eddie Masen, her answer, of course, was no. I knew that. I'd already won her over in this reality. I think if I'd asked her if she was scared of the fame, the press or the fans I would have gotten a different answer. It would have been the same as mine as we walk into our future together. Showtime. I smiled.

"That's good." Was all I said. She smiled too, but she was too quiet, almost contemplative. I just wondered what else Bella would say now that we'd laid everything out in the open.

"You're also never afraid to say exactly how you feel. I'm not good at it, Edward. At all. I'm so scared of getting hurt." She said. I don't want her to be scared. Ever. I will do everything I can to prevent it. She didn't even recognize that just saying those words she was opening up more than she had all the year. She doesn't need to be scared.

I won't hurt you, Bella. Ever again. I love you." I told her. I was expecting a kiss and a hug to show me she feels the same. But then I heard Bella. My Bella.

"I love you too, Edward." She said just looking at me, not wavering. I heard her. I was just taking it in. The sweetest sound in the world. Bella's voice and those precious words I'd been waiting to hear ever since June. Bella loves me. My head was so full of music, I would never be the same. Pure love. Reciprocated. I had definitely heard her. But to be sure she said it again "I love you, Edward." She shouldn't be crying. Neither should I.

"I love you too, Bella. I'll always love you." I told her. Every word was my truth.

Tears of fear turning into tears of joy in an instant. The happiest place on earth was exactly where I was standing. With my Bella. I took her in my arms and we kissed. We'd been up most of the night. No sense in going to bed. I held her on my lap and played our love song first. She knew every note. It was so real and as much her song as it was mine. Ours. Everything flowed, Bella made the sweetest little sounds as I played what was in my head while she held me. After breakfast, we were headed to the airport going different directions but not without a detour. Disney. Opened just for us. Bella was awed. We would definitely need more time one day but just the one ride – twice - and then we had to run. There were many more I love yous. Most importantly, when it ended I asked her again if she was scared. No. And she wasn't answering just about the ride. Laurent miraculously found us a chocolate sundae which we ate in the car on the way to the airport with lots of chocolatey kisses goodbye. Bella's right. We have to cherish the time we have together, it's so limited. But at least we were now on the same course.

We talked every day since, she kept apologizing to me but I didn't need it. I wanted to get back to what was important. Just us. Every day she's away, studying, I miss her. It seemed she missed me too when in Tampa she found me alone and gave me the most sensual kiss ever. She felt it and so did I. Her touch was like she really wanted me in every way but I didn't even want to think that yet. She still needs time and I don't want to push her. A romantic dinner was warranted. Though that's a little tough given our circumstances. And then I was pulled in a different direction. Maggie. She's so young, yet so in tune with life. Much older than her years. Bella understood and agreed. It turns out we both learned even more about ourselves and each other that day. And I did rock it that night. Bella noticed too. I even saw her take a photo during the show. For Maggie. I got a few extra kisses from Bella afterwards even with Emmett being Emmett. He was panicky with the big game the next day and this time it was me who was headed to the airport with just enough time for another exquisite kiss goodbye for Bella. For us. Emmett's antics didn't even ruin the moment. It wasn't too dignifying being carried in a fireman carry away from my girlfriend by my big brother but Bella was smiling so that's all that really mattered. And Emmett's observation as he carried me towards the limo wasn't surprising.

"She loves you, little brother."

"I know." I told him with conviction. "I love her too, Emmett."

"So? Do I need to carry you into a jewelry store? You really need a ring. I could call TMZ for effect."

"Emmett…" He'd waited over nine years to get down on one knee. And now he was goading me. Pot. Teakettle. Anyone?

"You know I wouldn't, little brother. But Valentine's is coming up…" He put me down before we exited the stadium. Good thing. Rumors would have swirled. And the cameras would have gotten superb photos of my ass. Instead they got photos of me that probably looked pensive. It was fitting, Emmett really had me thinking.

I had a couple of weeks to think about all those kisses. And Emmett's talk. Valentine's. The first time I can say I ever cared about the Hallmark holiday. What should we do? Not that. A ring, soon, yes, but not yet. Though I really should start looking. It wouldn't be easy keeping it under wraps. When it's time I want to be the one to ask her, not have the question posted on the front of the tabloids. What else could we do? Certainly not that. Every night since Tampa I'd thought of Bella in my bed, dreamed of her in my bed, her kisses almost making it real. Valentine's. Just an ordinary day. Like in Texas. That just might work. Throughout the next two weeks I looked online at rings and some were nice, some were just stupid – a contest between celebrities. Twenty carats is now considered small. Thirty-five carats. WTF? Bella would absolutely hate it and if the reason I'd propose is so people can Google the ring and ogle it I would really need to rethink my priorities. Bella. She would like something meaningful. I just think of Jazz – he went without almost everything for six months to get Alice her ring. And she wouldn't trade it for all the diamonds in the world – Jazz has tried. She does have another hand, however, and that one has no shortage of bling. I might head to Tiffany's when I get home – looking at rings online doesn't really do it for me - but before that I need a little Valentine's present and I'd really like to pick it out myself. I was thinking earrings. For now, the ring can wait.

Laurent and I spent a lot of time in jewelry stores throughout the southern states, and I found out I'm still not recognized everywhere and we got some nasty looks looking at earrings and engagement rings together. I played it up just a little, angry at attitudes, picking out the most expensive thing in each store then deciding I wanted something nicer, purposefully looking at my Rolex before leaving. Live and learn. It was more subtle than sticking out my tongue and holding up a finger – which I reminded myself wouldn't look good on the front of the Enquirer, no matter the rationale. But, stupid people aside, I have had a lot of luck lately and a little detour to a non-descript strip mall in Kansas City was no exception. An absolutely lovely jeweler named Chelsea welcomed Laurent and me to her little shop. Everything was gorgeous. And all of the settings were hand made by Chelsea herself. I instantly gravitated to the rings and one jumped out at me immediately. Chelsea, described the ring in detail: the platinum setting, with the perfect solitaire and channel set diamonds all around the off-set band and filigree on the edges visible only to the wearer. Then she demonstrated how the wedding band fit around the engagement ring like two puzzle pieces. Like the perfect bond between a couple, she said. She'd had me sold just with how she held the ring. She was a little wary to tell me the cost pointing out a few less expensive options that were also gorgeous, but there was no doubt this was it. She could have named her price and I would have gladly paid it. I felt really guilty when she said what it actually was. And, prematurely I know, I picked out the matching band for myself. I headed to the earrings and found a couple gorgeous pairs for Bella. I couldn't resist buying a pair each for Alice, Kate and Rose too. I got mom a bracelet, defying Carlisle, yet again. She would love it. I found dad a pair of cufflinks, just because and then he couldn't really complain I bought mom a little something. Laurent had tried on a ring so despite his objections I bought it too. James loves his shoes so I'd track down a pair online – he wouldn't be caught dead with jewelry. Chelsea was all set to give me a discount, I just told her I was in a hurry, the guilt would have magnified. And really, now I was, I would certainly hear about it from Emmett if I was late for sound check. He'd decide it was cancelled. And since Rose and Elizabeth were touring with us until Valentine's I knew he had much better things to do. I made it back with five minutes to spare, barely a dent in my credit card even with buying out half the store. After giving the girls their gifts they all descended.

"And Bella?" Alice was the first one to ask. She, like Kate and Rose, oohed and aahed, thank me, put on the earrings straight away and took a few selfies, so I think I did ok with my purchases. Alice, still a little upset with me, is now starting to soften. The earring certainly helped. I think if I buy Alice just a little something every day for the next month I might get myself out of the doghouse. Easy. So much easier than with Bella, but nowhere near as rewarding. I showed them the ones I bought for Bella and they all decided they passed the test. I'm glad I had that vote of confidence. But then they all just stood there. Emmett, Jazz and Garrett came around for good measure knowing something was up. I figured I wasn't getting out of this one. Laurent tried to help but I think that only made them all more suspicious I was hiding something.

"What else did you get Edward?" Kate asked as she tried to frisk me. The bracelet, cufflinks and Laurent's ring were the easy answer. Not the answer they wanted.

"Edward…" Rose just had to say my name and I caved. I pulled out the boxes. Everyone was awed and I was a little leery about them being passed around. I wasn't going to find another ring like it. Alice was the one to play with them and link the two rings. She smiled. Alice took the wedding band off of Bella's ring and took my band and put them in their respective boxes and in her purse - quick to take away the possibility of me eloping. She gave me back the engagement ring after putting it in the box. With a nod. She was already planning the wedding. Alice, she just loves love. I think I'll still need to work on Alice but she now really knows where I stand. Then they were asking all the questions: Where? When? How? The only answer I had was NOT on Valentine's. They didn't like my answer. Especially Jazz. He decided I should just get on a plane right now, he wouldn't have waited so long if he could have helped it. Alice reminded him we had a show, which reminded me we needed to get back to work. But not before I warned them all. I don't know how they will all keep it under wraps. I don't want to text or call Bella with a proposal once it's all over Twitter. Everyone told me it wouldn't happen. I got hugs of congratulations with a promise not to mention it again until they hear from Bella. So Valentine's? Special for sure, it is our first one. Just no proposal.

Four days later I was on my way back to Tampa. Dinner and dancing it is. Though a romantic dinner for five is a little depressing but just how it is. Tanya, Irina and Laurent could at least sit at a different table, I decided. Bella looked at me with her trademark look of incredulity when I arrived early with flowers, the two little presents and then I said I'd run with her. She was right. The fans were insane but we managed. She seemed worried about midterms but when I suggested she study I got that same look. When I told her I work when she visits she just smiled. I went to her bookshelf and pulled out a book and lounged on her couch for a couple of hours while she read and looked up a few things online. I tried to read, but I was more interested in watching Bella work. Sometimes she'd look a little annoyed at herself. Other times she looked vindicated. The best was when she was looked all confused for a time and then she'd have a massive ah-hah moment and smile. One of those times Bella caught me watching and she was done studying. I took the rest of the afternoon to help Bella relax. There was quite a lot of kissing involved. She did catch me up on her work this semester and seemed hyped that she was so close to this degree, of course, she has bigger plans.

She didn't want to miss a night out so I tried to do just what anyone would do on Valentine's - dinner, drinks and dancing. The restaurant certainly did not disappoint. Tanya thanked me for dinner and suggested she head back to the dogs while the rest of us head to the club. Bella gave her a hug. We had a great time dancing even though I missed the anonymity, but not the secrets, of when we were at the other club. Bella danced mostly with me, though she and Irina let loose with the fans through Naked while Laurent thought he might have to lock me in the limo. But I just watched Bella and soon, I think, so did everyone. There was a lot of tittering when I pulled her to me and kissed her when the song was done. I didn't care, this was our date. She even kissed me back, not really worried about the cameras. I also knew I couldn't keep her out too late and, then, with the most tact possible on the way back I told her I couldn't stay the night. Every part of my body wants her but Bella's been through a lot this year. We need to find the right time. I don't want to be running to a plane the very next morning. We've already been there. But I did get to make her breakfast early, go running with her again and kiss her on the way to the airport and she didn't shy away at all whispering tender "I love yous". She wore the earrings with a thank-you and not an eye roll. That really deserved a lot of kisses.

I was also thinking about the other little box I also had in my bag. Yes, I brought it. In case I changed my mind. But it's not just a little something to put on her, just because. It's not just a little sparkle. It's our life. I do have an idea about how to ask her but we'd need to get there. Soon, absolutely. And it has to be special. A special place. I kissed her for a little too long while we sat at the airport. I didn't want to leave and she really didn't want me to go but she was more realistic than I was. Bella finally had to push me out of the car with Laurent when my plane was leaving in just over an hour. Yes. There really is something to be said for being Eddie Masen. I bypassed quite the lineup at security and no one even considering bumping me from the plane. I still won't tell mom. But then, it was back to Europe and almost a month without my Bella.

I didn't think. The new release coincided with midterms and the Grammys. We should have delayed it. And then there was Alice's sense of panic. Could people really think Bella is in her last year of her degree and fifteen? Or seventeen? I don't know the law in that regard but I certainly wouldn't be breaking it. Forbidden Love, I'd thought so, yes, that forbidden – not a chance. So three hours of going through boxes with Alice was study time lost for Bella but Alice was convinced my reputation was on the line. Bella has a new passport and a driver's licence. Not good enough, said Alice. It's true, the DMV does seem pretty lax – my driver's is a perfect example. All for a song – we released. It seemed ridiculous. Not for Alice. Alice suggested a proposal would really redirect the media. That's a great reason to ask Bella to marry me, I seethed at her. It was her turn to apologize as she headed to the airport. They finally found Bella's birth certificate and I learned I'd missed her birthday. Stupid, Edward. No, I'd never asked her and I knew it was a purposeful omission on Bella's part. I wouldn't call her on it. She'd barely made it through last September; a birthday celebration of any kind would have been an incredibly bad idea. Something would have gone horribly, horribly wrong, I was sure of it. But I can certainly make it up this September. Hopefully, she'll be in New York. The problem is I never know where I'll be.

Bella tried to get to LA for the Grammys but she had an exam late that day and early the next, I told her not to worry. Usually someone would find me a date. This year, that was absolutely not happening. I took mom. Mom's not one for glam, really, but she ate it up. Bella would have come, smiled and hated every minute of it. I was used to it by now. We were running out of thank-yous by the time we were called to the stage for the fifth time. I just listed everyone I knew in Texas and thanked Alice and the fans, yet again. We can never forget the fans. Leah would have been on the phone to Bella in second. Next year I better make a list. I'm really expecting a lot. The whole album is inspired by Bella, after all. Though we might wind up competing against ourselves next year - I'm ready for the studio again. When Bella called with congratulations I played for her; all I want is Bella and music. I don't need the accolades.

Bella was meeting me in London in March but only for a couple days, she tried to apologize for not staying on tour all of Easter break but I wouldn't hear it; she has essays and research and exams to think about. Research that would be going a lot more smoothly for her if I wasn't in the picture. Lauren. She seems like a big bully – but I'm sure she'd be completely terrified of me if I actually stopped by. Too bad I promised Bella I wouldn't, and really, if I had the time I'd much rather surprise Bella again. See her smile. Then there was Alice. I still grovelled and then I sent her shopping with my credit card when we were in Milan. She didn't understand why that made me laugh. Though we did finally hug and fully make-up, my credit card with Alice in charge certainly took a beating. She was still putting her foot down and not rescheduling appearances the only two days Bella was going to be meeting us in London, saying they were important events. Looking at the schedule, she's right, but that only meant Bella and I had so little time for us. Us. I have Bella's love. She shows it, she's said it. That is what I've needed. It should be enough and when I hold her and hear her voice it is enough. I play for her even when she's not with me, I just picture her lying on the porch in the vineyard and we're there together, in spirit. And then she thanks me with a kiss me before class. A virtual kiss. We are in the right place even though we're physically apart. But back in bed, alone, I can't deny my body wants hers. Physical love – maybe it isn't an archaic concept after all. But after last time I don't know if she's even ready to consider it. I'm torn between wanting her in that way and believing I shouldn't. Bella was strong enough to express her fears and she thinks I wear my heart on my sleeve. Love is easy again with Bella, so it should follow expressing it in every way should be like that too. I did tell her in music. Now I have to work on words. Love. Making Love. It's certainly not something I'm going to ask Jazz's help with. After that, I will need to concentrate on finding the perfect time to ask five simple but very important words: Bella, will you marry me? I already know the perfect place.

 **Are they really there? Will they make it? The next chapter just about clinches it.**


	36. Chapter 36: Full Circle

**Full Circle**

 **A/N: Grab a coffee. It's a long one. There's a reason I don't have an editor.**

 **BPOV**

March break, I still had essays due but I managed to get to London for back-to-back shows. I hadn't seen Edward in over three weeks and the minute I got to the stadium I got Edward alone. I kissed him showing him and telling him how much I missed him. He did the same but then we had to talk: Alice, the album, midterms, Europe, fans, and, the most important discussion that we were getting much better at. Us. I aced midterms even with Alice's interruption. Edward called it unnecessary. I listed off five celebs who were ruined for much less and I sided with Alice. Edward knew I'd been talking to Leah. He tried to get me to list just one other name…of course I couldn't. He named two. But he did say he's worked things out with Alice. That was part easy.

Once we'd exhausted the other topics it was back to Edward's apologies. First about that night, for the umpteenth time, and this time I shhed him. It was behind us. That was a whole other life. But now he's apologizing about not staying on Valentine's. I didn't understand until he blushed and turned away. OH. He wanted me that night. He couldn't say it. He'd been too nervous to ask. Just like in Texas. He could stand in front of a hundred thousand people singing Naked but he couldn't ask if he could take my clothes off. It was very sweet. I was going to tell him I wanted him too, but I kissed him instead and it lit a fire. I ran my fingers through his hair and parted his lips to taste him. I couldn't touch enough of him or stop myself from wrapping myself around him thinking we should probably go somewhere more private. That was almost telling him but I needed to break it off and use those real words. Instead, we were interrupted by Emmett. Better him than cameras, for sure, but it was still embarrassing. Edward quickly kicked him out and then just held me. It had been a lot more substantial than the airport kiss and it wasn't really something I wanted to share. Emmett's interruption had me chicken out. Maybe after the show. I rationalize that didn't want him distracted in front of his fans.

It was time for sound check, then dinner. It was my turn to apologize to Edward this time but he wouldn't hear of it. He kissed me and I sat through sound check just watching him. He should have known something was up. I probably should have opted for a cold shower instead. Though for some reason Edward seemed to think they needed three takes of Naked. I just listened. It all sounded great to me but Edward heard something off. It was strange watching him be so…Eddie again. He controls everything on stage. With me, I have to lead. We need a balance. Dinner with the band meant I was bombarded with questions about school and work; they'd all heard of the famous Lauren and were giving me advice on how to get even. Emmett wanted to find out when she was going to defend her dissertation and have the band sit in the audience. That would certainly work but I shook my head. It seemed too cruel somehow. She was doing some good work in neuroplasticity which really be out there and not stifled because of a petty feud. Edward had a better idea. Give her a grant. I like it. She would use it well and maybe, just maybe, feel a little guilty. I told him I'd get back to him. Edward and I barely had time for another quick kiss before I had to let the guys get ready.

The new show really was fantastic, now incorporating most of the new album and all the hits. Though, my thoughts weren't always on the music like they had been during the shows. Looking around, my thoughts were probably similar to a lot of the audience. He's hot. He's really hot. And the chants for Naked didn't help. I do want him. Naked. I shouldn't be thinking those things about Eddie. On stage. After the show I went right back to my room not trusting my body or my thoughts, just telling Laurent I was tired so Edward wouldn't worry. Jumping on him backstage like I had months ago would not turn out the same way, I was sure. Lying on my bed, a short while later I heard him in his room, water running, he was humming a new tune and it was beautiful. But I figured our hotel should have better walls, I wanted to open the door. I was picturing him…in the shower. I waited then I opened the adjoining door just when he started to play thinking I'd knock. His door wasn't even closed.

"Can I listen from in here tonight?" I asked, a little nervous. He nodded . He'd showered, put on new jeans but nothing else and I was having a lot of the same thoughts I'd had watching the show. I got a kiss and then I snuggled into his bed while I listened. It really was beautiful. I'd been up for more than thirty hours aside from a few hours shut eye on the plane, so as much as I wanted to stay up and listen as long as Edward wanted to play, fatigue was taking over. It couldn't have been too long and Edward played my lullaby signaling the night's end.

"Bella. Goodnight, my love." I vaguely heard him get up from the keyboard and kiss me as I was drifting off. "I'll sleep in your room."

But I came to enough to murmur "Edward. Please. Stay." He hesitated for just a second, but then crawled in beside me. I sighed with his warm arms around me, which caused him to do the same. He turned out the light and rocked me to sleep, singing softly.

I was having an amazing dream that I was entangled in Edward's body and I was at peace, once again. It was a dream, but it wasn't. In the dream we were both…without clothes. Currently awake, I was wearing my navy PJs and Edward still had on his jeans. He was fast asleep even though he couldn't have been very comfortable. I carefully put my head back down on his chest and he whispered my name as he pulled me closer. I closed my eyes, content, taking in how it felt to be nestled in his arms and body in his bed again. It had been so long ago but I felt like I had never left. I lay there for a long time and I nearly drifted off again but was interrupted by a rap on the door.

"Edward. Interview. Forty-five minutes. Get up." I heard. I sighed and gave Edward's chest a few kisses before I extricated myself and answered the door. Alice was banging again with an increased urgency when I answered. Alice stepped in. She just looked at me, in shock.

"Bella?"

"Alice." What else could I say?

"So…"

"We're dressed, Alice. So – no." We'd talked a lot during the search for my birth certificate. She knew we hadn't shared a bed since that night. I told her about my love for him, but I didn't really want to share with Alice how much I wanted him again. She sleeps with a lyricist. That could be problematic. Besides I, decided, Edward was the only one who needed to know. So this morning she certainly hadn't expected me to answer his door. She gave me a once over. I've never surprised Alice. She hesitated. I knew she could rip the covers off and push him into the shower – she's done it before. But it seemed like she decided that was up to me now. It was generous of her, but I've never seen him in the shower and it wouldn't be the best time to start something like that.

"Get him up. Dressed. Forty minutes." She left immediately. I tried to shake him awake. Good thing she left.

"I love you, my Bella. Please, Bella." Edward was still dreaming. But there was no mistaking his desire. And in his sleep he was able to ask.

"I love you too, Edward." I told him without hesitation as I stroked his chest. I had to kiss him. His response was instantaneous, he held me tightly still whispering my name. He wants me. I want him. I lay on his chest, stroking, my heat building, for too long. I had to repeat to myself that we didn't have time.

"Edward. Get up. It's morning." I gave him a few more kisses and cuddled into him. He finally woke, looked at me then at himself. The bulge in his jeans told a tale and he turned away, mumbling yet another apology. I wanted to tell him I wasn't sorry, but how do I start?

"You need to be downstairs in thirty minutes. Alice's orders. Interview." I told him firmly. "Otherwise" I whispered in his ear, "I really liked that dream."

He looked at me, not really registering what I said. I had hoped it would be enough. But I had to remind myself he wasn't yet fully awake.

"Really." I told him. The bigger hint came when I ran my hand down his abdomen, my fingers gliding under the waist band of his jeans, being very careful, and then giving him a not-so-chaste kiss. My intentions were now crystal clear and he started kissing me back with an unparalleled hunger.

"OH…Bella…" He moaned. Yes. He definitely understood. His jeans became even more taut as he pressed his body to mine. At this point, words were a little superfluous.

Then, there was more banging. Damn.

"He's up, Alice!" I called but then I couldn't say another word as Edward parted my lips and our tongues met. As we kissed again and again I wondered how long it would really take. I wanted him. There was no doubt he wanted me. I sighed. But it wasn't that sigh. We had things to do. Other things.

"You'll be late." I told him trying to slow my breathing.

"I… don't… care." He mumbled almost incoherently as he pressed his lips and body to mine again. Even through our clothing I could feel his heat. I could feel mine. I nearly succumbed. No. We need to do this right. He can't be late.

"Alice will kill us. Get up." I wasn't exactly convincing as I kissed him again. And again.

"Bella…" I'd never heard my name said with such desire. And his mouth on mine, his body covering mine…oh god. But we can't. He moaned. There is so not the time for this. Conversation. That would be good.

"I was wondering…" I started.

"Yes, Bella." He tried to pull off my top, I just interlaced his hands in mine. Though remembering what he'd done to me last the time he'd removed my top caused me to flush in all the right places.

"How I was going to tell you I want you."

"I would say you succeeded." Edward smiled at me and distracted me yet again with his body.

"Maybe too well?" I asked him. He started to show me just how well but seemed to understand where I was going with this and rolled off me.

"Too well." He sighed, now working on controlling his own breathing.

"So now that that's out in the open we just need…"

"Time." He groaned. Neither of us have much of it. And we have even less of it together.

"Time." I agreed. He finally got up and stood in front of me. No longer shying away. His desire was still incredibly evident and I wasn't exactly sure how the zipper was holding. He caught me staring and smiled. I blushed. I wanted to undo his zipper and really see what I was missing but instead I stood and gave him a quick kiss.

"I think I'll just leave my door open next time." I more than hinted. I was leaving even before the show ended tonight. There's no next time for a long time. He knew it but couldn't resist making a point.

"So…you do like the jeans?" He tilted my chin and saw me blush. I liked the jeans alright. And what was inside. I could only nod. I didn't think he needed more encouragement but that was all it took to press me to him yet again. We were both oh-so-close as he whispered "I could take them off." right in my ear. His shyness in the bedroom was no more. That almost broke my resolve.

"You need a shower. Cold." I told him as I pushed him in the direction of his bathroom and reluctantly headed into my room alone to shower and change. I didn't close the door. He showed restraint and didn't follow but he was much faster than I was and walked into my bathroom perfectly dressed whereas I was standing in my new bra and panties. We kissed a real kiss and his hands roamed as I let out a little moan. This was so not conducive to getting dressed but it was very pleasant. Just one more kiss I kept telling myself after the first one, and then again after the fifth one. Finally, I had to hold him still and push him away.

"This doesn't really constitute next time. Go. You'll be late." I told him, a little breathless. He ogled me some more and I figured his TV interview could do without the bulge in his new pair of jeans. That would definitely get Twitter going. "Think of Jake…in the buff. Does it for me." I told him.

"Do you do that often?" He asked pulling me back towards him, yet again. I didn't get the sense he was jealous. Maybe more curious as to when I would need such a skill.

"No. Only when a certain someone gives me music to listen to on a plane that basically recreates an orgasm. Three hundred people, Edward, at least half of them knew me by name. I had to lock myself in the bathroom." This told him I'd really been thinking of being with him since just after Christmas. And it wasn't the best thing to say since I was nearly, yes I can actually say the word, naked.

"Oh, uh...yeah." Edward. Usually articulate. Until now.

"It's one of my favorite pieces, Edward." I told him with a kiss. I didn't want to say it was usually accompanied by a very long shower.

"So, I can play it for you. Later?" He asked. Hopeful. I actually think this was Edward's idea of foreplay. And it would actually work. I nodded.

"Later…much later. For now, only in my dreams." I clarified. Next time we had time alone I'd be directing him, at least at first, away from the piano. He might not ask, at least while he's awake, but I will. We'll have to check our schedules, which really sucks. In April. Anticipation. That's the key. We really couldn't have done this earlier. January had way too much drama for Edward and I to get anywhere close to a common bed. But we came out so much stronger through it all. That needed to happen before we wound up in bed together again. Valentine's really would have been far too cliché and we're not exactly a cliché couple. Quite the opposite. I'm glad we'd waited this time. But now, it will be even longer. My sigh didn't reflect my thoughts. I finally had the good sense to put on a robe and Edward cocooned me in it for his own protection as he kissed me again.

"I…uh…should go." He said between kisses, hesitating. I nodded. I hadn't helped his current problem with my recent confession or my attire. And Edward's eidetic memory for music didn't help either. I had the feeling he would be thinking of Jake a lot today. I would need to as well. I kissed him again but pushed him out into his own room telling him I love him and that I'd see him tonight before I locked the adjoining door. We'd meet again at the stadium with the band. Not exactly intimate. My long sigh could probably be heard on the other side of the door just as I could hear him whisper my name. It took everything I had not to reopen the door. I had to redirect my thoughts. Jake. Alice. Alice would not be happy if Edward was late. This was confirmed by another series of bangs I heard on his door seconds later telling him his time was up. That was certainly nowhere nearly enough time for what I'd wanted to do with Edward.

I finally dressed, got a driver and did a day tour of London with Irina (Tanya was pet-sitting again). I'd written an essay on the flight over and planned to edit it on the way back. I had a whole day where Edward had engagements and I wasn't about to squander a trip to London. I would make up the study time. Edward had been here on four prior tours and as I did my sightseeing I realized he'd seen none of it. I loved the city; I just wish I could have shared it with Edward. We were finally in the same city but still apart. I would have preferred to bike, run or to have taken one of those double decker buses to check out the city but I'd become almost a part of the band. I took photos that I'd send to Jake and also had to pose for my share of pics. Everywhere I went I heard my name. Irina and I watched from beside the tower of London as it rose to allow a tall ship's passage and even managed to walk across Tower Bridge with more than a few followers. There must have been a thousand eyes on me, as I tried to take in the whole experience. I shuddered with a poster of a Jack-the-Ripper tour. I didn't understand the fascination. He was a monster and he killed people, why would anyone want to relive that? I much preferred the Globe theatre and Romeo and Juliet. It really makes my relationship with Edward look easy in comparison. We'd worked out our issues without poison or death. Best of all we have family in our corner - his family loves me and I love them and Leah and Jake think Edward is good for me. They are usually the voice of reason – unless we're talking Leah. Edward and I just need to look ahead now, we've come so far. By five o'clock on my one day tour I was beat, I'd seen most of the major sites and I'd had my photo taken at least 10 000 times. I was tired of smiling but also a little euphoric. This made me think of Edward. All the time. My life. I'd finally made the decision to truly join him.

Edward and I had a few minutes to catch up before our dinner reservation and he told me my solution had worked earlier for the hard problem he needed to solve. I pursed my lips and tried desperately not to blush. The fact that Emmett and Jazz were in the room, made for the cryptic thank-you and now he was holding me close, for kisses. It certainly wasn't working now and I had to suppress a moan. We had to break apart as we talked about our day. I was about to tell him what I did when he took out his phone and waved it at me. Smiling. He started his list.

"The parliament buildings, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park, The British Museum, St Paul's Cathedral, The tower of London, Tower Bridge, the Globe Theatre and round-trip on the cable car. Bella. You do know London isn't going anywhere, right? You can come back. We can come back."

He'd been following me on Twitter! Every spare minute he had as he was being shuttled around London. What a devil! I told him about it anyway and got what was supposed to be a little kiss again. Emmett coughed. When Emmett's uncomfortable that should really tell us something. I sat down beside Edward just holding his hand, even then, when I looked at him it caused a flutter. Now I felt a little guilty not keeping up with his day. I heard about the TV interview, and then there was a meet-and-greet for some contest winners. They were the ones who had told Edward I'd done the stairs at St. Paul's and showed him the Twitter feed. A tour of the children's hospital followed and the teens were thrilled with meeting the band and an impromptu acapella by Edward. And though the album just came out, the band couldn't pass up an opportunity for some studio time where some of the greatest musicians of all time had recorded so they spent part of the afternoon laying new tracks. The sound check went flawlessly. I was exhausted just from having fun. I wanted to sleep and technically Edward's work day hadn't even really begun. He earns a lot of money – I still have absolutely no desire to know how much – but no one has any idea how hard he actually works. After sound check we headed out to dinner, just the two of us, not even considering going back to the hotel for room service. That would not have been a good idea. Dinner was great. Fans had found us, of course, and dinner for two wound up being everyone in the whole restaurant just watching us eat with Laurent and Irina sitting quietly at the next table. I was really starting to get used to the audience and we even posed for pics between courses. We talked a little more about my classes and Edward's upcoming schedule. Obviously, we couldn't talk about our morning.

When we got back I gave Emmett, Garrett and Jazz all hugs. They were already raring to go and it was still an hour before show time. I had to leave before the encore that night so I gravitated back to Edward and with the whole band looking on I gave him a slow kiss. Jazz and Garrett basically ran out of the dressing room pulling Emmett along to leave us alone for a private good-bye. We were already pressed together so closely. We kissed again and had our hands up each other's shirts before we both shook our heads. Not here.

"You're back in April. I'll be done classes. But I have exams. We'll have two days, I think, Edward. Check with Alice."

"I don't want to 'check with Alice' especially after this morning." This morning. Sigh.

"We have years of this, Edward. If I get into Columbia travel will be easier, but classes will be harder. We're trying to make it work. Check with Alice. Please."

"What if I rescheduled…" He started but I cut him off. Not the most important of reasons but huge headlines jumped out at me.

"No. No more what ifs, Edward. Remember? And as much as I would love to stay…" It would be easier for me, in theory. But missing a lab doesn't bode well to keep my vet school plans alive.

"I know, Bella. Study. I want you to move to New York. But…I've missed you." He said the last part so quietly I had to strain to hear. Edward, oh so good at declarations of love was still a little shy about his desires. I knew this…last time I was not exactly subtle. But this was hot. Asking what he missed wouldn't be the way to go. I would do that. Later.

"Edward. We'll make it work. We know we can do this in the time we have. I love you."

"You're right, Bella. Always. We'll have a couple days. Then, school's over, right?"

"Exams. Then I'm done. Then back to Texas." I hadn't called Dr. Snow yet but I figured it would work for both of us. Jake too. And I'd spend some time at the vineyard. "Then, I wait to see if I'm going somewhere next year."

"Or…come on tour first, just for a month?" Edward blurted this out and seemed shocked at himself. Then he looked at me waiting patiently for my reply. Again, hopeful. It wouldn't be the vineyard. But it would have exactly what I would be usually be missing. Time with Edward. I was going to say I'll think about it. But no. I've done that this whole year.

"I'd like that."

"Maybe. But, Bella, it will be different. The fans…" He was rethinking his offer. Worried about me. Again.

"Shh, Edward. I'm here. With you. I'm not going anywhere. And we've managed the rumors, the fans and the press this whole year. Apart. Can we just try it together?"

"Together." He repeated. We kissed. Nothing easier than that. We just had to decide one final detail. I took both his hands and tried not to shake.

"So, can I expect you at my place in April?" I caressed him with a kiss. He knew exactly what I was asking. This was a different kind of together.

"I'll be there even if I have to buy a plane." He smiled. So did I. I was wanted. By Edward.

"Good." I sighed a little before he held me. My place with Edward. It seems fitting, somehow. He seemed to think so too as he took me in his arms.

"I love you, Bella." We shared a deep kiss. Our thoughts were in the exact same place. Total desire. Unfortunately, it was almost time for me to go and not undress him. We'd make time for that.

"So, should I tell you to think of Jake again?" I asked him. He certainly needed to right about now.

"Do you think it would be strange if I phoned him in the middle of the show?"

"That might cause a scandal."

"I can think of better ways." He said and was already kissing me again pressing his body firmly to mine. Absolute desire. He was certainly getting better at expressing it. But no. Not yet. And definitely not backstage. If I thought Valentine's was cliché, that had absolutely nothing on a dressing room with a Eddie Masen. Never. Even if Edward is the opposite of cliché when it comes to rock stars. He finally sighed likely thinking along those same lines.

"No scandals." I told him, putting a finger to his lips. "Just you and me. Us. In Florida. Alone. Before I go, is there anything important you've forgotten to tell me, say, since we met?"

"I'm Edward. Masen." He looked at me with puppy-dog eyes, knowing we've come such a long way to be having this conversation so candidly. Up until two months ago I would have wound up in tears again.

"That would have been a great introduction 10 months, no, 9 months ago. You're skating on thin ice, Cullen." But I smiled. He just nodded, and pulled me towards him for another kiss I didn't want to end but he only had half an hour before he was wanted by the masses and not only by me. And he needed that half hour. Alone. "I love you, Edward." I sighed as I broke away. Then I winked, tapped his tush and left the dressing room. The opening act was just finishing up and I listened from backstage just taking in the music until they were done. Edward wasn't the only one who needed to regroup. Just before the houselights were dimmed again Irina and I went to get our seats. There were many glances and calls in my general direction as I waved then sat down and took in the show. I briefly wondered if anyone but me would notice he rubbed his butt twice where I'd tapped it at different times during the concert. Probably. They'd tweet that he has a cute ass. I'd have to agree. Maybe the jeans are worth it after all. At the end of the set, before the encore, I blew him a kiss along with the whole audience before heading to the airport with Irina.

I hated getting on that plane. But I sucked it up. I wondered if it had been as hard on him this year all along. I'd been out of reach but he stood by me. It's not going to be easy but we're going to make this work. This is how it is and it's not going to change. Neither one of us want to change who we are, even though I know Edward would do it for me – in a heartbeat. I wouldn't want him to. And no matter what lies ahead I know we won't give up, not after this year. I tried to think about Edward just a little less and I made the most of the flight time. Even though I've barely travelled with Edward this year and I didn't recognize any of the flight attendants they all knew exactly what I liked and brought a blanket and continuous Perrier as I edited my essay and studied. I smiled, I was used to being Eddie's girl by now. I knew the more I studied these next four weeks, the less I would have to do when Edward got back so I threw myself into my books every single day.

I had my last essay and my honors thesis done a week later. I thought I knew what to expect when I dropped off my thesis with Lauren that following Monday. On Thursday when she tracked me down away from the office and handed it back I expected it would contain more than a few inappropriate comments and for it to be littered with song titles even though it really was some of my best work. I figured I'd just print off a new copy and hand it in. Instead, Lauren talked with me at length about my paper and my research. She really did her job and read it thoroughly enough to quote parts of it. She said she was impressed. I was completely shocked. She'd written down a few little suggestions before my submission which I really did appreciate, and caught a few spelling and grammar errors that I was glad I could correct before my final draft. I thanked her and she looked surprised. She really was expecting my ire at her complete lack of support all year and she mumbled an apology for not taking me seriously. I nodded. It was enough. I knew enough by now about stereotypes. They're hard to overcome. Then, no longer self-conscious, I wished her luck. That caused her to blush and smile. It was obvious she'd bought the new album. I smiled a little too. We were never going to be friends but I was getting so much better at this forgiveness thing. I'll need to tell Edward. And I'll look into her dissertation in a couple years.

A few of days later, with my honors thesis revamped and submitted, I got a jump on my review for finals. I'd thought of Maggie every so often and kept in touch. She'd ask silly questions about Edward or the band or me and my answers were always the absolute truth. I got a reply to my e-mails to her at the end of March from her mom, telling me of her passing which I forwarded to Edward. He'd send something nice and I didn't doubt he'd let her mom play the song I sent her at the funeral. Knowing Edward, he'd send another song too. And then he'll tell no one but make some insane donation to cardiac research. This time, I'll ask. When he called late that night - early morning for Edward - he'd already sent his condolences, flowers and a new song that he played for me that seemed to embody Maggie's spirit. And Edward's favorite number seems to be twenty million. Edward was a little too jubilant when I asked about the money. Again, already forwarded, he said, split between twenty different research projects all around the world after a lengthy consult with Carlisle. He didn't sleep again and he only let me go when it was nearly my bedtime. I got more than a few telephone kisses, they'll do, but nothing can replace the real thing. I had made up my mind about Edward but felt I should follow through, not just for Maggie. I talked with Jake, Leah and Ang about my love for Edward and they all gave me their own brand of advice. But despite some crazy innuendo from Jake, a little screeching about Eddie and the new album from Leah, a bit more gushing about Esme from Ang and a whole lot of worry from the lot of them, woven within all their concerns was an overriding theme; the heart wants what it wants even if it is wrapped up in a crazy life like Edward's. And then I had to ask Jake for a favor again. I was bracing for a little payback but Jake just said he'd send them FedEx. I thanked him. Then he said that they'd be coming. Jake, it's a good thing Leah puts up with him.

I continued to cram for finals determined to carve out a day for Edward's visit. The night would sort itself out, I hoped. But then the band's plans changed with the album reaching twenty times platinum, there were more interviews in detour back to London, which coincided with my exams and left me ample time for additional studying and in all likelihood helped to secure my place at Columbia. Edward sent me a selfie. He'd walked across Tower Bridge with almost all of London before the award ceremony. And then he took his keyboard on the London Eye – Alice sent me those videos. He so rarely plays without the band in public – and the acoustics actually worked in the sphere. Apparently, an appearance anywhere by Eddie Masen is really good for London tourism. This was confirmed by Leah who quickly texted me saying she now wants to go to London. He did look mighty adorable in the little glass bubble which really mirrors his life. And now mine. Edward and I talked every morning or night briefly but not about upcoming visit. Nerves may have been getting the better of both of us. He'd still forward me many familiar melodies for my bedtime and then some new tunes as well, every note coursing with desire. I was a little curious what lyrics Jazz might come up with, but I really wouldn't want Edward to sing them to anyone but me. My sleep was laced with passion-filled dreams and I was counting the minutes until he came home. I need him. I want him. Again.

My last exam had just ended. I got in the door with my school bag and Tanya was helping with the groceries. I was starting to panic. Edward would be knocking on the door in four short hours. It had been more than a month since our last backstage kiss. If one can really call it just a kiss. I was trying to remember to breathe. However much I wanted to meet Edward at the airport it wasn't practical; our kisses were more than memorable and were still being talked about. And given that we hadn't seen each other for nearly five weeks I didn't want our reunion caught on camera. I tried to concentrate on making dinner instead and called Paul six times in the span of a couple hours to figure out the recipes; I was so nervous. Then, it wasn't me calling out.

"Hi Jake."

"You're sure, Bells?" he asked.

"Sure of what?"

"Edward's coming to see you today, I'm gathering. Paul just called and he said you were flustered. And Leah said the band has two days off before SNL." Oh. After my last call Paul must have felt I needed reinforcements. And why does Leah know more about the band than I do? I didn't know they were doing SNL again. Oh yeah, she doesn't shy away from social media like the plague. And she probably has the radio on constantly while she's building the new barn at her uncle's. Edward and I always have so much to talk about; his crazy schedule doesn't necessarily make it into our time limited conversations. Or, if it does, sometimes even Edward doesn't know what city he's in or what the day holds until he gets briefed by Alice. I should really just get Alice to send me his calendar.

"Yeah, he'll be here soon. I'm making dinner."

"Is he…staying?" Oh. Jake. He's far more subtle than I ever was.

"Yes." I told him. Certain. It wasn't a maybe this time.

"So you're still sure, Bells?"

"Yes. I told you I was sure in London. We ran out of time. Thanks for the care package."

"OK Bells, just checking again. No problem. So… what you're really saying is …you're ready to park his Ferrari in your garage?" He paused for effect. I really do know better than to ever call Jake subtle. I briefly wondered how long it took for him to come up with that one. Then a new panic ensued.

"Jake! That had better not make its way onto Twitter!" I begged and cringed. I could see it clear as day – a few million fans. All of them vying for his Ferrari. There would be little Ferrari emojis. Pin-the-Ferrari on Eddie games. Or worse… a driving game. Shit. My baseball and stallion analogies had nothing on Jake. Especially when multiplied millions of times. Damn. All Jake could do was laugh.

"Not a chance, Bells. We're good."

"OK." I exhaled. "But, I must admit, this does make me question your infatuation with that car." At least I got him back, a bit. But he didn't bite.

"Sometimes a Ferrari is just a Ferrari, Bells. Can you call me as soon as he's left for New York? There's something I really want to talk with you about." He sounded like he'd blurt it out in a nanosecond if given half the chance. It must be news.

"Jake. You can't leave me hanging like that. Just tell me now. He won't be here for a couple hours."

"You're not meeting him at the airport?" He laughed again. I'm sure Leah had shown him all the photos and videos.

"No! That was a disaster of epic proportions. He's coming here. So… what are you so excited about?"

"I'm going to ask Leah." Jake said. Just a statement. A HUGE statement. But he actually didn't sound nervous. Just eager. I still had to confirm.

"Marriage. That's a huge step. You're sure, Jake?"

"Don't echo me, Bells. And I'm positive." Such a different Jake than one year ago. I bet he'd say the same thing about me.

"Good. Great! I have an inkling she's say yes, Jake." He could almost see my grin; I was so thrilled for both of them.

"And you? I like the necklace, Bells. And the earrings. Any more diamonds on the horizon?" Leah had asked me this the second she'd seen the photos of me with the necklace. I'd said no before she had a chance to ask after the earrings had made a poll in People. And I denied it yet again, but Jake now had me thinking. Edward and I had been nearly ripped apart, but we'd put our relationship back together. We'd survived, and even grown closer while we've been separated by time and space. I can't imagine ever being without him. But that's a whole other step. We should probably try to at least be on the same continent for a little while before we talk rings.

"I'm waiting for acceptance to schools, Jake. Not a proposal. Edward and I are in a good place right now. But I can't wait to hear the story of your proposal from Leah. Don't take The Thing, Jake. Or the Ferrari. Leah just wants you, Jake. I've got to go. I'm still trying to make dinner."

"He can't afford a restaurant? Really, Bells, tell him I could lend him a few bucks." Jake knows this is a pretty touchy subject. And that's exactly why he comments every chance he gets. A form of desensitization a la Jake. It might be working.

"Shut up, Jake. Going out with three bodyguards is not exactly romantic. Not to mention the cameras and the fans. Make Leah dinner, Jake. And go buy a ring." I told him.

"I already have one." This was really serious. Jake wasn't wasting any more time. Good. He'd learned his lesson. Like Edward. Like me.

"Congrats. Jake. When? No, wait don't tell me, Leah will call and I'll be surprised and over the moon. She's a lucky girl, Jake. Just lay off the innuendo." We signed off, with no false promises from Jake, and I finished getting dinner prepped with one final call to Paul. He was almost reassured when I told him I'd talked to Jake.

Ninety minutes later, I'd taken the dogs out, sent Tanya and Irina home (they live three floors down, so it's quite the daily commute), taken a shower, put on the dark wash jeans and green blouse that Edward had bought for me, did my hair and put on some music. I put the chicken in the oven and I was finally relegated to pacing the living room. The dogs were watching me probably wondering what had possessed me. As soon as I heard the buzzer I nearly jumped out of my skin. Breathe Bella. It's Edward. He'd brought flowers and dinner. We hadn't had a chance to talk before his flight.

"You cooked, Bella, it smells delicious." He said. Laurent was behind him or I would have done something more than nod, take the flowers and give him a tiny kiss. Maybe it wasn't so tiny. And I saw Edward eye me from head to toe glad my efforts were not wasted. He always looks like he's ready for a photo shoot – no surprise - but still worth an ogle.

"Paul helped." I explained.

Laurent was thrilled to get Edward's care package but when Edward tried to kick him out the door telling him he'd call; Laurent paused and asked me if I needed anything else.

"I'm good. Edward seems to be strongly suggesting you take the night off. Have fun." I think he wanted to say you too but wasn't convinced it was a good career move. I would have said I plan to. He gave me a quick hug and said goodnight.

Then, it was just the two of us.

"I missed you." I said, though it couldn't have been more obvious. We stared at each other and then hugged. Edward nibbled my neck and then parted my lips. He pulled me to him and I moaned. This was a much better kiss than we could have had at the airport as our tongues jostled and Edward caressed my backside while my hands were up his shirt. My next sigh shouldn't have been Edward's cue to break away.

"Wine, Bella?" He smiled, put a finger to my lips and poured us each a glass as I nodded. We'd spoken every day since I'd left London but not for long since the time change was still a challenge. And Alice seemed to think the boys were superhuman and had them at about six appearances during the day plus a show every night. I usually got a kiss, a brief update and he played for me. He always wanted to hear about my days too but studying is about as exciting as it sounds, though the tiny kittens we found abandoned in a backpack outside the shelter were adorable and the manatee calf born at the aquarium was a first. Edward commented then about how much I love babies and acknowledged he does too. But we obviously hadn't had enough time to really talk and, given our history, it was a very good idea.

So, we talked. I told him about my finals which I thought I'd aced, and he finally confessed the change in the band's schedule was really his doing. And here I was blaming Alice. Edward just said he was worried he would be a distraction; the award in London was as good as an excuse as any. I shook my head but Edward stopped me while he demonstrated some of what he would have done if he'd been in a week earlier. I was definitely distracted as I turned into putty in his hands. My body was on fire. He was right, there's no way I would have been able to study. I was burning with desire. I was completely ready to skip dinner but then, the buzzer rang. Edward bounced up, like he was home, when he had actually never set foot in my kitchen, put on the pasta, reset the timer and brought us both back some Perrier leaning over the couch to kiss me before he sat back down. In his non-existent free time he'd become Jamie Oliver. But this was Edward – maybe he had a dinner invite to Jamie's I didn't know about, he did spend two extra days in London. Those few minutes he was gone gave me a chance to catch my breath and regroup. I was able to ask him about the next tour and everyone. Alice and Rose had called me on occasion with big news (Masen Hale topped the Forbes list of musicians for the fourth year in a row – not something I wanted to know, really), to quell stupid rumours (Eddie was going to dye his hair again - I figured he would have told me that one and that he would at least have let me weigh in. I would have voted no) and with Elizabeth updates (she took a step – this was actually exciting!) but they really tried not to overwhelm me knowing I was immersed in classes.

Edward was already pumped about the next tour and it was a much easier schedule than Europe – a lot of back to back shows, and hence less travel. But we were now both excited that I'd be joining them for all of May and I really hoped we'd get a city tour in somewhere. Together. Afterwards, Masen Hale was touring Asia and I was heading back to the vineyard for the summer to work with Jake and Dr. Snow again. Of course, we'd be apart, yet again, but Edward understood my goals and was supportive. And both Leah and Jake were thrilled when I'd told them I'd be coming home. I finally found out why Kate had had less than her usual spark when I was in London and she hadn't wanted to tell me because of everything that was already on my plate. She had a miscarriage at ten weeks but Edward reassured me she was ok and that I could call her later. I was more than a little mad that hair dye and Forbes ranked over Kate in Alice's and Rose's reporting, but then again Kate's miscarriage wasn't all over Twitter. I hoped it would stay that way. I immediately picked up the phone. Kate.

Kate told me herself that she really was doing better and that she'd talk to me on tour next week, that I had very important things to do tonight and not to worry. She hung up before I got another word in.

I looked at Edward.

"You talked to Alice?" I asked. He nodded.

"She told Kate." I said, blushing.

"And Rose and Jazz. Kate told Garrett and Rose told Em. I got an earful from every one of them, Bella, especially Alice and Jazz. But none of that matters. I'm not saying anything to them. And neither will Laurent if he comes to pick me up tonight. I'll wait, Bella. Forever."

"Does that mean you want me?"

"You think I don't? What was that in London?"

"I think you do. You just don't say it."

"I know. It's hard. I have a lot of good role models when it comes to relationships, Bella. Not true for a lot of musicians or celebrities, I can tell you the stereotype of a new girl in bed every night is unfortunately very accurate. I could never do that." Edward had said a lot, just not those words exactly.

"No, I've seen it Edward. If you wanted any of that you certainly wouldn't be here. So what do you want to say?"

"Jazz has me imply it to the world, Bella. It's a little harder to say when I…" He stopped.

"When you what?" I really wanted to know.

"Bella…" He looked at me reddening. But I nodded. This is important.

"When I want to. When I mean it. To the only one I love. When I want to be with you in every possible way. To hold you and touch you to express my love for you. My love for you has grown every day. I sometimes think it's impossible to love you any more than I do. I want you, Bella. I want you in my bed again." He said. Then stopped. Edward doesn't stop worrying. "But that doesn't mean it needs to be tonight, Bella."

"I want you, too." I told him with a kiss. And just in case I wasn't crystal clear. "I think tonight is perfect." My next kiss could have undressed him but I broke it off. Dinner was going to be ready in minutes. We were doing this as I planned.

"But…" I hesitated. "…do you have protection?" He nodded. I could have just told him I have it covered. Jake had sent not only six condoms this time but six boxes along with six bottles of wine in his care package. The note? _Instructions: 1. Drink. 2. Get Naked._ _–_ _J._ It was very good advice. I planned to follow it. Step one was well underway.

"Yes. Laurent did me a favor." Edward explained. "Too many people know already. I didn't really want to be seen in the pharmacy."

"Good. I have a stash too. I started on the pill but I think it takes a while." No secrets now, and after last time, I wasn't about to take any chances or I could kiss vet school goodbye.

"We're not ready for parenthood, I know. Someday, Bella." He smiled and looked at me like he could see our future.

"Someday." I echoed. It seemed like something we'd never actually talked about was now just a given. A whole future. Together. I'd been working so hard on just figuring out how I was feeling not only about Edward and everything involved in his career but my studies and my applications. I hadn't really thought too much further than tonight and getting replies from vet schools. But everything about someday felt exactly right. Then it snowballed. Edward doesn't do things halfway. That I already knew. But he seized the opportunity to talk about me moving into the loft when I got into Columbia. He said when, not if. He's a lot more confident than I am. He even said I shouldn't worry about tuition, books, a new computer or anything else I would need as I tried to shake my head. He worked his magic, locking my mouth with his, caressing my body… my brain was barely following the conversation. The resistance on my part was waning …it was hard to say no when my whole body was saying yes.

"Belated birthday present?" he whispered in my ear as he continued to caress my cheek and followed with more kisses. And I sort-of got him socks last year. Great. All I could do was kiss him back and he beamed. I guess that was a yes in his book. We'll need to talk about it later. Much later. Turning towards Edward just watching me with his smile it looked like he believed he wouldn't have any trouble giving me a present ever again. I couldn't think of a good argument, Edward wants to share himself, his life and make babies with me one day. Those things are so much more valuable to me. But, like I said, we'll have to talk later. And I can't just buy him socks.

I leaned back into him on the couch as he kissed my temple and ran his hand down my chest settling on my abdomen. Someday. Now his comments from a few weeks ago about loving babies took on a brand new meaning. I didn't have to wonder if he'd had the same thoughts I just did, he simply started humming a lullaby with his hand on my belly. Too soon. Way too soon. So, he had a really hard time telling me he wants me in his bed but no difficulty whatsoever telling me he'd like me to carry his child. He doesn't talk about having sex or even making love, but leaps right to making babies. Only Edward. I so love him. But before I had more time to consider that thought the buzzer rang and we served the pasta and stuffed chicken parmigiana with another glass of wine. The toast was simple but had meaning. 'To us'.

Dinner was great, Paul outdid himself even from a thousand miles away. The chocolate mousse I made was decent but for some reason Paul's is way better even though I followed the exact same recipe. Having Edward kiss me after every second bite was a little decadent and the best part. After we tidied the kitchen Edward asked me about a movie – we could do pay-per-view or call Laurent to head to the theatre - I just shook my head. We both knew exactly what we wanted; I wish he'd say it again. I pulled him onto the couch again and couldn't believe how much my body craved his touch. I pulled his shirt off and ran my hands on his abs. It crossed my mind that I still hadn't watched that video – I might have bit my lip to contain my smile so he had to ask. It was a little embarrassing. When he asked if I wanted to I told him I got the gist. Running my hands and lips over his abs was a little more than the gist. He finally decided that if his shirt needed to be on the floor mine did too.

We kissed again and again. When his lips and tongue touched my breasts it was causing me to make sounds I hadn't heard before. He had to kiss me to quiet me - I had sort of forgotten I have neighbours. In Tampa, it's not quite like Texas.

"I love you, Edward. Make love to me." I said. It was best not to be subtle about what I wanted now. Edward might come up with a new soliloquy and though I loved his tender words I was now up for more show than tell. To say we got naked is a huge an understatement. He carried me to the bedroom and took the rest of my clothing off in slow motion. Edward relishing in every inch of skin I hadn't allowed him to touch for so long. When I didn't think I could take anymore I pinned him to the bed and did the same. Undoing that elusive zipper one notch at a time was worth the wait. I listened intently to Edward's increasing pulse and raged breathing every step of the way. He didn't rush me. The zipper eventually made its way down and I peeled off his jeans and the alpaca socks. The way he sighed brought more attention to his boxers. They were next and gone quickly. Last time, I hadn't really looked at him in all his glory. He let me, I figured his shirtless phobia might translate to the lower half of his body, but no. He even let me touch. His guttural moan told me he liked it, maybe a little too much. I worked my way back up his chest to his lips and cuddled in pulling up the covers. Our naked bodies were burning but we rushed nothing. We lingered with every touch and our love-making was slow and tender, a reflection of the last ten months as we got to know each other and show our trust again.

When I woke the next morning, Edward was giving me exquisite kisses me on my cheek and neck. I cuddled into his chest, our lower halves still entangled. I sighed and I whispered to him "I want that…in music."

"Already written, my Bella." He hummed his newest melody, which was causing me to tingle, as he picked me up and carried me to my toothbrush. When I was done I handed it to him and started talking with him about breakfast. There was something much more pressing in his thoughts when he was done with the sink and started kissing me, picking me up again. There was an urgency in his kisses I had never felt before as he carried me back to bed. My body responded like lightening to this new composition Edward had in mind. I did not have to ask what he wanted but he still told me.

"I want to make love to you, Bella." I certainly didn't deny him. While our love-making the night before was like meandering through a meadow hand-in-hand until we fell down the rabbit hole of ecstasy, this morning it turned into a race through the forest at breakneck speed culminating in an epic freefall when I cried out 'EDDIE!' Edward silenced me immediately with a kiss and silent laughter which caused both our bodies to explode with pleasure again. I calmed, taking a few breaths. "Edward. Edward."

He just kissed my earlobe, murmuring "Isabella. I love you, Isabella. My Bella." I liked that very much. We were done with the name game. It's just us, here, now. We could do this together. Forever. I cuddled into him whispering I love yous of my own.

An hour later, however comfortable I still was, with Edward nibbling on my collarbone, enveloped in his nakedness, we couldn't stay in bed all morning. The dogs were waiting and I so didn't want this all over Twitter. Tanya and I were taking the dogs running, Irina was busy and my guess was Laurent was too. At some point they better come clean with the boss. Edward wasn't coming. No one knew he was here other than the band. No press, no paparazzi. He said he flew into Orlando, booked a studio and as far as anyone knew he was recording and writing. A little reprieve from fans, just for a day, he said. I couldn't help but smile. I wasn't ready to share him at all today and now I didn't have to. We headed out and a few of the fans suggested I head to Orlando. I stuck to the simple truth that I was leaving Tampa and had to pack. I got kisses and pancakes on my return and loved that our private time really was private. We sat and talked and cuddled and kissed all afternoon, I imagined us back at the vineyard on the porch. I finally relented and watched the notorious shirtless video, not only wasn't it bad, it was incredibly hot. Masen Hale hottie is right. Edward actually kinda sparkled under the purple stage lighting. Maybe I should talk to Kate about lighting for the bedroom. When I blushed I had to tell Edward all my thoughts. That's when he took his shirt off again just for me. And we headed back into the bedroom. I kissed every inch of his six pack, and every inch below that too. Another first for us and I must say he liked it. A lot. Later, he made me watch the airport kiss. There was a lot of video, every angle imaginable. Someone, and Edward seriously thinks it was Garrett, had made a whole Naked music video with just video and stills from the kiss – which I'd just learned had lasted only three and a half seconds. Well, I showed him I could do better. He returned the favor - everywhere. His oral talents certainly don't stop at music.

He did help me pack a little but mostly I told him stories of my knickknacks bought or more likely traded for wine by dad, Sam or Paul on delivery trips or supply runs. His favorite was a little fisherman that was a magnetic paper clip holder. Mine too. Dad didn't go often but he always loved a day at sea and he always came back with a huge haul, so the magnet was very fitting. It's silly how such stupid things become sentimental. Edward put it in the New York box giving me a hug.

Edward thought wine was due and, as such, he found the care package sent by Jake. And the note.

"Bella? Did he know I'd be here only two days?" I nodded.

"Maybe he figured they're not available in Canada." I rationalized. I hadn't even looked at them.

"Either that or I feel woefully inadequate." Edward pulled out all six boxes, different brands, different sizes. "Did you know he bought extra-small?" Jake would have so not found those at the local pharmacy they were barely the size of a finger cot. He drove into the city for specialty items just for a lark. I found a different box in his hand and showed him.

"And extra-extra large." If these fit I'd run for cover. Jake was so going to hear about this.

"Well..."

"Edward. You're perfect. Put the ones you want in my suitcase."

"Are you going to tell him you followed his instructions?"

"Probably. It's not like he won't just ask. He's Jake."

"And what will you say?"

"I'll thank him for the package. Tell him it was helpful. He can extrapolate."

"Leah?"

"I'll tell her nothing. She'll know and she'll extract from Jake."

"What happened to girl-talk?"

"You want me to tell her? Never. Who would you tell?"

"No one Bella. I hear far too much from Emmett. This is just us. Always." He kissed me and I really thought that was a perfect time to take me to my bedroom again. Maybe he could model a few of the condoms. I'd check how they fit. But he just went back to get the wine again mumbling about Jake.

He regrouped and managed to make me dinner that night after he sat me down with a glass of wine, not letting me help in my own kitchen. His recipe - a spinach frittata courtesy of Google – really was delicious. He certainly does have it all. And then, we put on a movie after I took the dogs out again. We sat on the couch cuddling and kissing for two hours while a couple met, fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after. I'm sure there was some drama in between but to me it was a perfect love story. So I would actually give the movie really good reviews. Edward was humming a tune and it was only then that I noticed he didn't have his keyboard. Orlando, he said. I shook my head. Our time alone and he couldn't even play. So he played for me on the only musical instrument I own – an app on my tablet. If there had been a store open in all of Tampa I would have expected a delivery of a piano in minutes. As it was he looked at my tablet like it was from the last century. I just told him to play. I thought it sounded amazing. He wasn't as convinced but he did play a few other pieces that worked on the limited sixteen key screen as I made tea and found some Oreos. My dessert skills without seven calls to Paul were showing. Edward smiled and immediately opened up an Oreo as I did the same to lick the icing. We finished the tea and even stole Oreo kisses before we were both yawning.

Edward pulled me up and led me to the bedroom. This was a first. Then, because he was leaving the next morning, he kissed me on my forehead and promised to rock me to sleep. I convinced him with a few well-placed kisses and caresses this would frequently be the case for us. I undressed him and his body was mine. Our night was much like the last getting to know each other's bodies again and again, different rhythms. The condoms fit perfectly. The next morning I held on to him knowing he had to go. Edward was heading back with Laurent and Irina for SNL whereas I had to finishing packing and drive. Tanya and Irina waited at the elevator while Edward and I said our goodbyes. We'd been doing this all year but somehow it was different. He knew and felt it too. Edward just kissed me and held me whispering in my ear how much he'd miss me too. And there was no hesitation in my kisses or my "I love you" before we had to separate. He had to rehearse for the new tour and I had to take the dogs to Jake. Edward was planning to sneak out while Tanya and I were out with the dogs and I was meeting him back in New York – with the Ferrari - for final rehearsals in a week.

But when I got back with the dogs Edward pulled up in a limo. Like he'd just dropped by. The fans were excited. I can say I was too. He told the fans he thought he'd take me to lunch before heading into New York. I could see the looks on their faces, the way they assumed he'd flown in from Orlando just for a couple hours to surprise me. Like a fairy tale – like our movie. He got out of the car and pulled me to him like he really hadn't seen me for five weeks and kissed me. I still wasn't over the surprise of seeing him so soon and I certainly kissed him back. So much for privacy. After the requisite autographs and photos, Tanya took the dogs in while I got in the limo. Lunch it was, but I had to take another run with Edward before we set up a picnic on the beach. Edward had raided my cupboards and made us PB + J with some healthy veggies and fruit with a new set of fans looking on as we ate. After a stop at DQ for a hot fudge sundae we were on our way to the airport. Kisses and cuddles on the way, Edward told me he'd simply decided to change his flight. I knew it wasn't necessarily that easy but he reassured me he'd still get there on time. I asked, and he told me not to worry about Alice. Precious kisses later and we pulled up to arrivals. I did up the privacy window figuring it was needed on both sides. This time he really did have to go. We'd be together again. Soon. A few kisses and a little blushing from both of us as we decided we'd keep my arrival in New York from the band if we could until the day we leave on tour. A little more private time in a not-so-private life was warranted. Irina drove me back before heading for the next flight out and I cuddled into bed for a while taking in Edward's sweet scent and remembering our touches. I realized as I daydreamed, it was exactly a year ago that I'd met Edward Cullen. Since then my life had certainly undergone one heck of a transformation.

After a little laundry and a lot more packing – some things would stay in Tampa, other belongings I'd leave at the vineyard, still more things would stay in New York and the few items that were left would be in my suitcase, my home away from home for the next month. Edward had put all four remaining boxes of condoms in my suitcase. And he added to Jake's note – With me. Always. – Edward. I tucked the condoms in the suitcase. I wasn't planning on even opening this one at the ranch but you never know and Leah or Jake would have a good laugh. Worse would be airport security. I was ready to get on the road. My pet-sitter had been excited to hear from me and was ecstatic to stay at my place and care for my little brood again for the summer. I was glad I didn't have to put my trust in someone new. I know I don't do that well. I had to encourage her to accept a raise – she only wanted Eddie's autograph. I told her I could arrange both. I needed to figure out where I'd be living then I could make permanent arrangements for a move. Once the car was packed, the dogs run, the last photos and autographs complete, Tanya and I started the drive to the ranch with Hope and Love. It made me smile when Edward texted me pictures of Elizabeth and the family. He also sent me a stage performance of Luck prefacing it with 'don't worry it's not on the set list'. It was really good. Maybe I'll relent. Yeah. 'Should be.' I texted back. That got me an immediate call.

"Bella?" He asked.

"Who else would it be?"

"Really?"

"It's your song…" I started.

"It's our song, Bella."

"Sing it Edward. Please."

"Thanks, Bella. I think we have a few more that are just ours. And way more waiting to be written." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Especially when you get back." Now he's asking. As only Edward can.

"Good." I told him. Tanya was driving. She's not deaf. "Love you. See you soon."

"Naked." He said with a kiss and my mind flitted to our shower yesterday. Somehow, getting him to open up had really started something. On his end he could just tell everyone he was discussing the set list. I hung up before I said something inappropriate in front of Tanya. Instead I texted, 'Yes, that would be very nice.' I'm not totally sure I trust technology. I don't want any racy text to go viral. This was innocent. Not really, but no one would know.

'It would.' Edward answered with a little emoji kiss. I'll be home soon, I was the one who volunteered to drive the Ferrari back so I really need to chill. Edward had thought he'd hire someone from Ferrari to take it home. I decided that was ridiculous since I had to head to the ranch anyway. Besides, now after Jake's comments, I am just a little curious about how the car drives.

After I hung up with Edward I got called by the Alice, Rose and Kate in succession and could hear rehearsal carrying on in the background. They were trying to wear me down. It was a calculated move on all their parts. I made small talk but they weren't getting anything they might have wanted to hear and I had to guess Edward had given them and the boys exactly the same run around. Alice decided to tell me not to bug him during rehearsals. She knew he had called me and was just trying to goad me so I'd spill. It wasn't going to happen. Alice always gets what she wants so she was the most frustrated out the lot of them. She did know about the kiss and the picnic – public appearances do tend to go viral. I only wish I remembered what movie we rented. I could have at least told her the title. I did tell her about the pancakes and the frittata. I think she was shocked he could cook. But Alice wasn't going to learn what else he could do. They all heard that I'd missed them and would see them soon. I will be just as vague in person but I'm sure my blush will give me away.

Tanya and I managed to drive straight through the night to get to Texas and right before I was going to get some shut eye Edward called with a good night kiss and a song, like always. I took over at daybreak and we pulled up to the ranch at two, the dogs barking again, waking Tanya. The second I got out Leah was squealing. She showed me her ring. I squealed with her. We dropped off the dogs and spent a couple days with Jake and Leah and congratulated them on their engagement. I sent Edward a few pics of the happy couple, the vineyard, the whole gang and our porch. Jake's proposal involved an intimate dinner for two in the new barn, and a little box hidden in the hay loft. And Leah, of course, said yes. That's all he'd tell me. He's learning. Leah told me they spent part of the night in the hay loft and watched the sunrise from the back of the new pick-up. She couldn't have looked happier. There were hugs all round.

Tanya and I were going to drive the Ferrari home after some driving lessons from Jake, Paul, Quil and Embry. I had to finally admit it's an absolutely amazing automobile and I blushed quite few shades when Jake eyed me making seemingly vehicle appropriate comments about the ride, the speed, the acceleration, the power and the mileage of said car. Though, knowing Jake, they weren't appropriate at all. I even told Jake that I followed his instructions step by step. This got me a smile and a hug. When I told Jake his own extra-small box must have fallen in by mistake while he was packing he glared. It seems he is also self-conscious about it. He did laugh though when I told him the other ones would even be too big for Lucky. Jake never stays mad at me for long.

Leah asked how he was. Stupidly I said he's fine. She had to clarify. A grammar lesson if you will.

"How WAS he Bella? Not how's he doing. Do I need to be more specific? Tell me if he's a good lay. A girl has got to know!" Seriously. I told her the bedroom is like Las Vegas, what happens there should stay there with the hope of stopping her. No chance. She and Jake were officially out of the bedroom and as such there was a whole lot more discussion on her end than I really wanted to partake in. Hay is very itchy. I really would have guessed that, I didn't need a first-hand account. And the back of a pick-up has a nice bounce. I nodded as if in agreement, though that's something I will never ever test. A drone and a tabloid in such a compromising situation would be the death of me, I'm sure. Though, knowing Leah, that shouldn't have been my biggest worry. Since I now was so happy and she was overly hyped, the filter she'd been using for my sanity the last ten months suddenly dislodged.

"Eddie Masen, Bella! OMG. You seriously screwed Eddie Masen!" I could only shake my head, not in denial but in disgust at her language even though I had used it myself not that long ago. Tanya had to walk away – I could tell she was laughing.

"Le-ah! SHHH!" Shit. She was loud enough to be heard in the next county. No word of a lie. Both Quil and Embry came running and I think my face was crimson. And with that she learned way more than I wanted to tell her without me saying a single word.

"Sorry, Bells." Leah apologized.

Both Quil and Embry mimicked zipping their lips and throwing away the key. I already knew they were good at keeping secrets. I wasn't worried about tabloids in this instance.

Leah then hugged me and even picked me up swearing she is very happy for me and that Eddie Masen is officially off her freebie list. I didn't want to ask her when she officially decided this but I got another huge hug when I told her he's the only one who will ever be on mine. I'll need to tell Edward that too, I think. I plan to get Leah's new list as well as Jake's and make darn sure no one on them is ever invited to the vineyard. Sam and Paul came over for a barbeque on our last night, Sam already commenting that he's missing Edward's help in the vineyard. Paul initially said he was just going to miss the Ferrari. Then he admitted Edward had grown on him – like a good wine - and gave me a hug. That's the ultimate compliment from a vintner.

The next morning Embry and Quil gave me hugs goodbye. Then they eyed each other and Quil was the first one to give Tanya a hug and kiss followed by Embry. She was certainly playing with the boys. It was a really a good thing she'd come back to the vineyard with me each night. Leah and Tanya had certainly hit it off and though Tanya reminded me she'd signed a very binding confidentiality agreement when it comes to me or the band, it has nothing to do with Tanya herself. It was a good thing when Jake and I excused ourselves to go riding while Leah and Tanya continued their detailed discussion of orgasms before dinner last night. While we rode Jake talked about a wedding, Leah and Jake were really thinking of soon. When I raised my eyebrows Jake understood immediately and was quick to say no. Not yet. But that he was ready. I nearly fell off my horse.

"A baby, Jake?" he nodded. Wow. I told him Edward and I had mentioned it in passing ourselves. At that he leaned over and picked up my left hand. I shrugged.

"We'll get there, Jake. It's been a pretty crazy year." He fully agreed. I'd kept Jake up to date throughout the year about the press, school and Edward. But with a relationship sometimes it's hard to say what you mean over the phone. Jake too. I knew he loved Leah, there was never a doubt, but happiness and just radiated from him with the idea of marriage and a family. Jake looked like he had a million questions, he settled on a few.

"Edward. So you're good with everything then? The fans? All the time apart?" We were barely even walking the horses for our conversation now. I nodded with conviction. This didn't involve Leah's, Alice's, Kate's or Rose's need for juicy details about our nights together. Jake just worried. Like Edward.

"I love him, Jake. He's worried about the next tour. I'm not. A month together will be good. We won't be hiding. We'll figure things out together. And we've done the long-distance thing all year, it will work next year too." Jake heard more in my voice than I could even express, he nodded leaning all the way over to give me a hug while barely staying on his horse. Good thing Faith and Lucky were being patient.

"Then, after the summer, you're off to New York." Jake, being silly, made his hand fly over me like an airplane. He told me after my thirtieth flight last fall he's never flown. We should fix that.

"I can only hope, Jake."

"No doubt, Bells, you're a shoe-in for Columbia. And Leah will make sure you're free for the wedding." He smiled. It sounded like he'd get married tomorrow if he could. I was glad I'd be here for at least another summer. It's home. Both Jake and Edward were confident about my chances at Columbia. I'd done everything I could. I didn't know what I'd do next year if it wasn't enough but decided not to worry until I had to. Focus on enjoying the vineyard, taking in the tour and learning even more from Dr. Snow. If I am being optimistic everything I learn this summer can only help me come fall. Our ride had taken us unintentionally towards the oasis. There will be no more skinny-dipping together for Jake and me but it is a place we'll always think of as ours. We'll always be the best of friends. We didn't even need words, just a nod and we raced back home. I won despite my lack of horsemanship this year and was able to taunt Jake a little. He took it in stride as we walked into the house. There was familiar music and Tanya and Leah were now watching a certain YouTube video and laughing uncontrollably. When I told them to play it from the beginning Leah was in shock. This had way more to do with their prior topic than they would ever know. Edward still sparkled. Jake even knew the lyrics.

It had been a really good visit and right before we were leaving Jake and Leah nearly squeezed me to death again with goodbyes. They all volunteered to make the drive; the boys for the car and Leah for the car and to get into rehearsals for the new tour. She decided no one would stop her if she drove up in Eddie's Ferrari. She was probably right. Jake took a picture of me at the wheel of the Ferrari as we were heading out and sent it to Edward. I hope he didn't add any text – but, then again, explaining it to Edward when I get to New York could make for good laugh and a very pleasant night. I might send him a couple selfies on the way. It had only been four days but I was already missing Edward even though we talked every night – only one time zone apart, it's certainly progress. Tanya got hit on at gas stations all the way home and it was almost as though I was her bodyguard. Better Tanya than me, though they all seemed to know who I was and I think a lot of the guys really just wanted to make out with the car. Tanya seemed to enjoy the attention and I'm sure it would wind up being another conversation with Leah that I wouldn't partake in. Along the way there were photos and autographs for fans but I really was just eager to get back on the road and get back a little early. See Edward and not just his Ferrari. My dreams the whole way home started with me sitting with Edward at the piano looking out at the city as he played for me. That's the part I'll tell Leah. I'll tell Edward the whole dream and then we can work on bringing it to fruition. Maybe he'll even open up and tell me his dreams. Or just play me another new tune. I was a little quiet, just looking out the window watching the world speed by as Tanya drove through Harrisburg. It would only be a few hours until I see Edward again. Together we'll find out what amazing changes this next year will bring.

 **And so they lived happily ever after. The End. No wait…that's no fun… we have unanswered questions. Vet school? Proposal? Marriage? Babies? Let's tie it up in a cute not-so-little package.**


	37. Chapter 37: Eight Years Later

**Epilogue – Eight years later**

 **EPOV**

We sat in my parents' house around the tree, Christmas paper mounting from unwrapped presents. Our Christmas CD from a couple years back was playing softly in the background courtesy of mom. I could play later, she said, right now it was time for family. I didn't argue with mom. I wasn't about to miss the first Christmas that Masen really understood toys even if sharing was still a foreign concept for my son. Masen and Rosie were currently fighting over a new truck, Masen's Christmas present from Jake.

"Masen," Bella called, "your daddy has another present for you to open." My son, now distracted, let go of the truck and toddled over to me with his hands outstretched to rip the paper off his first keyboard. He danced while the demo music played and, wearing only his diaper, you've got to know there were many comparisons made. He laughed and clapped for himself and danced again with the applause and more music and even I couldn't deny he was my son. It's certainly been an eventful eight years.

I didn't wait much longer to propose. In May we toured Canada, it was amazing to have Bella by my side for a whole month and it made the tour extraordinary. It didn't matter where in the world I was, I had finally found my home. Alice had still booked us adjoining rooms even though every night we shared a bed wearing nothing but the sheets. Waking up to sweet kisses from Bella or holding her in my arms as she got a few more minute of sleep amazed me every single morning. Every night I still played for her, though some nights it was very brief – limited time alone together meant we were getting incredibly adept at fulfilling our night time needs. Bella still likes it when I ask her to bed but sometimes it just takes that certain song. There are times when I'm lost in the music and Bella will turn off the lights and fall asleep before I notice. But if Bella tells Laurent she's tired and doesn't meet me backstage I never waste time getting back to the hotel. The adjoining rooms were helpful in one regard. Two showers meant we didn't have share. Trying to shower together that first morning in the hotel meant we returned to bed soaking wet, frenzied. Ever since that day, Alice has opted to call rather than bang on the door to our room. I don't want to know what she heard. Bella, after much negotiation with Alice, as promised, dragged me out of the hotels very early on the second day of back to back shows in Toronto, Calgary and Vancouver and we headed to Niagara Falls, Banff and took a ferry to Vancouver Island respectively before I had to get back for sound checks. Every afternoon we got back I saw the first place Alice looked was Bella's hand. That's when I finally I understood why she let us go. She'd never been this lax with my schedule in the past without Bella's influence on my happiness. And I'm getting there with the ring, but it's way too public for me to propose at Niagara Falls. It was really nice to finally see some sights. Of course, we both still had the fans, the pictures and the autographs to contend with but that comes with the territory and fans were thrilled when either Bella or I took a few pictures. And, ever the showman, I even brought out my new early birthday present from Bella and played a few songs on the ferry with my new roll-up keyboard. It's definitely a step-up from trying to play a piano on a tablet and now I'll even be able to record on the plane. She also bought me more socks and a new green plaid shirt. My Bella.

After the last show in Vancouver we headed to the vineyard for a day and a half, Bella no longer questioning such a short stay, she had adapted to the travel like she was born for our crazy life. She now even lets Laurent carry her bag. After we got settled at the vineyard but before we broke out the wine I asked her to go for a little walk. It was a very important walk with me through the rows of new growth. It couldn't have been a more perfect day, sunny with just a hint of a breeze so the foliage ruffled and glistened in the sunlight. In the middle of the vineyard, trembling just a little and far more nervous at that moment than I'd ever been, I got down on one knee and, with no help from Jazz, I told her everything I love about her and us before I asked her to marry me. I didn't want to wait any longer; she'd really and truly forgiven me and had thrived in the chaos of a whole month with the band and fans. Most importantly, I wanted her in my life. Forever. I thought I knew what her answer would be and I wasn't wrong. "Yes. Edward." And, being who we are, tears and kisses ensued after I put the ring on her finger. When I told her she could pick out her own ring at Tiffany's instead she cut me off with a kiss, eyeing it through tears saying she wouldn't trade it for the world. I kissed her again and was ecstatic. It's delicate, it's Bella. And she will never need to take it off. Even when she's a vet. It will be important to me that all the pet owners in New York know she's spoken for - even the ones who don't read People.

Bella was spinning the ring on her finger, thinking. I knew something was up. She's learned to be a little bit sassy. Then she asked me to propose again giving me back the ring. So, of course, I did. It was another speech, the same sentiment, but a little better since it didn't have my initial jitters. This time she actually told me to wait, pulled out her phone and took a few pictures of me holding out the ring. I smiled. It all made sense. Then she held out her hand. "Yes, Edward." As soon as she had it back on she took a photo of her hand, and then a selfie with both of us to ask, "Do you want to crash Twitter or should I?" Bella was grinning. That was an option, but then I'd get constant calls from Alice until we landed back in New York. I could think of way better uses of my limited time at the vineyard than composing a press release. When I whispered in Bella's ear what else we could do instead she blushed beautifully. I hoped this would always be her reaction to me. Her soft kisses told me she very interested as we decided to have the day to ourselves making love and drinking wine. But before we headed to the bedroom Bella set up my keyboard. A little hint from my Bella. I didn't disappoint. My newest compositions were my best work yet. I'm engaged. I'm at the vineyard and my fiancée has her head on my shoulder and her hands under my shirt. She's contemplating pouring me wine. I couldn't think of a better source of inspiration. That is until Bella got up twenty minutes later, went into the bedroom and came back to sit with me carrying two wine glasses wearing only my plaid shirt and her ring. I've never had such a difficult time keeping my hands on the keys. I played the melody with my left hand as I sipped - a little challenge to keep me from just downing the wine and carrying Bella to the bedroom simultaneously. I had exactly two sips when Bella put down both our wine glasses and undid my jeans. That marked the end of the set as I carried my fiancée to our bed.

Much later, having finished the same glasses of wine we had abandoned earlier, Bella called Jake who was surprised we were in Texas and we headed over to go for a run and ride. Bella wanted to give them the news in person – though I think the plan was to simultaneously kidnap Leah's phone. Bella had decided Twitter could wait. She gave Hope and Love huge hugs even before Jake managed to leap off the porch and run down the drive to swing her around. The second he stopped he was not unobservant. I have to give him credit.

"Bel-la?" I'd never heard Jake call her Bella. Not once. Leah was only halfway into the yard but she was curious now too and started to run. This gave me a couple seconds to cradle Bella in my arms and give her more kisses. Leah was astounded when she finally reached us and nearly pulled Bella's arm off for a closer look. Jake was watching over Leah's shoulder but he did take a minute to look my way and nod. I pass Jake's test both on stage and off. Good, though the latter was far more important. Jake offered his congratulations and shook my hand, I returned the sentiment.

Leah was still looking for words. Staring at her phone in disbelief. Twitter had never let her down before.

"Eddie, when the hell did you get…?" Leah was now looking at me and then at the ring for an explanation.

"Kansas, Leah." I told her. Bella would not remember my schedule, and usually I wouldn't either – but that was one of the most important days of my life. Leah, gave it away.

"FOUR MONTHS AGO?" Leah shouted. "You waited four months? What was wrong with Valentine's? And how the fuck did you keep this little secret?" Leah. She's so subtle it's really hard to figure out what she's thinking.

"We've both been busy, Leah. And I wanted it to be at the vineyard. I do have a few friends who aren't on Twitter 24/7." Leah looked ready to refute her Twitter usage but I didn't care. I had to explain.

"Bella…" I wanted to tell her why I waited. "Valentine's, London, Tampa, the whole tour, I had the ring and I thought about it. But I liked the idea of the vineyard."

"I loved it, Edward, it really was perfect. Everything. Where we met. The ring. I love you." She took my hand and caressed my cheek. I couldn't help but kiss her. I really was glad I'd waited. We would remember this day forever. It was like time stood still as we gazed at one another. Leah broke our intense connection.

"Hopeless romantic," was Leah's explanation with an exasperated sigh eyeing me then looking at the Bella for confirmation. I nodded and gave Bella another kiss with another I love you, which demonstrated Leah's point exactly. I'll never be anything else where Bella is concerned.

Leah took a few photos of the ring promising Bella she wouldn't post them. With that reassurance I wanted a few pictures of us too. Leah was more than happy to oblige and Bella and I posed for a mini photoshoot, Bella even jumped into my arms. Leah would need a better camera to capture that shot, which I might just arrange. Leah forwarded every photo to me right away, still giddy. I was sure her finger was on hovering over the share button but I knew she wouldn't unless Bella gave the OK. Though, when Bella and I are ready I'll send a few of the photos to Garrett. Bella asked everyone over for supper and Jake balked at the thought of having Bella cook. He decided we'd do a fancy BBQ right at the ranch saying he'd call Sam and Paul and not spoil the surprise. Then he shooed us away to go running and riding after another round of congratulations despite Bella's offer to help. Before we took off I convinced Leah a little hug was warranted, Jake too. Like old times but so much better; Bella and I ran and rode like we hadn't ever left the ranch stealing kisses at every turn. I initially thought we might have to call Laurent and Irina in from San Antonio if there were lurking fans here or at the vineyard but there's really something to be said for Texas property laws.

Embry and Quil came in from the pastures, Sam and Paul brought wine and dessert. Bella told them about our engagement, and she was so excited to relive my proposal. I might want to propose to her again and again just to watch her light up like today. They all gave her hugs and shook my hand, Paul and Sam with knowing grins. When I'd called earlier in the week about coming down Sam had told me they'd be out, obvious now that he'd planned the 'outing' on the fly suspecting something like this. I'm glad I passed the family test. Bella had tried her mom while we were riding; she didn't leave a message, and shook me off when I suggested we go tell her in person. She wanted to see Esme and Carlisle instead and her family was with us here, she'd said. I knew that was true but also knew her mom's absence would affect her. She kissed me then, knowing I'd worry, and when we got back she and Leah set the table as they sang Naked, not letting me join in.

Jake has perfected steak, I knew, but he also made fall-off-the-bone ribs, homemade buns and a couple salads. Paul had whipped up a vanilla cake with a light lemon icing that was magnificent; when the time comes I just might see if he'll make the wedding cake. The girls took off for about an hour (Leah dragged Bella from the dinner table with much protest) and I heard a lot of giggling and more than a few very familiar songs in the background. I suppose I better get used to Leah, she's here for the long haul. One day I will expect her to mention her rock is bigger than Bella's. And I will remember not to get into a debate with Leah about whether size matters. While they were gone Jake took the opportunity to really ask me about touring and the music. He knows he can't ask these things around Leah. I was honest. I love it. But I wouldn't think twice and I would quit the band tomorrow if my relationship with Bella was ever in jeopardy. That was the answer he wanted. He needed. Bella already knew it. When the girls got back we talked into the evening mostly about the vineyard and wine, with the frequent "Do you really know …?" from Leah with the name of any musician or actor she could think of seeing me with in the last year. I hadn't exactly been antisocial this year but going to more after hours parties as Jazz and Alice's tagalong while Bella was in classes hadn't really been much fun. But I did put in appearances so with that and Alice's first-hand knowledge Leah learned a few things she probably wouldn't find on the Net. I indulged her just a little because it made her happy but I wasn't about to draw her a chart about who was sleeping with whom. That, I'm sure she could find online. It was a perfect evening with Bella in my lap playing with her ring; though when Sam and Paul figured they should head out I thought we should too. Sam smiled when I said I'd be up before dawn to work the vineyard with him. One day in Texas. That's all we had. And I still have to earn my keep.

Only Laurent thought it was strange Bella was wearing a light jacket with sleeves that were a little too long when we got to the airport in San Antonio the next morning. He immediately gave both of us a hug and a sly smile. We'd spent three hours in the field working and having breakfast with Sam and Paul before heading out. We got into New York just after four and thought we were prepared for the response, trying for nonchalance, though we were both far too happy to pull off the proper expression. Irina had the jacket and bags, Laurent had us. The second we got off the plane someone called "LOOK AT THE RING!" After that the chatter didn't stop and we were completely swarmed. "OMG!" "EDDIE!" "CAN WE GET A PHOTO?" "WHO'S THE DESIGNER?" "CONGRATULATIONS BELLA!" "BELLA, ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

James was waiting with the car but it was a slow go through the airport with photos and questions. Bella only answered the one with a vehement shake of her head. One day, that would turn into an equally passionate nod but we have other things to do first. Calls for autographs and more "Oh my god, Eddie!" and "Congratulations Bella!" were still prevalent. And other calls of "When is the wedding?" and with Bella's head shake "Are you going to have kids?" "When?" "How many?" followed us through down the escalator towards baggage claim and out towards passenger pick-up. Bella, completely used to the crowds by now just handed me a Sharpie with a kiss which egged on the crowd even more. My only comment after the last autograph before we ducked into the limo (Laurent had obviously briefed James and really good champagne had just been poured) was "I'm just happy she said yes." The photos that would be on the cover of all the magazines would be the ones of me holding her from behind for a kiss as Bella laced her hands in mine. And maybe I was a little over the top before I helped her into the limo with tender kisses on her hand and her lips. She responded with kisses of her own. I believe we're over our airport shyness in front of all the cameras. Later that week, I bought all the tabloids and magazines. All the photos were there.

Leah texted Bella just as James pulled onto the freeway and we were sipping the champagne. I saw the look on Bella's face and then she couldn't stop laughing. Bella had to show me her phone. _Bells, Twitter's down. Your fault. And Eddie's. I'm in withdrawal already._ _Luv you forever. Congrats again. Can I please please please post the ring when Twitter is resurrected? –L._ We nodded. Someone would do it. And Leah would enjoy it more than most. Bella sent Leah a quick affirmative reply. I figured we needed to put away the phones and concentrate on champagne kisses and practice my favorite new word. Fiancée.

"My fiancée." I said.

"My fiancé." Bella tried it out too. Kisses followed. We tried it a few more times and I figured in a couple days it would sound perfectly natural. I was incredibly surprised Alice hadn't rung; she'd been waiting for this day. I took the silence as opportunity and Bella got a few more kisses before my phone rang. Alice, I thought.

But no. It was mom. She and Carlisle were thrilled, of course, though not especially happy to learn about my engagement on ET and TMZ as 'breaking news' and 'the most significant celebrity engagement of the year' respectively. Oops. When mom had invited all of us over for dinner since Bella was coming into town with me I thought it was perfect. The words engagement party should probably have left my lips.

Mom was so excited the second we walked in the house she rivalled Leah's bounce. She held me and then Bella with tears of joy and took in the ring at every angle. I had to relay the full story of picking out the ring. Bella hadn't heard it yet, and it even got me a kiss. Carlisle welcomed Bella to the family and she took to that instantly. So we had dinner at my parents' place with the band, Rose, Elizabeth, Kate, Alice, Tanya, Irina, Laurent and James. Every fan and reporter from all of New York and probably further afield were waiting outside the main doors to the building wanting a sound bite and a picture of the ring. I'd hired extra security – our crew was celebrating with us - and gave Dad's doorman another nice bonus. After dinner, Alice tried to pressure us for a wedding date for her already written press release. I told her we'd let her know. Later.

Bella was the one to nudge me. "When we decide we should probably tell your parents first." For that, Mom gave Bella the biggest hug and kiss. Then I got one too. Alice wanted to talk about the wedding. I shut her down. Bella and I should talk about it first. I'm in no hurry. Telling the world Bella is my fiancée sounds really good to me, although it seems everyone now knows. Halfway through dinner Emmett told us Twitter was back up and he got THE LOOK from mom. His phone quietly disappeared. So rather than wedding plans or headlines we talked a little about the new tour. I'd been practicing my rudimentary knowledge of Cantonese, Mandarin and Tagalog so I can at least say a few words on stage. And we'll usually try a popular song by a local band and get a lot of help and cheers from the fans. Bella wanted me to play one but instead I got her to commit to a short visit to Hong Kong mid-July and we were both excited. Alice really didn't think at all when she asked, "So… no more adjoining rooms then?"

Bella didn't even say anything. She just blushed fiercely. I shook my head to stop Alice from continuing. Alice wasn't bothered and took my response as a no with a smile. What I was really going for was 'please don't ask about our sleeping arrangements in front of my parents' but Alice doesn't work off anything that subtle. She and Leah get along very well.

"Good. The penthouse is so much better. Eddie worthy."

"Alice…" I warned her out loud this time.

"You worry about the show, Edward. Leave the rest to me." I sighed, but nodded. She is right, she always has everything handled. It's not like we have perfect timing to discuss everything. Asking on the plane wouldn't have been a great option either. I know it would take four people to replace Alice. The problem is she knows it too. At least our little discussion took the focus off of Bella. And I usually hate the penthouse because it's too big for just me. Too echoey when I play. With Bella, though, I'm sure I'd enjoy the king-sized bed and private pool very much. Right now just thinking about that wasn't really a good idea. Think of Jake, Edward. Jake. Sometimes things pick very inconvenient times to pop up.

Mom had made brownies, with ice cream and chocolate sauce. Esme beckon Garrett, Jazz and Emmett to help serve. Apparently, I'm exempt from kitchen duty tonight being one of the guests of honor. Good. I wouldn't have come up with an excuse not to get up quickly enough which would have been very awkward. I didn't need one with Bella; you'd think she was psychic.

"So, Edward, Jake and Leah are thinking about a wedding at the end of the summer. Leah's already asking if you'll be my plus one." So this is what they'd been discussing while listening to Masen Hale. I wondered if they'd talked about another wedding.

"Of course. Leah knows my schedule better than I do." I told her. Bella smiled and nodded, that had been part of the discussion too. We both knew Leah far too well. Bella knew me too well too. This discussion was helpful for my current problem. She went on about Leah's plans for the wedding at the ranch. It sounded nice and it had me thinking seriously about Bella in a white dress at the vineyard. I wondered briefly if she would consider it but I didn't want Alice to weigh in without discussing it with Bella first. After dessert, I could finally comfortably get up and walk to the piano. I played as everyone gathered in the living room and more ring ogling took place. The girls got many photos of all their rings and I knew Alice would forward them to Garrett. We shouldn't even bother to make real music videos – his little montages get more views on YouTube anyway. I stuck with familiar tunes tonight, playing what was in my head would turn a little problematic.

When it was nearly time to head out for the night, mom just looked at me questioningly not wanting to ask even though it was a pretty safe bet where Bella would be sleeping. I nodded. She smiled. Mom was overjoyed and I was relegated to the piano as she helped Bella pack up all her things in the guest room to move to the loft. When they were done they were crying and hugging I had no idea what it meant until I heard Bella call Esme mom. I think I shed a few tears. Mom was still emotional as we left with copious numbers of bags giving her a few more hugs and kisses before we heading out. Bella and I didn't indulge the press again and we managed to get home from my parents' garage to the one in my building without another photo being taken thanks to quick thinking from Laurent and Irina. They dropped everything in my foyer for us and we got a couple more hugs of congratulations before they quickly took off. I took some of Bella's stuff to the dresser in what was now our room. Then I pulled her to the piano. I could only play a few songs before Bella was whispering my name. A full month of each other and there was still this total desire. I finally, truly, asked her into my bed and undressed her. Our bed. The next morning we slept late, made love some more and had breakfast catered. As soon as we finished eating, Bella made an announcement.

"We're going on a run today. And for a picnic." And then she pointed outside to all of Central Park. I just shook my head, it was an absolutely gorgeous day but even from our vantage point I could see that the crowd already gathered across the street was a force like I had never seen. They were all eager for just a glimpse of either one of us. Or the ring. A venture out would spell disaster. A fourteen on the Eddie scale. But Bella wasn't deterred. She made us sandwiches, fruit, cheese and veggies and found her backpack and runners. She'd planned this, probably with mom while they were packing. It's not like we stopped for groceries. She called Irina and Tanya. I called James and Laurent and asked them to bring more than a few friends. I was contemplating calling the NYPD. But we had a very peaceful morning of reorganizing our room – I loved every minute of it. Sharing my place, my home and my life with Bella. Bella suggested I go shopping with Alice – she has far more clothes now than I do. I decided that would only be fun if I got to model for Bella. She blushed again and pushed me out of the bedroom to the piano before I got any more late-morning ideas. We shared more kisses and a lot more music. Bella even took a few pictures of me at the piano with the view as the backdrop and then sat with me as I played. At noon, once our posse arrived, we went out and managed a long run around all of Central Park with reporters and fans surrounding us with cameras and questions, holding hands until we made it to the great lawn. We sat and ate. Bella waved. So did I. There were cheers. Laurent, James, Irina, Tanya and four buddies were keeping the wolves at bay until we finished eating but there were still millions of pictures. I never thought I'd see the day with Bella and genuine smile in front of a thousand cameras. Bella's relaxed demeanor put me at ease – I wanted the world to know Bella had chosen me. I did manage to pick-up Bella's bowl of fruit just to move it off our blanket but she looked at me as she seemingly innocently put a raspberry in her mouth and swallowed. And smiled. Then she gave me a little peck on the lips that was perfectly chaste and great for photos but it had me burning. I had to channel Jake for four excruciatingly long hours as I cradled Bella in my lap while we signed autographs and posed for pictures with the ring and fans before our run home. Bella had been thinking the exact same thing and the door to the elevator had barely closed when Bella started to undress me. Before that I never knew how much fun having my own private elevator could possibly be. We continued our love-making everywhere in the loft – except near the piano – and fell asleep early. I had dinner delivered later that night; we'd had more than enough photos for one day. Bella was truly home. Unfortunately, the next day planes were waiting for us at different airports and I headed to Seoul and Bella, back to San Antonio.

Two weeks later Bella called me in the middle of the night the second she got her acceptance to Columbia. I could hear her excitement and gave her the biggest kiss over the phone that I could. She also got accepted to half the other schools she had applied to. I was shocked it was only half, but learned some of the rejection letters she got were not the standard fare. And I was more upset than Bella that the letters had so much more to do with me than with her. Oh well, the schools she had to declined got a thank-you letter from Bella and a not-so-little addition to their scholarship fund from Eddie Masen. That seemed fair. I can't donate to Columbia – yet. Really it's because of Carlisle and I know a rumour would swirl that it was a bribe for Bella which I would not tolerate. Carlisle, though, has learned over the years to tell me or Emmett about important things that the powers that be can't seem to get around to replacing and somehow they magically arrive on his desk, I like supporting future generations of MDs. And I really do think the whole world is crazy when ten neurosurgeons make less in a year than what I make in a day, I can at least start them out with some decent equipment. I'll tell Bella the same thing.

Bella accepted at Columbia and moved the last of her stuff and her pets from Florida into the loft like we'd discussed. Correction – like I'd discussed with her. She really hadn't said yes or no, I hadn't given her time to consider an answer. But it's safe, she's really already moved in and she has a key. As far as I'm concerned it's as much her place as it is mine. Adding her name to the title was currently out of the question, I knew she'd balk. She'd let me buy her a computer and a new phone as early birthday presents but drew the line at tuition and books this semester. I'll work on tuition next semester as a Christmas present instead. The strict rules about pets in the building were quickly overlooked – let's just say I signed a few autographs. Though, Bella was leaving the dogs with Jake. I knew this was huge sacrifice for her but she felt it would be better for Hope and Love to have space to run. Without fans. And Leah would have fun updating fans on their antics – they have almost as many Twitter followers as Masen Hale. Ang liked our building so much she and Ben moved in a few floors down later that summer – her art was definitely paying off, though, like me, I get the feeling that's not why she does it.

Jake and Leah got married at the end of the summer, Leah was such a sport she sent Jessica an invite. Bella had tried to deter her. Jessica didn't show – a really good thing since I would have gone for her jugular and Jake was set to tear her limb from limb. It was nice to know Jake and I were on exactly the same page about many things these days. Leah, of course, made sure I could make it but she couldn't believe I wrote them a song for their wedding. She actually didn't shriek but cried softly when I first played it for her. The tears were so un-Leah I wondered, then she thanked me. Despite Leah's Eddie obsession, which hasn't waned in the slightest, she really has no idea what it is with me and music. Bella just gets it. After the wedding, Leah and Jake didn't waste a single minute and had beautiful identical twin girls, Rebecca and Sarah, nine months later.

The band continued to tour hard, with a new release every eight to ten months. My days with Bella in my heart make the music flow and I have way more material than we'll ever be able to release. Bella and I usually had a weekend together every month; in between we'd manage dinner or two and kisses at the airport before my next flight. A connecting flight through New York which was previously the bane of my existence was now frequently the highlight of my week. Bella could tell me about her classes in person and I'd give her the latest updates about the tour. She'd loved school in Florida but she was really in her element at Columbia. Most of her classmates had been welcoming from day one and she'd won over the few that weren't very quickly. But despite my pleas she wouldn't use the treadmills in the building; Irina and Tanya learned to navigate through the fans in Central Park, Bella even said a certain number of the NYPD were regulars on her morning run. I think that was supposed to reassure me. The zoo was nearly across the street from the loft, so Bella decided to volunteer and usually had quite the crowd telling zoo visitors about the monkeys, snow leopards and sea lions. She still answers her share of questions about me, about us, honestly. But for the question about when the wedding will be, she's been intentionally elusive. I know and am more than willing to wait.

Renee disappeared, yet again. Bella had received a text from her mom with a short congratulations a week after our engagement had made all the headlines, but nothing for months after that. I had her found – she'd up and moved to Jacksonville without a word - but Bella didn't want to hear any more excuses and hadn't called her since. She really seemed fine until the end of her second year at Columbia. After her last day of exams that year she called me in tears about her mom. I took the first flight home, missing my first interview ever. Bella heard about it from Leah and I got a lecture, then she fell into my arms. I couldn't fix Renee, but I did what I could and when I couldn't fully settle her I flew Leah, Jake and the twins in for an impromptu visit. This was the twins' first flight and only Jake's third, he'd gone to London with Leah for their honeymoon. When they arrived via limo, there was just a little shrieking, not as one would expect from the twins, as Leah got shown around the loft. I picked up one of the girls and got such a big smile from Bella that I picked up her sister too. They seemed to take to me. It does help that I know all the nursery rhymes. Bella knew exactly what would happen when she sent Leah and me and the twins sightseeing. She and Leah laughed for weeks with the buzz about #Eddiestwins (Jake was NOT happy), it didn't matter that we all went for steak dinner together that evening before I headed out on the red eye for LA and a summer of outdoor concerts that Emmett had begged us to do. Bella was so much better after her talk with Jake and Leah was completely done after her three hours and fifteen minutes of fame as fans and reporters followed us, Laurent and Irina, and the twins around Central Park Zoo. The twins learned to say 'cheese' for all the photos and Leah hasn't called me Eddie since. If I'd known it was that easy I would have taken Leah out on a fan-filled tour long ago. I put them up at the Ritz for the night – Bella insisted anywhere but the guest room was essential. I understood why when we got home; I got a tender thank-you for Jake's visit and then she ended the conversation with a kiss that was much more. Bella had plans for my body that involved the entire loft and no guests. It didn't take me long to catch up and the night was ours. Jake headed home the next day while I headed off to LA. Leah and the twins stayed for a couple more days for a little sightseeing with Bella and dinner with my parents. On the phone Bella told me how much Esme loved the twins hinting about another grandchild, or two. She said she told her to discuss it with Emmett for now. Mom apparently really liked the 'for now'. So did Leah. Though Bella did mention to me how adorable – yes that was really the word – I looked with Sarah and Rebecca in my arms. One day, she told me, and I just said I'd be ready when she was.

Bella spent the summer at the vineyard with Dr. Snow again and she and Leah drove to all the shows close-by while Jake did daddy duty. Bella now completely understood my twelve out of ten rating on the Eddie scale for outdoor concerts – complete and utter pandemonium. I swore to Emmett I'll play for beer again before I do any more outdoor shows after the summer. There are certain parts of me that should only be touched by Bella and not by Laurent. Bella and Irina firmly agree.

Two years later, Bella graduated with her DVM. I was so proud I actually sent out a rare tweet. Bella got millions of congrats on my feed – even some from her classmates. Bella was reluctant to open a full veterinary practice which made me fret. We talked about it for months before her graduation on the phone while I toured in Europe. She swore it wasn't about the money and if she did really want a practice she would have let me provide the capital and not sell the vineyard. Probably not the biggest compromise, I would have simply bought the vineyard and she knows it. So, I still wasn't sure. Finally, she put her foot down.

"Trust me, Edward. I know what I want." She said. I really couldn't argue then. I trust her. Completely.

We got married that summer at the vineyard. Bella hadn't wanted the fanfare until she was done school and Mom had begged us not to elope. Bella promised. The wedding was streamed live, otherwise, we felt the helicopters would have drowned out the ceremony. Alice was the unofficial wedding planner, Bella vetoed ninety percent of Alice's ideas and her guest list, and everything wound up being perfect. Bella even nixed the idea of a live band, confessing to me about Leah and a list. I rolled my eyes, until Bella told me who was on her own list. That, I liked. So I wrote and recorded all the music for the wedding and the reception in only two days, nothing had ever been easier. But I didn't alter the wedding march. It's symbolic. Like our rings. At the altar, on the edge of the vineyard not yet planted, Jake was the one to give Bella away. That might have meant even more to me than to Bella. Bella and I decided, after very little discussion, to be Mr. and Dr. Cullen. I'd officially changed my name months before the ceremony just so I could hear "Do you Edward Cullen take Bella Swan…" Mom and Dad had tears. Bella and I did too – extremely happy ones. I'd said the standard vows, but that wasn't all of me. I'd decided to play, to tell her how I love her in that moment. I had nothing written I just sat at the keyboard. Most musicians would think I was crazy playing what came into my head with millions following every note. But the only thing that was important to me was the look on Bella's face as I played and our extraordinary kiss when we were finally declared husband and wife. Garrett was pretty proud of himself when his montage wound up being the most watched video on YouTube ever. I bought the tabloids again, the ceremony, the music and the dress all made headlines. Alice hadn't let Bella get away without a little indulgence in the dress department. A LOT of indulgence. Bella would not have approved. Alice had probably ordered it the second I showed her the ring. I might see if Bella would wear it again. I'd been watching the expression in her eyes the whole ceremony and hadn't really fully appreciated the dress. And Alice had made Bella change before she and Jazz left for the night. Apparently I would have left the dress on the floor in a heap. Given that that's exactly what I'd done with the one she changed into, I can't fault Alice. A couple days later I was sitting on the porch when I heard Bella on the phone then the word "Alice" along with a few choice four letter words and "…it cost more than his Ferrari!". I was sure it was Leah and that Bella had finally found out about the dress. I figured I would get up and tell Leah to call back later. Much later. There were certain things I figured I could do to distract her from her ire.

With all of my travel, we'd decided to stay at the vineyard for our honeymoon. Alone. We sent Sam and Paul on a three week vacation to Italy, for the Italian Grand Prix and numerous wine and culinary tours. We worked the vineyard during the day and at night got to know each other as husband and wife. The vineyard was tranquil, another perfect start for the rest of our lives together. We knew there would be other challenging times ahead with our schedules and frequent physical separation. Though, after nearly five years, we'd absolutely learned how to make it work. It turns out the trip to Italy for Sam and Paul was a big success, the tours were right up their alley and their personal tour guide, Rachel, was very informative, according to Sam. Paul had a different reaction and Paul and Rachel have been going on vacations together ever since.

A year after we married I got home from a six month tour with only one two day stop at home. Bella had joined me in Australia for a whole magical week but that had been almost three months ago. The irony was that the vet she was doing the extended locum for was vacationing in Australia and had actually attended one of our shows. We'd talked every day or even more often, but we were craving each other. Phone sex is way overrated and not something either of us were very comfortable with; both of us picturing the conversation as a feature in the next tabloid. Playing for her was sometimes more than just foreplay and I absolutely loved that from even 10 000 miles away I could affect her so. Her "I love you, I miss you" meant more than words. So I was now home for a whole two days before another US tour and a new hotel room every night. The second I got in Bella gave me a wonderful kiss but then she wanted to talk. About a baby. She handed me some condoms – we hadn't used condoms since Bella's last day of vet school – and then she told me she was off the pill since her last flight home. Talk might not have been exactly the right word. She subsequently went to our room, undressed as I watched and then she slowly slipped in between the sheets. I figured I had two choices. And I decided to lob the condoms into the garbage can in the bedroom. I missed – by a wide margin – but Bella knew where I was aiming and got up to pull me into bed and undress me with a whisper about making a lot of babies and that at least I couldn't throw a curve ball. One day, with a little luck, there would be a little one running into our room with shouts of "Mommy! Daddy!" In the meantime, I held Bella giving her kisses imagining her with my child. I'd been home for only six minutes before I was in bed with my wife and less than a minute after that I could have been on my way to becoming a father. I got considerable flak for my, uh, solo performance – Bella made up a lot of hashtags at my expense between more kisses - but she was full of compliments the rest of the time I was home. Our physical need for each other escalated with every touch and the thought of creating a new life together.

It took Rose, who had just announced she was expecting yet again, only three months into our six month US tour to notice Bella joined us on tour for two or three days every four weeks like clockwork and our baby plans were no longer a private matter. The tabloids had been hinting about Bella and a pregnancy ever since we'd been linked in the media and even more frequently since the wedding. Every time I saw that same headline these days I was the one hoping it would really be true this time. And Bella was determined, but frustrated, when after the US tour and four flights to South America she still wasn't pregnant. She wouldn't say anything to Alice, since she and Jazz were now into year three of fertility issues but she was wondering if it would be the same for us. I was back in New York for only a day – at the wrong time of the month – but for Bella's sake I had to do something embarrassing. It was a relief when Carlisle told me there wasn't anything wrong with my sample but it was certainly not something I was overly comfortable having Carlisle test. The only thing worse would have been a thousand fans listening outside the door at a fertility clinic – Jazz could absolutely concur. Another five months of trying and we were way past the year mark.

We were making the best of our limited time together, but when you've got a schedule to keep and fertility dates in mind spontaneity sadly takes a back burner. For me the stage is where I let loose, others fear it more than death – Bella is a perfect example. Performance anxiety hadn't even been in my vocabulary until Bella and I decided to try and start a family. The long flights to South America meant Bella and I had so little time. She didn't want me to pleasure her, just fill her. And taking a detour to the hotel between a TV interview and an autograph session for half an hour or less was not really my idea of quality time – I just had to perform. Quickly. And she was desperate for a child, not me. Thinking of her propositioning me at the vineyard always got me to climax but I wanted her to do it again. To want nothing, no one but me and I wanted to hear her to whimper my name. Not for her to beg me to do her one more time in the car as we were dropping her at the airport. At least Laurent was driving; he didn't ask questions, just put up the privacy window and drove around for another ten minutes. The following month, for me but not without a warning from me, Alice rescheduled an interview and an autograph session for the afternoon. I had Bella to myself for eleven uninterrupted hours. They were all very well spent. After the show we went directly back to the hotel. I didn't let her undress. I took off each piece of her clothing entirely and didn't quite silence her with deep kisses. She melted like she used to. I loved it. Every inch of her skin got a thorough massage and I did get her moaning my name as my fingers and tongue gave her her first orgasm in months. I couldn't help but sigh at the pleasure it brought me and that lit her fire. She stripped me and it finally wasn't just about the end result. She massaged me everywhere and just before I thought I'd make a mess on the bed she took me in her mouth. I kissed her and more caresses led to more lovemaking, this time with baby-making possibilities. We slept and had a similar session throughout the morning. I didn't want to let her go. On our way to the airport she clung to me and whispered tender I love yous. There's nothing sweeter than my Bella. For a week after that I could hear her pleas for me over the phone and I longed to come home. I finally understood she missed me just as much as I missed her and her detachment had been a coping mechanism. I asked her again if I should just get on the next plane to a resounding no. But we couldn't do this forever.

I still had another two months in Europe and then a huge double album release with a whole week off aside from some promotional interviews back in New York. That whole week on my return I had plans for Bella and me that had to do with a lot of time at home, some of it in bed but with baby way down on the agenda. Hopefully we could relax together, it might even help. The night I went back to my hotel room after a kickass show in Copenhagen planning to call Bella, she was there, sitting on my bed, waiting for me. A complete surprise. She was just over a week early for her planned visit – because her period was six days late. She said she hadn't yet done the test and held up a little pink box shaking with excitement. I couldn't believe she'd flown half-way around the world so we could share the news – good or bad - together. My wife. We sat together cuddling watching the clock until the requisite time was up and the little pink stick had a definitive plus sign. Bella was glowing. I held her and sung lullabies and we talked into the night. We were really going to be parents. We agreed not to tell anyone for the usual requisite three month timeline and Bella left for home very early the next day not wanting to raise Rose's suspicions but not before we made love again like we had for our child's conception. Both Irina and Laurent were sworn to secrecy as we drove Bella back to the airport. Irina hugged Bella immediately before we got into the car, she knew, the smiles on our faces combined with the fact that Irina had been the one Bella sent on the pharmacy run had her put two and two together. I channeled my excess energy into the shows, our interviews and new music and the guys were noticing the bounce in my step but chalked it up to the end of the tour and more Bella time. There was a bet between Emmett and Jazz about whether I'd strip again on stage given my new level of adrenaline. I didn't, and I think it was Emmett that lost. Bella and I changed our minds and told my parents the good news the minute I got back into New York and they were completely ecstatic. Mom, tongue in cheek, checked her phone. When we told the band two weeks later, it was hugs all round. Jazz just handed me his new lyrics with a smile, he'd known the minute I sent him the first dozen new songs. Bella sent the first ultrasound photo to Leah expecting a quick reply. She didn't reply to Bella first - I got an almost instantaneous text with a lot of acronyms and finally a congrats. One of these days I might block her number. Seconds later Leah called Bella and it was a good thing we'd been home for a few minutes and weren't still in the middle of the airport. We weren't doing the official press release until the following week but Leah's screech "OMG BELLA YOU'RE FUCKING PREGNANT!" would have made for the sound bite of the century, even through the phone it made the piano reverberate slightly. Bella was too kind when she reminded Leah it wasn't on Twitter yet. When we finally unveiled the news fans – think Leah who had a week to prepare - actually used my new last name and #babycullen was born.

Six months after the official announcement and a very uneventful pregnancy according to Bella, she was at Sunday dinner with my parents when her water broke a full two weeks before her due date. I was halfway through the last of two shows in Chicago and Alice didn't say a single word until we finished the set. She'd booked me the next available flight and packed me a carry-on though; I wasn't able to think. The encore was only one song - Naked, of course - my brain wouldn't have remembered the lyrics to anything else. And the crowd understood – they got the news first that I had to catch a plane.

I got to the hospital six hours after Bella had arrived, all the while worrying on the plane my baby would be born when I wasn't there. Then complete panic ensued as I thought of Rose. But Bella was still in labor when I arrived, mom hadn't left her side. I ran straight to Bella for a kiss. Three nurses were in the room, none of them were looking like they really needed to be there, and all of them were tongue-tied with my arrival. I asked how she was and they tried to reassure me Bella and the baby were just fine. Bella told me the same and then she made me sign autographs – the nurses were thrilled. I held her hand during contractions but she was tough. Truth be told, she had known worse pain but she wouldn't voice that now – she was just smiling, happy too that I hadn't missed the moment. But our baby was stubborn, no surprise with whom he or she had for parents. Of course, Bella was determined to have a natural birth.

Her actual words through gritted teeth after the worst contraction yet were "Jake's cattle can do it!" I made the executive decision not to comment. Bella has done a couple caesarians on Jake's cattle but it wasn't the time to mention that. I just kept holding her hand. My silent support meant there would at least be a possibility of other children, another topic I was leery of bringing up at this stage of labor. She is licenced to castrate every species on the planet but one – I'm sure she'd make an exception. I have heard more than once from Bella how easy it is to snip those little things off. I'm now taking that as a personal warning. Instead I sang Bella every song I know, and hummed more than a few I just wrote during what felt like an endless labor and though Bella kept getting new nurses not a single one went home. Esme kept peaking in and soon Carlisle came in to wish us well and to take Esme home. Everyone kept an eye on the fetal monitor. I just incorporated the little patter into a new melody. That's when I realized Alice hadn't called even once about all the appearances and interviews I'd missed throughout the day and I was grateful for the uninterrupted time with my wife on this special day.

There was more talk about a caesarean but Bella was holding out until the twenty-four hour mark even though I could see how tired she was. Then, in a rush of doctors and nurses twenty-three hours and fifty-three minutes after Bella's water broke, baby Masen joined the world and was none too happy to do so but at least he chose dad's one night off. Cheers reverberated through the whole ward, you could hear the echoes of 'it's a boy' - I'd have thought it was a stadium of fans. I got the honor of cutting the cord and if the smile on Bella's face was any reflection of mine neither of us could have been happier. We watched the nurses swaddle our son and he was handed to Bella's outstretched arms. I kissed them both and there was a collective sigh when the second I started humming a new little lullaby he turned to look right at me. Nothing could equate to the love I felt at that moment both for my wife and my son. Then I remembered photos. I took out my phone for the first photo of my son, his little hand wriggling free from confinement. I got a few photos of Bella and Masen before she cautioned me. I told her they weren't going on Twitter with a kiss and a little chuckle from our audience. A few more photos, and I handed a nervous nurse my phone so I could have something better than a selfie with my newborn. Then Bella handed him to me and all I could do was look into his little blue eyes as Bella now had my phone and was taking pictures. When she was done she tapped a few keys and handed me back the phone already dialling mom on speakerphone.

"Mom! It's a boy! Masen Charlie Cullen." I told her as soon as she answered and I heard her relay the message. I'd guessed it was dad but then I heard a few cheers; Rose was visiting with her clan waiting on the news.

"Congratulations, sweetie!" Mom was so excited. "Is Bella OK? You're taking care of her, I hope. Let her get some rest. Do you want me to call Alice? She's phoned at least twelve times but I told her not to bother you. I hope she listened. That girl…" mom probably could have talked for an hour, but Bella stepped in.

"I'm great, Esme. And little Masen, he's perfect. Beautiful. Only minutes old. We thought we'd call you first. Call Alice please, I don't want her to worry. We'll call again soon." Esme showered Bella with kisses and again told me to make sure Bella gets some sleep before hanging up.

As soon as she handed me back my phone a few things happened in succession. Bella squeezed my hand, there was a horrible splat and a little scurrying. I forgot to breathe for a minute. Rose. Bella knew exactly what I was thinking and talked me through it, even asking the doctor about the placenta to be sure. Ten minutes later all was still well and my breathing was nearly back to normal. Bella booted me out of the room so she could get washed up room swearing a nurse would find me if she needed me. Irina had brought up Bella's suitcase earlier and I followed her instructions to locate our diaper bag, Alice had decided only Louis Vuitton would do. I followed a different nurse down to the nursery with Masen after all the name bands were safely secured on tiny arms and legs and Bella and I got arm bands as well. I'd say they were a tad over cautious but better that than the switched-at-birth scenario they're obviously worried about. I wasn't about to let him out of my sight here so there was absolutely no chance of that. I probably could have brought in Laurent or Irina but no one was bringing out cameras. I watched Masen get washed, weighed, measured, diapered and dressed in relative calm. He fussed a little in the water and a little more with the heal prick testing for some genetic disorder – Bella would remember what it was for. But Masen seemed to relax when I talked to him even though I'd been gone for most of the latter part of Bella's pregnancy. I would say the photo she sent me with the earphones around her baby bump weren't just playing Bach. But I swore right then and there he wouldn't know only my voice. I counted his fingers and toes like every worried parent and, of course, made sure all the requisite boy-parts were intact.

Bella looked completely perfect when we got back, she smiled a tired smile and I pulled Masen's bassinette up beside the bed giving her a kiss even with the nurse in the room. But then I had to make myself a little scarce when the nurse started getting Masen set up to breastfeed. I didn't leave, but I didn't know what I should do. Once the nurse left closing the curtain and the door I turned towards Bella with Masen suckling happily. Bella patted the bed and scooted over carefully as I took off my shoes and climbed in gingerly trying not to jostle my son. Bella nestled into my shoulder with a sigh of contentment and we just watched Masen. Bella and I were the proudest parents going and I didn't care that we had the whole maternity ward outside our door as I sung Masen more lullabies until he fell asleep. Then we made our requisite phone calls to the band, Alice needed all the details and the pics, she'd deal with People and the photo deal, put out a press release, post the news on Twitter and on our website probably even before I hung up the phone. We called mom again to even more excitement now that she had a pic that she'd already printed and put on top of the piano. Bella tried her mom but hung up as the voicemail came on. Bella still tries. Renee will hear about our son with the rest of the world and won't even call. Maybe we'll get a text in a couple of weeks. We'll get way more than that from fans. Bella was now resigned, not angry or upset so I tried not to let it bother me. I just kissed my Bella as I felt her snuggle closer. And as though I'd done it for years, I picked Masen up to cradle him while holding Bella as she drifted off. I wanted a family photo but I couldn't reach my phone.

Nurses opened then quickly closed the door until I called them in while Bella was sleeping. Even their assessments didn't wake her. They offered to put Masen in the bassinette for me; I declined, knowing I wouldn't be able to hold him for much longer. When Bella woke a few hours later, she startled, looking around and her gaze settled on our sleeping son with a smile. That's when I got a kiss with an I love you that I was glad wasn't interrupted by anyone opening the door. We just watched him sleep some more and when he woke I helped him get settled with Bella again. I even managed my first diaper change later that morning to raised eyebrows and a little awe from the nurses; more music followed until Bella and our son were cleared for discharge only twelve hours after his birth. We drove straight to the airport. Bella shoved me out of the car with Laurent after some quick kisses on the way home with our son. Bella rolled her eyes but let me hire twenty-four hour private nursing for the week I was gone. She just told me to tell them to bring reading material. I had no doubt she'd also tell them herself.

I was due in Detroit and only had two hours from when I landed until show time. I'd never missed a sound check in my career until that day but I'm pretty sure I was the only one who could tell during the first few songs the bass was a little flat as I gestured to our very astute sound engineer how to fix it. The crowd was hyped and because I could no longer ignore all the shouts of "How's Masen?" I proudly told them he was perfect, my daddy genes had certainly kicked in instantly. That night only the incessant energy of the crowd and the rest of the band got me through – two hours sleep on the plane even with the high levels of adrenaline flowing through my body was nowhere near enough. After the last note of the encore I felt like a horrible father leaving my son only fourteen hours after he was born. Bella knew exactly how I was feeling and my phone rang as soon as I left the stage with reassurances from my dear wife. We Skyped that night and every night just so I could watch Masen sleep. And she sent me videos every day; apparently the nurses I hired were at least useful in holding the camera. A week later I had six weeks off – Alice can do math when given conception dates if babies cooperate –and I spent every minute with my wife and son as soon as I got home. And those first baby photos I sent Alice? Well, Bella received a brand new SPCA tee with our donation as a thank-you. And the last couple weeks I was home after baby she started wearing it or my green plaid shirt around the house without panties when Masen went down for his nap. It was a little hint; I figured out my move was to ask her to bed again. I never ever plan to buy her a nightgown.

Since Masen's birth, by my vote alone, even with our fan base still growing, we've kept up releases but cut down on our tour schedule. I had come so close to not having my precious family I was adamant I was going to spend some more time at home. Bella and I talked first and my rational was compelling – she didn't even try to change my mind because she knew she wouldn't. Though she was guarded at first in expressing her happiness about my decision; I loved that she worried but I loved it even more that she really wanted me home. When I talked to guys they weren't thrilled, Alice even less so, but the alternative was to vote me out of the band. I was fine either way – but was happy they let me stay. There was a part me – the part I really, really don't like – that told me they had no choice. There is no band without Eddie Masen. Even if the name is now only a trademark. Not one of us spoke those words to each other and Alice adjusted the proposed tour schedule without another word. I did talk with Bella and she understood both my thoughts and my discomfort. There will never be secrets between us ever again.

Last winter we spent a whole month in New York. I saw the sights again; everything was a first with Bella and little Masen. Bella I finally made it to the 9-11 memorial - no fanfare - but I did pull a few strings and Bella finally learned to write a really big cheque. The memorial was the first day we left Masen with Esme and Carlisle – Bella and I were emotional wrecks by the time we got home. Our first real date-after-baby was to the top of the Empire States Building. With Bella in my arms even with a thousand cameras going off we shared a perfect kiss. Even with our time apart when I leave on tour Bella and I have managed to stay connected in every way.

Bella's still splitting her time between New York and Texas, working Dr. Snow's practice half the year while he gradually settles into retirement. The rest of the year she's continued to do locums in New York and the surrounding area for vacationing vets. Apparently vets are really big Masen Hale fans she says – they're starting to slot their vacation around Bella's schedule rather than the other way around. I told her she's just that good a vet. Both Rose and Esme beg for babysitting duty when Bella is working in the city so we have a really good arrangement. On tour Kate already has a nanny so Victoria occasionally has an extra charge when Bella's able to take a few days to a week between locums to meet up with us on tour. I cherish every minute I have with my wife and son from the moment they arrive and I embrace daddy-duty so much I have managed a few shows with a little piddle on my jeans that I didn't notice. It hasn't made the tabloids yet. I always change my shirt right before show time – baby spit-up has a certain aroma you can't exactly miss. Masen doesn't care his daddy needs to perform, he just wants lots of cuddles and so do I. Back in New York Bella, Rose, the kids and my parents get together nearly every Sunday for dinner and if the band is home it's a certainly a full house.

This past summer I spent two months at the vineyard, the role of stay-at-home dad suited me perfectly. Jake was initially a wiseass – giving us free steak, saying it must be really hard living off only Bella's income. I bought him four new ATVs and the cutest little Barbie ones for the girls. The next crack out of his mouth and I'm prepared; the girls will soon be old enough for ponies. But it really was a fabulous summer. I wrote while Masen napped. I taught piano to the twins. Of course, teaching piano isn't really possible unless you have one – the ranch and the vineyard both finally have a decent musical instrument each. Bella even helped me pick them out but she drew the line at additions to both houses to hold even a baby grand, I tried not to be disappointed. Still, the choice for uprights was extensive and I may have played every piano in all of Texas as we took Masen piano shopping. He won over all the fans. I won over a few piano reps who quickly learned I know more than four chords.

This last fall, with Bella's encouragement, I put out a solo piano recording. The English title didn't faze her but the Italian one got her attention. _Bella Musica_. She, of course, rolled her eyes – exactly what I was expecting. It got some really good reviews by both critics and quite a few fans of Masen Hale though I doubt it's ever going platinum, something I'm more than OK with. I was also awarded an honorary degree from Julliard, although it's not enough for me to be called Dr. Cullen, that's still my wife's domain. When I head out on tour from Texas, Leah takes care of Masen when Bella works and the twins dote on him. Sam and Paul have help now; Leah built us a second cabin at the vineyard for newbies Brady and Collin but they stay in the main house whenever we're away. The vineyard also has a full mail order business for wine run by Brady since there's now the connection with the band.

It sounds like Dr. Snow will fully retire in about five years and Bella has already talked about buying his practice. Maybe the band will retire then too. Or we'll just do one tour a year for the next twenty or thirty years, claiming we're retiring – it's worked for other bands but I'd really have to run that one by Bella. I have learned my lesson. If that didn't work, I could just get a gig at Howl at the Moon and finally finish my degree. We could raise our kids at the vineyard and I could put out another solo album. Love, commitment and family, both Bella and I realize how fortunate we are to have all three.

Back to Christmas morning, Masen's still dancing and laughing with Bella tickling his belly. Elizabeth, now nine, is so much more like Alice than Rose and she had taken it upon herself to take responsibility for present distribution and making sure no one opened a gift out of turn. Rose is due again any day, and Rosie, now almost three, was frequently asking how a baby could get in there whenever she poked and kissed her mommy's belly. Bella was ok with my lie, this one time.

"Magic!" I told Rosie blowing her tummy kisses. She just laughed. Of course, right then I heard my favorite word, "DADDY!" and Masen climbed up on my lap needing tummy kisses too until he ran back to Bella and around the room. Emmett made Bella swear she'd tell Rosie the real story of how babies are made – many, many years from now, though she shouldn't wait too long; knowing what I know about Emmett Carlisle was at least six months too late. Five-year old Emmett Jr., or Em J as we call him, was immersed in Carlisle's gift – a doctor's bag with the usual kiddie stuff but Carlisle had added some real bandages and plastic syringes so we were all getting our requisite check-ups. There's no doubt Em J will be Dr. Masen in about twenty years. Probably a good thing. His nickname is already taken in the music business and in sports – I'd have to tell him changing your name can create a lot of havoc if you're not careful.

Esme and Carlisle were in their element with the whole family and an ever growing number of grand-children around the Christmas tree. Rosie had just been lifted up by Esme for more kisses and Em J was talking to Carlisle about how to use the stethoscope. After Rose had fully recovered and wanted a second child, Emmett wasn't having any of it. Rose had confided in both Bella and Esme, Bella told me and even a brotherly heart-to-heart hadn't changed his mind. A rare Sunday when we were both home, Esme finally sat us down and told us she'd had a stillborn and at the same time had also lost her ability to bear children. This was only three years before we entered her life and I was even more grateful to the parents that had chosen us. She always wanted a big family, she said, and could relate to Rose. It wasn't too long after that Rose announced she was pregnant again. And now it seems there's no end in sight. As for Rose and Emmett, they say they're still deciding on a wedding date. Bella's not optimistic and was just happy I wasn't as stubborn as Emmett. I had tried to talk her out of it but knew it was for naught. Instead, I talked myself into it. My rationale being incredibly simple – it will never matter what the prenup says because no one will ever need to read it. Never. As long as I'm smart it will be like it doesn't exist. Have I ever mentioned I've learned my lesson? And Bella? She now really uses the credit card. It's easy I told her. If you donate a million to charity spending a few grand on something for yourself doesn't seem too over the top.

I might just have nearly fallen off the stage one day during sound check a couple months ago when she called saying she'd invited Leah and the twins to town and that they were going shopping. It sounded like they'd had a lot of fun. I got a strange thank-you text from Jake a week later. Bella wouldn't tell me why saying I'd learn the reason when I got home. Three weeks later as I met Bella and Masen at the airport I was hoping for an answer. Not yet, she'd said coyly. Spending the afternoon with my family, making dinner, giving Masen a bath and into jammies, then sitting at the piano made me just love being home. As soon as Masen was asleep Bella told me that she and Leah had spent a considerable amount of time at Agent Provocateur and though my French is pretty rudimentary I guessed the contents of the store without further details. And minutes later I didn't have even an English vocabulary as Bella undid a few buttons on her blouse revealing a little lace. I took over with the buttons and Bella's whisper about another baby was all it took for me to carry her to bed. I made sure to get a good look at her in the revealing lingerie; caressing and kissing her in all the right places before I took it all off. I nearly moaned out loud at the memory. But right then, Masen jumped on the keyboard to resounding discordance. Saved by my son. I picked him up giving him another tickle and played again. My thoughts were not really appropriate with my parents in the room but I might see if Bella would model a few more of her purchases for me tonight.

As for Alice and Jazz, they have been to fertility specialists the last four years and apparently all is in working order. Alice told Bella a few months ago she's planning for IVF in the New Year and I hope it's successful. Alice is a planner and she doesn't like having anything this out of her control. I can certainly relate.

Kate and Garrett called us on Skype from Alaska with seven year old Sasha hamming it up for the camera. Sasha loves her new full-size acoustic guitar and had already learned a new song that she played for us. She has her dad's talent and has been filling in for Garrett at sound checks since she turned six. No fear of the stage for this one and she's already decided she should open for us – Garrett told her not until she's at least thirteen. And to open for any other band he told her she had to be twenty-five. I still thought that was too young. For now Sasha agreed with dad, I would worry as much as Garrett when she really stepped into the spotlight. After two more miscarriages they welcomed Carmen to their family at Thanksgiving and both Kate and Garrett and big sister Sasha are getting to know the little new addition.

The last gift under the tree was a tiny package that Elizabeth brought to Jazz. When Jazz opened the little box, he picked up the two pairs of baby booties inside and Alice couldn't contain her joy. Jazz couldn't speak; all he could mouth was "Twins?" Alice nodded. It's the first time I've ever seen Jazz at a loss for words. Jazz is overcome with emotion at the best of times and this was no exception. He'll find words, I know, and I hope I can do them justice. After all the congratulations and belly rubs for Alice that she could take, she settled into Jasper's embrace. Bella sat down beside Masen and me while he wriggled on my lap and I played on his keyboard. I was writing a new song for Jazz – fitting that it should be on a Fisher-Price keyboard – but Bella got my attention when she put her arms around me giving Masen a kiss and whispered so only I could hear, "Speaking of magic..." I had to contain my surprise; we'd just decided to start trying again. It had to have been the lingerie. She nodded almost imperceptibly and sealed it with a kiss. Not yet time for an announcement. Jazz and Alice will enjoy the spotlight for a little while and all the baby stores in whatever cities we're in will have their best year ever. And Leah will be thrilled to talk with Alice about raising twins. I could tell Alice right now her perfectly scheduled life will be no more and I only had the twins for a few weeks this summer. But it was good practice for me to keep an eye on three kids at the vineyard. And there's something to be said for practice. Right now I just held Bella and cuddled Masen. My family. Masen will love a baby brother or sister though he will certainly need to learn to share. And then, maybe, Bella and I can make a few more so we can create our own band, a few veterinarians or whatever in the world they want to be. I like the idea, honestly. And I love my wife. My Bella.

 **A truly sappy happily ever after. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
